Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Quail]

I know I'm ranting but I just have to point this out. Rey's Yellow Lightsaber means that she is a Jedi Sentinel. The Jedi Sentinels were the Guardians of the Jedi Temples and they were the Strongest of all the Jedi's. Their Lightsabers usually were either Yellow or Orange colored to show that they had mastered the force. There were usually about anywhere of 20-30 Jedi Sentinels, (I think,) to guard the Temples. My only problem with Rey having a Yellow Lightsaber, is that we don't see her getting the crystal. And from the look of the ending, she went straight towards Tatooine immediately after the defeat of the Final Order. Unless it took months for her to get to Tatooine, I don't know how she should have crossed a yellow crystal.

Is this a new lore thing? Wookiepedia just gives the old EU lore where sentinels are basically just "Jedi Knight- but trained to solve problems without using lightsabers or the Force". From what I can recall the crystals were just part of how KOTOR 1 distinguished them as seperate from "Stabby Jedi" (Guardian, blue blade) and "Magic Jedi" (Consular, green blade). There's a mention of Sentinels being relatively rare and a specialised form of them that served as temple guards but I can't really see where this "Sentinel=Super Special Elite Jedi" idea comes from.

It's still pretty stupid that Rey should just get a free lightsaber crystal out of nowhere however. I'm sure Disney will eventually get around to explaining in a comic or book no-one will read how it's actually a missing lightsaber crystal of Ashoka's/Yellow Yoda's or something equally pointless.

On topic: Lol, rip in piss Star Wars.

 

[King Dead]

So now that the plot has pretty much been leaked in full, in my autism I've been trying to work up a list of everything that makes Rey a Mary Sue. I'm trying to stick to the movies, but there are a couple things I can think of from comics and whatnot that have been posted here. Shouldn't matter, considering Disney says that everything is on the same level of canon, so it obviously all happened too. Let me know if I missed anything:

• Descended from a powerful and famous character (Sheev)
• All characters love and praise her unconditionally, even people who have barely met her; nobody dislikes her even a little bit
• Goes from never knowing about the Force and even believing it's just a myth to complete mastery in only a couple of days
• Master pilot despite never touching anything more complicated than a landspeeder before that
• Master mechanic who can fix the Millennium Falcon better than even Han Solo could
• Has two of the most iconic ships in Star Wars effectively handed to her (the Falcon, Luke's X-wing)
• In a comic, also just happens to stumble upon and fly the Slave I for a while, another of the most iconic ships in Star Wars
• Bests Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel when she's never fought with one before
• In fact, never struggles in any fight whatsoever, no challenges are put in her way except obnoxiously obvious attempts to deflect from Mary Sue criticism (like "struggling" with her training at the beginning of ep9)
• Is so good with lightsabers in under a week that she can make Snoke's guards' weapons disappear
• Uses high-level Force powers without any sort of training, like the dumb Force link she and Kylo have that can teleport items across the galaxy, or the Force healing shit (that feels like it got shoehorned into Mandalorian so that they could say it was set up)
• Undoes all the accomplishments of characters from both previous trilogies, especially Anakin and Luke, then claims ultimate victory by actually really defeating Sheev this time
• Force ghost absorption Legend of Korra bullshit ending
• Gets Kylo to sacrifice himself to bring her back to life because the power of Mary Sue love I guess
• By the end of the trilogy, claims the Skywalkers' lightsabers (and buries them in sand), builds her own yellow lightsaber (a color we've never seen in the films for added "fuck you I'm the coolest ever" points), and steals the Skywalker name for herself, completing her takeover of the entirety of Star Wars
• Accomplishes all of this effectively on her own over the course of a single year, and it bears repeating how much she managed to do in under a week over the first two films
• Pretty much no other character in this godawful trilogy mattered, the plot only moves forward because Rey is there to force it to

About the only thing I can think of that isn't stereotypically Mary Sue is that she doesn't have every single male character falling in love with her. But considering how little of a part anyone else played in these movies, I guess that makes sense.

Star Wars may be dead, but all I can think at this point is "please don't fuck Dune up."

 

[ThePurpleProse]

So I signed up to receive notifications of preview screenings in my areas, and it's usually just local radio stations giving away tickets fro preview screenings of Bad Boys for life or whatever. This week I got an offer to try to win tickets to see Rise of Skywalker free while the movie is in theaters. Free admission Mondays through Thursdays for the time it's in the theaters. I've seen offers like this before (I got a similar ticket years ago for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie with Jessica Biel), but never for something as high profile as a new Star wars movie. I guess this Disney cooking the books or something.

