Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

[Fluoxetine Man]

It doesn't even love money.

(Merchandising stops)

 

[Poe-Shen Zcela]

Pardon me for racing to the end and skimming, but I'm not sure if this was brought up yet or not:

Somebody in the chat posed an interesting theory about The Mandalorian. Symbolically it's a story about the fans vs Disney for the soul of Star Wars. The Mandalorian represents the fans, the Client/Empire represents Disney, and Baby Yeed represents what's left of Star Wars.

Disney just wants to clone it and doesn't care if it lives or dies in the process. The fans were eager to see it in Disney's hands and see a big payoff for it (more Star Wars movies that are better than the Prequels), but then they realize that Disney doesn't care as much about Star Wars as they do. So they steal it back.

Of course, people at Disney didn't necessarily want to kill Star Wars. Most probably don't believe they are, while others know what's happening and are trying to counteract it. This is where Dr. Pershing fits into the analogy.

The more you try to follow the analogy literally, the more complicated it gets, but I thought it was a nice observation. I enjoy it enough and agree it's way more loveable than the Sequel shit, but it's far from perfect. It's just ... all we have left.

Grain of salt, etc.

View attachment 1060272

>Star Wars Detours
Today, I will remind them.

Christ, no thanks. It's not abhorrent, but I'd rather just give this guy's pitch a TV deal:

JAWA ADVENTURES PITCH | otisframpton

www.otisframpton.com

 

[Gehenna]

...Again. That sounds like material suitable for only one maybe even two movies. That and I still don't see how you connect that with the overall plot, i.e., the Sith 2.0 coming back. That's the problem. Why should I and the rest of the audience give a crap for one tragic Stormtrooper plight versus the Sith coming back and wiping out planets left and right? Or for that matter why should we care about him instead of wondering why are we back in this situation in the first place,i.e., where was Luke, Han, Leia, and Lando this whole time? Finn's story doesn't freaking matter in the grand scheme of things.

That only shows lack of imagination on your part. Lets take the idea of a stormtrooper, repenting for deeds done.

Film one: He breaks free of the first order, assisting with vital intel. Effectively what we ghost, but rather than Space janitor have the big fuck off planet go to a solar system, and have him know the system. Keep it nice and simple. don't flesh it out yet. The first movie has a lot to set up. and this character is a ticking timebomb but one with good itnentions.

Film two: He. Snaps. A fight gone wrong, a civilian situation he is not familiar with, simply queues read wrong. Build tension that this soldier does not know what the fuck he is doing and have him fuck up. Perhaps use his fuckup as an impetus for something that fucks the resistance.

Film three: Having fucked up, he must fix it. Have him try his best to fix what he has done, make him vital to winning the final encounter. Show him growing less taut, less tight, show him becoming less "Former storm trooper" and more "What he is to become"

These are the broad strokes, in between you add scenes that flesh out what the life of a trooper is, how he came to be. You make him sympathetic, but build tension by his being a timebomb. It must be clear hes on a tightrope, trying to find a way down, while a timer ticks off int he distance labeled "Too Late".

 

[Shaka Brah]

...Again. That sounds like material suitable for only one maybe even two movies. That and I still don't see how you connect that with the overall plot, i.e., the Sith 2.0 coming back. That's the problem. Why should I and the rest of the audience give a crap for one tragic Stormtrooper plight versus the Sith coming back and wiping out planets left and right? Or for that matter why should we care about him instead of wondering why are we back in this situation in the first place,i.e., where was Luke, Han, Leia, and Lando this whole time? Finn's story doesn't freaking matter in the grand scheme of things.

To be fair, Han's storyline is pretty mundane and only shows up concretely in 5 and 6 after a brief mention in 4, but he still has a role and develops as a character. His story arc involves the consequences of fucking up a shipment for Jabba, but his character arc is about himself and the people around him realizing he believes in something instead of being a total cynic.

Finn could have had all his problems with the First Order solved in 1 or 2 movies but still struggled to believe he belonged in the New Republic.

