So, time for my field report from my "Disney Day" at Disneyland. For context, I traveled with my family (mom, dad, sister) so it was a group of four of us and we got in approximately 90 minutes after the park opened. I'm going to walk through the day on a ride-per-ride basis for simplicity.
Arrival: Not
too much happening here, I do like that the new Pixar Pals parking building has covered tram loading. What I
didn't like was that right when we were boarding, some idiot toddler decided to try coming into my lane and ended up banging his head on the divider rail. And then the tram inexplicably did not leave for five minutes, meaning I quite literally had a SCREAMING BABY IN MY EAR for that five minutes plus the whole tram ride which was really slow due to driving over metal plates or something due to all the construction. Fortunately, the family sitting across from me were nice and even returned my bag after I unintentionally left it on my tram seat. Getting the tickets was easy enough and in the process of going through the turnstile entry, I happened to overhear another family with a little girl discussing what to do when pin trading. As I happened to be wearing my pin trade lanyard myself - one of the original older, thicker ones which I've been using to display my non-Disney travel location pins for years and was brought back into its intended purpose for this trip) - I immediately offered to be her first trade partner, letting her have the pick of my selection and walked them through the process. I totally made that kid's day and we hadn't even entered the park proper yet.
Astro Blasters: It was a 5 minute wait so we started off with one of the tamer rides. I think the original Space Ranger Spin in WDW is better because of the length but this one's still fun. I totally creamed by sister's score.
Star Tours: This ride, this
fucking ride. It used to be my favorite in its original guise, while I'm not a fan of the changes of the newer version being rather careless with its adherence to lore and more 'do a bunch of recognizable shit and characters'. The queue is better than I originally gave it credit for - got a pic of my main man Captain Rex in the line, at least - but the luggage scanner's main effect wasn't working which kind of made that whole section pointless since you didn't know what the droid was on about. The pre-show is pretty bad, too, because the CG doesn't really blend all that well with the live actors. The actual ride was surprisingly
better than Star Tours - the sequence was camera droid/Jakku/Poe/TLJ end planet into Batuu - since once you got past the mind-numbingly stupid disregard for the lore, the way they played with the motion simulation was far more inventive (near the end of the Jakku sequence, there's a part where the ride cabin is stopped at a slant - pretty cool idea honestly). But then the lore rears its ugly head again because Poe is the guy who tells everybody to go to his coordinates...which ends up being the shitty sand planet where Poe is
inexplicably also in one of the sand skimmer thingies and then after R2D2 (who is supposed to be
on that very fucking planet inside the cave base alongside CP30) hijacks the Star Speeder and
takes out one of the shitty First Order ATATs, Poe calls up and says 'thanks Star Tours we'll handle it from here.'
Uh, no. The Resistance didn't do
fuck all against the First Order there, specifically because Rose 'saved' Finn's life by ensuring everybody was going to die in the process. A random-ass
tourist sightseeing spacecraft appearing out of fucking nowhere was
legitimately more effective against the First Order purely because they had no dedicated anti-air and realistically could have just taken out ALL THE AT-ATS.
So, overall, it's a genuine improvement to the ride as
a ride, but the framing plot is just a complete disaster.
Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye: Thank fucking
god this ride wasn't bastardized like Star Tours because of the new film (in this case, absolutely no changes made to promote Kingdom of the Crystal Skull). This ride has always been excellent and it has aged like fine wine - indeed, the only major changes since the last time I rode was they changed up the 'door selection' from a moving turntable trick with lights, to just changing the order of the doors with even cooler projection - for this ride, we got Observatory of the Future.
Matterhorn: It should be noted that this ride routinely had wait times in excess of 50 minutes, highest being 60, with only Smuggler's Run even approaching that long (previously, time wait checks through the app had Smuggler's at 75 minutes at periods, but it never went above 50 during this trip). Maybe it's because they were only running the right side (Fantasyland side) as opposed to dual operation (the scrim covering the damage from the falling plaster was still visible). Regardless, the only reason I'm glad I even rode this thing was purely because it's one of the four 'mountains' of Disneyland alongside Space, Big Thunder, and Splash.