Please take pics, gather all you can about this mate, just try not to dox yourself.

 

[Cyril Sneer]

Is the strategy to just tank the thing and then try to repair it?

It just seems so utterly clueless, looking from the outside. Star Wars will never appeal to girls, with the same intensity and passion, that it would with boys.

Not saying you should ignore them or not market to them, but that's not your foundation..

At best, you're going to appeal to a small subset of women who don't care much about the brand anyways....

The funny thing is that, in contrast with Kennedy and her kronies, Favreau and co. seem to have quite effortlessly come up with a formula for making Star Wars appeal to girls without driving away the boys: to whit, make the protagonist a badass (yet emotionally accessible) man of action, but also make him the guardian for an adorable small child.

 

[JambledUpWords]

It's still pretty stupid that Rey should just get a free lightsaber crystal out of nowhere however. I'm sure Disney will eventually get around to explaining in a comic or book no-one will read how it's actually a missing lightsaber crystal of Ashoka's/Yellow Yoda's or something equally pointless.

They should have written a better story in the first place, so people wouldn’t have to rely on a bunch of side stuff to understand important parts of the movie. Again, they don’t have to tell everyone directly, all they needed was a scene of Rey obtaining a kyber crystal and building the lightsaber.

 

[Creep3r]

wait, what?
going way back to VII here but I'm pretty sure there was a line in it that suggested rey thought he was a myth? I know the galaxy is a big place but I find it very hard to believe that anyone in-universe would think he wasn't real given what he did, like you wouldn't learn that in space school?
also I'm sure this has been said before but I don't really understand how he cut all ties to everyone and went off to become a hermit and yet some guy has a map to him
are these films badly written or something?

General can probably get the exact time frame. But I believe Luke disappeared after the destruction of the academy. That was about 3-4 years prior to the events of TFA.

As far as Luke being a myth, thats not too hard to believe: he was a low profile Jedi master teaching a handfull of students on a secluded planet...

As I understand it and according to Disney Wars' awful timeline, Luke's Jedi temple was burned down 5 to 6 years before TFA. He also didn't get any support from the New Republic or anything or was even regarded as a hero because everyone found out he and Leia were Vader's kids, which cause people to hate them across the universe with only a few minor exceptions. As such they were ostracized from everywhere and persecuted. Much like how Disney wanted them to be perceived to make Rey look better. So even before the burning, Luke, Han and Leia's life has been hell for probably around 20 or more years. Only reason Han is remembered is because the marriage wasn't made public I think and he was still a scumbag who didn't spend time with anyone except getting drunk. The location of nu-Luke's temple is still unknown and the planet's never mentioned anywhere. That's about all I know in that regard.

By the time of Rise of Skywalker, its been 6 to 7 years since Luke's temple burned down and Kylo Ren ran away. Kylo Ren is 30 years old at the time of his death while Rey is 20. To make things clear, Disney shit claims Kylo Ren was born 5 years after the Battle of Yavin while Rey was born 15 years after the Battle of Yavin. So that's quite a notable age gap.

Also the bastards at Wookieepedia have officially renamed her Rey Skywalker.

Rey Skywalker

Rey Skywalker was a Force-sensitive human female who, after years of living as a scavenger, became a Jedi during the war between the First Order and the Resistance. Unaware of her lineage as the granddaughter of Emperor Sheev Palpatine, Rey was the only name she went by prior to assuming the...

starwars.fandom.com

 

[Buster O'Keefe]

JJ is getting interviewed by a Bongland arts show in a few minutes:

BBC Radio 4 - Front Row, JJ Abrams, musicals moving from stage to screen, Derek Owusu

JJ Abrams on directing The Rise of Skywalker - the last film in the 42-year Star Wars saga

www.bbc.co.uk

This is worth a listen: the interviewer can't really believe that Philadelphia Story is JJ's favourite movie, JJ swerves a question about being comfortable with how he ended the trilogy, and right after the presenter takes a polite dump on TROS.

 

[Marissa Moira]

Looks like Disney is going to Dump Episodes 7-9 and they no longer count.

Based Marvel movies man gonna Thanos Snap the continuity after ROTJ

 

[Commander X]

I will tell the children that this was the sequel trilogy.