 

[ZMOT]

It's so hard to explain this to rabid TLJ and RoS fans, and it really breaks my heart because it's so simple and completely outside of their comprehension. They talk about "themes" and bend over backwards to justify weird little elements of lore, but wouldn't know a good genre film if it punched them in the face.

retards will be retards, but usually it comes from the fact that it's simply all they know. like that one thot on themarysue that was blown away after watching alien for the first time. and it can't be that their taste is shit or they're ignorant retards, so it must be the others that are wrong.

...Again. That sounds like material suitable for only one maybe even two movies. That and I still don't see how you connect that with the overall plot, i.e., the Sith 2.0 coming back. That's the problem. Why should I and the rest of the audience give a crap for one tragic Stormtrooper plight versus the Sith coming back and wiping out planets left and right? Or for that matter why should we care about him instead of wondering why are we back in this situation in the first place,i.e., where was Luke, Han, Leia, and Lando this whole time? Finn's story doesn't freaking matter in the grand scheme of things.

why would we even need OMG THE WORLD IS ENDING plot? ESB had much much smaller scale and is still some people's favorite episode.
the caring would come that finn of course is special enough to warrant the attention, like having the force and needing training etc.

 

[Zaryiu]

So with a week left before IX's release, Iger has set himself up for humiliation as he's apparently meeting with Scorsese after he bashed the MCU.

Disney CEO Bob Iger Arranging Meeting With Scorsese After ‘Nasty’ Marvel Comments

If you thought the battle between Scorsese and Marvel was over, you thought wrong.

www.indiewire.com

Did Scorsese and Coppola avoid becoming like Lucas and Spielberg?

 

[Ihavetinyweewee]

Pardon me for racing to the end and skimming, but I'm not sure if this was brought up yet or not:

Somebody in the chat posed an interesting theory about The Mandalorian. Symbolically it's a story about the fans vs Disney for the soul of Star Wars. The Mandalorian represents the fans, the Client/Empire represents Disney, and Baby Yeed represents what's left of Star Wars.

Disney just wants to clone it and doesn't care if it lives or dies in the process. The fans were eager to see it in Disney's hands and see a big payoff for it (more Star Wars movies that are better than the Prequels), but then they realize that Disney doesn't care as much about Star Wars as they do. So they steal it back.

Of course, people at Disney didn't necessarily want to kill Star Wars. Most probably don't believe they are, while others know what's happening and are trying to counteract it. This is where Dr. Pershing fits into the analogy.

The more you try to follow the analogy literally, the more complicated it gets, but I thought it was a nice observation. I enjoy it enough and agree it's way more loveable than the Sequel shit, but it's far from perfect. It's just ... all we have left.

Christ, no thanks. It's not abhorrent, but I'd rather just give this guy's pitch a TV deal:

JAWA ADVENTURES PITCH | otisframpton

www.otisframpton.com

View attachment 1060909View attachment 1060910View attachment 1060911View attachment 1060912View attachment 1060913View attachment 1060915View attachment 1060916View attachment 1060917

Instead of doing that shitty detours show, give that guy a project

 

[verissimus]

To be fair, Han's storyline is pretty mundane and only shows up concretely in 5 and 6 after a brief mention in 4, but he still has a role and develops as a character. His story arc involves the consequences of fucking up a shipment for Jabba, but his character arc is about himself and the people around him realizing he believes in something instead of being a total cynic.

Finn could have had all his problems with the First Order solved in 1 or 2 movies but still struggled to believe he belonged in the New Republic.

I agree. Han solo's storyline was pretty straightforward along with Leia's which is all the more reason why I don't buy how people here think that somehow they, never mind Disney would have been able to weave some kind of gritty deep story for Finn for 3 movies and make me actually care and be somewhat significant to the overall plot.

