Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Mage]

Might as well declare this Canon:

 

[Kane Lives]

I've not been following this at all and somehow didn't know 9 was even coming out this month. Googled "Star Wars 9" and this was the description.

View attachment 1056593

What the fuck is this? I know nothing about the film except that there's a big fight, which I don't care for. The "journey" is usually what the description describes.

4: "After Princess Leia, the leader of the Rebel Alliance, is held hostage by Darth Vader, Luke and Han Solo must free her and destroy the powerful weapon created by the Galactic Empire."
5: "Darth Vader is adamant about turning Luke Skywalker to the dark side. Master Yoda trains Luke to become a Jedi Knight while his friends try to fend off the Imperial fleet."
6: "Luke Skywalker attempts to bring his father back to the light side of the 'Force'. At the same time, the rebels hatch a plan to destroy the second Death Star."

Oldboy: "A man, held captive for no apparent reason for years, is given a cell phone, money and expensive clothes and released. Unless he finds out the identity of his captor, an even worse fate awaits him."

Even 2 has a more intriguing plot synopsis.
2: "While pursuing an assassin, Obi Wan uncovers a sinister plot to destroy the Republic. With the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance, the Jedi must defend the galaxy against the evil Sith."

How fucking bad is this movie?

It's getting mixed critical reviews on Rotten Tomato.

I'll let you picture the rest.

 

[Gehenna]

I think this might be proof that Disney wants nothing to do with this. They packed in money and seats into Captain marvel to ensure no blight was on the MCU. The 'totally neutral reviewers' have not been paid, it seems.

 

[ConfederateIrishman]

Holy shit! No way in hell it can hit 90+ with that many rotten reviews. It might not even get certified fresh with how low the scores are. Easily being seen as the worst Disney era star wars film, and worst JJ film

People are saying they liked this movie less than Episode I. Just how bad is this movie?

 

[ZMOT]

Might as well declare this Canon:

you know, as silly as it looks, at least it was fun, the creators had fun and star wars was solid enough that you could do this kind of stuff without diminishing the whole brand (imo it even improved it somewhat).
now imagine it with kylo, rey or hux...

 

[Null]

now imagine it with kylo, rey or hux...

I want Kylo Ren dancing to "crawling in my skin"

 

[King Dead]

People are saying they liked this movie less than Episode I. Just how bad is this movie?

After seven years of carefully-laid plans, the dark forces of the Rat's Empire are unleashing their final gambit: to shit on every single fan of Star Wars, old and new. Old fans get to see the last remaining characters from the OT get tossed unceremoniously into the garbage and all of their accomplishments rendered meaningless in the face of Marey Sue, while new fans fail to have any of their ships pan out and will spend a good while screeching about it (until the next product to consoom comes along).

That's honestly the most hilarous part to me, that not even the shippers who make up the bulk of the Disney Wars fanbase are going to get what they want. No homosex with Finn and Poe as Poe runs off with his case-of-the-notgays at the end of the movie, Rose has been relegated to a background character to appease the Chinese so no more Finn and Rose, and Rey probably doesn't even remember who Finn is so nothing there either. Best of all, Reylos get shit on something fierce, where all they get is a single kiss that probably has the least amount of chemistry ever caught on film before Kylo just poofs out of existence.

I mean, if I were in charge, I would've just made a good movie, but what do I know?

 

[Judge Holden]

How fucking bad is this movie?

Well....you know the blue checkmarks who shilled the last movie as the best star wars movie of all time and declared everyone who disliked it a nazi manbaby?

Yeah even they fucking hate it. Its at like 55% on the CRITIC side of rottentomatoes right now

Thats how bad this movie is

EDIT: That being said, given how obsessive the rian johnson "lOl SUBverted uR FAN tHEory ExpeCtATIOns SILlY nuRd" cult and the "eVIL trOllS HarAsSEd the STunNIng aND BrAVe cReatOrS OF THIS MAstErPieCe!" dogma is among useless media eaters, I would not be at all surprised that their reasons for hating the film are entirely removed from any question of quality, and simply due to the implied insult to the movie they turned into another battleground for dumb culture wars shit

 

[Jub-Jub]

Last ~60 pages of the thread

56% IN THE REVIEW SCORES

I thought this might be due to only a few reviews, but it's at 53% from 47...

