Lovequest Misc Colin Communications - Updated

[Anchuent Christory]

Chris: "Long story short" "Another long story short"

Proceeds to go on a long, meandering, overly embellished and bloated soliloquy regarding the two incidents.

 

[Egomatic]

Chris: "Long story short" "Another long story short"

Proceeds to go on a long, meandering, overly embellished and bloated soliloquy regarding the two incidents.

I'd love to see how the long story goes.

 

[butt in trouble]

Chris sounds like the rednecks in Sweet Home Alabama (or pick any other overrated City person loves country person movie) who dun like da yankees coming from the city with their sins an' gizmos an' manners an' such.

It's obviously a term Bob and Barb used to refer to anyone they didn't like and Chris caught on because he parrots everything his parents say. The context of the term goes completely over his head especially since Chris isn't exactly what you would call a good ol' boy.

 

[jc17]

I enjoyed the new layer to the Snydergate Conspiracy. It gets more and more insane every time. So now Snyder deliberately set up a trap that relied upon Chris 1) driving past, 2) seeing the sign, 3) deciding it meant the ban was lifted, 4) acting on that. And he bribed the witnesses and the police. Christ, no wonder the PLACe went under with all that shit going on. Next year the judge, the hospital staff and Rob Bell will also have been paid off.

Don't forget 5) Chris not realizing the sign would have been enough of an excuse to get him out of trouble with the cops.

Really though, Chris seems to neglect it was all of his mom's fault.
She took him by the store.
She showed him the sign.
She urged him to go in.
She got in Snyder's face.
She hit Snyder with the car and drove off.
She ran from the cops.
But she keeps him off the streets, so of course it's all Snyder's fault.

 

[Shadow]

Chris sounds angry that Colin not only has his own life in order and a well paying job, but can both control his finances and afford to pay all of his bills and debts, live somewhere beautiful, and if he wanted to, to buy all of the Lego and copies of Sonic Boom he wants.

 

[24isthehighestnumber]

I really want more Colin emails. I could read Chris' attempt at being sassy and telling off a rich "city boy" all day. Solid gold, I tell you! Solid gold.

 

[Mogambo]

It's obviously a term Bob and Barb used to refer to anyone they didn't like and Chris caught on because he parrots everything his parents say. The context of the term goes completely over his head especially since Chris isn't exactly what you would call a good ol' boy.

Chris doesn't have much of a personality, or many interests. Much of his behavior is just him imitating the people around him. I guess that shouldn't be surprising. After all, I think most kids start learning the basic rudiments of social interaction from their family, and Chris is basically a giant kid. Unfortunately, he's autistic so he's already at a disadvantage. Add to that the fact that he's extremely isolated, and the fact his parents are geriatric fossils, and you've got a recipe for disaster.

As others have said, there's definitely more than a bit of Bob coming through, in both the voice mail and the text exchanges. Yes, the tone and inflection is a big part of it, but I can't help but feel some of his... colorful turns of phrase were cribbed from Bob's peculiar brand of colloquialisms. Chris doesn't have much of a vocabulary on his own. Hell, he actually forgot what word he wanted to use in this very exchange! And admitted it!

Come to think of it, that may speak volumes about Chris' own theory of mind (or lack thereof) because he genuinely seems to believe that other people have trouble picking out the right words or struggle to understand what people mean. Of course, Chris is particularly incoherent in these rants, so I suppose a normal person likely would have difficulty interpreting his crap. I would be confused as fuck if some gibbering tranny told me to get spun by the colour wheel and stung by a scorpion.

Somewhat more tangentially, it's also fascinating to see how he's not only internalized Barb's version of the Snyder incident, but also warped it in his own, autistic little way. Rather sad, since she's about the most toxic human being he could possibly spend time around.

 

[Cotton Puddings]

^ he might view "intelligent" conversations through a cloud. they don't make much sense to him, so when he babbles, he knows he isn't making a lot of sense - he's just clouding his speech, mimicking what intelligent people sound like to him

or something

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

He's obviously transdermished in his attempts to reverbalize his modicindites when it calls for devocalization. So you're all really just like a kitten eating stew!

Perfect attendance in first grade, motherfuckers.

 

[butt in trouble]

Much of his behavior is just him imitating the people around him.

And what he's seen on television.

Come to think of it, that may speak volumes about Chris' own theory of mind (or lack thereof) because he genuinely seems to believe that other people have trouble picking out the right words or struggle to understand what people mean.

I think Chris operates on the assumption that if he has trouble doing something then EVERYONE must have trouble doing it. Dating education is a perfect example. Chris can't get a date so therefore it must be a national problem and it must be taught in schools.

As others have said, there's definitely more than a bit of Bob coming through, in both the voice mail and the text exchanges.

He really has inherited the worst personality traits of both parents. Barb gave him his paranoia, victim complex, extreme materialism and stubbornness. Bob gave Chris the gift of exaggerated achievements, fear of minorities and bizarre conspiracy theories.

Rather sad, since she's about the most toxic human being he could possibly spend time around.

Barb is honestly the most irresponsible person I've ever heard of. She's the one person who Chris won't dare stand up to. She's the one person who keep Chris out of trouble. She is his mother after all. And what does she do? Willingly drive him to a place where he had no business. Tried to "fight off" a police officer. What did she think was going to happen? The officer would just change his mind and let Chris go? The Majority of the blame for October 28 is on Barb. Chris has Autism. What's her excuse? And on top of that she continues to let her son drive wherever he wants. ALONE! I mean, how many times does Chris have to get arrested before she understands that no matter where he goes (intentionally or not) he always draws negative attention to himself?

