Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[verissimus]

I was thinking in a what if scenario, what would've happen say Spielberg would've directed the ST?

Here's a short list of what might have happened :

1) Far less if any lens flare;
2) Rey probably wouldn't have been a Mary Sue (now that I think about it, I'm not even really aware of any work of his with a female lead on top of my head);
3) KK notwithstanding, there probably would have actually been an overall plan for the rest of the movies instead of bullshit mystery boxes;
4) Spielberg probably wouldn't have made the first movie as just a re-tread of A New Hope;
5) Spielberg probably would have regularly consulted Lucas and probably followed his lead in terms of story; and
6) Spielberg very likely wouldn't have talked back/looked down on the fans;

Edit
7) Also probably no dumb bullshit made just to sell toys, like porgs, BB-8, etc.

Now whether it would have still been good overall I actually doubt though it would have been better than anything JJ and Rian made. And even if it sucked, he probably wouldn't complain.

 

[Ghostse]

I was thinking in a what if scenario, what would've happen say Spielberg would've directed the ST?

Solo's List, a film about the Empire's final solution to the Wookie Question.

RAAAAAWWWWR
Chewie, I KNOW its like anudda Shoah! I'm doing my best!

 

[Vault Boy]

In one universe he attempted to bring his father back from the dark side despite all he did, brought the Jedi Order back from near extinction and was regarded as one of the most powerful force users ever.

In another, he tried to straight up kill his nephew because of a bad dream and REEE DARK SIDE instead of helping him and became a sad old hermit that drinks tard cum straight out of a sea cows dick.

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The absolute state of Star Wars now.

You know the shitty thing about this? That top description will likely apply to Rey in the current canon. All of Luke's accomplishments will go to her without feeling like she earned any of it, while Luke will be regarded as a stepping stone for her "greatness" at best or as a cautionary tale for the Jedi at worst.

I'm not sure which pop culture icon got shat on the most, Luke of the ST or John Connor of Terminator: Dark Fate.

 

[verissimus]

You know the shitty thing about this? That top description will likely apply to Rey in the current canon. All of Luke's accomplishments will go to her without feeling like she earned any of it, while Luke will be regarded as a stepping stone for her "greatness" at best or as a cautionary tale for the Jedi at worst.

I'm not sure which pop culture icon got shat on the most, Luke of the ST or John Connor of Terminator: Dark Fate.

Luke. John Connor, as a character, was assassinated at the get go of that movie. Luke, however, not only had his character assassinated but used and abused for marketing to hoodwink old school fans for all three movies.

 

[friedshrimp]

2019 has pretty much been the year of big nerd franchises ending. Game of Thrones, Kingdom Hearts, Star Wars, the MCU...I wonder what will the 2020s have in store for nerd culture.

Also aside from the MCU pretty much all the other ones have been seen as disappointing endings, from the least (KH) to the most (tie between Got or Star Wars, depends on how bad the leaks are).

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

So the whole time Finn was in the First Order, he was not aware of this class of trooper? I guess since he was a janitor, he knew nothing.

Finn in the first act of the movie: Trying to run away from the Rebells, cause he's afraid.
Finn in the second act of the movie: "They fly NOW?!" "How is this even possible, where did this stuff come from?"
Finn in the third act of the movie: *Someone brings up the place where Jetpack Troopers are trained and how important it is to sneak into that facility to defeat the FO* Finn: "Aw yeah, I used to mop the floor in their armory, I know exactly where they store their gear!"
Also, by the end, he'll decide to no longer run away and fight for a cause.

Makes me think about what he's going to say once the Disney trilogy is over and he and everyone else are free to shit all over this garbage.

You know what I would absolutely love?
If Boyega went on a talkshow as a guest to promote the movie and then just shittalk it in live television going "Saying this will mean Disney will make it so that I never work in Hollywood again, but given the shitty trilogy, I'm not going to get any new roles anyway - something my co-workers like Ridley just don't undrstand yet. So here's the fucking plot and why it sucks start to finish..."

Frankly, I don't see Daisy Ridley having much of a career after this movie. Like the guy who played Anakin, she might have a decent gig here and there and then quickly fade away, since no one cares about her any more.

2019 has pretty much been the year of big nerd franchises ending. Game of Thrones, Star Wars, the MCU...I wonder what will the 2020s have in store for nerd culture.

More soulless retreads and remakes, hopefully the death of woke movie making by 2025.

 

[Uranus Pink]

Finn in the first act of the movie: Trying to run away from the Rebells, cause he's afraid.
Finn in the second act of the movie: "They fly NOW?!" "How is this even possible, where did this stuff come from?"
Finn in the third act of the movie: *Someone brings up the place where Jetpack Troopers are trained and how important it is to sneak into that facility to defeat the FO* Finn: "Aw yeah, I used to mop the floor in their armory, I know exactly where they store their gear!"
Also, by the end, he'll decide to no longer run away and fight for a cause.



You know what I would absolutely love?
If Boyega went on a talkshow as a guest to promote the movie and then just shittalk it in live television going "Saying this will mean Disney will make it so that I never work in Hollywood again, but given the shitty trilogy, I'm not going to get any new roles anyway - something my co-workers like Ridley just don't undrstand yet. So here's the fucking plot and why it sucks start to finish..."

Oh he can try to do that but the second he goes off script the show will jump to commercial and that will be the end of it. The talk show hosts, producers and network will not risk the wrath of the Mouse over a soon to be token nobody minecrafting them self on their show.

Frankly, I don't see Daisy Ridley having much of a career after this movie. Like the guy who played Anakin, she might have a decent gig here and there and then quickly fade away, since no one cares about her any more.

