What are the dumbest names people’s parents cursed them with?

[Bagronkleton]

We had a librarian named Mrs. Butt at our school. Of course we always joked that her husband's name was "Harry". No idea what his name really was. I don't know if she was always a bitch or working in an elementary school with that name just broke her. But she was definitely a total bitch.

I've met a Harold Buttz before. Angriest motherfucker I've ever met.

Seems to be a trend.

 

[TaimuRadiu]

Moon Unit Zappa

 

[toilet_rainbow]

My mother swears she knew an Orangejello and Lemonjello. I believe more the fact that she knew a pair of twins named Scott and Scottie. See, their parents were expecting only one child and when baby B popped out they were just like "eh, call him Scottie."

Me? Besides the sorts of names you find on Maury or in the hood? I knew more than one kid named Tierrany (pronounced "tyranny"). Also knew a black girl named fuckin' Hershey.

 

[FakeishNamedicoot]

As far as conventional names go, Melvin is pretty high up there. That's just telling the people around you that you want your child bullied.

If your reasoning behind a child's name is video game related it's a fucking autistic name no matter what. Unless it's Siegfried.

Oh and fucking cardinal directions if your last name is also a cardinal direction. Looking at you Kanye.

 

[Spastic Colon]

I remembered a couple more.

Rusty. The name was given to a kid who had a port wine stain on one half of his face. That made it much worse.

Junior -- not as a nickname -- but as an actual first name.

 

[Tragi-Chan]

Just encountered a child named “J’Adore.”

 

[Spastic Colon]

Just encountered a child named “J’Adore.”

Isn't that a perfume?

 

[sad cowboy cat]

 

[Jason Wynn]

I can't say for certain whether or not my dad was fucking with me, but he swears he works with a woman named Anita Cox

 

[MysticMisty]

Gather round Kiwis, for I have compiled a list of the names in my current filing project. It's expected to take awhile so new names will be the result of accidental findings as I work, but for now enjoy this list of fuckery.

Please note that since I live in Arizona there's a fair amount of foreign names here, so I automatically excluded everyone with a foreign last name on the off chance it's a legitimate, normal name in Mexico or elsewhere. That said there's a huge trend of hispanic kids named "Azul" (blue) so they might not be as legitimate as I hope they are.

Spoiler: Long as fuck

• Shaiann - probably meant to be a "unique" spelling of Cheyenne.
• Trinity - very trendy non-name right now.
• Blue Sky - that's not a name!
• Noe - I have no idea what the fuck this is beyond a random sound.
• Zeydi - again, someone probably just liked the sound.
• Danyiela - it's totally different from Daniella because they spelled it different.
• Jiovanny - see above.
• Kayleen - another one of those random sounds name.
• Mellisa - again with the "alternative" spelling.
• Zyleana - random sounds as "names" is huge right now.
• Makana - the random sounds in question don't even have to sound good.
• Atryv - I realized later that this kid was probably named after one of the characters from Neverending Story. With a v instead of a u to be "fancy"
• Cyra - whatever the fuck this is supposed to be.
• Tyshenay - sounds like someone trying to talk with a mouthful of food.
• Nacelle - I can't decide if the parents were aircraft or Star Trek nerds, or they just heard the word somewhere and thought it sounded "pretty".
• Xzavier - I actually had to check to see if this was a misprint. It's not.
• Jashal - I wasn't kidding when I said random sounds is the current big thing in (stupid) names.
• Jaynine - either didn't know how to spell Jeanine or thought it was "boring" that way.
• Alu Mun - probably too optimistic to hope this was an adoption of a foreign baby/kid.
• Skye - that's not a name either!
• Othaniel - because something normal like Nathaniel was too boring/not unique.
• Ainsleigh - I suspect is a "unique" take on Ashley because of how popular it was in the late 80's.
• Darnell - my browser isn't telling me I spelled shit wrong so apparently this is an actual name I've never heard of before. Still sounds stupid though.
• Axel - also a thing and not a real name.
• Shayley - someone liked Shay but decided that was boring on it's own, I guess.
• Flor - I don't can't decide if it was supposed to be short for Florence or someone actually named their kid after floors.
• Genesis - parents announcing to everyone how religious they are by naming their kid after Biblical terms/chapters/whatever. That or they're nerds who really love Sega.
• Genesiss - the above, only with a "unique" spelling, because of course.
• Leslye - normal spellings are so boring, so you make up a variant that makes me and everyone else think of both lye and lying. Good job.
• Hope - more bullshit.
• Zabelle - it's been two minutes since we had a random sounds name so we needed another one of them.
• Laen - and again, though I suppose it could be Gaelic. Optimistic as fuck though.
• Tiffa - holy fucking shit we have a video game character name! Somebody actually did this!
• Cuin - how do I even say this one? Is it supposed to be Gaelic, like Laen maybe is?
• Junior - again another one I had to check. It's real. They legally named their kid Junior.
• Leevi - someone who apparently liked the sound of Levi but didn't want to seem obvious about it.
• Detrick - someone who didn't know how to spell "Dietrich" I guess.
• CJ - like Junior and Xzavier, I also had to check to confirm it was actually their legal name.
• Jaalyah - it's been too long since we had random sounds name, again.
• Maliyah - is not related to Jaalyah.
• Jaythan - sounds like someone with a lisp named their poor kid out loud.
• Mekhi-Kaden - much like with Alu Mun, I'm hoping this kid is a foreign adoption and not just unfortunately named by idiot parents.
• Jimitri - named by someone who though Dimitri but with a "j' sound was better.
• Nikeya - again with the random sounds.
• Zyler - similar origins to Jimitri evidently.
• Emani - more random sounds.
• Viery-Jarek - I hope this was a foreign adoption, but I have my doubts.
• Viery-Kluyvier - twin to the above.
• Cherish - even more bullshit alongside Hope, Genesis, and Genesiss.

 

[OneEyedCool]

View attachment 956436

Ha ha. After a brand name of toolboxes or something?

Kayleen - another one of those random sounds name.

I think that is a Texan influence. The suffix phonics I've heard much in Texas place names. A Californian version of the name "Tyler" for a girls is "Tylee".

Cherish - even more bullshit alongside Hope, Genesis, and Genesiss.

Chasity. Is that name more respectable because it has a longer history among working class Christians?

Darnell - my browser isn't telling me I spelled shit wrong so apparently this is an actual name I've never heard of before. Still sounds stupid though.

No this is a last name in some parts of the American South.

Axel - also a thing and not a real name.

This was one time popular in Scandinavia in some century.


Junior was a popular and legitimate name in the 1950s. But I don't know of many Boomer men with that name though.

 

[Peddler9822]

Some of the names in this thread reminds of how some people would sometimes name their pets.

 

[Grand Omega]

A coworker of mine named his son "Kai Wolf".

 

[The Decimator]

News guys with weird names

 

[Pocket Dragoon]

Spoiler: The deep south

How deep?

Spoiler: Balls Deep

 

[Spastic Colon]

Just came across another one today: GayDonna

(And no -- not a drag queen. Name belongs to a middle aged white lady.)

 

[Banh Xeo]

Some asshole I went to HS with ended up naming his first born son "Atreyu."

Aaron, you're a fag lol.

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

My bipolar jailbird cousin named his two sons Levi and Darius

 

[BlancoMailo]

Heath Bumpous.

 

[Takodachi]

To be fair, the Romans also had quite a rétarded method of naming children, so it doesnt surprise me that much.