Otherwise, it was a
mistake. The way the tobbogans are designed are
awful, you're scrunched up inside a too-tiny compartment unless you're like, ten, and god help you if you have possesions you need to keep between your legs. The new effects with Harold the Yeti like the upgraded animatronics were cool, but this is an Arrow coaster and like its bigger Corkscrew type cousins (I.E. Vortex from Kings Island, Corckscrew from Cedar Point), it has
not aged well track wise. It's bumpy and uncomfortable all the way down. This thing badly needs a retracking if not a complete reprofiling.
"Hyper"Space Mountain - in Disney's continuing quest to make Star Wars look like it isn't a failing mess right now, they've extended the Star Wars overlay of Space Mountain "due to popularity" with no end date. Sure. Regardless, the ride itself is as excellent as always, though a bit awkward since it's hard to follow whatever the hell they're trying to show on the projection screens with TIE Fighters shooting lasers at you. The benefit of the overlay, though, is that it's generally a darker ride and that makes Space Mountain more intense.
Star Tours TAC, Round 2: In a bid to try and get a different experience, the family marched right back in line for this one. We did get a completely different sequence, too: Vader, Wookie Planet, Yoda (CP30 actually says
Rebel forces, no less and NOT "Resistance"!), and Tattooine (because we've traveled through time inexplicably and now are being protected by young Anakin...who as we all know is Vader who I stated we met at the beginning of this misadventure). This was the best ride sequence we got all day and crashing into a parked Naboo Starfighter to the point of the long pointy end smashing through the Starspeeder front window was great. Unfortunately, I got a bit nautious near the end - probably not enough recovery time after "Hyper"Space Mountain - but after a quick sit, snack, and drink of water, I could handle a tamer ride.
Pirates of the Caribbean: A true Disney classic, I really enjoyed this one. Ten minute wait time helped as well and we weren't even up to lunch yet. I know a lot of people bitched and moaned about the auction scene change and while I agree the reason for
removing the fact it was selling women into slavery was dumb because pirates aren't supposed to be good guys here (except Jack, of course), the replacement auction scene still fits perfectly within Pirates so the overall ambience isn't hurt at all. The other new effect - the "dead to life" pirate - also is very impressive in person even if it's obviously just a trick using a partially concealed mirror, but simplicity has its place.
Haunted Mansion Holiday: The
biggest disapointment of the day. For years I've thought my sister and my dad would dig this, because he's a fan of Haunted Mansion and both of them love Nightmare. Instead, the overlay felt kind of uninspired and just shoved a bunch of recognizable Nightmare elements without really incorperating the Haunted Mansion's signature gimmicks. One of the cast members suggesting my sister try the cinnamon pretzel crisps when he saw her snacking out of a small bag of the peppered variety was probably the most entertaining thing to happen.
The ride also stopped
four times. I know the ride stopping is a running joke but what in hell happened to require it stopping
four times?!
Lunch: We had soup bowls from Harbor Galley (right next to the Sailing Ship Columbia's berthing). A bit pricy and could have used more soup in a slightly more hollowed out bread bowl, but it was some excellent food nonetheless. They
really need more seating around there, though.
Enchanted Tiki Room: Aside from the fact we confused the Dole Whip line for the line into the Tiki Room, this was less interest in the actual attraction and more to do something to allow us to digest the food. Overall, it's pretty much the same show and I think some of the animatronic masks in the walls need repair.
Millennium Falcon: Smuggler's Run: We had a fastpass for Splash Mountain and we needed to kill time, so we decided to go to the one big attraction that didn't have a FastPass. I already posted my lengthy story in the Star Wars thread so I'll just quote myself:
Smuggler's Run was...odd. At 40 minutes with no fast pass, it was the longest wait my family had the entire day an even then the line went fast enough. The queue is exceptionally good, the big rocket engine animatronic firing up on occasion and the funny loudspeaker conversations felt like Star Tours from the good 'ol days. Hondo Onaka himself was very impressive - my mom genuinely believed it was a real dude - and that was when the good shit ended. You know, right before you even got on the fucking Falcon, the whole reason you're there.
