Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

I pretty much expected this to happen after they were through with their shitty 2022 trilogy (they gotta find new ways to tard cum this shit), but considering how polarizing the current trilogy is, I have to wonder if they will just cancel the 2022 trilogy or revamp it into a horrible OT remake to try and salvage their mess. Also yeah it would be nice if Disney shit could get retconned, but I just don't see it happening, at least not without retconning even the OT and also without Rian, JJ and all those involved with the films throwing a massive hissy-fit and possibly getting all legal about it like a bunch of greedy pricks.
It won't be retconned. Disney just spent 2 billion on two shitty expansions to their parks based on this new trilogy. On top of that Carrie Fisher is dead. We will never see the characters we care about interacting again. This new movie is so fucking offensive because it completely demeans Vader saving Luke, one of the most powerful moments in the original trilogy.
 
Yeah, it was part of that awful Blue tard cum project, the From A Certain Point of View novel by Disney that also turned the Tusken Raider that attacked Luke into a rebellious tranny who hates his own people for not accepting him, canonized Skippy the Jedi Droid, converted Bea Arthur's character from the Holiday Special into a whiny lesbian and turned the Trash Compactor Dianoga into a feminist Force Priestess who fights rapists and was only trying to baptize Luke in sewage.
I can confirm this. Totally eye-rolling.

As an aside, one of the countless illustrations of Disney's complete lack of understanding SW is the Jedi Droid part. Skippy was a tongue-in-cheek 8-page story from Star Wars Tales centered on R5-D4 (the busted droid that Uncle Owen bought from the Jawas), a series that advertised itself as being optionally-canonical. It was clearly meant to be just 8 pages of fun for nerds that recognize the droid. Actually "canonizing" it (in so much as the novels are canon) completely misses the point. It's like those people that clamored for an actual Machete movie after seeing the original mock trailer. Just missing the point completely.

Disney has done this with so many nouns - major, minor, all media - in SW lore, it really is just Sci-Fi Brand Setting now.
 
I've spent a ton of time defending The Ewoks in Return of the Jedi. Say what you will, but I felt they served a purpose in the story, and made sense thematically and in canon. I totally buy that a warrior race of indigenous creatures would have advantages on their home turf against a force that either doesn't know they are there or ignored them, feeling as if they weren't a threat and underestimating them.

You can say they were overly cute or whatever, but I bought into them in ROTJ. Also Yub Nub rules all, fight me.

Now, I feel vindicated, because I don't want to hear another goddamn word against the Ewoks after I just saw fucking space horses riding on top of a Star Destroyer. That achieved levels of stupid I never thought possible in Star Wars, and I read a book where Lando almost married a vampire.

The thing that people hinge on is Palpatine boasting about "a legion of my best troops" and arrogantly thinking they were immune to guerilla warfare from Rebels & a bunch of teddy bears. Some also feel like it should've been Kashyyyk instead, which while cool, would've been stupid considering Wookiees are way more threatening to troops & their planet/civilization consisted of really tall trees. Better an unthreatening & possibly uninhabited forest moon than a place like that.

The funny thing is, most of the powers in this movie actually did exist in the old EU (the only one that didn't was Force ghosts interacting with the world, from what I recall). Palpatine did have stupidly OP "blow up planets" force lightning in Dark Empire. Some Jedi could use the Force to heal (although never to bring people back to life, that defeats the point of dying meaning someone moving on to the Force). There was a force sect that could teleport objects (although I recall it wasn't that OP). It's just two things. One, they're introduced terribly as Mary Sue powers for Rey or Ex Machina conduits for the ghosts instead of highly specialized powers that take years to master or powers lost to time that only certain non-Jedi sects remember. Two, some of these powers were mocked in the EU (mostly the planet destroying ones) for making the Force power creep too hard, and this canon was supposed to avoid that shit, but here we are.

I'm fine with planet-destroying Force powers considering Vader's statement in ANH about "the ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force." It's fine to have that kind of power in that universe. It's not fine for just anyone to have it. Even Palpatine. Though if Palpatine managed to cheat death and transmute his soul from body to body, then it stands to reason that he has control of other unnatural powah.

