DarksydePhil / TheyCallMeDSP / Phil Burnell - General Discussion

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Surly Muppet said:
New details provided tonight about the car accident that burned off half of Phil's face and left him with permanent brain damage (I assume):

- He was getting onto the highway/parkway from high school. The alleged speed limit was 55mph on this parkway.
- Phil was 'just changing lanes' after getting on, going from right to left (I assume, per standard, the left lane is supposed to be for passing at a higher speed...)
- Phil was going 30-40 mph when he was doing this. Phil emphasizes this, presumably to show how innocent he is. He doesn't mention why he got into the passing lane after having just merged onto the parkway at 10-20 under the limit, but sure.
- As Phil changed lanes, someone (I speculate it was Tevin), came up going 100mph. Phil is sure of this because of the speed that they were coming at him, it must have been 100mph. Double the limit, extremely illegal. Please note that these people were presumably in the passing lane.
- Phil, calculating that they wouldn't be able to stop, exclaimed 'oh shit' and veered into the right lane again
- Upon doing so, he overcompensated and went "ding" (I suspect it was not a "ding") and hit the guard rail/divider/"rail-rail-railing"
- THE CAR then lost control and crashed (please note: it was THE CAR that lost control)
- If the other car was not going insanely illegally fast in that left lane, he would have been able to lane change safely
- If Phil had not got out of the way and "caused the accident [he] caused", it would have actually been worse because the guy would have rear ended him. That was a direct quote there.
- Everyone probably would have died in that scenario, so Phil's personal Paul Walker Experience was "the better of two situations".
- A dash cam would not have helped, because it wouldn't have seen the guy coming behind him.
- Phil got angry at people in the chat for stating that it was his fault.

So, in conclusion, Phil's accident was his fault, he was driving like an idiot by his own admission, probably without his glasses, and a dash cam probably would have only verified that Phil was going 20 below the limit and immediately moved into the left lane after merging for reasons that are, at best, nonexistent. This is some of your shittiest work, Phil. Stop relying on retcons and try to get the story at least half-right the first time.
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I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
 
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JMR said:
I'm probably nitpicking and/or you were commenting just in general, but he fell short of the Super Bowl during last night's Madden playthrough, losing in the conference championships.

On his last possession he had a chance to win, being only down four. On the opponents' 39, 2nd and 4, he dropped back to pass and saw this:

View attachment 901771

X looked to have good separation, but Phil opted to the sidelines for triangle.

View attachment 901827

Defender stepped into the ball's path for the pick.

Phil: "So you want to know the truth. That's complete horseshit. 'Cuz I pressed lob. So he would toss it over the defender to my receiver and he just tossed it right to the defender. Yeah. I tossed lob. I tapped it. Very lightly. So what that's supposed to do is he tosses it high, so it would go over the defender to the receiver who was behind him. He just threw it to the receiver like I didn't even tap the button. So now we're done. There's no way we can get the ball back and score. We're not... there's no Super Bowl after all of that. After all that there's no Super Bowl because the fucking game's a piece of shit."

Except:
View attachment 901833

The game did read his input as a lob. The slow toss gave the defender plenty of time to make the play.


EDIT: I didn't see earlier. basically what shekelshoah666 said.
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Phil seems to always throw it to a WR on the left. I noticed when Tevin was restreaming this and covered up the left half of the screen with Phil's webcam. Probably because of poor eyesight.

Kermit the Frog said:
Sometimes he says the guy was caught and Phil sued him, where he received a payment directly from the other driver's insurance. Based on this most recent telling of the car accident, even if the other driver were found, there's no way the car insurance companies would fault the other driver for Phil crashing on his own volition. You can't just say "They forced me to crash! They were speeding and I had to swerve to avoid them!" without any proof or witnesses and expect to win.
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Not sure how it is in CT, but in my state no matter what the speeding car is doing, he didn't directly cause the accident so he wouldn't be at fault. Like if you park in a "No Parking Zone" and someone backing up hits your car, even though you're illegally parked, you didn't cause the accident so you're not at fault for it.
 
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Allow this latest kerfuffle to be an example for serial embellishers and chronic liars alike.

You cannot be lazy.

That is to say, you need to either keep creating new life experiences that you can draw on for your ridiculous stories you tell on the internet, or you need to keep notes on the lies you tell to maintain consistency. Otherwise this shit happens: you wind up retelling the same five stories over and over with wildly different details, events and outcomes, while autists catalog the variances and use them for cheep laffs.

That said I think this I might be as close to the truth as we've gotten for this particular pigtale, the key message being "I fucked up and caused it", while going well out of his way to avoid conveying that, of course.
 
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I'm sure Phil will soon retcon the highway accident story to be that he wasn't moving into the passing lane, he was just merging from the on ramp to the highway proper when this guy (who was speeding insanely, dangerously, like just monstrously fast dood, ok it wasn't like a hundred miles per hour but it was definitely illegal ok?) almost hit him.
 
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Phil tells stories like video game publishers sell games. We get:

- The Standard Edition
- The Deluxe Edition
- The Gold Edition
- The Ultimate Edition
- The Definitive Edition

and then

- The Detractor Cut

Each version comes with more retcon DLC until the trolls release the final cut that includes them all.
 
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Vic Viper T301 said:
I'm sure Phil will soon retcon the highway accident story to be that he wasn't moving into the passing lane, he was just merging from the on ramp to the highway proper when this guy (who was speeding insanely, dangerously, like just monstrously fast dood, ok it wasn't like a hundred miles per hour but it was definitely illegal ok?) almost hit him.
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Seeing how he handled the VR chat retcons, it'll probabably be a detractor who was sent on a hit job to assassinate DSP while he was driving, by scaring him and making him crash into that railing. It was probably Tevin, okay.
 
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photmemo.png

EClYmchXsAAFBYL.jpg

*uncontrollable wheezing*
 
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leChinkyRaccoon said:
"I can't eat these bagels fast enough. #broke"
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Kat could pick up fresh bagels daily when going to / from work.
But with her odd hours lately I wonder if something happened to her job.
This utterly exceptional shopping routine Phil has is so stupid, they waste good food because they're lazy. I wonder how much other food they have to throw out.
 
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