Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Safir]

Rey gets out off the water Luke's x wing
(The Force ghost of Luke lifts it like Empire. REMEMBER EMPIRE!‽‽?)
and sends a message to the resistance to help her

But who repaired it after it lay crashed underwater for ten years? This is the one thing I want to know. Please don't make me watch the movie (eventually, no way I'm tithing the rat).

 

[Drihten]

But who repaired it after it lay crashed underwater for ten years? This is the one thing I want to know. Please don't make me watch the movie (eventually, no way I'm tithing the rat).

Nobody repaired it, just turn your brain off, that's the thing with films like this, don't think, just consume.

 

[Judge Holden]

At least he isn't dying alone.

I like to think that after the film was over, the disney rep, the attending nurse, and the dying man sat in silence together for a few minutes, then...wordlessly....the nurse pulled out a IV bag of morphine and quietly holding hands, they all plug it into their veins and left this rotten world together

 

[Ginger Piglet]

But who repaired it after it lay crashed underwater for ten years? This is the one thing I want to know. Please don't make me watch the movie (eventually, no way I'm tithing the rat).

Erm... it was touched by the Force and inadvertently had immunity to rust conferred on it?

 

[Gar For Archer]

I'd be happy to spam random lines from 'The Horror at Red Hook' until The Woke nope out and leave his legacy unraped.

A Shadow over Innsmouth is my favorite Lovecraft story because you can replace “fishmen” with “niggers” and the story stays pretty much exactly the same.

 

[Judge Holden]

Bruh I'd move in to Snoke Tower

Eighteen naked padawans in the showers at snoke tower
Old wrinkly sith cocks wanting to be sucked
Eighteen naked padawans wanting to be fucked
Padawans in the showers at Snoke Tower
On their knees wanting to suck sith cocks
Snoke Tower really rocks

 

[AtomicAgeBoy]

Oh man, my hands are getting tired from all this writing, shit. Lets continue.


Kylo gets redeemed and goes to Exegol,
(Not shown)

Rey meets force ghost of Luke when she throws her lightsaber,
(Addition, this happens when Ray is burning the Tie fighter)

Luke catches it and tells her this weapon is too important to be thrown away, he gives her Leia's lightsaber and tells her they knew from the beginning who she was but decided to train her because he felt bad for Kylo.
(Nothing like that is said to my recollection. Also there is a falshback of Luke training with Leia and Luke says Leia quit because she could sense that her Jedi training will lead to her kid's death in the future or some shit. Also digitally de-aged Leia and Luke can be seen breifly.)

Addition: Luke also says here that all previous generations Jedi are within Ray, we literally Avatar now.

Addition Addition, Rey finds Kylo's wayfinder from the tie fighter when Luke says everything she needs to get to Palpatine is right here.

She decides to go to fight her grandfather. Rey gets out off the water Luke's x wing
(The Force ghost of Luke lifts it like Empire. REMEMBER EMPIRE!‽‽?)


and sends a message to the resistance to help her
(So there is bunch of shit that happens in the meanwhile when Rey ran away. Heroes come back to find Leia dead, Chewie cries, almost made me choke up not gonna lie. Poe becomes their leader now. Also they are shit out of luck now because I forgot to mention in previous post, Kylo destroys the wayfinder, this is what caused Rey to attack Kylo. Somewhere in here they use the planet killer ships and destroy kijimi. Finn talks to Ochi's droid and its revealed that the droid knows the way to Exegol, they look at the map they get from the droid to there but the path is too dangerous if going in blind. Somewhere in here C3po gets his memmories back from R2D2. Here we see that Rey put out a signal as she goes to Exogol that the Resistance figures out can be used as a guide trough the hazardous way to Exegol and prepare fora final battle. Lando and Chewie leave to broadcast a message around the galaxy to join them to topple the Last Order.