See, after they passed out the cards and it turned out my group of four was paired with this elderly couple celebrating their anniversary (nice folks, they were capable and were the Engineers so ultimately nothing they did was actually important and so I won't mention them again). I was a pilot (right pilot, up/down controls and the Hyperspace lever) along with my sister (left pilot, side to side controls) and my parents were the gunners.
Right after we get the cards, we were herded into the belly of the Falcon.
Normally, this is supposed to allow guests to explore the Falcon's innards, get the shot with the holochess table, etc. - NOPE. Immediately we're gathered to go through the right side doorway to the cockpit and we watch a video from Hondo about the mission - interestingly, this was one I hadn't previously seen recorded on Youtube because the power goes out on Hondo's end, including emergency power (though he's still able to record a video?), because the ride wasn't quite done. The cast member said as much but then, for reasons even
the cast member admitted out loud he didn't understand, this group of kids in matching outfits (some kinda school trip? They all spoke English) gets brought in through an elevator. So now there's MY group of six and these kids waiting for the ride to actually finish and the cast member is having to pull out Jungle Cruise grade pun jokes I.E. What currency do you use in space? Starbucks! (to be fair to the guy it looked like nothing was going right between the ride not ending fast enough and having to deal with kids who were
not assigned roles or even supposed to be there in the first place!). Fortunately for the poor guy, he was only in the middle of the third joke when the pod finally opened and he could herd my group in.
The only thing of note about getting us situated was that apparently, gunners can choose between manual or automatic targeting. The cast member merely repeated how to select between the two when my parents asked how you aim with manual controls. Beyond that, the ride pretty much went as you'd expect if you've seen a video recording of a successful mission where you got the two containers of Coaxium, since my sister and I are at least decent enough at video games to grasp the controls - and yes, the brakes button was on her console (she mashed that thing immediately though, credit to her - the First Order would be
irrevocably fucked if their survival hinged on beating her in a game of Mario Kart).
Proof of final results:
View attachment 941747
I will remark that I think it's legit impossible to get a perfect 100% - given the ride forces your crash to pull the 'it got worse' gag, and then if you do the broken hyperdrive/asteroid field stretch that final asteroid is too big to avoid anyway.
Once the ride was over, though, we
didn't get a quip from Hondo at the end (from what I've seen, usually it involves some kind of alien thing that's latched onto his ship and then quickly removed, or him going over all the shit you damaged on the Falcon). Instead, the score popped up, dead silence, then the pod door opened and a different cast member appeared to quickly herd us out - into the
exact same hallway as before. This was
bad because every other time I've seen people ride the Falcon, and indeed the crux of the ride itself, is to make you believe there is only ONE Falcon, and when you're done, the hallway you exit matches the one you entered, except it's damaged and has some shit scattered around to suggest your crazy flight plan. Not here, it was the same hallway, leading into the elevator which we took down to the exit corridor. Whoopiee, so immersive. Especially given the
only water fountain we found with one of those water bottle fillers was in this very exit corridor.
So, TL
R, it was alright, but only because my sister and I were the pilots and were up to the task. It's not an E-ticket, though, given it's a glorified arcade game at the core.
I also grabbed a Thermal Cokinator on the way out of the land. Because I kinda wanna see what happens when I bring it through TSA screening as I've only got carry on luggage. And because it's a
freaking grenade, I may be simple to amuse here but it'll make a great desk ornament. Also of note, while exiting GE, the train passed over being pulled by none other than the Ward Kimball. This is amusing because guess what engine blew one of its axles last month right above that very entrance to GE?
Big Thunder Mountain Railroad: We managed to snag a FastPass allowing us to walk right on while passing by. My one complaint is that the seats are bench style and so I was sliding all over the place - not badly but I needed a hand on the side of the car to keep myself anchored.