 

[Cyril Sneer]

• Has Force powers that no one else in Star Wars history has ever displayed, like...the Force healing shit (that feels like it got shoehorned into Mandalorian so that they could say it was set up)

Good list, but it should be pointed out (to pre-empty any shills trying to run the "akshually" song-and-dance if nothing else) thst using the Force to heal first showed up, I think, during the Clone Wars multimedia project, specifically the MedStar duology:



*edit*

It showed up as a Force ability well before that, most prominently with Cilghal, Admiral Ackbar's Jedi niece (and one of Luke's first class of graduates at the Yavin Jedi Academy) in the Jedi Academy Trilogy in the mid-1990s.

 

[Marissa Moira]

So going forward this is what's gonna happen:

No mention of Rey at the Parks
No Major New Trilogy dudes in costume with Kylo-Ren being the possible exception
Hasbro will not be making Disney Wars figures outside of Mando guys
All current character specific ships and droids have a generic alternative name and deco
Lego is releasing more OT stuff than Disney Wars
Mandalorean figures are fucking selling like hotcakes and some are blowing past the $100 sold for a single black series figure compared to 3 cent Rose Ticos that they still can't get rid of
3.75 Vintage Collection has gone from canceled to probably being brought back under a new name like how Transformers Classics went from that to Transformers Universe to the current long standing Generations.

what a fucking 180, you could get whiplash from something like this.

 

[Shield Breaker]

So now that the plot has pretty much been leaked in full, in my autism I've been trying to work up a list of everything that makes Rey a Mary Sue. I'm trying to stick to the movies, but there are a couple things I can think of from comics and whatnot that have been posted here. Shouldn't matter, considering Disney says that everything is on the same level of canon, so it obviously all happened too. Let me know if I missed anything:

• Descended from a powerful and famous character (Sheev)
• All characters love and praise her unconditionally, even people who have barely met her; nobody dislikes her even a little bit
• Goes from never knowing about the Force and even believing it's just a myth to complete mastery in only a couple of days
• Master pilot despite never touching anything more complicated than a landspeeder before that
• Master mechanic who can fix the Millennium Falcon better than even Han Solo could
• Has two of the most iconic ships in Star Wars effectively handed to her (the Falcon, Luke's X-wing)
• In a comic, also just happens to stumble upon and fly the Slave I for a while, another of the most iconic ships in Star Wars
• Bests Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel when she's never fought with one before
• In fact, never struggles in any fight whatsoever, no challenges are put in her way except obnoxiously obvious attempts to deflect from Mary Sue criticism (like "struggling" with her training at the beginning of ep9)
• Is so good with lightsabers in under a week that she can make Snoke's guards' weapons disappear
• Has Force powers that no one else in Star Wars history has ever displayed, like the dumb Force link she and Kylo have that can teleport items across the galaxy, or the Force healing shit (that feels like it got shoehorned into Mandalorian so that they could say it was set up)
• Undoes all the accomplishments of characters from both previous trilogies, especially Anakin and Luke, then claims ultimate victory by actually really defeating Sheev this time
• Force ghost absorption Legend of Korra bullshit ending
• Gets Kylo to sacrifice himself to bring her back to life because the power of Mary Sue love I guess
• By the end of the trilogy, claims the Skywalkers' lightsabers (and buries them in sand), builds her own yellow lightsaber (a color we've never seen in the films for added "fuck you I'm the coolest ever" points), and steals the Skywalker name for herself, completing her takeover of the entirety of Star Wars
• Accomplishes all of this effectively on her own over the course of a single year, and it bears repeating how much she managed to do in under a week over the first two films
• Pretty much no other character in this godawful trilogy mattered, the plot only moves forward because Rey is there to force it to

About the only thing I can think of that isn't stereotypically Mary Sue is that she doesn't have every single male character falling in love with her. But considering how little of a part anyone else played in these movies, I guess that makes sense.

Star Wars may be dead, but all I can think at this point is "please don't fuck Dune up."

They hint at Finn wanting her in the film, and Poe seems upset by it.

So going forward this is what's gonna happen:

No mention of Rey at the Parks
No Major New Trilogy dudes in costume with Kylo-Ren being the possible exception
Hasbro will not be making Disney Wars figures outside of Mando guys
All current character specific ships and droids have a generic alternative name and deco
Lego is releasing more OT stuff than Disney Wars
Mandalorean figures are fucking selling like hotcakes and some are blowing past the $100 sold for a single black series figure compared to 3 cent Rose Ticos that they still can't get rid of
3.75 Vintage Collection has gone from canceled to probably being brought back under a new name like how Transformers Classics went from that to Transformers Universe to the current long standing Generations.

what a fucking 180, you could get whiplash from something like this.