, she gets to Exegol, enters a different room than Kylo and finds a throne and out of nowhere appears a giant crane and Sidious is attached to it,
(Not a room but a huge as fuck stadium full of sith accolites chanting some anchient Sith shit.)

he tells her how he expected her to come and tells her he is her grandfather, how he saw the family potential in Luke and Vader and tried to replicate it with her mother but it didn't work out.
(Could be but I dont remember this at all)

He tells her to strike him down and become empress Palpatine, she gets angry, Kylo is there and gets beaten by Knights of Ren, Rey sends him his mother's lightsaber and he kills them then comes to her. Rey and Kylo fight Sidious but he uses his force and takes their life force from them and gets out off the crane to his throne.

So bunch of shit happens here. Resistance attacks and they have figured out previously that they need to take down a signal tower so Last Order ships cant leave exogol and their shield go down, this is due to the hazardous conditons. They try to get to the tower, it gets shut off and the signal is now coming from a capital ship. Finn knows what ship it is from by sensing it aka force. They get to the capital ship, use horses to ride the ship, cant remember why they had to be ON the ship but it was explained I just forget it. They get to the antena. They blow it up but resistance can't really do nothing since they dont have the fire power to destroy the planet destroying canons. Finn and Jainnah stay on the capital ship and turn the ships canons to point at the ship.

Now to the Ren Kylo stuff, happens basically as said just adding some info. Rey sends the lightsaber to Kylo by using the same force bond shit that send the necklase to Kylo. Ray does this when putting her hand behind her back ready to strike The Senate and then she reveals her hand is empty like its a fucking magic trick. When Palpy is holding Kylo and Ren in place, he says something about them having a super duper forve bond for somereason that has not been seen in generations and Palpy believes by sucking out the life force from them he can return to his old self. He does.

Someone posted the supposed plot on 4chan. Here we go...

THE PLOT OF PLAN IX:

Almost there.

Finalle

Resistance arrives and attack star destroyers,
(It's the backup from all different planets the Falcon brodcasted help to. Last Order guy akss how they got this army and someone responds that they arent they are just people, helping)

Addition: Zorri is also here, how did she leave Kijmi? I dont fucking know

Finn and Jannah go to fight them in a suicide mission and they succeed,
(happened earlier as said in my post)

ADDITION/Edit: If you are wondering why not use lightspeed to destroy the ships? Well fuck you nerds JJ got this, previously before resistance goes to attack Exegol someone in resistance asks this refering to it as Holdo move. and Poe awnsers "Wouldnt work that was a one in a million shot". . . . No seriously, that is it, then they continue. Fuck you JJ

Lando saves them.
(Happens later)

Rey is wounded and Kylo protects her, he is thrown a pit and Sidious tells him this is the punishment he deserves, he says he will never be seen again. Rey gets angry and tries to get up but she can't
(Addition: Palpy uses his lighitng powers to shoot up in to the sky at the resistance fleet and they all beging to fall down and Rey sees this and begins to ask from all the former Jedi if they are with her, she did this same thing in the start of the film when training with Leia but it didnt work

then she hears voices of past jedi such as Anakin, Luke, Leia, Yoda, Kenobi, Mace Windu, Qui Gon and gets up makes and X with both lightsabers and reverts her grandfather's force lightning back at him melting him and an explosion occurs in the arena.
(Addition: She gets up and Palpy focuses his lightning on her and the resistance ships continue the fight. Palpy then says that she cant defeat her because all the previous sith are within him, Rey retorts that all the Jedi are with her and blaah blaah, I believe this part was leaked right?)

(Additon,capital ship gets destroyed by Finn and Jainnah and this is where Lando comes to save them)

Kylo climbs up and finds a dead Rey he says oh no no, please don't let this happen. He uses the force healing trick he stole from her during the force bond and ressurects her, when she wakes up and sees him saving her she kisses him and then Kylo dies in her arms.
(Addition, Kylo dissapears like Kenobi and Yoda)

Celebration across the galaxy happens, Zorri tries to leave but Poe says if he can come and she says well then get fast or I'll leave you here with the big monkey.
(Back in resistance base Poe looks at Zorri from affar and motions with his head to come and fuck, she motions no and thats it)

Addition: Lando speaks to Jainah and asks where she is from, she doesnt know due to being raised as a trooper from childhood and Lando offers to help her find out.

