Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Trans Fat 41g]

Has Bob Iger gone senile?

Like seriously how the fuck do you fuck up this badly?

Everything Disney's done with Star Wars has been a half assed tone deaf disaster.

Why did they even buy the franchise if they aren't going to put any effort in?

All it takes is not adopting the post-2010 bulletin of values for comedy, drama, satire, and tragedy.

Kill the thing if it hadn't 40+ years ago, when that is chronologically impossible.

Make everything a post-2016 interpretation of what was either legendary on its own, or nobody asked for it at all.

 

[Dante Alighieri]

Are there any rides or activities?

 

[Creep3r]

You or somebody else showed pics of the food, so seeing the restaurants would be interesting.

Alright then. My associate mostly spent time at Ronto Roasters and got a lot of pics from there so that's what I'll cover first. To start off, he said the food was shit, with the pita and the meat tasting really sour, the slaw "feeling kinda gross" (I guess he's referring to the texture?) and the jerky being bitter. The jerky is just called Turkey jerky, not some alien shit. However he went back today and they told him that it was actually a "nuna turkey". Guess the cashier forgot that detail on day 1. He got a stomachache. These are the "economic" quick service food items at the park. For reference, here's a second food critic from Reddit:

I can post his comments too if you want.

The drinks are three bitter juices called the "Sour Sarlacc", the "Tatooine Sunset" and Meiloorun juice. The Sour Sarlacc is just Minute Maid-brand lemonade with a squeeze of raspberry and spicy mango. Very fucking sour and bitter. The Tatooine Sunset is actually Odwalla-brand lemonade mixed with zero-sugar Gold Peak tea, a squeeze of melon and artificial blueberry flavoring. Finally, Meiloorun juice is the only one to come from obscure Star Wars lore, with Meilooruns being these things (from the old X-Wing novels that later brought back in the shitty Rebels cartoon). Meiloorun juice looks like a mango but the juice is actually pineapple juice from some obscure mexican brand (now owned by Coke) mixed with Simply-brand lemonade mixed with a squeeze of pear, blueberries, cranberries and a hint of lemon juice. My associate said this one didn't taste as bleh as the others but he hates pineapple so he ended up hating it, but if you're a pineapple lover you might like it. Or not. Whatever. Now for non-alien drinks: They serve Coca Cola, Sprite, Dasani bottled water, and Diet Coke all at $3.99 with tax. They also have coffee called "Black Caf" at 2.99. For soda refills you have to pay $4.19. Aside from the Dasani bottle, the other bottles are stupidly small and not worth the price.

I'm going to post pics of the food, restaurant and their prices, but before that, to show I'm not a biased douchebag, I'll talk about the only remotely interesting thing at this restaurant. IE its "chef". The chef is an 8D smelter droid, or as normalfags might know him, the same model as the white torture droid from Jabba's palace. He is one of the very few familiar faces at the park but he's not the one from Jabba's palace. His name is 8D-J8. All he does is stand around pumping the engine that cooks the meat. He has a motion detector that allows him to briefly look at you when you walk by. He doesn't talk. As for the cooking engine, its a podracer engine loosely resembling an FG 8T8 used by Neva Kee. Its far smaller than the promotional material implied. Surrounding the engine are the plastic roasting carcasses of some Nunas from Episode I which are of pretty good quality along with some generic meat. There's no fire in the roasting area though, the podracer engine just lights up and releases some smoke while bobbing around a bit. Its surrounded by a cage so you can't touch anything. There's some podracer flags from I hanging around and some tatooine knickknacks. My friend called it the "prequel restaurant" because of it, he says it was the only restaurant that had any appeal.

Here's some pics of the restaurant, engine and chef.

Now for pics and prices.

Ronto Wraps. Price: $12.49 with tax

Pork, peppercorn sauce and slaw in a pita. There's a gross breakfast variant with eggs, and shredded cheese. Named after the jawa mount from the Special Edition of ANH. Tastes crappy.

Tatooine Sunset. Price: $5.49 with tax

Already said what its made of above. Bitter.

Sour Sarlacc. Price: $5.49 with tax

Already said what its made of above. Really sour.