@ZMOT Because the point is, if you can't find a way to get Finn to matter to the overall plot, i.e. stopping the Sith from ruining people's shit and/or having some kind of meaningful bond with the main character, then he's an insignificant character that I shouldn't bother caring about. It's that simple. I do agree though, that if they gave him the Force (and not just make him Force sensitive) he could have been more interesting character, but they didn't. You know, now that I think about it, how exactly do you people figure having Finn being turned to an interesting character but not Kylo or even vice-versa? Like, again I said this before about Finn and Poe, but now I'll say it with Kylo as well, how do you have all 3 of these characters matter in the grand scheme of things? Add Snoke into the mix and as far as I'm concerned at least 2 of those characters are superfluous.

@Reverend Yeah I was also going to mention a similar point he raised too but couldn't really find the words. It's so dumb. There are too many things this trilogy brings up that begs the question as to why it was never done before. The "Holdo Maneuver" (not literally immortalized thanks to JJ), Force teleportation, Force healing (though to be fair that seems to have actually existed but in another source), Force Skype/Telepathy (whoever you want to call it), Force Ghosts being able to make actual physical contact/interaction with objects never mind use the Force themselves as a ghost, and Force memories/vision because reasons (i.e. Rey's vision via Anakin's lightsaber which wasn't explained)...just utterly destroys the canon for all the movies. Way to go Disney.

 

[icecait]

Doesn't really matter. It'll still make a billion dollars domestically.

Or maybe not?

J.J. Abrams' Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker [...] domestic box office debut of $185 million or more, according to early matinee returns. [...] Not even The Force may be immune to some sequel fatigue. Two years ago, Rian Johnson's Star Wars: The Last Jedi — which divided fans — opened to $220 million domestically, while Abrams' Star Wars: The Force Awakens debuted to a then-record $248 million in 2015.

Box Office: 'Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker' Aims for $185M U.S. Bow, 'Cats' Grumpy

At this pace, the final title in the 42-year-old Skywalker saga will come in behind the last installment, 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi.'

www.hollywoodreporter.com

 

[Toast Sandwich]

Finn could have had all his problems with the First Order solved in 1 or 2 movies but still struggled to believe he belonged in the New Republic.

That's a pretty interesting angle; For Finn to have been less agreeable and still not entirely against the purpose of a strong-arm government, and been a voice for the reasons why the flimsy post-Empire Republic managed to fail. It would have even fit into this bone-headed decision to re-introduce a dominant second Empire less than a generation after the first one's destruction. But then again that's exactly why they couldn't do that, because trying to introduce causality would've only drawn more attention to the apparent pointlessness of the rebellion in the first place. The world of Star Wars is good but its politics are monumentally stupid.

 

[Overcast]

Saw the movie with my family.

Spoiler

Maybe it's because The Last Jedi lowered my expectations so much, but this was a slightly better movie than it.

It's still terrible of course, most of the time it sounded like everyone was rushing through their dialogue because everyone knew they had to cram as many scenes as they possibly can into this nearly three hour long trainwreck.

A bunch of characters were introduced and barely any of them had more than a couple minutes of screen time. You can really tell there was supposed to be an extra movie to really flesh out these new characters, but because of production issues, they were pretty much wasted.

Also gotta love how the trailers made such a big deal over C-3PO sacrificing himself only for him to just get fixed by R2. No fanfare, no emotional pay off, NOTHING. Like, I get 3PO was the comic relief character in the original films, but even there he was given a bit more respect and dignity than what he had here. Same with Chewbacca. The only reason he was in the film was so he can carry the dagger and then get himself caught like a bumbling idiot. The bit at the end where he gets a medal was pretty funny at least.

And of course, the movie continues the theme of taking everything from the OT but making it "BIGGER and BETTER!". You know, fanfic level writing. An army comprising of hundreds of star destroyers and they ALL have planet destroying lasers? Sure! Palpatine can fire a lightning storm that wipes out half of the Rebel fleet? Why not?

Also gotta love how people were telling Rei not to be afraid of herself the entire time and she ends up taking the name Skywalker. Like, okay, that doesn't contradict with the message at all.

I will say though, the whole bit with Palpatine's lair and him having those weird hooded guys chanting was pretty well done. And it was nice having him back. Even if the whole thing with him coming back was stupid. Like, that's another problem, there wasn't any real lead up to him between TLJ and ROS. But that's more so the former's fault than anything I guess.