Rey goes to Tatooine with BB8, R2D2 and C3po and burns Kylo's body, she cries and then builds herself a new lightsaber.She ignites it, it's yellow.
(She came to Tatooine to Luke's old home to burry Luke's and Leias lightsaber, Rey's lightsaber is already built.

I think the stranger lady is Rey's mother because I think it was the same actress which I can't recognise,it's a new one.
(There is a falshback of Ochi killing Rey's parrents)

She smiles after seeing Kylo and drops a tear.
(False)


After that she watches the twin suns and cuts to music.The end.
Unfortunately true

So there we have it. If there is additional questions lemme have it

 

[Drihten]

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH FUCK REMEMBER THAT GUY WITH TERMINAL CANCER WHOSE LAST WISH WAS TO SEE THIS FUCKING TRAINWRECK?!

Dying Star Wars fan treated to early Rise of Skywalker screening

"The patient and his family are completely over the moon of Endor about it all."

www.cnet.com

Jesus fucking christ......i cant even fathom just how fucking awkward and depressing it must have been to be in that room with the disney rep and the dying man watching that horseshit

It's like that poor kid who got to play Fallout 76 early, I can't help but pity 'em.

 

[ThePurpleProse]

I'm gonna halt this entire line of discussion and say I unironically like Billy Dee Williams as an actor and kind of wish he got to be in more stuff so maybe I'll look his clips up on Youtube when they either leak or this movie comes out.

Otherwise, carry on ripping this thing to shreds.

Haven't seen people shitting on the actors for this cinematic Hindeburg, the only one in the cast that actually does a shitty job is Daisy Ridley who could be replaced by a plank and no one would notice.

 

[Rob_Mercury]

Real talk I wonder how investors and shareholders are acting right now lol

Oh I member when Battlefield tanked so badly EA's stock sank through the floor, cause they kept preaching to the woke crowd and said "If you don't like it, then don't buy it you ebil nazi's."



This made even better (or worse really) that EA makes the new SW games. Disney took a small hit with Solo sure.

But this only means they had TWO warnings that something was gonna go wrong if they didn't hurry the fuck up too clean up their mess....and THIS is the best they could do? Either they had their heads up their ass or...I can't really think of anything else. Just look at the last month for them.

When looking at Solo there was optimism for it. That does not apply to Episode 9. Even the suits are freaking out and the Rat will feel it. Seeing something crash and burn on this grand of a scale needs the appropriate music. And I know just what.

 

[AtomicAgeBoy]

But who repaired it after it lay crashed underwater for ten years? This is the one thing I want to know. Please don't make me watch the movie (eventually, no way I'm tithing the rat).

Nobody, Luke just lifts it and apparenty can be used like that

 

[UnKillFill]

Just a reminder, if you give Disney a single cent to watch this abomination (even if it's just to see "how bad it is"), the literal message you are sending Disney is "Bad movie =$".

 

[Ginger Piglet]

A Shadow over Innsmouth is my favorite Lovecraft story because you can replace “fishmen” with “niggers” and the story stays pretty much exactly the same.

That gives me a thought. Is Lovecraft impossible to wokeify? I mean, Shadow over Innsmouth and similar tales are broadsides against race mixing; the protagonist in Rats in the Walls has a black dog that he calls "Nigger Man," and similar.

 

[Drihten]

That gives me a thought. Is Lovecraft impossible to wokeify? I mean, Shadow over Innsmouth and similar tales are broadsides against race mixing; the protagonist in Rats in the Walls has a black dog that he calls "Nigger Man," and similar.

They always find a way, they always do I'm afraid, no matter how unwoke it is.

 

[Curufinwë Fëanáro]

That gives me a thought. Is Lovecraft impossible to wokeify? I mean, Shadow over Innsmouth and similar tales are broadsides against race mixing; the protagonist in Rats in the Walls has a black dog that he calls "Nigger Man," and similar.

Replace every time he says nigger with nazi? Or white male, whichever you'd prefer, really.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Dear lord what an actual shitshow, you know you've fucked up when even your shills won't defend you, will the last line of defence of Nu-Wars just be Eric Butts?