Plus, as with torturing your enemy with Force Lightning, I'm sure conjuring a galactic Force Storm still leaves you particularly prone to somebody stabbing you or throwing you down an exhaust pit if you're not paying attention. A space wizard is still a wizard.

Don't lose hope yet. Solo had a worse opening of only 84 mil, but I always said from the beginning that this movie would make more than Solo no matter how hated it was. The real question is whether it makes more than TLJ. But then again, if the whole cooking the books shit is true, we never had a chance.

Yeah. Unless we get another Sandra Kuba whistleblower.

Alec Guinness knew his shit


Some disgusting Buzzfeed bugman claims to be the boy in question


I never understand the "I watched Stah Wuz 500 times" phenomenon. Watching your favorite nostalgic movie over and over again is one thing. Keeping count of how many times you've watched it is another level of autism.

That being said, the article was interesting. Why would Alec want to embellish the story to make himself out to be an asshole? Guilt? Or is the guy in question so embarrassed about the story that he was the one who lied? Wonder if anybody else can corroborate his account.
 
Hey what's this? An new alien species that isn't ugly?
latest


They are called Kessurian, though the description sounds really similar to Togrutas. At least they don't look like a rip-off like alot of the nu-aliens we are getting.
Im sorry but but this is just a black woman with a mardi gras mask taped to her face. In addition it looks like a reject from a direct to dvd star trek movie.
 
I'm still convinced there is someone up in Disney's chain of command who is clearly fucking with everyone at this point. And the people around them are too stupid to figure that out and keep paying them. If you're reading this, all I have to say is, my hat's off to you.
Its weird right? Its like that gay toilet bounty hunter I posted about before. The guy's a walking gay joke yet Disney treats it as absolutely serious. Even old Star Wars at its worst could only produce goofy shit for kids, like Jar Jar and a crying rock, but with Disney we get... whatever the hell this is.
1577027652656.jpeg
1577027566810.png

1577027932722.png
1577028245600.png

1577028392160.png
EP4-scn18-021.jpg

1577027978564.jpeg
 
Last edited:
Here is how the boring nagging woke-ists are going to spin it - Star Wars Episode IX was bad because they had to pander to the toxic fanbase, certainly no one else is at fault here.
EMFmsMmVUAArdYF
this is such a moronic take because literally every single internet person who hated on TLJ also hates on TROS now lol
like, they make it sound like the incels are celebrating and loving this movie, when in reality the internet shitlord crowd just mocks the movie and laughs at its failure with great schadenfreude

TRoS's OK audience reception comes down to three things, imo:

The Mandalorian effect. After the garbage fire that was TLJ, people will take literally any mediocrity and elevate it to heights it doesn't actually reach. It also helps that this film at least pretends to respect the "traditional/casual" fan.

Jar Jar Abram's "strength." He's really good at big dumb booms and fast-paced films. So good, people often ignore how shallow the action is, and how broken the plot becomes. Regardless, it looks fun to people, and so people convince themselves that it's fun.

Finally, the "too big to fail" effect. No one wants to admit that near-half-century film legacy has gone down to flames and made its best moments completely meaningless. So, fans went to the movie wanting to like it--or at least, not wanting to despise it. The power of cognitive dissonance is strong.

We'll see how that audience reception goes in the next five years.
TRoS's OK audience reception on RT comes down to RT 'curating' their user reviews more tightly this time because they don't want a repeat of the TLJ situation.
on more open platforms the audience reaction is much worse:
scores.png
 
THE MASTER CALLS - A short tale of the Knights of Ren

It is a time of peace after the fall of the Empire, and its twin masters; Emperor Palpatine and his mailed fist, Darth Vader. Thereabouts of twenty years have passed since the Sith have openly ruled the Galaxy, with the countless trillions none the wiser that the Dark Side had reclaimed what the Light stole from us all those many years ago. Reclaimed the fragile peace that the masses thought their own. But peace, like all things, is a lie. There is only truth in strength, in power, and through strength and power; there will be victory.

The force shall free us.