Splash Mountain: MY ETERNAL NEMESIS. This was the big one, the
only major ride at Disneyland that I had never ridden since I am not a fan of flume rides (never rode Gadget's Go Coaster but given I've ridden shit like Milleninum Force? I think I can skip a kiddie coaster). The last time I was in Disneyland, I sat out playing pack mule while the rest of my family rode it. Not this time. I was going to conquer this fucking mountain, the only one of the four Disney Mountains I'd never even attempted.
I'm not sure it's
legal to get people that wet (and that turn right after the big plunge is a
right bastard) but it was a good ride. And I finally can claim I've ridden every major ride at Disney.
Jungle Cruise: We all know the Jungle Cruise, a several minute tour through semi-convincing animatronics and a captain who does rapid fire bad puns. Well, this time was a bit different, because it was the same animatronics but the captain was more than just firing off bad puns - his delivery was
sublime. And by that, I mean he wasn't even
trying to hide how skitchy Jungle Cruise really is to the point he was straight up incorperating the animatronic
reset states, like a guy who knows exactly what's going on and doesn't really care anymore - he straight up
skipped even talking about Trader Sam and the infamous 'two for one deal'
right as we passed Trader Sam. You could tell this was an act since the one thing he was bad at was hiding his smile and overall it was by far the best Jungle Cruise I'd ever been on.
Indiana Jones, Round 2: Once again, we lucked out with the fast passes and virtually walked on this ride again...but this time? FRONT ROW. In all the times the family's been on this masterpiece of a ride, we never got front row, but damn if this wasn't excellent all over again. Second time through we got the gold vault and got to see the acid-melting face. Cool shit all around.
After that we had an issue with the MaxPass system not getting the photos in and we spent about 30 minutes in the main Photo hub on Mainstreet (I got some more pin trades in all the while). Then we checked out the small Haunted Mansion concept art gallery at the park entrance which was neat, lots of great art (for not so great prices on my budget). From there...
It's a Small World: Dread it. Run from it. You will eventually arrive in this ride's queue line all the same. But with a 5 minute wait time, its sheer power of joy, and some nostalgia to relive? Why the fuck not? It's a great break from everything and I managed to snag a picture of the thoughtful tribute to Mary Blair - the chief artist of the ride - that they put in the ride (she's the girl with the balloon on the Eiffel Tower).
From there, we managed to position ourselves close to the main castle entrance to watch both the Main Street Electrical Parade and, because fireworks weren't going off for some reason, the fantastic projection show on the castle itself. I also grabbed one of the 'Malifecent' Churros after spending an entire day of being taunted with deep fried dough - it was excellent. We had one more ride lined up after the show before heading home, but...
"Hyper"Space Mountain, Round 2: Guess what broke down. So, instead we had a replacement fastpass, but we didn't want to do Indy again after the perfect experience we had riding that ride a second time, so instead...
Star Tours TAC,
Round 3: it pretty much was the same as the first time, except it was Kylo Ren in the beginning (and for once not being an emo-tastic ass) and the message in the middle coming from yellow Yoda who kinda just says everything fast before
litterally just rocketing off into space for some reason before her comm closes.
We finally got out of the park around 10:45 and picked up pizza for dinner.
All in all, it was actually a really fantastic day. I've withheld some details to protect my privacy but there were a few times where things just happened so conveniently that "Disney Magic" was an acceptable way to describe them. The staff were always helpful when we needed their help and I got to conquer the literal last mountain remaining to me in Disneyland proper. I'll hate on the mouse but at least it's still possible to enjoy the parks.
Now all they have to do is fuck up Star Wars with IX and the malfunctioning Kylo Ren ride and bulldoze the shit out of GE and focus on
actual park improvements. Runaway Railway sounds like it'll be a real showstopper because it uses trackless ride technology as well (side note: so does Winnie the Pooh...
and guess what ride is currently closed for "refurbishment") but unlike Rise which sounds like it's too ambitious for its own good, it's a straight flat ride that relies more on the 2.5 set pieces, so it'll be inherently more reliable.
