Containment What If?

What if Barb is really Chris from the future and Chris is the reason why all sci-fi movies about time travel warn against seeing your future or past self?
 
What if Chris was really physically attractive?
This is a legitimately interesting question. I think his situation would be largely the same as it is, but there's another male lolcow who has actually posted here--I don't care enough to look it up--who I would say is very attractive and it wasn't enough to erase the fact that he's a psychopath and an idiot
 
What if Chris was a fish?

He would be a dopefish from Commander Keen

latest
 
His crew would be entirely made up of Sonichu characters.
Which makes raids especially confusing for the cargo boats when he boards them and starts squeaking orders to crewmates who clearly aren't there.

♫ What shall we do with retarded Christian
What shall we do with retarded Christian
What shall we do with retarded Christian
Early in the morning ♫

♫ JULAAAY! And up he rages
JULAAAY! And up he rages
JULAAAY! And up he rages
Sulking in his jail cell ♫
 
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