Samantha Violet Bushart and the Sammieverse - Fat, Illiterate Perpetual Pregnancy Faker and the Various Trash and Tards Surrounding Her

[lameandgay2]

sammie baby name generator: smash your fucking head on your keyboard multiple times

 

[SnarkySperg]

Assuming I'm thinking of the right guy, we know his first name is Markiston, and "Young Hydro" is his rapper name/gang name, but the only pic we have of him came from a hospital where the last name on his wristband was blurred. Hence, a last name of "Illegible".

I FOUND HIM. Her friends list is public so I found her profile, went to the friends tab, and typed Markiston in. So, we have a last name now.

 

[Sadcake]

Makskylan is pronounced “Mac Skillet” and no one can tell me otherwise. Mac Skillet LeGreasy.

Also i read the list of feeoncayz and FUNDERBUCK is either the greatest last name ever or the worst My Little Pony recently.

"Funderbuck" is an epic tier grumpy old man's name.

 

[cuddle striker]

listen I'm only halfway in, but this is fabulous.

I'm confused as hell about black and white Austin but I'm sure there's some sort of explanation along the way.

There's something...innsmouthy about every single person pictured in this thread. I saw the photo of the hydrocephalus baby loading from across my desk and was drawn into this immediately.

thank you for this. it's a breath of fresh, southern, fried air

I'm officially on board with it all.

 

[Tiny Clanger]

I feel silly for asking this because it's probably a joke, but I have to be sure: Markiston Young Hydro Illegible is just a nickname you made up for some guy, right? Like Sideways?

Although I do kinda hope there is a Mr. Illegible out there for our Sammie.

Don't feel silly - the line between my being serious and completely making shit up because 'tarded is very fine. @Muscle Bra wins for explanation though

 

[Big Nasty]

In her old pics, she has sort of a "Redneck Emma Watson" look.

 

[Muscle Bra]

I'm confused as hell about black and white Austin but I'm sure there's some sort of explanation along the way.

I don’t think we ever got an explanation as to black Austin so I can only assume Sammie had an even bigger brain fart than usual that day.

Austin Dakota Mendenhall is definitely white and is almost certainly the baby daddy to Sammie’s RL kids Bently and Lucy.

 

[Fresh Grown Breasts]

Austin Dakota Mendenhall is definitely white and is almost certainly the baby daddy to Sammie’s RL kids Bently and Lucy.

It came out in a recent child support hearing that he’s the biological father to one of the kids. The other is fathered by some random.

 

[Muscle Bra]

It came out in a recent child support hearing that he’s the biological father to one of the kids. The other is fathered by some random.

Yeah, I saw that (which is why I prefaced Austin's parentage with "almost certainly") but I'm still not 100% sure that the lawyer writing the petition didn't fuck up and leave that section in from some other doc he was working on:

1. The petition refers to a minor child without ever specifying which one (and nowhere in the doc was Bently or Lucy mentioned separately) and, since child support continues until at least age 18, determining which baby daddy is tied to which kid is a key issue
2. We've never before heard Sammie mention Dammieon
3. Neither Lucy nor Bentley have any niggo in them
4. If the parentage was proven conclusively enough to require the correction of the birth certificate, Austin's child support should have been reduced and a separate summons issued to Dammieon

 

[Rabbit Bones]

Oh Lord, she's lying about jail again.

 

[Coin Ops]

Sammie obviously went to the HP Lovecraft school of baby naming. And much like the antagonist in The Call of Cthulhu, Sammie's babies briefly appear from the eldritch horrors of the tomb to terrorize the sensitive souls of the world before going back to the ghastly prison from whence they came.

My God...Sammie is Shub-Niggurath - The Black Goat With A Thousand Young!

