Peter Coffin, his realdoll/fake girlfriend Kimi Kobayashi, and his estranged wife Ashleigh Coffin - Cis Male Cuck, Pretend Agender; Kicks Self in Balls, Sockpuppeted as Own GF, RAPE APOLOGIST, plus his ex-wife

[Dynamite Ninja]

Nah, I think it would be pointless
If his wife were actually a real doll, do you really think he would tell the truth?

Good point. Lolcows like Mr. Coffin are never gonna come clean. It's better to let this happen without any interference.

 

[DoritoPope]

The "pregnancy" photos are completely horrific. No pregnant woman would look like.. that.

Oh christ, yeah, I was looking at it.

Generally this 'girl' (should we call her an it? or just her for the sake of consistency?) has extremely unrealistic body proportions. I'd believe that her body looked like that if it weren't for her breasts.

It's possible for a girl to be that skinny if she's deathly anorexic, but her tits wouldn't be so big. I refuse to believe even for a minute that this is a real person. There is literally no way for a human woman to have a body like that unless she starved herself and got breast implants, which no doctor would do.

Also, as someone who's lost weight in the past, skin does NOT GET THAT TIGHT. EVER. Unless she's been massively underweight her entire life, the skin on her stomach would NEVER be that tight.

Sorry for the all caps rage but holy shit. This is legitimately horrifying.

Also on the topic of loose skin, she should have some from the "pregnancy."

I think the scariest part is, too, from what I can tell, the baby is also a real doll. The fucking baby is a real doll. Holy shit. EDIT: Or, whatever a hyper realistic baby doll would be.

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-lov...-a-corset-for-7-years-to-get-a-16-inch-waist/

The body curve there is different than the way her... it... the thing's waist curves. If you notice there, it looks like someone literally squeezed around someone's waist.

With the real doll, it looks more natural. Er... unnatural? Fuck I don't even know.

The issue that offsets the real doll is the giant tits yet bone thin everything else. If the tits were smaller, I wouldn't be that suspicious.

EDIT2: I should also mention, look at how she's posed in some images. Compare to what you would see of a mannequin in a store. Look at how the clothes wrap and morph to her body.

Yeah.

 

[Lurkingjay]

I'd like to wait and see the PI's report to verify it as legit, but daaaang. Somehow I never considered the possibility of there being an innocent family tied up in this, but it'd at least explain where he's getting a baby. Jesus fucking Christ, this is a nightmare.

(I presume "Toilet Nigga" is /cow/ slang, but... why?)

 

[Watermelon1337]

I'm very tempted to bring him here so he can clear shit up. I have a twitter, so I could do it. But if you don't want me to do so, I won't pursue the matter any further.

Peter himself? He won't explain or try to clear up anything. The most he does is rage about anyone not believing him even though "it's so obvious." He will completely ignore anyone if they asked him to make a five second video with him standing next to the baby and woman. He thinks her obnoxious gifs are proof enough.

The man never stops lying. Us waving a neon sign in his face won't get anything out of him other than more butthurt from him calling us creeps for demanding to see him in a legitimate video or photo with his 'family.'

 

[DavidFerrie]

I didn't see it in this thread, so here goes:

Has anyone realized what a perfect name for this guy "Peter Coffin" is? I've always thought that "realdoll" lovers were just one step away from necrophiles, what with their erotic attraction to essentially lifeless human forms. The combination of the first name (a common slang term for penis) plus the surname's evocation of things funerary, fits this creep almost too well.

 

[Cubanodun]

im afraid of the power of the E-Detectives in the internet, i mean heck this is golden

 

[jemas42]

I don't normally spend too much time outside of Chris' section (because most lolcows, aside from him and Jace, are pretty boring) but this...this is pure madness. Amazing, but madness. I don't even know what to think anymore. That said, I do have to weigh in:

1: It's not entirely unreasonable for them to not have any pictures together. I've been dating a girl for over a year and I'd be hard pressed to dig up a photo of us together. That begins to fall apart when you realize they've supposedly gotten married and had a kid together AND that he hasn't taken one since he's been pressed to prove she's real. It would be very quick, and relatively painless given that neither of them seems to be against having pictures/videos of them on the internet. Especially since he keeps trying roundabout ways of proving she's real, rather than what my (or any rational human being's) response would be: "I don't owe you shit, fuck off."