Meiloorun juice. Price: $5.49 with tax

Rising Moon Oats. Price: $6.99 with tax

Yogurt, oats, berries, star fruit and dragon fruit. Sweet but bitter.

Turkey jerky. Price: $7.49 with tax

Looks about as bad as it tastes. Comes in sweet or spicy. Later named Nuna Turkey Jerky.

I already listed the prices of sodas and water above.

That about covers Ronto Roasters. I'll post more in a bit. Also my associate asked and he said there may be aliens and droids walking about tomorrow or the day after, supposedly because Disney doesn't want the park to be overcrowded, so they may not be seen at all if it stays full (although the footage he took seemed to show the park as moderately full). Felt like there would be room for aliens. The only droids you see are few, either being broken or bolted down. The only thing you will see are nu-troopers.

If you want more Ronto Roasters pics let me know. I also have more pics of the park from other sources now so there's more for me to show than before if you want more pics of something I already talked about. If not, what should I cover next?

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

So, with the cook in the Ronto Roaster's Restaurant and that dude in the other shop... am I the only one to be really annoyed by the way how passionless they caged them off?
Sure, when you have moving parts or expensive animatronics, you don't want someone put his grubby hands all over it and risk injury to the patron or damage to the animatronics, but they really could have designed it less intrusive and more fitting to the setting.

The idea is kind of to go to the Restaurant and feel like there's a droid roasting some meet or going to that shop and having the illusion of being in a real shop with a real Ithorian behind the register, but when they are caged off like that, this just completely ruins the effect.

I feel that could have been done smarter, design-wise, so it would look more atmospheric.

That being said, the overall design with tiny details here and there does look neat, but nothing really screems Star Wars, some few props and the souvenir crap aside. And it's a really long shot from the promotional material, where everything was larger and more impressive. Now, it all looks so cramped.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

Most of what Disney puts out food-wise a state fair could do better for 75% off, so I never had high hopes for five years of bitter resentment towards anyone born before 2000 that happened to like Star Wars, producing anything remotely edible.

 

[A Useless Fish]

Where the fuck did all the money go in the design and construction of these parks? If it wasn't on rides, semi-decent chinese knock-off products, costumes or animatronics then, what in the ever loving fuck was over a Billion Dollars fucking spent on? Is there a hidden Saarlaac pit somewhere full to the brim of cocaine and diamonds for the execs to smother exotic hookers in?

 

[Antipathy]

Where the fuck did all the money go in the design and construction of these parks? If it wasn't on rides, semi-decent chinese knock-off products, costumes or animatronics then, what in the ever loving fuck was over a Billion Dollars fucking spent on? Is there a hidden Saarlaac pit somewhere full to the brim of cocaine and diamonds for the execs to smother exotic hookers in?

The entire Sail Barge exists, but it's VIP only. There you get to beat a hooker to death with the original lightsaber props from the OT while doing a mountain of crack.

 

[Raging Capybara]

Where the fuck did all the money go in the design and construction of these parks? If it wasn't on rides, semi-decent chinese knock-off products, costumes or animatronics then, what in the ever loving fuck was over a Billion Dollars fucking spent on? Is there a hidden Saarlaac pit somewhere full to the brim of cocaine and diamonds for the execs to smother exotic hookers in?

Solo cost 300 million. Literally the worst cinematography I've ever seen in my life in any movie from any period, country and genre.

I still can't believe how someone can rank that movie above TLJ. Ruin Johnson's "masterpiece" at least looks amazing.

 

[Creep3r]

Speaking of Solo, it ties heavily into the new Millennium Falcon ride which is basically a recreation of the train scene from the movie with only slight variations per playthrough, FYI its just an arcade game. Here's a review of what most (including my friend) are saying about the Millennium Falcon ride:

It honestly makes me wonder if Solo was just a 2 hour advertisement for the ride.

Speaking of Reddit, all I keep seeing is vegans bragging about the m;lk being vegan. And before I keep talking about the park, here's some non-park SW info from reddit and twitter: Vanity Fair is getting a lot of questioning for the fake pic of Luke they used. https://twitter.com/Dataracer117/status/1132747149400334338
Others prefer to just cover their eyes and sweep any suggestions of falsehood under the carpet.

