Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 380 14.3%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 394 14.8%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 11.9%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 193 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.8%

  • Total voters
    2,663
I'm not being funny but is the other slim blonde "friend" a woman or a tranny?

Tess's lips are looking worse and worse everyday, I also don't understand why the fuck she overlines them so much? You might as well just put lipstick on your nostrils, too.
 
I'm not being funny but is the other slim blonde "friend" a woman or a tranny?

Tess's lips are looking worse and worse everyday, I also don't understand why the fuck she overlines them so much? You might as well just put lipstick on your nostrils, too.
That's the woman who made Tess's whalekini. Something about her says "trust fund art school baby" to me.
 
I recently read an article/post from someone who was a mid-tier Instagram influencer, and they said that the worst part of the whole thing is that instead of actually ENJOYING their "luxury vacays", they were wasting tons of time and effort staging photos, trying to get the right light/blocking, sampling filters, and taking HUNDREDS of photos just to end up with a handful of pics to post on IG. Instead of just EATING a meal, they spent up to an hour taking photos of their food from various angles, adjusting light levels and filters to make the food look JUST RIGHT, then ending up with food that has been sitting around getting cold and greasy.
And yet for them even with all that misery it's still somehow preferable to working a regular job. Laziness, greed, or desperate for fame?

Tess is big enough to handle all three.
 
I'm not being funny but is the other slim blonde "friend" a woman or a tranny?

Tess's lips are looking worse and worse everyday, I also don't understand why the fuck she overlines them so much? You might as well just put lipstick on your nostrils, too.
The face and neck def seem female ( she has a cute face too imo), but het body is lanky like a young man so I have been wondering about her too. I vote afab, though. Also, did everyone get ink from the same artist? Not counting the realistic portraits on Tess, they all seem to have a similar Ed Hardy knockoff aesthetic going on with the tats.
 
The face and neck def seem female ( she has a cute face too imo), but het body is lanky like a young man so I have been wondering about her too. I vote afab, though. Also, did everyone get ink from the same artist? Not counting the realistic portraits on Tess, they all seem to have a similar Ed Hardy knockoff aesthetic going on with the tats.

See I thought the blonde was the obvious troon in the group. Reads biological male to me, but with some money and good use of filters looks better than most troons we are subjected to on here.

I noticed the troon is hooked up with the non-fat girl too. Guess they are just using the fat girl duo for IG promotion. There were so many endless photos because they had to use every minute of the vacay to try and create IG content. Getting two well-known IG fatties to promote their swimsuit shows they are desperate to break into any niche market, even the land whale demo. (Which is dumb af because very few women that size go out in swimsuits, much less bikinis, much less will pay for a custom suit. Their real market is a handful of IG HAES fatties for IG photo purposes, and ironically they will all want them free in exchange for promotion.)

Did Tess ever go swimming in these amazing custom whalekinis? the beached whales don’t swim, or even move much, so they probably don’t have to worry about many typical issues with swimsuit fabric and construction. Floating is as rigorous as it gets.
 
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We all love to walk in hot desert in warm shoes.
Imagine how much her feet sweat in that shoes.
You can already tell she's forcing her feet in there. Let's also not forget that the heat (or sweat, forgot which) makes your feet expand. When you're going to be in the heat for a prolonged period it is seriously advisable to buy shoes that are a shoe size or so bigger. What do you wanna bet Tess here didn't have the foresight to do that?
Tess mentally acts like she is 22 still.
I legitimately wonder why she acts like this. I've always felt she had the maturity of a 19yo and I honestly wonder what the reason is. Is she trying to fit in with newer models who are fresh in the business and thus her competition? Is she trying to harken back to before she had kids, since she had Bowie at 20? Or is it just that she's a Cluster B who is mentally immature?
 
since she had Bowie at 20
She had Rylee when she was 19-20. She had Bowie when she was 32. (pardon my autism)

And good god, who do you think got stuck helping her pry those sweat filled boots off her hoofs later? You know she can't pull then off herself.
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Ten Ton is in vacation because she's exhausted from having one media appearance to attend. Before she left LA to drip whale sweat all over the desert floor, she attended the 2019 Teen Vouge Summit. Because of course teens want to hear their opinions from a morbidly obese 34 year old mother of two. Getty Images time!