2: The PI stuff has me...suspicious. The average hourly cost of a PI is 40 bucks an hour in the US, which over 72 hour surveillance (which the post explicitly references) is going to come up to 2,880 bucks. Plus any other work they had to do (digging through records, contacting doctors, etc. etc.) we're looking at a 3,000-3,500 dollar bill. That sets off my 'Bullshit' alarm pretty hard, but stranger things have happened.

3: The idea that this is a long con from him is...possible. Not plausible, but possible. And worrying.

4: If that is a real girl, then she does not love or even like him. If it's a RealDoll...well then that's even more worrying because if it is, it is NOT a cheap one.

I'm pretty excited to see where this is going. And I just spent over an hour of my life examining the vines and pictures of a random sperg on the internet like it's the Zapruder tape...what happened to my life?

 

[Hello Skinny]

...what happened to my life?

We all like a good mystery..

 

[waffle]

The person in the pictures is a doll guys, the hands are never right and she's too same face to ever be a real person. In the cat GIF you can tell that the bottom hand is Peter's, it's the only part that moves on it's own as opposed to being moved by the cat. Moreover, it doesn't match her hand when you see it in the stills. The totality of the pictures show that it just can't be a real person

There is/was a real wife though, they are probably separated/divorced and all the face book shit is his sockpuppet theater in an attempt to prop up the illusion and go for the big lie.

-EDIT- I hadn't read it all. The PI report makes a lot of sense, it explains the sometimes baby availability and the fact that there are occasional pictures of brace girl who actually looks like a real person. Can you imagine how fucked it would be to find your roommate's sex doll of your wife?

 

[Durable Mike Malloy]

I didn't see it in this thread, so here goes:

Has anyone realized what a perfect name for this guy "Peter Coffin" is? I've always thought that "realdoll" lovers were just one step away from necrophiles, what with their erotic attraction to essentially lifeless human forms. The combination of the first name (a common slang term for penis) plus the surname's evocation of things funerary, fits this creep almost too well.

Damned if I haven't been sitting on my hands for days trying not to shit up this thread with Moby Dick jokes. Not only was Peter Coffin the landlord whose comically inept communication gave rise to an entire chapter of grim slapstick, but he's also got this painting and no one can really tell what it is:

Spoiler: Ever and anon a bright, but, alas, deceptive idea would dart you through

"On one side hung a very large oilpainting so thoroughly besmoked, and every way defaced, that in the unequal crosslights by which you viewed it, it was only by diligent study and a series of systematic visits to it, and careful inquiry of the neighbors, that you could any way arrive at an understanding of its purpose. [...] But what most puzzled and confounded you was a long, limber, portentous, black mass of something hovering in the centre of the picture over three blue, dim, perpendicular lines floating in a nameless yeast. A boggy, soggy, squitchy picture truly, enough to drive a nervous man distracted. Yet was there a sort of indefinite, half-attained, unimaginable sublimity about it that fairly froze you to it, till you involuntarily took an oath with yourself to find out what that marvellous painting meant. Ever and anon a bright, but, alas, deceptive idea would dart you through.—It's the Black Sea in a midnight gale.—It's the unnatural combat of the four primal elements.—It's a blasted heath.—It's a Hyperborean winter scene.—It's the breaking-up of the icebound stream of Time. But at last all these fancies yielded to that one portentous something in the picture's midst. That once found out, and all the rest were plain. But stop; does it not bear a faint resemblance to a g̶i̶g̶a̶n̶t̶i̶c̶ ̶f̶i̶s̶h̶ sex doll?"

What sort of a bamboozingly story is this you are telling me, Peter Coffin?

 

[Taily Puff]

I have nothing insightful or valuable to add to this thread.

I really just came to say that, tonight, I learned something. I learned that Realdolls have become so lifelike, that you could put a chatbot and voice recognition software in one, and it could actually replace some of the people I work with (and generally improve productivity, at that).

That is all.

 

[meatslab]

Also on the topic of loose skin, she should have some from the "pregnancy."

She also should have a shit ton of loose skin/stretchmarks from previously being 170-180 lbs. as she stated on her Tumblr in the personal tag.