The author of the article who used the pic given to him by the SW photographer has no idea about where this pic is from in the movie or if its even in the movie, which he revealed in an AMA on Reddit.

And as someone pointed out on twitter, the heads of the horse things in IX are actually shittier versions of Whiphids, the tusked aliens in Jabba's palace from ROTJ, despite that Whiphids were sentient beings, not four-legged mounts.

 

[Scarlett Johansson]

This is why I prefer Disney World. I can only pray they don't fuck this up

 

[MagneticTowels]

Alright then. My associate mostly spent time at Ronto Roasters and got a lot of pics from there so that's what I'll cover first. To start off, he said the food was shit, with the pita and the meat tasting really sour, the slaw "feeling kinda gross" (I guess he's referring to the texture?) and the jerky being bitter. The jerky is just called Turkey jerky, not some alien shit. However he went back today and they told him that it was actually a "nuna turkey". Guess the cashier forgot that detail on day 1. He got a stomachache. These are the "economic" quick service food items at the park. For reference, here's a second food critic from Reddit:
View attachment 779519
I can post his comments too if you want.

The drinks are three bitter juices called the "Sour Sarlacc", the "Tatooine Sunset" and Meiloorun juice. The Sour Sarlacc is just Minute Maid-brand lemonade with a squeeze of raspberry and spicy mango. Very fucking sour and bitter. The Tatooine Sunset is actually Odwalla-brand lemonade mixed with zero-sugar Gold Peak tea, a squeeze of melon and artificial blueberry flavoring. Finally, Meiloorun juice is the only one to come from obscure Star Wars lore, with Meilooruns being these things (from the old X-Wing novels that later brought back in the shitty Rebels cartoon). Meiloorun juice looks like a mango but the juice is actually pineapple juice from some obscure mexican brand (now owned by Coke) mixed with Simply-brand lemonade mixed with a squeeze of pear, blueberries, cranberries and a hint of lemon juice. My associate said this one didn't taste as bleh as the others but he hates pineapple so he ended up hating it, but if you're a pineapple lover you might like it. Or not. Whatever. Now for non-alien drinks: They serve Coca Cola, Sprite, Dasani bottled water, and Diet Coke all at $3.99 with tax. They also have coffee called "Black Caf" at 2.99. For soda refills you have to pay $4.19. Aside from the Dasani bottle, the other bottles are stupidly small and not worth the price.

I'm going to post pics of the food, restaurant and their prices, but before that, to show I'm not a biased douchebag, I'll talk about the only remotely interesting thing at this restaurant. IE its "chef". The chef is an 8D smelter droid, or as normalfags might know him, the same model as the white torture droid from Jabba's palace. He is one of the very few familiar faces at the park but he's not the one from Jabba's palace. His name is 8D-J8. All he does is stand around pumping the engine that cooks the meat. He has a motion detector that allows him to briefly look at you when you walk by. He doesn't talk. As for the cooking engine, its a podracer engine loosely resembling an FG 8T8 used by Neva Kee. Its far smaller than the promotional material implied. Surrounding the engine are the plastic roasting carcasses of some Nunas from Episode I which are of pretty good quality along with some generic meat. There's no fire in the roasting area though, the podracer engine just lights up and releases some smoke while bobbing around a bit. Its surrounded by a cage so you can't touch anything. There's some podracer flags from I hanging around and some tatooine knickknacks. My friend called it the "prequel restaurant" because of it, he says it was the only restaurant that had any appeal.

Here's some pics of the restaurant, engine and chef.
View attachment 779827View attachment 779826
View attachment 779829View attachment 779833
View attachment 779834View attachment 779835


Now for pics and prices.

Ronto Wraps. Price: $12.49 with tax
View attachment 779797
Pork, peppercorn sauce and slaw in a pita. There's a gross breakfast variant with eggs, and shredded cheese. Named after the jawa mount from the Special Edition of ANH. Tastes crappy.

Tatooine Sunset. Price: $5.49 with tax
View attachment 779809
Already said what its made of above. Bitter.

Sour Sarlacc. Price: $5.49 with tax
View attachment 779813
Already said what its made of above. Really sour.