And don't forget Bob "IT'S FINE, JUST CONSOOM" Chipman

 

[Drihten]

And don't forget Bob "IT'S FINE, JUST CONSOOM" Chipman

Oh right yeah, I forgot about Movieblob, does anybody even remember him though these days?

 

[mindlessobserver]

But who repaired it after it lay crashed underwater for ten years? This is the one thing I want to know. Please don't make me watch the movie (eventually, no way I'm tithing the rat).

The Force did it because it can.

 

[AtomicAgeBoy]

Almost there.

Finalle

Resistance arrives and attack star destroyers,
(It's the backup from all different planets the Falcon brodcasted help to. Last Order guy akss how they got this army and someone responds that they arent they are just people, helping)

Addition: Zorri is also here, how did she leave Kijmi? I dont fucking know

Finn and Jannah go to fight them in a suicide mission and they succeed,
(happened earlier as said in my post)

ADDITION/Edit: If you are wondering why not use lightspeed to destroy the ships? Well fuck you nerds JJ got this, previously before resistance goes to attack Exegol someone in resistance asks this refering to it as Holdo move. and Poe awnsers "Wouldnt work that was a one in a million shot". . . . No seriously, that is it, then they continue. Fuck you JJ

Lando saves them.
(Happens later)

Rey is wounded and Kylo protects her, he is thrown a pit and Sidious tells him this is the punishment he deserves, he says he will never be seen again. Rey gets angry and tries to get up but she can't
(Addition: Palpy uses his lighitng powers to shoot up in to the sky at the resistance fleet and they all beging to fall down and Rey sees this and begins to ask from all the former Jedi if they are with her, she did this same thing in the start of the film when training with Leia but it didnt work

then she hears voices of past jedi such as Anakin, Luke, Leia, Yoda, Kenobi, Mace Windu, Qui Gon and gets up makes and X with both lightsabers and reverts her grandfather's force lightning back at him melting him and an explosion occurs in the arena.
(Addition: She gets up and Palpy focuses his lightning on her and the resistance ships continue the fight. Palpy then says that she cant defeat her because all the previous sith are within him, Rey retorts that all the Jedi are with her and blaah blaah, I believe this part was leaked right?)

(Additon,capital ship gets destroyed by Finn and Jainnah and this is where Lando comes to save them)

Kylo climbs up and finds a dead Rey he says oh no no, please don't let this happen. He uses the force healing trick he stole from her during the force bond and ressurects her, when she wakes up and sees him saving her she kisses him and then Kylo dies in her arms.
(Addition, Kylo dissapears like Kenobi and Yoda)

Celebration across the galaxy happens, Zorri tries to leave but Poe says if he can come and she says well then get fast or I'll leave you here with the big monkey.
(Back in resistance base Poe looks at Zorri from affar and motions with his head to come and fuck, she motions no and thats it)

Addition: Lando speaks to Jainah and asks where she is from, she doesnt know due to being raised as a trooper from childhood and Lando offers to help her find out.

Rey goes to Tatooine with BB8, R2D2 and C3po and burns Kylo's body, she cries and then builds herself a new lightsaber.She ignites it, it's yellow.
(She came to Tatooine to Luke's old home to burry Luke's and Leias lightsaber, Rey's lightsaber is already built.

I think the stranger lady is Rey's mother because I think it was the same actress which I can't recognise,it's a new one.
(There is a falshback of Ochi killing Rey's parrents)

She smiles after seeing Kylo and drops a tear.
(False)


After that she watches the twin suns and cuts to music.The end.
Unfortunately true

So there we have it. If there is additional questions lemme have it

If I had to give a review. It was pretty bad but not TLJ bad. The pace is abbysmal and too much is introduced and too much is trying to get wraped up at once. This should have been 2 movies. The movies tries to tell us Rey and Kylo have some super secrit special bond but I didnt buy it. Visuals, action and music is nice. I liked Palpy.
It is not absolutely fucking horrible but not good either. I would say its ok and more dissapointing and a result of a poorly planned trilogy.

 

[IsaacShraeder]

It's a catastrophe. In hindsight, Disney BTFO'd themselves with the whole "buy Star Wars" thing