I, now going by the name of Vicrul... Vicrul Ren, know this to be a truth taught by our Master, Kylo Ren; and our Lord Snoke. Along with my fellow Knights, we find ourselves on the far side of the galaxy, on a mission of dubious importance when we sense that things have gone… not entirely in the favour of the First Order, the Imperial Remnant that has been rebuilding in strength under the guidance of Lord Snoke and the keen involvement of the Master. Here, within our starship, the Scimitar, which was once the craft of our distant predecessor, Darth Maul; we feel the disturbance in the Force, like a lash of stinging goodness against the shadow of the Dark Side.

You all felt that?” Trudgen states off-handedly, looking at both myself and Kuruk. Kuruk returns with a nod, while Ap’lek gestures his hand in a clenching motion, deliberate, as if trying to feel not only himself, but the act that we all sensed. “The Master is no longer with us.” Ap’lek said, as Ushar began to finish his sentence for him. “He has returned to Ashla. To the Light.” I find the words escaping my own lips next. “-and slain our Lord Snoke. The First Order is headless without its Supreme Leader.”

Ap’lek responds to my own statement, as Bogan, the Dark Side- begins to reassert itself around us, the strength, the power roiling about us as it does when we grow strong with focus. “The new Supreme Leader in Armitage Hux is…unwelcome. He views those with power with contempt at best-” Ap’lek looks at Trudgen to finish the sentence as Trudgen turns to fully to face us in his own chair. “-with disdain at worst. He would cut off our resources and standing within the First Order now that the Master and Lord Snoke is gone.”

This does not change our MISSION!” Kuruk drives his fist into the table and looks at all of us, quickly casting a gaze with his steely eyes. Although we share the same pupils in our eyes – the burning crimson and amber as we are wont to do when we are fully immersed in Bogan – Kuruk has a glazed, almost cataract-like quality when he becomes enraged, but tries to rein himself in. All heads turn to him, as he breathes in deeply, hunching over the table. “Lord Snoke tasked us to journey to the storm planet and recover the Tourniquet. To close the wound in the Force. His death changes nothing.”

Ushar responds in turn. “What of our former master? What of Kylo Ren?” A dread hush sweeps upon all of us in the cabin, the Scimitar still in the tranquil silence of hyperspace. Finally, as if speaking for all, I find the words well up again. “He showed us the power of the Dark Side. He showed us that Master Skywalker was weak.” I turn to look at Ap’lek, who meets my gaze with an approving nod. Despite my reference of my past life as one of Skywalker’s students – all of us – we realized that we five are what our Master forged into a new generation of warriors free of the past. Ap’lek continues my own thoughts as he looks towards Trudgen. “The power of Bogan is stronger than Ashla. Than the light. If our Master has forgotten the promise of power that he tasted that night-” Trudgen puts on his helmet and continues the half-sentence, half-response in itself. “-then he is not worthy as our Master of the Knights of Ren.

Trudgen pauses for a moment as he looks to Ushar, then to me, then to the rest of us once more. “Then it is decided?” We feel Bogan ululating around us, the Dark Side manifesting within the confines of the cabin, the ship, all drawn from the galaxy itself. “Yes.” Ushar begins, his helmet locking with a hiss of compressing gas. “Like our predecessors which had drawn upon Bogan; the Nightsisters, the Bando Gora, the Sorcerers of Tund and the Sith-”

Kuruk slings his rifle around his shoulder as the mouthpiece of his helmet slides down and locks into place. “-there is no place for the weak among those who draw upon Bogan. No place for those such as our former Master who would use the Dark Side.” We rise as one, placing our hands across our hearts, our lightsabers in hand. We ignite them one by one, as I finish what we started. “Against the hated Ashla.” I ignite my lightsaber, the crimson beam reflecting against my segmented faceplate and narrow visor I fashioned to honor my former Master, whom I must now destroy.

For Lord Snoke.” Ap’lek declares, his own crimson beam reaching against the darkness.

“-Against Skywalker.” Kuruk joins our promise.

For the First Order.” We see glimpses of Ushar’s thoughts, that we would take the First Order from Hux and continue the vision of what our former Masters would have wanted-

“-Dominion. Against the Republic, the Resistance, and any who would oppose us.” Trudgen states, igniting his lightsaber sideways, his hand outstretched against us in a fist.