 

[cuddle striker]

Yeah, I saw that (which is why I prefaced Austin's parentage with "almost certainly") but I'm still not 100% sure that the lawyer writing the petition didn't fuck up and leave that section in from some other doc he was working on:

1. The petition refers to a minor child without ever specifying which one (and nowhere in the doc was Bently or Lucy mentioned separately) and, since child support continues until at least age 18, determining which baby daddy is tied to which kid is a key issue
2. We've never before heard Sammie mention Dammieon
3. Neither Lucy nor Bentley have any niggo in them
4. If the parentage was proven conclusively enough to require the correction of the birth certificate, Austin's child support should have been reduced and a separate summons issued to Dammieon

you absolutely cannot tell just by looking at a person whether or not they are mixed race. one of them could be. it may explain "skinny black Austin???" as that could be baby daddy (who, again, could be mixed race too)

but then again it makes no difference at all because is she still pregnant or not

GENIUSES FUNDERBUCK HAS FUILDS IN THEIR HEAD

I'm sorry I'm tempted to just triple post because what in all fuck this thread.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

you absolutely cannot tell just by looking at a person whether or not they are mixed race. one of them could be. it may explain "skinny black Austin???" as that could be baby daddy (who, again, could be mixed race too)

...the kids are literally blond haired and blue eyed. They're not mixed. And black Austin from the first page was just one in a million passing niggas that she loved/was engaged to/was related to once or twice before vanishing from the Sammie Story entirely.

 

[cuddle striker]

I agree that kf loooooves to retcon diagnoses on most people that have threads but sammie is actually on social security so we know shes been deemed indignant in some way by the state.

she's absolutely indignant in some way. many people are developmentally disabled who don't have fas or Downs. She could have been dropped on her head, who the fuck knows. She's gumpy. she's probably got the disability coming in for her DD.

people with very low IQ can have a really strange way of acting out sexually. it's why a lot of parents of DD kids have them sterilized or get them on the pill right when they hit puberty.

...the kids are literally blond haired and blue eyed. They're not mixed. And black Austin from the first page was just one in a million passing niggas that she loved/was engaged to/was related to once or twice before vanishing from the Sammie Story entirely.

no power level, but I've known aryan Viking children who have two mixed parents that both are medium dark. I agree that early black Austin was a cum n go. I'm thinking about Sammie and Dammie though.

 

[simulated goat]

My God...Sammie is Shub-Niggurath - The Black Goat With A Thousand Young!

Somehow it reduces the horror of Ol' Shubbie to contemplate her naming the youngins 'Weezy' and 'Prinnnsethss'. Or maybe it makes it worse.

 

[Rabbit Bones]

Okay it turns out I was wrong. She looks so proud of herself! She's a real hood chick now!

 

[JuniperFalls]

She looks so proud of herself! She's a real hood chick now!

[Wipes joyful tears from eyes] Forgive me for getting emotional, but it's always so beautiful to see someone's lifelong dream come true.

 

[SnarkySperg]

sammie baby name generator: smash your fucking head on your keyboard multiple times

I missed this before. I got a better one. Find the closest two-year-old or some kid below school-age. Ask them what you should name your baby. Go with their answer.

Legit, seeing her names really does remind me of when my kid sister was very young and would talk about what names she wanted to give her kids. They were comparable in their weirdness.

Oh Lord, she's lying about jail again.
View attachment 703099

Sammie, you were in jail for two days. You can't be acting like some badass bitch when you were there for less than the time it takes to get an Amazon Prime package.

I do wonder what she stole though.

 

[Gingervitis]

View attachment 703265

Okay it turns out I was wrong. She looks so proud of herself! She's a real hood chick now!
View attachment 703276

Sweet Jesus. She’s only 22?
This whole time I assumed she was in her 30s or some shit. How is she almost 23 with 2 kids, a niggo a week, and a fuckton of fake pregnancies?

 

[SnarkySperg]

Sweet Jesus. She’s only 22?
This whole time I assumed she was in her 30s or some shit. How is she almost 23 with 2 kids, a niggo a week, and a fuckton of fake pregnancies?

Fake pregnancies don't have to go full-term. And I knew several people with that many kids at that age. At least they're (probably?) by the same father--I know one girl who had 3 kids by 3 dads by 21 or so.