Meiloorun juice. Price: $5.49 with tax
View attachment 779817

Rising Moon Oats. Price: $6.99 with tax
View attachment 779820
Yogurt, oats, berries, star fruit and dragon fruit. Sweet but bitter.

Turkey jerky. Price: $7.49 with tax
View attachment 779805
Looks about as bad as it tastes. Comes in sweet or spicy. Later named Nuna Turkey Jerky.

I already listed the prices of sodas and water above.

That about covers Ronto Roasters. I'll post more in a bit. Also my associate asked and he said there may be aliens and droids walking about tomorrow or the day after, supposedly because Disney doesn't want the park to be overcrowded, so they may not be seen at all if it stays full (although the footage he took seemed to show the park as moderately full). Felt like there would be room for aliens. The only droids you see are few, either being broken or bolted down. The only thing you will see are nu-troopers.

If you want more Ronto Roasters pics let me know. I also have more pics of the park from other sources now so there's more for me to show than before if you want more pics of something I already talked about. If not, what should I cover next?

 

[Zaryiu]

Anyone here that ever doubted they (the Rat and his minions) are actively trying to kill Star Wars should see that's the case, I suggest we rename this the Star Wars Grieving Thread because that's all their is left to do... Again

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

A trash can, here to welcome you to Star Wars land! There is another entrance with an arch but there was some last minute work being done on it for the ceremony so it can't be used. Supposedly it'll be ready tomorrow.

Given how Disney has reduced the SW franchise to a dumpster fire, it's fitting that people were greeted to this over-hyped place with a trash can. Sadly, it looks more realistic than some of the droids contained inside.

Alternatively, it could be symbolic of the awful, overpriced food that is so unpalatable and unappealing to the eye that one can't wait to cut one's losses and throw it all in the nearest trash can.

This is genuinely astonishing because you'd think Disney parks would have better quality. I expected 'holograms', the occasional choreographed Jedi/Sith duel in the streets, marching Stormtrooper patrols... this just seems half assed. Like some second rate hack designed and funded it.

I'm willing to bet that any Kiwis that grew up with the OT and had any of the toys that got released concurrently with it would be able to dig those toys out of storage (assuming they still have any of them) and they'd be in better condition than the new toys and merchandise being released today. Everything today is made as cheaply as possible to maximize profits instead of the toys and products back then when stuff was built to last to keep customers happy and encourage them to buy more to complete their toy collections.

That said, I'd agree that one would expect a more authentic in-universe experience than what's being presented for a Star Wars-themed portion of the park given Disney's resources and previous sucessful work with other Disney universe-themed sections of its parks. The clothing and lightsaber props being sold look so bad that they make the most amateur SW cosplayers look more in-universe. The other items being sold scream "cheap knockoff" more than a counterfeit Asian purse.

It really does make one wonder where the billions of dollars spent on this went to since it certainly didn't go towards making anything truly engaging or aesthetically pleasing.

ETA:

Anyone here that ever doubted they (the Rat and his minions) are actively trying to kill Star Wars should see that's the case, I suggest we rename this the Star Wars Grieving Thread because that's all their is left to do... Again

In all fairness, I think a lot of people were cautiously optimistic or hopeful that Disney - given its past successes - would be a good caretaker for the SW franchise. It wasn't until Disney decided to slowly dissociate itself from existing SW projects and the OT/prior EU that it became obvious that Disney cared more about profits and its bottom line than furthering a franchise that appealed to a wide cross-section and age-group of fans. It became more clear when the first two releases of the new trilogy proved to be nothing more than re-imagined retreads of the OT that gave us new underwhelming characters at the expense of getting rid of old fan favorites in the worst possible ways while not having any type of cohesive plot.

 

[Wyzzerd]

In all fairness, I think a lot of people were cautiously optimistic or hopeful that Disney - given its past successes - would be a good caretaker for the SW franchise. It wasn't until Disney decided to slowly dissociate itself from existing SW projects and the OT/prior EU that it became obvious that Disney cared more about profits and its bottom line than furthering a franchise that appealed to a wide cross-section and age-group of fans. It became more clear when the first two releases of the new trilogy proved to be nothing more than re-imagined retreads of the OT that gave us new underwhelming characters at the expense of getting rid of old fan favorites in the worst possible ways while not having any type of cohesive plot.

