Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[StarkRavingMad]

WHEN I HEARD PALPATINE'S VOICE, I CLAPPED.

Spoiler

 

[Judge Holden]

I dunno if Sheev's meme magic can save this turkey. When's the last time anyone made a meme on the ST that wasn't a jab at Rian Johnson or shitty dialogue?

He died for our spins....

EDIT: upon rewatching this video I remembered with genuine sadness that the last time I watched it was back when I still had a few slivers of hope and hype for the future of star wars and I just remembered how optimistic and innocent I was just a few years ago...

 

[Creep3r]

.....im...im sorry what?

PLEASE dont tell me that sarcastic shit I pulled out my ass in less than a fucking minute is the shit this chucklefuck actually wrote a book about?

Because if thats true then Wendig is officially the most embarrassing hack in creative fiction history.

I'm sorry to say that Wendig created Porkins the Second as his self insert for his first book... When his character got featured in TFA, Chuck was the first to squeal on Twitter about how happy and proud he was that his not-Porkins was a big hero. I posted the tweet of him gloating several pages back if you want to see it... Chucky is probably jizzing his pants as we speak.

 

[Tookie]

Yeaaaah the title actually mostly just pisses me off. Think about it. Rise of Skywalker? Fucking WHAT Skywalker?

Anakin's sacrifice meant nothing since Palpatine's back and Kylo went evil.

Rian spent all of last movie shitting all over Luke and his legacy.

My guess is Luke will be elevated into some kind of Magi-Chan Force deity by the end and the neo-Jedi Order that Rey is going to found will be called "Skywalkers" instead of Jedi Knights. They're going to swing way the other direction from the end of TLJ to try and calm everyone down.

 

[Judge Holden]

I'm sorry to say that Wendig created Porkins the Second as his self insert for his first book... When his character got featured in TFA, Chuck was the first to squeal on Twitter about how happy and proud he was that not-Porkins was a big hero. I posted the tweet of him gloating several pages back if you want to see it...

Jesus fucking.....why the hell was I not born rich/pathetic/smug enough to grovel and suck my way up the mediocre fantasy/scifi RPG ladder and get myself a cushy job at Mouschwitz if a sacrastic brainfart of mine is able to come up with the same shit a drooling soy-subhuman like wendig probably spent months trying to come up with?!

EDIT: wait THE FAT GUY IN THE PHOTO IS ACTUALLY CUCKDIG'S PORKINS CHARACTER?! oh my god....this is so goddamn cringy I feel like im getting a freakin hernia

 

[Creep3r]

Jesus fucking.....why the hell was I not born rich/pathetic/smug enough to grovel and suck my way up the mediocre fantasy/scifi RPG ladder and get myself a cushy job at Mouschwitz if a sacrastic brainfart of mine is able to come up with the same shit a drooling soy-subhuman like wendig probably spent months trying to come up with?!

Yep. The character's name is "Snap Wexley". Chuck Wendig and Snap Wexley... Both chucking and snapping things does damage, which is what they're doing to my enthusiasm.

CHUCK WENDIG IS PART OF THE FUCKING STORY! Fucking YAY!!1!

Here's the tweets reacting to Snap being a part of TFA.

https://twitter.com/ChuckWendig/status/677898945503338498

He's probably gloating right now too...

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

Not even kidding, I would be 10000% more hyped to watch a buddy comedy movie in which Porkins the 2nd and Sluggus the Schlong travel the galaxy trying to find old man palpatine's buried treasure.

Like my mind just shat out the idea when I saw this picture and already i have more emotional investment than whatever IX brings

EDIT: The final scene would be a pastiche of the climax of Flash Gordon with the two of them leading a fleet of ewok space pirates and storming a fucking cheese making planet of in order to rescue Schlong's wife from the grasp of galactic crime kingpin Watto who is now an elderly cyborg fused with the rusted remains of general grevious

I would pay money to watch that movie.

Comparison time!

Fun! Exciting adventures! Characters you've come to know and love!

Hey you know all that shit we've been setting up for five films? This is the payoff. Themes!

Rey, you are the most exceptional person to have ever lived. Here's a literal award I pulled off my brother's corpse to give to you for being so awesome.

Both the old trailers show many characters in many situations, good and bad. The new one only shows Rey being the centre of attention and the best at anything there ever was. And sometimes a not-Rey looking at something.
I especially like how the Trailer to RotJ switches between the Jungle warfare, Jabba's dungeon (that gives off a heavy fantasy vibe) and scnes of Vader in an imperial spaceship. You can tell how varied the movie is.
The trailer for RotS, similarly, shows us some scenes from the OT and a shitton of action, as well as some pretty neat scenes (like Anakin with his Sith eyes). Both trailers are very interesting in their own rights and deliver many things to draw you in. The trailer for TRoS? Not even slightly.

My immediate thought is that JJ is going to rip off the comics and have Palpatine bodyswap into clones. Having Snoke be a messed up Palpy clone seems like an easy way to seem clever even if it doesn't make a lot of sense.

I'm guessing Palpy tries to become a force god, but Kylo sacrifices himself so Rey can be the force god instead.

I certainly hope they retcon Snoke and tie him back to Palpy. It's yet another way to invalidate TLJ and shit on it's shills.

 

[Vault Boy]

It looks... alright, I guess. I'm sure it'll be better than TLJ, or at least it won't piss me off as much as that movie did.