I'm just glad this trilogy is over. Hopefully something like this will never happen again, but that's just me being optimistic. All I can take from this is that this makes me appreciate the original films, and the prequels to an extent that much more.

 

[verissimus]

Or maybe not?

Box Office: 'Star Wars: Rise of Skywalker' Aims for $185M U.S. Bow, 'Cats' Grumpy

At this pace, the final title in the 42-year-old Skywalker saga will come in behind the last installment, 'Star Wars: The Last Jedi.'

www.hollywoodreporter.com

Oof those box office numbers for Cats and Bombshell.

 

[Lucille Bluth]

This, allegedly, is why Lara Croft exists. Originally Chesty Archaeologist Tomb Raider was going to have an Indiana Jones style male protagonist, however, early on in development they found that predominantly male players would feel bad about their protagonist falling onto spikes, getting squelched by blocks of stone, eaten by tigers, burnt alive, drowned, folded, spindled, or mutilated if the protagonist was a woman.

(Then someone in the marketing department went nuts with the boob slider and the rest is history.)

Aren’t there many female characters written to Be males in mind but were gender swapped?

Iirc wasn’t Ellen Ripley suppose to be originally a man? Many female superheroes are just derivatives and spin offs of males.

Speaking of Lara Croft in An unrelated note, I remembered reading that Lara Croft wasn’t suppose to Be “Lara Cruz” and that she was originally from South America.

This was changed because the creators wanted her to have an English sounding name/background, so not to alienate British people of course..

 

[Cable 7]

Having watched episode IX, I can safely say that it sure is a movie.
Can't even say that much more about it. It just happened. Not milquetoast like VII, or offensive like VIII, it just kind of happened.

 

[ditto]

Burying the lightsaber on Tatooine makes no sense. His grandmother and father were slaves there. Luke hated that place and spent the first half of ANH trying to get the hell away.

I think emperor palpatine actually won, merged with Rei, and the last 10 minutes is a Lynchian fever dream playing out to purge her guilt before her reign as Empress begins.

 

[Shaka Brah]

That's a pretty interesting angle; For Finn to have been less agreeable and still not entirely against the purpose of a strong-arm government, and been a voice for the reasons why the flimsy post-Empire Republic managed to fail. It would have even fit into this bone-headed decision to re-introduce a dominant second Empire less than a generation after the first one's destruction. But then again that's exactly why they couldn't do that, because trying to introduce causality would've only drawn more attention to the apparent pointlessness of the rebellion in the first place. The world of Star Wars is good but its politics are monumentally stupid.

They also can't present any good arguments for authoritarianism because they actually do have some validity. If authoritarians are shown in a modern movie they have to be totally evil and irredeemable with no justification except evil, not the result of any genuine cause.

 

[Love Machine]

Well... at least the wholesome memes arent dead yet.

 

[Creep3r]

What the hell. Every time I go take a shit or even blink this thread has another 30 pages. By the time I catch up it'll be next year.

With the shit Disney has pulled lately, chances are we're going to see a comic or book, where it turns out that Orange Yoda told Leia not to hand out a medal to Chewie, cause she knew Han would sell them for drinking money, so she kept Chewie's medal instead and gave it to him now. We'll learn that Orange Yoda knew about Luke's fuckup as a Jedi in the future, and about Han being a TOXIC WHITE MALE SHITLORD, so she allowed the medals to be handed out to them, cause they needed the participation award as long as they still hadn't fucked up.

Mark my words, this will be in the novelization.

I think that is exactly what happened. Also it gets all the more stupid since Disney made a novel adaptation where Leia gives Chewbacca his medal at the same time as Han and Luke (at that exact moment in front of the crowd with that final shot), effectively confirming that Disney's trilogy takes place in a different continuity altogether. Much like how Disney's ROTJ retelling has 3PO talking about Ahsoka and Aladdin to Ewoks, and Nik Sant is actually Rex and even clearly has his clone armor gauntlets visible despite that not being the case in the movies, not even in the most recent special edition.

