Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

TM Ambrose said:
A broken clock is right twice a day. Just because he did one thing of actual merit doesn't make him any less of a lolcow.
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Yeah, yeah. I know. I was exaggerating a bit. Let's move on.

Loke said:
Don't be so hasty, I wish to know why he thinks it is acceptable and professional to have a character in his writing named "Lisa Ann", after a gross, aging pornstar with a saggy ass that looks like cottage cheese.
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OH GOD YOU READ IT??? How was it??? I've never had the courage to read any of his work.
 
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Sigyn said:
OH GOD YOU READ IT??? How was it??? I've never had the courage to read any of his work.
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It's as hilariously juvenile and inept as one can imagine. I usually have very little tolerance for bad literature. See, a bad movieis usually enjoyable for X amount of reasons, but even if it is unwatchable, it is over after around two hours. Bad lit? That's too much of an investment. But @Cowlick 's trash? Happy meal sized smut! It's funny how it isn't even proper 'erotica' as I was led to believe. That implies that it is a form of literature that has characters, stories, plot, etc, but is chiefly concerned with the erotic elements. No, no, no, what we have here is fan fiction. Porn fan fiction.
 
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Loke said:
It's as hilariously juvenile and inept as one can imagine. I usually have very little tolerance for bad literature. See, a bad movieis usually enjoyable for X amount of reasons, but even if it is unwatchable, it is over after around two hours. Bad lit? That's too much of an investment. But @Cowlick 's trash? Happy meal sized smut! It's funny how it isn't even proper 'erotica' as I was led to believe. That implies that it is a form of literature that has characters, stories, plot, etc, but is chiefly concerned with the erotic elements. No, no, no, what we have here is fan fiction. Porn fan fiction.
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How does his work measure up to porn fan fiction genius ComicsNix?
 
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TJ is limited to actual pornstars, who are real people. This guy wins because of THIS:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10875860/1/Batmans-Birthday-Party
I implore you, my fellow kiwis, read that link, and learn why a bat-shaped dick is perfect for threesomes. Omfg. See, TJ's awfulness lies in his competance. Sure, he throws puncuation around like he's a monkey in a Taco Bell booth, but he can spell. Furthermore, he isn't creative enough to write the following sentences: "Somebody arrest that man!" screams Harry Potter and Natuto, the two guys that wanted to be men. Robocop arrives with a pair of handcuff:
"No! You are not going to arrest my man-troll!" Shrieks Wonder Woemn for Shrek. "He impregnated me with his green semen! Who will take care of my still unborn childs?!"
"NOOOOOOOOO!"
Everyone hears thescream coming from batman's bedroom. He is furious.
"Womner Womar, you cuckolded me, you fucking bitch" sloobered from his mouth the capped crusader. (Sic)
EDIT:Tj's dross and drivel don't even come close to the autistic majesty that is this mess, but his work is still funnier because he understands things such as tense and setting and so on, but chooses to write such utter shit. Congratulations, @Cowlick , you are the low character the brutish fools in Valhall throw their chicken bones at!
 
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Loke said:
It's as hilariously juvenile and inept as one can imagine. I usually have very little tolerance for bad literature. See, a bad movieis usually enjoyable for X amount of reasons, but even if it is unwatchable, it is over after around two hours. Bad lit? That's too much of an investment. But @Cowlick 's trash? Happy meal sized smut! It's funny how it isn't even proper 'erotica' as I was led to believe. That implies that it is a form of literature that has characters, stories, plot, etc, but is chiefly concerned with the erotic elements. No, no, no, what we have here is fan fiction. Porn fan fiction.
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You've convinced me. I'm gonna go read one now. Think I can write one of my college book reports on it without being expelled?

Meowthkip said:
How does his work measure up to porn fan fiction genius ComicsNix?
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I read maybe two sentences before I noped the fuck outta there. Wow
 
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Loke said:
EDIT:Tj's dross and drivel don't even come close to the autistic majesty that is this mess, but his work is still funnier because he understands things such as tense and setting and so on, but chooses to write such utter shit.
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Here's my deal with this. TJ's stuff is just bad. This other guys stuff is bad, but it actually makes me laugh, so much so that I actually had to read it in short burst. Also TJ writes in the second person... I don't know why but this triggers me.
 
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TM Ambrose said:
Here's my deal with this. TJ's stuff is just bad. This other guys stuff is bad, but it actually makes me laugh, so much so that I actually had to read it in short burst. Also TJ writes in the second person... I don't know why but this triggers me.
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Lol, triggers. That's what I was trying to say, too bad I can be so longwinded sometimes.
 
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@Loke , do you remember where I posted that link to Teej's stories? I can't seem to find it. Or do you have one? Which story did you read?
 
Sigyn said:
You've convinced me. I'm gonna go read one now. Think I can write one of my college book reports on it without being expelled?
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Here are two links of some value:

TJChurch at CHYOO.
r0manh0liday at CHYOA.

However, I would like to know what Loke read.

EDIT: We posted simultaneously. The Bully is not a TJ Church handle.

TM Ambrose said:
Even if something is written well in the second person, it is written poorly.
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It's a staple of CHYOO and CHYOA. The stories are interactive, so writers go for a greater sense of immersion with a second person perspective, a perspective that puts the read directly in the story. The big problem I've had in general is the ambiguous descriptions that accompany this perspective. If the start and the first decision is to establish the character's sex, I've looked beyond it, so long as the appearance was described in the next thread. It's the others that irritated me due to all the mystery they created by failing to describe.

TJ Church, however, has written in second person, even if all other additions were written in first or third.
 
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deductionotaku said:
It's a staple of CHYOO and CHYOA. The stories are interactive, so writers go for a greater sense of immersion with a second person perspective, a perspective that puts the read directly in the story. The big problem I've had in general is the ambiguous descriptions that accompany this perspective. If the start and the first decision is to establish the character's sex, I've looked beyond it, so long as the appearance was described in the next thread. It's the others that irritated me due to all the mystery this creates.

TJ Church, however, has written in second person, even if all other additions were written in first or third.
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I'm aware of it being a staple (in fact when I was 10 I owned a couple of Choose Your Own books that had this element used). I just don't personally find the use that great.

Loke said:
https://chyoa.com/story/stepson-s-revenge
Welcome to Hel, Asgardian wench.
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I'm going to have to write a Mauv inspired parody of this.
 
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Loke said:
Is it? I read one based in Animorphs, and some other gothic one about the pope getting captured. I honestly don't remember.
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It's used in a few Goosebumps choose your owns (because I was that 10 year old) and it's also used in the original choose your owns. It depends on the writer.
 
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