 

[ZMOT]

I want Kylo Ren dancing to "crawling in my skin"

not hurt by nine inch nails?

also I just remembered I still need to get the soundtrack at some point, it's so fucking silly it goes full circle into awesome again. everybody knows han solo but there are more gems:

the real reason finn joined

lost it at "the windu"

now I'm also curious if they went out of their way to properly translate it or just used gibberish:

and of course nothing beats vader and palpy stylin' on you for the final battle

 

[Tookie]

The Rotten Tomatoes score will rocket up to 85%+ once the proper Narrative™ is pushed out by the weekend. Remember, Joker had something like a 97% initially until word got out to start slagging off the dangerous incel shooter film.

 

[TheSoutherStar]

Might as well declare this Canon:

that game was fucking kino

 

[Judge Holden]

Last ~60 pages of the thread
View attachment 1056603

Speakin of exogol, imma go and check the threads initial reaction when the first trailer came out and the return of sheev became known and see if anypony guessed shit correctly

*checks first five pages*

Well my predictions were all bunk. Dumb of me to assume that Big Nigga Sheev wouldnt just be randomly alive again without explaination and would infact be a hologram/ghost and thus not be entirely fucking retarded

However this fucking nigger actually managed to guess 80% of the palpatine plotline so congratulations @WaltherPPGAY.....you win absolutely fucking nothing but despair and sadness

My immediate thought is that JJ is going to rip off the comics and have Palpatine bodyswap into clones. Having Snoke be a messed up Palpy clone seems like an easy way to seem clever even if it doesn't make a lot of sense.

I'm guessing Palpy tries to become a force god, but Kylo sacrifices himself so Rey can be the force god instead.

Also well done @GeneralFriendliness in predicting this reaction

I don't think they'll protest over that, only if Reylo ends up not being canon. That seems to be what the majority (or at least a large chunk) of the Disney Wars fans want. If they don't get Reylo then they'll protest. Other than that I'm already seeing a lot of seal clapping. Question is how IX will fair in China. TFA did fairly well with over 100mil, same for RO for the most part, but everything that followed has had a notable dip.

 

[Shitassdeaddude]

I mooched off a family member's Disney+ account and finally watched The Mandalorian (half-way through the available episodes,) and...

Ugh. I love it. It isn't perfect, but I love it. It's exactly the kind of thing I've wanted to see out of Star Wars since years before the buyout. It's like Filoni reached into my brain and extrated everything he needed to write perfectly targeted fanservice. It's getting my hopes up and I hate it. I can't wait for the new movie to temper my expectations back to realistic levels.

 

[Gehenna]

I mooched off a family member's Disney+ account and finally watched The Mandalorian (half-way through the available episodes,) and...

Ugh. I love it. It isn't perfect, but I love it. It's exactly the kind of thing I've wanted to see out of Star Wars since years before the buyout. It's like Filoni reached into my brain and extrated everything he needed to write perfectly targeted fanservice. It's getting my hopes up and I hate it. I can't wait for the new movie to temper my expectations back to realistic levels.

It's like Filona has some degree of creative vision and talent, allowing him to make things that match a certain aesthetic, feel, and setting....

 

[Jaimas]

Oh no, OH NO

When not even the shills can save your review scores.....

 

[Disc]

You know, it wasn’t until recently that I learnt that a sequel can tarnish your enjoyment of the original. Like the messy breakup storyline in Wreck it Ralph 2, or the fact that Homestucks dozens of post-epilogue turds just have the poor bastards who’ve suffered MORE than enough continue to suffer and fall apart.

Star Wars has ached of this for a long time.

 

[Intelligent Calcium]

Now I hope Cats somehow manages to get something like a 58% just to rub it in.

 

[buying gf]

Might as well declare this Canon:

I like to think this is what Sheev did during the gap from 6-9.

 

[PeeveTheSheev]

Shit guys, I didn't know it was Christmas morning already;

https://slate.com/culture/2019/12/star-wars-the-rise-of-skywalker-review.html

TROS really has pissed off the tards and shills (is there a difference?) that loved TLJ - to the point that their divided ranks now make for a more interesting civil war scenario than the actual Disney Trilogy.