Operation Chris Eater commences

[Tubular Monkey]

and their relationship is even more increasingly distant than ever before if he's chiding her with her full name now as if she was more the child than he.

No, that's just because Chris exists in a world devoid of social norms, and has a quasi emotionally incestuous relationship with his mother.

 

[Chipmunk With A Banana]

Wonder how he got the money for the lawyer? Doesn't sound like a public defender.

Where do the Chandlers get the ability to hire their own lawyer? Aren't they supposed to be up to their eyebrows in debt?

 

[Saul Goodman]

Chris actually comprehends in some form or another that he is not getting off lightly anymore, at least not by shoving any and all paperwork handling on his mother like last time.

Long time lurker, first time poster. I generally just like reading the hilarity that ensues here, but as an actual criminal defense lawyer (albeit, I am not a member of the Virginia bar), I think I should set the record straight with regard to the probable range of sanctions Chris faces here.

As a rule, the Jerkops (TM) charge the highest possible crime that the facts will possibly support. As they should -- they're there to enforce the law and give the DA every tool at their disposal. That said, a plain reading of § 18.2-312 will show that there is a requirement of "bodily injury," and there is none apparent from watching the video. The felony charge will not stick.

That leaves us with assault. And despite the fact that I don't practice in VA, it is generally unheard of in any jurisdiction in the US for someone without a serious record (and the aftermath of 10/28/11 does not count as a "serious record" here) to do time for an assault that does not result in injury. I hate to ruin everyone's fantasies, but OPL *is* going to "get off lightly" here.

TL;DR: Chris ain't doing time. Aspie lawyer dude says so.

 

[ChurchOfGodBear]

Chris only acts out if he thinks he can get away with it, hence his spontaneous "unlawful gas release" back at GameStop that the video clearly shows comes after Chris thinks he can make a clean getaway and only even then attacks somebody within range.

Otherwise, he's a huge coward, always has been. He was pretty cocky during the hearings for the GamePlace with such insightful commentary on Snyder getting red cents and other lovely things, but he also still delegated everything to his mother. I don't think he truly even understood how much trouble he was in until after the proceedings were over and the ruling was in favor of Snyder.

Props to Zeonista for giving their quick report, as it's evident from just a partial recounting of OPL's behavior everything Chris hoped for has fallen through. His mother still handled the paperwork evidently, except apparently she filed the wrong ones, and their relationship is even more increasingly distant than ever before if he's chiding her with her full name now as if she was more the child than he.

Most importantly, however, is that sigh at the end. Chris actually comprehends in some form or another that he is not getting off lightly anymore, at least not by shoving any and all paperwork handling on his mother like last time.

The fact that Chris showed up AT ALL is a little encouraging. I can absolutely imagine Chris deciding he didn't need to go and just blow the whole thing off. Chris and Barb had enough brain cells between them to show up on time and have a lawyer. What would be common sense for us is a monumental accomplishment for those two.

Waiting for April.

 

[timtommy]

And the Good Luck Fairies swoop in once again to save Chris' big fat butt for another day.

If the PA is going to delve into Chris' past history, he's going to need more than two months, AND a case of whiskey.

And I'm sure Chris will come home and post a Facebook about how his day was forced to be wasted by The Man again.

This isn't good or bad luck. His case hasn't been adjudicated. The dice are still rolling.

And I don't see why Chris would have acted up. Nothing was decided or even discussed. The other parties wanted a continuance; Chris was cool with a continuance. Why would he flip out? He may flip out if he is asked to admit to something or discuss the crime, but if all he is asked is "How do you feel about waiting a couple months?" he is capable of answering reasonably.

 

[Lipitor]

He was wearing a black cardigan and long dark-blue skirt with white stripes, along with dark-blue leggings and a pair of tan boots. His hair still looked pretty terrible, pretty much the same as it was in his mugshot.

I love how Chris has to wear leggings with his tranny get-ups, because although he wants to live as a woman, god forbid he do any feminine hygiene.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

Chris was cool with a continuance.

I think that even that is giving Chris too much credit for his understanding of his situation. Especially considering that they came back into the courtroom. Chris probably wasn't sure if he was supposed to drive to jail and stay there. I'd say the only thing Chris is cool with is the fact that he can ignore everything for another 2 months, and can go back to LEGO.

 

[NiggoFiggo]

Annoying the PD, and holding up other cases because they are too stupid to remember dates, classic Chandlers.

 

[CKO87]

I will take you on that bet, Loser donates 100 dollars to the forums.

I'm seriously short on cash right now, unfortunately. How about we wager this instead: loser changes his sig to say the winner is the greatest poster at these forums.

 

[Tubular Monkey]

I'm seriously short on cash right now, unfortunately. How about we wager this instead: loser changes his sig to say the winner is the greatest poster at these forums.

Off-topic, but neither of you is CatParty.

 

[blackie toy]

I'm seriously short on cash right now, unfortunately. How about we wager this instead: loser changes his sig to say the winner is the greatest poster at these forums.

Money bets only, people.

 

[Thetan]

Guys I'm on my phone and about to start the trip home. Expect a full update tonight. But yep. It was continued until Feb 2nd. From what I understood, apparently they hired the wrong type of lawyer is he didn't have time to prepare the case. They might have even hired him that very morning.

Well this comes as a surprise. What Chris told my source was this (exact quote):

I'm getting my attorney appointed tomorrow; nothing else yet.

Because Chris specifically used the word "appointed", I assumed that he was getting a PD. Guess I was wrong....

 

[Francis York Morgan]

Do either you or your source know why Chris has taken to referring to his mom as "Barbara Ann" these days? It's a small thing but still kind of creepy.

 

[Poor Choices]

I hate to ruin everyone's fantasies, but OPL *is* going to "get off lightly" here.

Fuck you for ruining my dream of Chris doing 20 years hard labor on Titan . But if he does get off without time, prepare yourselves for the pepper spray saga.

 

[Atlas 95]

do you think there is a chance Chris would do something stupid

Yes
But less facetiously, I don't doubt for a second Chris will do something stupid between now and then. My immediate guess would be he gets into another confrontation like in Walmart, something very stupid but ultimately he won't be caught doing it

 

[Lipitor]

Do either you or your source know why Chris has taken to referring to his mom as "Barbara Ann" these days? It's a small thing but still kind of creepy.

I wonder if that's what Bob used to call her, and he started calling her that after Bob died.

 

[CKO87]

Off-topic, but neither of you is CatParty.

Pardon the ridiculous question, but who's Cat Party?

 

[ManicStreetPreacher]

I wonder if that's what Bob used to call her, and he started calling her that after Bob died.

its another sign of him filling the shoes of Bob. Their relationship has always,it seems been a bit odd, that time she forced him to sit down while she cut his hair was strange, and of course the sleeping together. But it seems since Bob died she has her claws deeper into him now.

Fair play to Rammspieler and Zeonista for maing the journey. Nice to have the tidbits. I wonder was there any attempt to make him wear men's clothes (or overgrown childs clothes, a la classic chris)?

Did anyone in the court do double takes at the sight of him? I wonder what the PD said to the judge.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I wonder was there any attempt to make him wear men's clothes (or overgrown childs clothes, a la classic chris)?

Seeing how hard it was to convince Chris not to have a certain piercing, I'm not surprised that any attempt made was unsuccessful.

 

[Francine StripeCheer]

Do either you or your source know why Chris has taken to referring to his mom as "Barbara Ann" these days? It's a small thing but still kind of creepy.

It's to show that he's a real adult and calls his mother by her real name. Sure, it's not as good as other markers of adulthood, like employment, personal development, marriage, or continence,but it's a start.