Here's Tessy being interviewed by a human.
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One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong...
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I guess she can tell teens that acne never quits when your poor health oozes from every pore. I feel like I can hear her breathing hard from here.
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She had Rylee when she was 19-20. She had Bowie when she was 32. (pardon my autism)

And good god, who do you think got stuck helping her pry those sweat filled boots off her hoofs later? You know she can't pull then off herself.
View attachment 999773


Ten Ton is in vacation because she's exhausted from having one media appearance to attend. Before she left LA to drip whale sweat all over the desert floor, she attended the 2019 Teen Vouge Summit. Because of course teens want to hear their opinions from a morbidly obese 34 year old mother of two. Getty Images time!

Here's Tessy being interviewed by a human.
View attachment 999777

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong...
View attachment 999779

I guess she can tell teens that acne never quits when your poor health oozes from every pore. I feel like I can hear her breathing hard from here.
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Yeah, I'd seen on Halloween that she had said she was doing that. She said she was intimidated by everyone on the panel with her but I'd never heard of any of them so fuck if I know.

Also, she's fucking ginormous. It's esp obvious in the pic of her with that interviewer. Even from the side she's so obviously twice the woman's size.

The acne is obviously from her Mirena, you fatphobe.
 
She had Rylee when she was 19-20. She had Bowie when she was 32. (pardon my autism)

And good god, who do you think got stuck helping her pry those sweat filled boots off her hoofs later? You know she can't pull then off herself.
View attachment 999773


Ten Ton is in vacation because she's exhausted from having one media appearance to attend. Before she left LA to drip whale sweat all over the desert floor, she attended the 2019 Teen Vouge Summit. Because of course teens want to hear their opinions from a morbidly obese 34 year old mother of two. Getty Images time!

Here's Tessy being interviewed by a human.
View attachment 999777

One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong...
View attachment 999779

I guess she can tell teens that acne never quits when your poor health oozes from every pore. I feel like I can hear her breathing hard from here.
View attachment 999780
I wondered why (in the 3rd photo) they would put her up on a chair that's bar stool height, since it must be a huge struggle for her to get up there on her own. When I took a closer look at the photo, I realized the bar stools don't have armrests like the lower chairs do. It would have been impossible for her to squeeze her gigantic ass between the armrests. Pretty soon they'll have to haul out an ottoman for her for these summits.
 
Sorry if this has already been posted. I did a search and nothing came up.

Tess met Mary Key Letourneau in 2009 and claims she “partied” with her. For those who don’t know, Letourneau is infamous in the US for being arrested and charged with two felony counts of second degree rape of a child after having sex with her 12 year old male student. She gave birth to two children by him when he was still a minor. They just divorced a few months ago after 14 years of marriage. She is still the poster child for female on male statutory rape.

To brag about partying with her on social media is just weird. I absolutely understand that we grow and change but at 23 you should know better. It doesn’t matter if there was a time difference between when the photo was taken and then posted. Posting it at 23 is possibly even worse because she reflected back on it and thought yeah this is a good idea to post this instead of thinking it was a horrific drunk teen accident and burning all evidence.
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Archive
Edit: number of children they had
 
Last edited:
Sorry if this has already been posted. I did a search and nothing came up.

Tess met Mary Key Letourneau in 2009 and claims she “partied” with her. For those who don’t know, Letourneau is infamous in the US for being arrested and charged with two felony counts of second degree rape of a child after having sex with her 12 year old male student. She gave birth to two children by him. They just divorced a few months ago after 14 years of marriage. She is still the poster child for female on male statutory rape.

To brag about partying with her on social media is just weird. I absolutely understand that we grow and change but at 23 you should know better. It doesn’t matter if there was a time difference between when the photo was taken and then posted. Posting it at 23 is possibly even worse because she reflected back on it and thought yeah this is a good idea to post this instead of thinking it was a horrific drunk teen accident and burning all evidence.
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Somehow it looks like psycho pedo Mary Kay and Vili have a better relationship with their kids than Tess does/will with hers, even if it's some "bonded in trauma" craziness. That's fucking grim.
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Sorry if this has already been posted. I did a search and nothing came up.

Tess met Mary Key Letourneau in 2009 and claims she “partied” with her. For those who don’t know, Letourneau is infamous in the US for being arrested and charged with two felony counts of second degree rape of a child after having sex with her 12 year old male student. She gave birth to two children by him when he was still a minor. They just divorced a few months ago after 14 years of marriage. She is still the poster child for female on male statutory rape.

To brag about partying with her on social media is just weird. I absolutely understand that we grow and change but at 23 you should know better. It doesn’t matter if there was a time difference between when the photo was taken and then posted. Posting it at 23 is possibly even worse because she reflected back on it and thought yeah this is a good idea to post this instead of thinking it was a horrific drunk teen accident and burning all evidence.
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Archive
Edit: number of children they had
Yeah, it think it was referenced in the early days of this thread, though the heat she was taking over it arose prior to the start of the thread, while she was pregnant with Bowie.