Same can be said for Mark Hamil as Hollywood was concerned after the press tours for ROTJ were over.

 

[ManateeHunter]

So I was browsing twitter, and it just notified me the kabuki shit was being livestreamed. It's now over, but I did snap a few screenshots from when I started watching

Spoiler

Why is 3PO normal looking? It's so jarring compared to the guy on the right… who is he


Lightsaber duel. Except it's just two guys Kossack dancing with glowsticks.


Young(?) Rey bitching about no parents. As usual.


God this was retarded. Never do that again for the love of god.

 

[Miller]

Frankly, I don't see Daisy Ridley having much of a career after this movie.

Didn't she star in a movie with Iron-Boy 3 or 4 years ago but it was never released because it was so awful?

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

You know what I would absolutely love?
If Boyega went on a talkshow as a guest to promote the movie and then just shittalk it in live television going "Saying this will mean Disney will make it so that I never work in Hollywood again, but given the shitty trilogy, I'm not going to get any new roles anyway - something my co-workers like Ridley just don't undrstand yet. So here's the fucking plot and why it sucks start to finish..."

Nah, that would be too easily choked off. Boyega's catharsis, should it come, will probably be in the form of a tell-all autobiography when all this shit is over with and the associated contracts have worn off.

Frankly, I don't see Daisy Ridley having much of a career after this movie. Like the guy who played Anakin, she might have a decent gig here and there and then quickly fade away, since no one cares about her any more.

I see a LOT of fucking conventions in the Nu Wars cast's future. As much fun as Boyega would certainly have burning the whole thing down, on balance he should probably bury the hatchet with Ridley- because his probable livelihood is going to involve being on stage and signing autographs next to her.

None of these people are as charismatic as Harrison Ford, the one big Star Wars success story (or if they are, the godawful material never gave them a chance to show it.) At best, they'll land B- and C- tier work- celebrity appearances as themselves, bit parts on TV as thinly disguised versions of themselves, maybe some voiceover work. In terms of Hollywood starring roles, though? Two words: "Ed Speleers."

 

[A Useless Fish]

So I was browsing twitter, and it just notified me the kabuki shit was being livestreamed. It's now over, but I did snap a few screenshots from when I started watching

Spoiler

View attachment 1028527
Why is 3PO normal looking? It's so jarring compared to the guy on the right… who is he

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Lightsaber duel. Except it's just two guys Kossack dancing with glowsticks.

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Young(?) Rey bitching about no parents. As usual.

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God this was exceptional. Never do that again for the love of god.

So, what happened? Does it tell us which shitty ending the Rat is going with?

 

[ManateeHunter]

So, what happened? Does it tell us which shitty ending the Rat is going with?

It ended with "The story will be continued… Episode IX coming to theaters next month!"

Definitely not worth shit.

 

[Creep3r]

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Well... that was awkward... Still I find it amusing that Kabuki Rey actually knows how to keep her mouth closed.

 

[AnOminous]

Like the guy who played Anakin, she might have a decent gig here and there and then quickly fade away, since no one cares about her any more.

Hayden Christensen went back to the kind of indie stuff he was doing before. Although you wouldn't know it from Lucas's horrible directing, he is actually a good actor. Lucas made even Natalie Portman come across as dull and wooden, a rather amazing feat.

 

[CheezzyMach]

Hayden Christensen went back to the kind of indie stuff he was doing before. Although you wouldn't know it from Lucas's horrible directing, he is actually a good actor. Lucas made even Natalie Portman come across as dull and wooden, a rather amazing feat.

TBF she was pretty shit in Thor too.

 

[RomanesEuntDomus]

So, what happened? Does it tell us which shitty ending the Rat is going with?

At this point, we also have to ask if the Kabuki play filled in some plotholes that are crucial to make sense of this trilogy, tbh.

 

[Stab You in the Back]

TBF she was pretty shit in Thor too.

Natalie's from the modern school of acting where you just make bland expressions and the soundtrack cues the audience in to what those expressions are supposed to mean. Just don't ask her to recite dialogue or emote.

 

[Love Machine]

The shit I fucking hate about a lot of japanese toys for the star wars franchise is that they have all these autistic versions for characters. Like this figure was pm JUST announced and 3 episodes in the mandalorian has a completely new look so when the figure comes out in may or march, you immediately waiting for the toy dlc of him in his REAL armor.

 

[Old Man Mario]

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The shit I fucking hate about a lot of japanese toys for the star wars franchise is that they have all these autistic versions for characters. Like this figure was pm JUST announced and 3 episodes in the mandalorian has a completely new look so when the figure comes out in may or march, you immediately waiting for the toy dlc of him in his REAL armor.

My dumbass will still buy it.
Between getting Black Series figures of Original Trilogy characters and going back and rebuying the stuff my Mom threw into Yard Sales without telling me, I still throw my money at this crap.

Any of you folks got a vintage collection?

 

[sophnar0747]

When a transexual gaming journalist (the most protected of classes) tells you "Girl Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up there are plenty of women on TV/In Star Wars LEMME EDUCATE YOU" you know your 15min of fame are fucking DONE:

Sophia Narwitz on Twitter

“The lead of the most recent trilogy is a woman. The lead in its 1st spinoff film was a woman. Star Wars has loads of women. Stop being a disingenuous twat you pseudo-feminist fraud. Women dont need to be jammed into every orifice. You dont want equality,you want control. Buzz off...

web.archive.org

Plus the Sophia Narwitz has some nice tits so there is that as a bonus.

Oh trust me, I'm not a protected class. I'm a traitor and a wrongthinker, but, I appreciate the comment about my bewbs, so if you'd like, I'll let you motorboat them for no more than 14 seconds.