I can't help but to wonder how much Lando's life got fucked up after the Battle of Jakku, since apparently no OT character can have a happy ending. Did he get #MeToo-ed and lost his position as administrator of Cloud City, or did he become a drunken gambler?

 

[Creep3r]

Hold my beer a sec...

Erm...no, no she does not appear to be there

Wonder if the disney shills who spent the past year shrieking about how anyone who criticised her character was an asian hating racist will mentally retcon her from existance should disney just poochie her

She's still in, but she may have a reduced role which may still result in some lulzy controversy.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

I feel like bring back Palpatine is Disney cashing in on the prequel memes.

 

[Tookie]

She's still in, but she may have a reduced role which may still result in some lulzy controversy.
View attachment 723439

At least they didn't go out of their way to make her look unattractive this time.

 

[Judge Holden]

She's still in, but she may have a reduced role which may still result in some lulzy controversy.
View attachment 723439

First thing HAHAHAHAHAH THEY DITCHED THE RETARD HAIR LOL

Secondly im honestly glad they are not simply killing her offscreen. Least you could do if you turn a character into absolute shit is to give them halfway decent writing and an honest chance to shine. If they do just have her appear for like 30 seconds and poochie/forget her though then that will be just a cowardly copout.

 

[Vault Boy]

She's still in, but she may have a reduced role which may still result in some lulzy controversy.
View attachment 723439

Credit where credit's due, at least she lost that god awful hairstyle and those frumpy clothes.

Sort of like with Jar Jar, where he looked more presentable and got significantly reduced screen time.

 

[Red Hood]

I remember how Porkins 2 was advertised as an important character in TFA and I literally can't even remember him in it lol. Then again Poe was barely in it either. I dont't really want to watch it again but I barely remember anything about it.

I haven't seen Attack of the Clones in probably ten years and could probably remember most of the plot.

My guess is Luke will be elevated into some kind of Magi-Chan Force deity by the end and the neo-Jedi Order that Rey is going to found will be called "Skywalkers" instead of Jedi Knights. They're going to swing way the other direction from the end of TLJ to try and calm everyone down.

The only way you would get me there on opening day is pandering exclusively to the Japanese audience and r/PrequelMemes. Luke is reincarnated as a star cruiser sized mecha with a lightsaber, Rey becomes a Sailor Scout and everything Palpatine says will become a meme. THAT is how you torch a franchise.

 

[Judge Holden]

Credit where credit's due, at least she lost that god awful hairstyle and those frumpy clothes.

Sort of like with Jar Jar, where he looked more presentable and got significantly reduced screen time.

Im still trying to figure out why they went to such extremes to make her ugly. Like did they actually try and woke-focus group shit in order to appease the specimens who whine about traditionalist beauty standards or some shit? because I honestly cant think of another explanation other than some embarrasing attempt to pander to the 0.00000001% of the viewing public who care about such petty shit

Also bit of a tangent but her whole character pretty solidly demonstrates why making Rey an instant expert at everything was a bad move, since it meant that Rose couldnt very well fit a role as "the engineer" of the group and thus felt extremely goddamn useless. Like this is fiction 101 when dealing with a group of protagonists in this kind of setting, give each of them a niche that is believably necessary for both group survival and plot progression.

Have Rey be some kind of force empowered combat berserker, Finn be the guy with all the knowledge about how the enemy works and be the only real soldier of the group, Poe be the pilot and "diplomat" of the group who knows enough people in enough places, and Rose be the one who fixes shit and breaks them in to places. Boom. Everyone feels necessary, nobody feels overpowered, and there are all kinds of scenarios you could cobble together by combining this skillset

 

[CWCissey]

The only way you would get me there on opening day is pandering exclusively to the Japanese audience and r/PrequelMemes. Luke is reincarnated as a star cruiser sized mecha with a lightsaber, Rey becomes a Sailor Scout and everything Palpatine says will become a meme. THAT is how you torch a franchise.

Palpy needs to be represented through the art of claymation.

 

[Tookie]

Im still trying to figure out why they went to such extremes to make her ugly. Like did they actually try and woke-focus group shit in order to appease the specimens who whine about traditionalist beauty standards or some shit? because I honestly cant think of another explanation other than some embarrasing attempt to pander to the 0.00000001% of the viewing public who care about such petty shit

Something something male gaze...

edit: Also, why didn't she duck under the TIE pod? Wouldn't that be easier than jumping over it?

 

[Creep3r]

I was actually watching the trailer with some mates, and most agreed that it looked like shit, but then they lost their fucking minds when they saw the broken Death Star and heard Palpatine's voice. Now they won't shut up about how he's back. Even social media is losing its shit over that one fucking Palpatine laugh more than anything else and stupid theories are already popping up about Palpatine being back either through cloning or time travel, and some of these are coming from people who hated the EU for bringing back Palpatine in the Dark Empire yet they love the idea of him coming back here and fighting Rey. What's up with that?!

Also, Rise of Skywalker? Literally who? Kylo's a fucking Solo. Or are they gonna reveal some unknown child out of nowhere or have Rey be revealed as the long lost daughter/granddaughter of Luke and that strong independent black girl he fucked in the Disney comic?

And they're seriously re-using Endor to show Death Star debris? And another not-Tatooine with a sand barge? Mark my words they'll use a not-Jabba in this movie too but instead he puts Poe and Finn in metal bikinis while forcing them to make out.

 

[Tookie]

Mark my words they'll use a not-Jabba in this movie too but instead he puts Poe and Finn in metal bikinis while forcing them to make out.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

The only good thing about IX is that Sheevposting will be back