Dropping out of hyperspace in 3 minutes.” The navicomputer chirps, cutting in our pledge. We glance at one another, our features hidden behind our masks, but our resolve and our purpose reaffirmed and never stronger. We deactivate our lightsabers and hitch them away, hidden to the observer, a feint to lull them into thinking we rely only on base weapons of lesser beings.

We complete our mission in these unknown regions.” I begin again, feeling the bubbling power of the Dark Side against my voice, in my veins and in my very frame. It is as if the other Knights take note of the new paradigm we sense in Bogan itself. I store my phrik scythe against the holster on my back as we prepare to land. “-then we bring justice for Lord Snoke, and deal with the traitor Kylo Ren.”

I used a lot of EU terminology to make it sound legitimate, but used the actual published names because thinking of original names at the time when it came out escaped me myself. The narrator is the Knight of Ren Vicrul, and the springboard was from my original post way back then about how Kylo Ren seduced the other students of Luke's academy and slaughtered the remainder with what become his Knights of Ren.

This was my two-cents I cooked up as I was watching Last Jedi all those moons ago and thought Hux would take over the First Order while the redeemed Kylo Ren would escape with Rey and the cards reshuffled into a whole new Act III. I decided to finally flesh out the thoughts especially since they're connected with a very important person I've lost in the time since then. Sometimes, this is all I have left.

-Edited for formatting and removal of certain redundant sentences of phrasing. I did write this up at lunch break at work... Should sleep now, apologies
 
Last edited:
TRoS's OK audience reception on RT comes down to RT 'curating' their user reviews more tightly this time because they don't want a repeat of the TLJ situation.
on more open platforms the audience reaction is much worse:
View attachment 1063189

Metacritic has it's moments of being useful, this is one of them.
 
I was only a wee tot when the prequels came out, but they were all the rage with the neighborhood kids.
I remember one of the neighbor kids, his name was Michael or something, would pretend all day, every day, that he was a character from the star wars prequels. He wouldn't tell you who he was on any given day, you just had to tell based on what color robe he wore and which fancy telescoping lightsaber toy he had with him. He tried his best to never break character. This meant that if you were playing cops and robbers, you were actually playing cops, robbers, and a jedi.
So, like, some days 5 or 6 of us kids from around the neighborhood would be doing something like drawing with chalk, and we'd see Michael in his tree house staring at us. He could come down and draw with us if he wanted, but he was wearing a black hood over his head and was gesturing at us threateningly with a two bladed lightsaber. On those days, he was Darth Maul.
Some days he would put on a cruddy jewish old man voice (I dont know why he made Count Dooku jewish) and would act like a pensive adult. His count dooku lightsaber didnt telescope, but it lit up and made noises, so he usually found an excuse to hit against a tree or something.
The BEST persona he would put on was Mace Windu. He would try his best to imitate Samuel Jackson, and if you, like, were trying to climb a tree and sucked at it (me) he would tell you that you need to go back to the jedi academy. I remember that eventually, while we were playing bean ball, Michael fell over on his purple lightsaber and broke it. Michael was so bummed, but he didnt break character, so he started swearing like Samuel Jackson, but with substitute words for the swears. It was hilarious.

In retrospect I think Michael's parents were divorced, so that's why he had all sorts of fancy star wars toys, and maybe even why he acted like such a spaz. I hope he went into acting or theater or something.

Anyways, my point is that even the prequels were enough to occupy the minds of a generation. In contrast, I dont think I've ever even heard kids talking about the sequel trilogy.
 