Very early leaks said there would be time travel shenanigans. There were rumours Rey would go back in time and become Shmi Skywalker. Not even kidding.

Then there were rumors of Kylo and Rey doing a fight where they flash through time and space, showing up on the Tantive IV, the Death Star, Naboo and so forth.

Actually, the Rey as Shmi thing was just a joke, like General Pryde's name being Wyte Pryde. The time travel leaks only said the ending of the film would be a reset to a "happier" timeline, with Luke, Leia and Han alive and Rey and Kylo Ren living together on Tatooine, with the final shot being of them together with BB-8 looking out into the Twin Suns. If true, this might've just been something from an unused script or something they actually were doing before stopping, like the Spider Oracle on the giant baby head shit (which I honestly thought was bullshit until it was proven real).

So. The finishing movie of nu wars is not even a bad Star Wars movie, but a bad movie in general.
Now that's podracing!

Also nice that they basically knocked off Dark Empire (in a way) for the last movie. Imagine if they pulled a Marvel capeshit movie and basically made a good synthesis of the already existing expanded universe material.



Also for them, they don't have the back story with the previous 6 movies. For them it's just a rando popcorn flick and they suck at being rando popcorn flicks...

It just seems that Disney does not want us to have what we want or even nice things. They just want us to have what they think we should want. Galaxy's Edge and these movies are proof of that. They want to remake the franchise, fanbase and audience in their own sanitized image.

So basically they declared the old EU non-canon while stealing material from several books for this movie, then introduced a new EU with new books to explain each plot hole from the movie for only $9.99 each? Perfect!

Its made all the more ironic by the fact that Disney defenders early on said there would be "more cohesive and consistent narratives with way less confusion, complexity and clutter with less need for books", yet in just 5 years Disney has produced more content and books than the past 30+ years of Star Wars history before the buyout, all of which is more convoluted and inconsistent than 30 years of work from different authors despite Disney having a smaller time frame, a complete restructure, less authors and the benefit of starting over. With all of that they still managed to fuck up more massively than 10 years of nonstop Ewoks media in the 80s, with more inconsistencies in their nu-canon right from the get-go of TFA's release and Chuck Wendig's novels, and even within their own fucking films. And all the while stealing ideas at random from their predecessors and making them worse somehow while also trying to pass said ideas off as their own.

Grain of salt, etc.

View attachment 1060272

A lot of this sounds like bullshit, but some of this has a basis.

1: Everyone knows about Mando season 2.
2: There's no evidence of the show being called Old Ben.
3: I haven't heard anything about a hiatus. That garbage will be filming soon, probably in a few months or in summer.
4: Filoni Wars' return is only said to be for a few episodes. They can probably try and do more adaptations of unused scripts, but even then there's only a single season's worth of content. Trying to milk it for more than that would make it unbelievable and cheapen Ahsoka's already bland goodbye from the original final season.
5: A few of the people who run the SW website (along with maybe Matt "Porg Molester" Martin) have hinted at Detours airing, but even that's highly debatable. And if they're not willing to put the Ewok movies or Droids on Disney+, I highly doubt they'll put up Detours considering how questionable it was.
6: Highly fucking unlikely. Unless Disney is crawling on their hands and knees and throwing even more money at George for the chance to release it since that might be the only thing that saves their asses at this point. But even George would never allow his "imperfect vision" to be easily available outside film festival showings or special events.
7: The state of this shit is about as debatable as the 2022 trilogy.
8: I've heard or seen nothing about this anywhere, but its not impossible considering the tards at Disney gave us a kabuki retelling of the Disney trilogy.
9: Who fucking knows at this point. News about Rian's trilogy is probably more inconsistent than anything else involving Disney.
10: I only heard one rumor about this and its highly suspect and I highly doubt Disney would give him any relevance. Not to mention Disney's Thrawn is essentially a neutered version of the original who doesn't even do the things that made the original famous. He might as well be a different character entirely who just shares the same name, species and appreciation for art. I also doubt Disney would risk making a movie or anything about an EU character or adapting an old EU story considering how much they loath anything that's not their own OCs. At best a Thrawn Trilogy or Thrawn miniseries would be something exclusive to Disney+, and even then it would be Disney-focused.
11: Project Luminous is a real thing and was revealed at NYCC along with a bunch of other shit, so this guy is telling us nothing new. Its essentially just the name for a whole new line nu-EU shit that's supposed to lead up to the next trilogy while putting more emphasis on a Female-oriented Jedi Order as Rey builds it.
12: Nothing about this. May as well be fake.
13: Highly fucking unlikely since they've already said they're going to be releasing that story in the form of a novel and Filoni has his hands tied with the Mandalorian and the Filoni Wars miniseries revival. Also what's even the point of such a show? Luke starts his own academy, its a horrific failure, and it ends with him going nuts and trying to kill his nephew in his sleep before everything gets burned down to cinders.