 

[The I Scream Man]

And what does she do? Willingly drive him to a place where he had no business. Tried to "fight off" a police officer. What did she think was going to happen? The officer would just change his mind and let Chris go?

Yeah this is an excellent point, I mean the rest of your post had good ones too but this is just unreal, like she's never seen COPS or something. I really don't understand any of her reasoning here, like all the evidence is pointing to her believing that the police and (probably) authority figures in general having no authority over her, just like Chris, and that they're just mean bullies who don't recognize their inherent Weston nobility but man I sure don't wanna think that. Chris fighting the law is because he's dumb and as previously mentioned refuses to acknowledge authority figures that aren't his parents...and I guess...I guess he gets that from Barb, huh. Man I wish I hadn't followed that line of reasoning.

 

[KaiserC]

Chris spins the Snyder story so much that now it's like Rashomon for retards.

 

[Ruin]

like she's never seen COPS or something.

Borb is an aging redneck on welfare who spends most of her time watching daytime television, I can almost guarantee she watches COPS on a regular basis.

 

[Marvin]

Borb is an aging redneck on welfare who spends most of her time watching daytime television, I can almost guarantee she watches COPS on a regular basis.

See, that's less beneficial for Barb, then.

Because now that I'm confident Barb's seen COPS, I'm now thinking about how much more of a retard she is to think she could beat cops.

 

[Batman VS Tony Danza]

See, that's less beneficial for Barb, then.

Because now that I'm confident Barb's seen COPS, I'm now thinking about how much more of a exceptional individual she is to think she could beat cops.

Well, Barb knows she's smarter than the cops. Just like those insurance people, the school board, her family... my god, it must be lonely being the smartest person in the world. Having to have your retarded son rub scabies medication on your ass while thinking about how stupid everyone else is. They just don't know. Stupid firemen putting out your house. They're doing it all wrong...

 

[A-№1]

I would be interested to see how Fatty would handle dealing with just a regular joe who has no real reason to put up with his shit.

We see that every time some regular joe "manajerk" bans his ass from another store because they have no real reason to put up with his shit. Granted that's not in the context of a relationship, but it does go to show that normal people don't have time for Chris.

I am completely perplexed by the bizarre psychosexual soup of Chris's gender identity.

As with most things Chris does, it's usually best to just say to yourself: "he's really, really, really stupid," and leave it at that. This is much easier than trying to understand it, and usually more accurate.

Going to have to agree that Colin was too accomodating of lunacy, but if he'd been played any more normal, we'd either have no content because why would anyone who is a complete stranger to Chris do anything but ignore him,

☝ This. If Colin had been played "real" he'd have told Chris to fuck off after the second e-mail or so. It's like the huge debate back when some people were still wondering if Catie was a troll or not. They didn't realize you can always tell if Chris' new "girlfriend" is a troll by the second date.

Kinda surprised he didn't ask if Colin had a wealthy sister who was single, please don't kill me.

I'm not surprised. Chris was trying to defend and reclaim what's "his" in those calls and emails. Also Colin's putative sister was probably not the "97% match" Catie was, so Chris still figured Catie was a better, more basically promised chance at getting a new mommy plus possible china. Also Chris really isn't that clever.

I really don't understand any of her reasoning here,

As with most things Barb does, it's usually best to just say to yourself: "she's really, really, really stupid," and leave it at that. This is much easier than trying to understand it, and usually more accurate.

Seriously, like mother, like son. We're not exactly dealing with the brightest branches on the Weston family tree here. Now don't get me wrong, Barb is also manipulative, self centered, delusional, crazy as a shithouse rat, and so on, but underpinning all that is a lot of basic sub-average intelligence.

 

[Anustart]

I'm not surprised. Chris was trying to defend and reclaim what's "his" in those calls and emails. Also Colin's putative sister was probably not the "97% match" Catie was, so Chris still figured Catie was a better, more basically promised chance at getting a new mommy plus possible china. Also Chris really isn't that clever.

Also if Colin is black then his sister is also black.

 

[A-№1]

Also if Colin is black then his sister is also black.

I was about to ask what difference that makes, because honestly it didn't occur to me as an issue. But yeah, good point. It definitely would be an issue for Chris.

 

[NoMore_Talk9!]

"I'm not racist, Fat Albert is funny."

Wonder what a Gal like Chris would think of Bill Cosby's latest escapades...

Chris's penis seems to be in constant state of fluctuations. It's 7 Inches when he's talking to males, it's 5 inches when talking about the hooker. It's almost as if he's minimizing his penis to women to show he's a lesbian while exaggerating his penis to ward of rival males.

He's a penis-peacock

Like many other things, Math is not one of Chris' strong suites.

Chris calls him "quite the mischievous cad and an ingrate" and then accuses him of being pretentious immediately afterward.

Will Chris slap Colin with a glove and challenge him to a duel?

 

[An Ounce of Vagina]

Imagine if Thetan had made a letter from Colin's mother telling Chris off. He would mock Colin for hiding behind his mother's skirts, the hypocrisy flying right over his head.