Is this a guess or do you have a link?

 

[Flaming Carrot]

Please take pics, gather all you can about this mate, just try not to dox yourself.

Spoiler: Screenshots

Spoiler: Link to enter contest

Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker in Philadelphia, PA | A…

archived 20 Dec 2019 19:51:32 UTC

archive.ph

 

[Creep3r]

I will tell the children that this was the sequel trilogy.

Reminded me of this old meme.

Also everyone get in here, we're mocking and watching the movie: http://lolcow.tv/r/autism

 

[Marissa Moira]

Is this a guess or do you have a link?

You can look up the star wars toy waves of what's coming and the ebay sold listings.

There is still no mention of Rey at galaxy's edge. Even though the new ride opened. Kylo-Ren is still front and center.

 

[mindlessobserver]

If I remember from the books though, Force Healing was incredibly complex and you needed to have a knack for it. Comes from the idea of "size matters not", so the healers essentially just force pulled viruses and shit out of the blood, or blocked blood from coming out of arteries. That sort of stuff. It was also something a Jedi Healer had to specialize in and took YEARS to master, with the best ones literally doing it their entire lives.

Which goes to show how JJ Abrams and crew never read up on the universes rules before going mucking about in it.

The force is a kind of Magic System. Its power has been defined as being able to heighten the wielders physiological and psychological capabilities. Reaction time, speed, ability to manipulate others with words and an unpredictable capability for precognition. It is limited by time and "sensitivity", where only people with special genetic traits are capable of wielding it, and even then must go through rigorous and time consuming training to unlock even the most basic of capabilities. Taking shortcuts leads to "the dark side", which offers a quick path to powers in the force, albeit at the cost of ones own physical health, appearance and mental stability.

Here is a good explanation of Hard vs. Soft Magic systems. You can be sure JJ never watched it, or read Sandersons essay, cuz he breaks ALL the rules. Especially rule 3. "Develop what you have before adding something new".

 

[Marissa Moira]

Also there are 20 figures of Baby Yoda, as in actual dolls or full bodied representations now, where as Rey only has 4 new ones within the same time span/waves.

I'm not counting Merch bullshit like Figure Pins, but stuff like Desk Toys and Action figures.

 

[King Dead]

Good list, but it should be pointed out (to pre-empty any shills trying to run the "akshually" song-and-dance if nothing else) thst using the Force to heal first showed up, I think, during the Clone Wars multimedia project, specifically the MedStar duology:

*edit*

It showed up as a Force ability well before that, most prominently with Cilghal, Admiral Ackbar's Jedi niece (and one of Luke's first class of graduates at the Yavin Jedi Academy) in the Jedi Academy Trilogy in the mid-1990s.

If I remember from the books though, Force Healing was incredibly complex and you needed to have a knack for it. Comes from the idea of "size matters not", so the healers essentially just force pulled viruses and shit out of the blood, or blocked blood from coming out of arteries. That sort of stuff. It was also something a Jedi Healer had to specialize in and took YEARS to master, with the best ones literally doing it their entire lives.

Which goes to show how JJ Abrams and crew never read up on the universes rules before going mucking about in it.

The force is a kind of Magic System. Its power has been defined as being able to heighten the wielders physiological and psychological capabilities. Reaction time, speed, ability to manipulate others with words and an unpredictable capability for precognition. It is limited by time and "sensitivity", where only people with special genetic traits are capable of wielding it, and even then must go through rigorous and time consuming training to unlock even the most basic of capabilities. Taking shortcuts leads to "the dark side", which offers a quick path to powers in the force, albeit at the cost of ones own physical health, appearance and mental stability.

Here is a good explanation of Hard vs. Soft Magic systems. You can be sure JJ never watched it, or read Sandersons essay, cuz he breaks ALL the rules. Especially rule 3. "Develop what you have before adding something new".

Thanks for the clarifications, I'll go back and edit that line. It's definitely not something we've seen in the movies before, and as someone who hasn't consumed much of the EU, it's easy to miss that kind of thing.

The fact remains that Rey manages to learn how to do this shit without any prior instruction, made all the more obnoxious by those aforementioned EU sources that Force healing required intensive training to pull off.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Well today we will have one Youtube review negatively lambasting this movie

https://twitter.com/Schaffrillas/status/1208113477283405826

 

[Uncle Ted]

So basically they declared the old EU non-canon while stealing material from several books for this movie, then introduced a new EU with new books to explain each plot hole from the movie for only $9.99 each? Perfect!