I was only a wee tot when the prequels came out, but they were all the rage with the neighborhood kids.
I remember one of the neighbor kids, his name was Michael or something, would pretend all day, every day, that he was a character from the star wars prequels. He wouldn't tell you who he was on any given day, you just had to tell based on what color robe he wore and which fancy telescoping lightsaber toy he had with him. He tried his best to never break character. This meant that if you were playing cops and robbers, you were actually playing cops, robbers, and a jedi.
So, like, some days 5 or 6 of us kids from around the neighborhood would be doing something like drawing with chalk, and we'd see Michael in his tree house staring at us. He could come down and draw with us if he wanted, but he was wearing a black hood over his head and was gesturing at us threateningly with a two bladed lightsaber. On those days, he was Darth Maul.
Some days he would put on a cruddy jewish old man voice (I dont know why he made Count Dooku jewish) and would act like a pensive adult. His count dooku lightsaber didnt telescope, but it lit up and made noises, so he usually found an excuse to hit against a tree or something.
The BEST persona he would put on was Mace Windu. He would try his best to imitate Samuel Jackson, and if you, like, were trying to climb a tree and sucked at it (me) he would tell you that you need to go back to the jedi academy. I remember that eventually, while we were playing bean ball, Michael fell over on his purple lightsaber and broke it. Michael was so bummed, but he didnt break character, so he started swearing like Samuel Jackson, but with substitute words for the swears. It was hilarious.

In retrospect I think Michael's parents were divorced, so that's why he had all sorts of fancy star wars toys, and maybe even why he acted like such a spaz. I hope he went into acting or theater or something.

Anyways, my point is that even the prequels were enough to occupy the minds of a generation. In contrast, I dont think I've ever even heard kids talking about the sequel trilogy.
TLJ destroyed even children's hearts.
 
this is such a moronic take because literally every single internet person who hated on TLJ also hates on TROS now lol
like, they make it sound like the incels are celebrating and loving this movie, when in reality the internet shitlord crowd just mocks the movie and laughs at its failure with great schadenfreude

Earlier in this thread, I gave ROS a backhanded compliment. It's a shit movie, just like TLJ was a shit movie before it... but for whatever reason I enjoyed it more than I did TLJ. I think the main reason is that despite how ridiculous and contrived and pandering the plot may be, at least I wasn't constantly facepalming every character's decision making processes like I was in TLJ.

As far as general reaction, I don't think anybody thought it was great... I don't think JJ did anything too outlandish in "giving the fans what they wanted"... as that fucking ship sailed years ago. While I thought TFA was a little weak and cribbed too many soft reboot notes from ANH, I still think it's a movie that could have looked better in hindsight had Disney delivered a really good middle chapter. But once Johnson went full exceptional scorched earth, tearing down a flimsy framework from TFA instead of building it up... well, I don't see any way this trilogy was going to be saved. The damage was done... and I haven't seen anything that leads me to believe the general fan populace thinks this is some great movie.

As an old school fan who grew up with the Kenner toys in the 80s... I thought ROS could have definitely been worse. I don't really mind that Palpatine survived somehow... as even when he's not truly invested, it's always a joy watching McDiramid chewing some scenery... and I really don't give a shit about 'canon' or 'consistency' in my inspired by Flash Gordon space wizard pictures. They are goofy, escapist fare at their heart... and only grown men refusing to abandon their childhoods think otherwise. "Well we need our hero in the climatic battle... so sure, Luke can now pilot a military grade fighter craft.... because he was pretty good with Uncle Owen's Cessna Pup back on Planet Shithole" ... the whole thing is trite and convenient from day one back in 1977. So while I'm not a big fan of JJ Abrams, he really wasn't left with much to work with and just rolled out however many contrivances and conveniences he needed to shove this jalopy past the finish line.
 
There are plenty of memorable moments from the original Matrix, like the obvious bullet dodging and cyberspace graphics and shit like that. Compare to the third one, which was just an unintelligible mass of special effects.

I am not the biggest fan of the sequels, but I will say that Matrix was great in its own right and the fact that the movie also was known for slowing down rather than going at 120mph should also be noted, as well as the movie is not a Zoomer age movie. I was mostly speaking of films of the 2010s era.
 
Its like that gay toilet bounty hunter I posted about before. The guy's a walking gay joke yet Disney treats it as absolutely serious. Even old Star Wars at its worst could only produce goofy shit for kids, like Jar Jar and a crying rock, but with Disney we get... whatever the hell this is.
1577027652656.jpeg

His name's actually Bog? :story:
 
Back