TL;DR this is bullshit.

I checked 10 pages back or so, and it wasn't mentioned, so I hope I'm not too late: Fortnite is now part of Star Wars canon.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker opening crawl mentions an event that happened exclusively in Fortnite

It turns out the Fortnite Star Wars event contained a massive Rise of Skywalker spoiler this entire time

www.gamesradar.com

(https://archive.md/8CHN5)

View attachment 1060602

Saved You A Click Video Games on Twitter

“Gonna try not to spoil anything: The in-game event's dialogue transmission is what kicks off the beginning of the movie.”

twitter.com

(https://archive.md/kxbNH)

View attachment 1060605

I fucking knew it. I told you guys this would happen. Its only a matter of time before the article for the Fortnite planet in the Sugg system gets made.

https://kiwifarms.st/threads/star-w...ywalker-spoilers.32492/page-1014#post-5726522

Its Coca-Cola all over again.

Ironically one of them does look like an alien set to be in Plan 9, but its covered in mummy wrappings.

I can already foresee the Wookieepedia page for it now.

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/The_Fortnite_Tournament

"The Fortnite Tournament was an intergalactic battle royal event held in the Sugg System on planet Stonewood. In 38 ABY, after successfully destroying the Sith and ridding the Galaxy of the First Order, Rey Skywalker was invited to participate in this tournament after impressing the tournament managers who only chose the most powerful opponents from across the 27 galaxies. Her confirmation to participate in the tournament raised so much interest that the central offices of the Pangalactic Coca-Cola megacorp on Mygeeto offered to be the young jedi master's sponsor."

Nu-Lucasfilm might actually be stupid enough do it. They already went this far. Might as well go all out.
View attachment 1053565

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

Somebody in the chat posed an interesting theory about The Mandalorian. Symbolically it's a story about the fans vs Disney for the soul of Star Wars.

It’s about a guy that looks like boba fett and a baby that looks like yoda that’s symbolically about how disney is still suckering rubes out of time and money by showing them things they’ve seen before.

 

[Oaat]

Oaat's review:

-Kylo Ren completely turns around for no reason before stabbing an alien, his pose almost begging to be shot or stabbed. It's in slow motion so it's even more hilarious.
-The wayfinder is just sitting in the middle of a forest?
-I already bitched about how much I hate red hyperspace. Kylo is weaving though obstacles in it.
-Metroid Prime elevator!
-Not only is Palpatine Snoke, he's the voice of Darth Vader in Kylo's head. He's behind everything! He has a fleet of Ctrl+C/Ctrl+V'd Star Destroyers! Holy mother of retcons! This is 4 minutes after the title crawl ends btw.
-Klaud is suddenly a crew member of the Millennium Falcon in it's first scene with no explanation. Everyone seems to know him.
-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING IN THIS BATTLE SCENE?
-FTL in Star Wars now seems to be some kind of teleport that instantly takes you between different locations?
-Rey is at Buddha levels of enlightenment in her first scene. She sits in a meditation pose in midair while several rocks float around her.
-JJ thinks the force existing means he can throw a bunch of meaningless "visions" on the screen and call it a scene.
-Is it just me or does this Rebel base seem really cheap?
-Rey definitely owns the Falcon now so she's mad that Poe damaged it. Annoying half-yelling dialogue that reminds me of Marvel.
-Wow Ackbar's son looks ugly up close.
-EXEGOL
-Rose shows up to announce that she won't be in the movie.
-It's painfully obvious that Leia has stopped being a real character and instead only says lines because they had footage for it.
-"These allies on Exegol sound like a cult." *is force choked* Good God can't JJ do anything original?
-Feels like they're walking through a theme park version of a planet instead of a real planet. "Here's our vibrant alien culture on display!"
-We don't get to see the alien kid's reaction to Rey saying she has no family name because the puppets aren't good enough for expression. Or maybe it was cut for time.
-Pulling objects through space as though you were in the same room using mind powers was an idea I had once. Now I feel like a hack.
-Before Rey can even leave the party Kylo's crew has figured out what planet the necklace comes from and a stormtrooper is already at the party.
-This pacing is abysmal
-First Order troopers use a gun that instantly destroys their speeder. Why didn't they use that first instead the circus act with the catapults?
-If the quicksand pulls them down into underground tunnels, why doesn't the sand just fill up the tunnels?
-Oh the dagger is in the same tunnel they randomly fell into.
-C3PO's exposition is going on too long, so suddenly a monster cuts him off. JJ you hack.
-The Knights of Ren are right next to Chewbacca as he runs off and he doesn't notice them. What the fuck? Why not film it so they're looking through binoculars?
-I know Star Wars ships are supposed to look lived-in but that's ridiculous. It doesn't even look space worthy.
-Finn and Poe are screaming at Rey to move but she's too busy emoting making the same expression she always does. Um, that ship looks kind of far away, how did she make it?
-Ryan's not directing and yet this movie still has gags at Hux's expense.
-Rey Finn and Poe have a Guardians of the Galaxy moment where they decide to save the world even though they're already rebellion soldiers.
-BB8 repairs D-O. Rey says that someone "treated him badly," so even that leak was true. Why bother? Robot should have showed up from nowhere like Klaud did.
-Snowy city actually looks like a potentially-interesting location but there's no worldbuilding. It's just a wallpaper.
-This Zorii character sounds terrible. Should have used a voice-changer like Leia did.
-Called it. Babu sounds like an exceptional individual instead of having a cute squeaky voice.
-"If this mission fails it was all for nothing" Oh lord is that supposed to be the theme of the movie or something?
-D-O doesn't have a cute beep boop voice either. Utter failure of a character concept.
-Stormtroopers teleport in front of the protagonists because the audience is supposed to be surprised. JJ thinks this is good directing.
-How many minds can Rey dominate that thoroughly at once? Is she gonna be like Jorus C'baoth with her own personal slave army?
-HOLY SHIT CLOSE YOUR MOUTH
-Wow that rescue was easy. Remember how much trouble Luke ran into in ANH and RotJ? And in those movies he had a plan.
-"Whose ship is this?" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
-nevermind they got captured
-People are leaving the theatre on this camrip
-I think Rey's mom just said "He's a [race name I can't hear], he's good," and then Rey's dad gets stabbed. Who would bother to learn alien names in Disney's version of Star Wars, where they're all interchangeable background extras?
-"You know why the Emperor's always wanted you dead? I can't tell you." Um, what?