I think this is part of why so many of us are confused. The easiest and most obvious example is how Disney handled Marvel, they took it from bankruptcy into the most popular franchise out there.

With star wars it should have been even easier to do. It already has a massive following, has a long history of what does and doesn't work, and a large galaxy of lore to work with. It should have been a cakewalk to the bank.

But instead of doing the smart thing they made just about every bad decision possible. Hell just lighting everything star wars related on fire would do far less damage than what they have done.

 

[Relic 31]

It’s just astonishing how Disney has almost systematically destroyed everything special and unique about Star Wars. They have taken one of the most popular and profitable franchises in history and have not only made people not care about it, but actively hate it.

Disney has taken what George Lucas and others had done and took every wrong step to continue it. Disney didn’t earn the fans, the acclaim and the popularity of Star Wars. They simply bought it and they seem like they don’t even know what they have.

Disney was in such a rush to make money as fast as they could that they created a series of movies with no vision or direction, a generic space themed park with the “Star Wars” named slapped on it and countless other multimedia and product lines that nobody cares about.

To think about what could have been, and to open your eyes and see what a waste it has all become.

 

[Creep3r]

Pretty much. So anyway, I just said the most important bit about the Falcon regarding the fact that its an overhyped arcade game that moves around a bit. I might as well cover the rest since there's not much to say about it.
The graphics are really mediocre and unimmersive since its just a game unlike the prescripted Star Tours footage, but I was expecting them to really go all out with the graphics, otherwise this looks exactly like Star Wars Kinect. Only thing missing is someone singing "I'm Han Solo" which might've actually improved this shit. Here's a pic from the inside.

The gameplay is way below average and its hard to aim when you don't have perfect view of the enemies at your side. It crashed 5 or so times during the first day, but I haven't been informed if there have been any crashes today.

Obviously you don't actually go inside the smaller than life Falcon. That's just for show. You go into the space port next to it which is a long tunnel and eventually it takes you into a new area made to resemble the inside of the Falcon. Once inside the port, well... its lifeless and boring. Its full of scrap and tables that are made to look as though they were recently used, with cups, bottles and nu-sabacc cards along with a radio playing some weird music that sounds like something from Avatar (James Cameron), but there's nobody around. Not even droids, just two broken ones that don't do anything. I should mention that you can't actually interact with any of this, you're basically trapped on a linear barred path.

You'll eventually see a "speeder" connected to a bunch of cables, and no its not a speeder bike, its Rey's shitty engine speeder thing from TFA but its blue.

Then its about 4 minutes of walking and windows, until you arrive at the entry area where the "meet&greet" I mentioned that @Vault Boy may or may not like is. The figure in question is Hondo... No not Holdo the pink haired suicide bomber. Hondo was the disturbingly recurring weequay pirate from Filoni Wars and the Rebels cartoon with the strong jamaican accent. He's not real though, he's an uncanny valley animatronic that talks to you from an inaccessible platform on the second floor. Despite 34 years having passed, he looks like he did in Filoni Wars rather than Rebels or looking old despite his species aging the same as humans. He does have longer hair though. He's voiced by the same guy from the show but his lines are pre-recorded. Through his strong accent he reveals that he has made a deal with Chewbacca to use the Falcon for his latest smuggling gig, to steal "coaxium" (the starship fuel from Solo) from a train, however something has gone wrong with some engines or something blowing up, resulting in the pilot becoming indisposed. Hondo then hires you, the tourist, to take on the job in a "deal of a lifetime". Hondo calls Chewbacca and asks his permission to let literal strangers ride the falcon (which is kinda how Han lost it in the first place under Disney canon). Chewy appears on a monitor with his movie look rather than his park look. Chewy is reluctant to let strangers ride the falcon, but Hondo says that he promises to give part of the spoils to the pathetically needy Resistance, so Chewy agrees. Hondo then tells you to go down further into the ride which is where the real painful wait begins. Also there's green EXIT signs everywhere that really bust up the immersion, and the actors/guides can't keep a straight face as they try to take the whole thing seriously. Before I go on, the Ride's arcade game was made by ILMxLAB who only ever makes shitty VR games for Disney.