 

[The Lone Wanderer]

I think the scariest part is, too, from what I can tell, the baby is also a real doll. The fucking baby is a real doll. Holy shit. EDIT: Or, whatever a hyper realistic baby doll would be.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reborn_doll

 

[rosechupacabra]

Best internet mystery I've followed in a while.. To me the PI's story fits what I've read, and it fills in the gaps..
He lives with this couple, possibly as a pity case. I don't know about the nanny bit, considering he had a job somewhere he apparently recently lost. A new fantasy waifu arrives in his mind in the form of his landlord's wife. She does have quite excellent hair.

Creeping on his landlord's lady is completely out of the question for Petey, so he does something even creepier and gets a real doll as similar to her as he can with the exception, of course, dem NATURAL ONLY DDD titties. Now he has a waifu as desirable as his landlord's wife, and builds a backstory for her. "Check out my hot wife, internet. I got her with my incredible wit and humor."

When the internet calls bullshit and demands audio/video proof, he comes up with a plausible ruse and asks his landlord's wife to do or say something on camera, asking her to wear a mask or herself wanting to conceal her identity. He walks a fine line getting her to say and do stuff that might make her suspicious of his wretchedness. Otherwise he takes photos and makes nearly meticulous stop-motions of the real doll. How much time does *that* take.

Jesus, it must be exhausting to continually prop up that house of cards.

 

[Alex Krycek]

I was on the fence when I was just viewing this on my mobile but seeing the GIFs on my desktop and studying the pictures a bit, and all the other random evidence has me in the camp of "yep, it's a fucking Real Doll." Still on the fence about the PI for the reasons of price and all that, but maybe the anon got some kind of discount (I have a PI in my family who has done work at reduced rates for other family members). In any case I've found a new thread to lurk on and get some entertainment.

 

[The Dude]

Wow, holy shit. This freak lives in my area. I wonder if I'll ever run into him.

As far as him being married, I'm sure if it were true there would be photos from the wedding that would prove his story. Same with photos of them at the hospital when the baby was born. I have several photos of my wife, son, and myself from when Little Dude was born.

Also, there is no Clark County in Utah.

And his RealDoll being made to look like his boss wife is some serious Single White Female levels of creepy.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I'm still trying to work out the logistics of how the fuck he ordered a realdoll and, if this is all true, how the fuck his host family doesn't know about it. Taken straight from the RealDoll webpage:

RealDolls are shipped by standard freight in an unmarked and secure wooden shipping crate. The crate is approximately 6’x2’x2′ and weighs about 200 lbs when loaded; the door is secured by screws. Inside the padded crate, the doll is safely hanging by a neck bolt on a removable mounting bracket which can be installed in your home for safe storage of your doll.

So let's just repeat that: this is a box about 24 cubic feet in volume that weighs 200 fucking pounds inside which is the doll and its storage mount bracket aperatus that is required for keeping it stored when not in use.

Where the actual fuck does he keep it?! Much less how did he get a 200 lb box the size of an average man secretly into that apartment?!

 

[Taily Puff]

Wow, holy shit. This freak lives in my area. I wonder if I'll ever run into him.

As far as him being married, I'm sure if it were true there would be photos from the wedding that would prove his story

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I hate to play the lolcow's advocate, but me and my spouse have about three pictures from our wedding, and they're mostly for us (lot's more from the honeymoon, same reason). The reason that a person opts to keep one thing private and share another isn't always rational.

Also, that totally a doll he be takin' pictures of. Totally a doll.

 

[The Dude]

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I hate to play the lolcow's advocate, but me and my spouse have about three pictures from our wedding, and they're mostly for us (lot's more from the honeymoon, same reason). The reason that a person opts to keep one thing private and share another isn't always rational.

Also, that totally a doll he be takin' pictures of. Totally a doll.

Oh I know it's a doll. The whole situation is fucking creepy. It's like some kind of psychological thriller.

 

[Surtur]

I'm still trying to work out the logistics of how the fuck he ordered a realdoll and, if this is all true, how the fuck his host family doesn't know about it. Taken straight from the RealDoll webpage:


So let's just repeat that: this is a box about 24 cubic feet in volume that weighs 200 fucking pounds inside which is the doll and its storage mount bracket aperatus that is required for keeping it stored when not in use.

Where the actual fuck does he keep it?! Much less how did he get a 200 lb box the size of an average man secretly into that apartment?!

He could keep the doll in a closet or under a bed. Some of the dolls are under 5 feet and all of the weigh less than 100 pounds.