Anyway, here's Tess declaring alcoholism is queer (who knew being gay just involved partying?)
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And here is she selling Schrodinger's Eloquii dress at a discount because she can't get anyone to buy it: it both is, and is not, a size 26
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But wait, there's more! She's selling another Eloquii item, this time a size 26-28 jacket. Despite her claiming she's never even a 26 and any size 26 dress that she ever squeezed into had faulty sizing, here she is giving away a fucking size 28 jacket that clearly doesn't fit, either.

She's officially outgrown Eloquii, maker of the largest size formalwear for whales.
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She's also trying to sell more autographed pictures. No one was buying up the one of her stuffed into Dolly Parton cosplay, so here is one of Nick's photo paintings of her making stankface and holding a cat. Give her money for this.
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I wonder if Nick is trying to pay his child support with Tess selling his crappy graphic design portraits for $25 bucks a pop, and they split the kitty. Or if she's selling his "art" behind his back for a quick buck. Neither are a real way to pay bills because no one wants to buy that.
 
I am cackling over the 'she normally wears a size 22-24, but her arms couldn't fit so she went up to a size 26'.

Tess. Darling. Your fucking gunt is hydrostatically testing that dress.

Preaching to the choir, I know, I know. But shit, the delusion is strong with this one (and her followers).
 
The glowing skin of a supermodel, gents.

I guess she’s paying now for those photos a few weeks ago when she slathered herself in vaseline and took “glowing” selfies.
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She’s so puffed up with bloody fillers that all I can hear is balloon air squeakily escaping her lips in this pic.
 
She used the word 'friends' so much it has lost all meaning.
It's pretty hilarious, the way she kept hammering on about her OMG FRIENDS Y'ALL over and over again, when she's never mentioned any of these women on her Insta before. I'm pretty sure they (or at least the skinny ones) are going to disappear from her life as quickly as they entered it.
You can already tell she's forcing her feet in there. Let's also not forget that the heat (or sweat, forgot which) makes your feet expand. When you're going to be in the heat for a prolonged period it is seriously advisable to buy shoes that are a shoe size or so bigger. What do you wanna bet Tess here didn't have the foresight to do that?
To be fair, it doesn't get that hot in the desert at this time of year--the high temp out there was maybe in the low '80s (~28C). It's dry and pleasant, and in the mornings the temps are in the 50s (10-15C). So it wasn't as much of a sweatfest as it would have been even a month ago.

And here is she selling Schrodinger's Eloquii dress at a discount because she can't get anyone to buy it: it both is, and is not, a size 26
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The wrap tie on this dress is supposed to be at the wearer's hip; on Tess, it's at least 6" further forward. It's also not meant to have a wide, plunging neckline, but because it's too small on Tess, it displays her udders. I think the dress is still available on Eloquii's site (it was when Tess wore it just a month or two ago), so anyone who really wants it can still get it--minus the strained seams.

But wait, there's more! She's selling another Eloquii item, this time a size 26-28 jacket. Despite her claiming she's never even a 26 and any size 26 dress that she ever squeezed into had faulty sizing, here she is giving away a fucking size 28 jacket that clearly doesn't fit, either.
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I'm pretty sure we've seen pics of her wearing this; she could get her hammy arms into it, but she was obviously 8-10" too large to ever zip it up. And the words "faux leather" and "investment piece" do not belong in the same sentence, especially not when referring to fatgirl clothes that will take a beating just by normal wear.

She's also trying to sell more autographed pictures. No one was buying up the one of her stuffed into Dolly Parton cosplay, so here is one of Nick's photo paintings of her making stankface and holding a cat. Give her money for this.
View attachment 1000171
I wonder if Nick is trying to pay his child support with Tess selling his crappy graphic design portraits for $25 bucks a pop, and they split the kitty. Or if she's selling his "art" behind his back for a quick buck. Neither are a real way to pay bills because no one wants to buy that.
As shitty as this is (holy crap, the insides of her thighs look like they're melting), it can't be blamed on Nick. It's a photo taken at a recent runway show she plodded/lumbered/stomped in. She got to the end of the runway, handed the chihuahua off to someone else, and attempted to strip off that fake-fur bathrobe as she returned, but it got hung up on her fat arms. I can't remember who the designers were, but they make eye-bleedingly ugly clothes for fats and troons, so they deserved what they got.
 
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