-Even Hux's delivery when he reveals that he was the spy feels like he's just dumping more exposition. "I AM THE SPY. YOU MAY PROCEED WITH THE PLOT."
-Rey instantly takes out the stormtroopers questioning C3PO without even thinking or planning, like she's playing Call of Duty or something.
-Rey is too perfect a creature to even consider Kylo's offer even though he wants to kill the Emperor like she does.
-Close your mouth!
-As if there was going to be any explanation for how the Death Star piece got there. How optimistic of me.
-Oh my god stop. So someone made this Sith dagger that you have to visually line up with a broken piece of the Death Star which presumably hadn't even been built yet let alone destroyed. Unless Palpatine made this thing after to find... himself?
-"he said you were the last hope" uuuuuuugh
-Haha it never even occurred to Finn that there might be more First Order deserters.
-Rey knows how to drive boats now. The woman who left her desert planet homeworld a year ago.
-I thought Rey was supposed to have scavenging experience. Why is she struggling to scale the Death Star, but can drive boats fine?
-HAHAHAHA DARTH REY JUMPSCARES HERSELF BY BARING HER TEETH AND SHE HAS CGI POINTY TEETH IT'S LIKE A SHITTY HORROR MOVIE
-1:19:36 Kylo's swordstrike looks so unlike an actual sword swing that for a moment I thought he tripped.
-Leia dies making a force phone call just like Luke did.
-Why was Rey fighting the guy who could lead her to Palpatine anyway? I thought if she couldn't get to Palpatine then "it was all for nothing?"
-Based Harrison Ford still gets a paycheck from this shitshow.
-You know that city I said was a good location? It just blew up. Death Star lasers fit on Star Destroyers now. Disney canon is falling apart at the seams, nothing makes sense anymore.
-What the fuck is Rey doing? Why is she grunting while throwing fuel onto a burning TIE fighter? (Oh it's because she's a Palpatine so she's going to strand herself like Luke. I bet the locals appreciate the smell of that thing burning on their tiny island.)
-Even Yoda was in agreement last movie that the Jedi needed to end, but now Luke's completely changed his mind? This goes beyond trying to salvage a plot thread after TLJ, Luke has become a completely new character. (again)
-I'm noticing several music cues that were lifted straight out of the OT without any alterations. I guess Williams didn't have much time to compose after all the reshoots.
-"We need to pull some Holdo Maneuvers, do some read damage." "No shut up."
-Much to my surprise at this point, there is a justification for horses on the Star Destroyer. They were going to use them on the planet to take out a "nav system" without being targeted easily, but it got transferred to Whyte Pryde's ship, and now they "can't take out that ship's nav system from the air".
-Lucas rejected that dumb throne design for a reason JJ.
-Palps appears out of thin air because it's more mysterious that way.
-JANNAH SHOOTS A FIGHTER OUT OF THE AIR WITH A BOW AND ARROW
-What the hell the nav system is on the outside of the ship, why couldn't they destroy it from the air?
-Palpatine narrates Rey as she activates her lightsaber and approaches like Snoke did before he died. That's not how you impress people with your clairvoyance, it has to be something that happens more than 2 seconds after you say it.
-It's so terrible. Poe is sad they're going to loose. Then right on cue the rebels are already there, hiding behind a star destroyer. The Star Wars theme plays very loudly and no one could possibly take this seriously anymore.
-Why don't these Star Destroyers back each other up? Why are they letting fighters get close? There's a million of them. Why didn't they all stay back and obliterate the Rebels the instant they showed up?
-"It's not a navy sir, it's just people." A militia still counts you doofus.
-What is Babu doing here?
-Palps force explodes the rebels. Starships are unnecessary in this universe.
-Everyone has already commented on the one-liner. Palps kills himself in agony after hearing it.
-Pryde is dead, now all of the millions of Star Destroyers can be defeated for some reason.
-Rey dies and comes back to life without changing expression.
-Kylo should have been the one who lived. The trilogy could have been about the last Skywalker fallen to the dark side but is redeemed thanks to a girl from nowhere who dies tragically.
-Exegol stopped being blue now that Palpatine is dead. FUCK YOU JJ YOU HACK.
-Second Ewok genocide as a Star Destroyer slams into Endor.
-Chewie is the only one who gets a medal? Where did she get that?
-How is Rey any different in her last scene compared to her first? Kylo should have been the protagonist.
-When did people stop using speeders on Tatooine?
-I knew it was coming but the last line filled me with hate.

Final rating: THIS MOVIE IS A TOTAL SHITSHOW. IT'S WORSE THAN I IMAGINED EVEN AFTER KNOWING THE LEAKS WERE TRUE. / 10