Here's the pics:

Hondo, also has a droid resembling a cross between an R5 unit and that Chopper thing from Rebels. The droid doesn't really do anything. It occasionally moves or bobbles its head to the side and makes Chopper noises though.

The Pilot license you're given.

It has a M. Falcon logo. Its some kind of instruction guide because it says "Left Right. Press Left to go Left" etc. Gee. Press left to go left? Whoddathunk?

The entrance to the Falcon. Pretty anticlimactic. The Falcon has green exit signs everywhere in its interior letting you know that every corner has an emergency exit. Really bustin' the old immersion there.

Yes I SEE IT. I know where the EXIT is thank you...

Some pics of the interior.

Looks more like a Christmas party inside.

The dejarik holochess board doesn't do anything obviously. It lights up but that's it. There's a lot of Porg sounds inside and nests scattered about... Yes, porgs exist, I fucking get it Disney. The Jontron one looked way better honestly. There's also a notable size issue going on. Only nice thing I can say about it is that Luke's training helmet and seeker droid are there in a corner.

The game, like I said before, looks like some typical arcade shit. Throughout the whole ride Hondo is giving you instructions via monitor/voice. Only good thing I can say about it is that it makes the park look more lively than it actually is. Your mission is to go to Corellia as it looks in Solo and steal from the train.

The game is easy to lose at which is the case for most normalfags. If you get the lowest score, there's some kind of event you get to take a part in where you have to go to the cantina to get into some kind of fake fight with a bounty hunter for ruining the Falcon. My associate hasn't seen that actually happen yet but he's keeping an eye out. If you get the highest score you get some kind of coupons. If you lose, the ship gently crashes down and Hondo gets a little mad and he has a pickup crew come get you. If you win and grab enough "coaxium", you pilot back to Batuu and from their Chewbacca takes remote control of the ship to safely land you into the park's docking bay.

A tentacle monster from TFA may show up and be heard but not seen, at which point Hondo will say:

"Its right over my COCK... pit." He actually says this.

As a bonus, here's a pic of the nu-X-Wing courtesy of a drone since the one my friend took is shit.

 

[Wyzzerd]

Maybe if you follow the exit signs you get to see the actual park they spent all the money on.

 

[Creep3r]

Where the fuck did all the money go in the design and construction of these parks? If it wasn't on rides, semi-decent chinese knock-off products, costumes or animatronics then, what in the ever loving fuck was over a Billion Dollars fucking spent on? Is there a hidden Saarlaac pit somewhere full to the brim of cocaine and diamonds for the execs to smother exotic hookers in?

I honestly wish I had some kind of comprehensive list detailing which parts of the Galaxy's Edge project the budget was distributed to and how much each part got, but I don't. I personally think a shit ton of money was wasted on the Hondo animatronics at both parks which are called the A-1000. Supposedly they're the second most advanced and expensive animatronics Disney has ever built, surpassed only by the singing na'vi at Pandora/Avatar land, but the A-1000 has even more functions at around 60 or something.

I forgot to mention Hondo's fear and hatred of tentacles as he talks about the creature over his cock... pit. Also here's a video I found best detailing the VR portion of the ride.

I also forgot to add that its weird that a blue version of Rey's speeder is there since according to her bio, she made that shit from cobbling together a swoop bike and an old engine, but I guess its standard now. Also, the "enjoyment" you have in the ride depends entirely on the role you're stuck with based on how your "crew" was set up, for example, there's pilot, co-pilot, left gunner, right gunner, etc.

Anyway, what should I cover next? Or do any of you have specific questions concerning the park?

Maybe if you follow the exit signs you get to see the actual park they spent all the money on.

Reminder: Your EXITS are to your left, right, up, down, and every which way but loose.

 

[BONE_Buddy]

Anyway, what should I cover next? Or do any of you have specific questions concerning the park?

If I remember right, there was supposed to be some shitty tram ride attraction. Do you have any more information on it?

 

[Zbk3VmLfujjzjxBd43tL]

This park looks like the Chinese ripoff of an actual Star Wars theme park. I don't see how anyone can mess up a Star Wars theme park, but here we are.

Or do any of you have specific questions concerning the park?

What happened with that one attraction where you join the Resistance and do some prescripted shit for 10-15 minutes?