Star Wars Griefing Thread (SPOILERS) - Safety off

John wick and a bunch of asian films have great choreography and the had no budget, so whats disney excuse again?

Disney Exec Cap Wearing Time:
They had to please the fans and those toxic white cis hetero male fans are so goddamn fickle that they had to spend MILLIONS trying to appease them.

John Wick just has to shoot people, it's that easy.

What was really stupid was the portion of the fight where he blocked the cleaving sword. Fucking hell, Disney has billions yet can't afford to choreograph worth a fuck.

When has a JJ movie ever had good fight coregraphing? Star Trek they are doing the same shit as they did in Star wars: Dudes punching each other, lots of falling down from level to level. Over and fucking over again. Far out battles, visuals of CGI things.

Let's look at what he directed to see if he did anything that had lots of martial arts or hand to hand combat. Producing is just signing your name to a movie, fuck that noise.

Spyjinx (Video Game) (creative director)
2019Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker
2015Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens
2013Star Trek Into Darkness
2011Super 8
2010Undercovers (TV Series) (1 episode)
- Pilot (2010)
2009Anatomy of Hope (TV Movie)
2009Star Trek Save Vulcan Alternate Reality Game (Video Game)
2009Star Trek
2007The Office (TV Series) (1 episode)
- Cocktails (2007)
2006Jimmy Kimmel Live! (TV Series) (guest director - 1 episode)
- Episode #4.269 (2006) ... (guest director)
2006Mission: Impossible III (directed by)
2001-2005Alias (TV Series) (5 episodes)
- Authorized Personnel Only: Part 2 (2005) ... (minor segments, uncredited)
- Authorized Personnel Only: Part 1 (2005) ... (minor segments, uncredited)
- The Telling (2003)
- Almost Thirty Years (2002)
- Truth Be Told (2001)
2004Lost (TV Series) (2 episodes)
- Pilot: Part 2 (2004)
- Pilot: Part 1 (2004)
1999Felicity (TV Series) (2 episodes)
- Todd Mulcahy: Part 2 (1999)
- Todd Mulcahy: Part 1 (1999)



Answer: He has not directed any movie with massive amount of John Wick (or Matrix, or Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) level fight coreography. MIssion Impossible 3? What the fuck was that one about? Oh that's right Tom Cruise Falling, Running, Jumping, or moving from Point A to B out of things.

Visuals JJ can do in spades. He's a clone of Michael Bay sans the ability to understand hand to hand action scenes. Every goddamn scene in TROS had any massive combat scene be lots and lots of moving parts and people so you could cover up for the AWFUL sword/gun play of the actors. I swear I thought I heard John Boyega go "PEW PEW PEW!" when he was running and ducking around the flagship's hull. Maybe it was in my head, either way, that battle was even MORE nonsesicle cause Oxygen coming from where? In orbit? Oh shit I'm questioning again,better not think only consume.
 
Last edited:
If those deleted scenes actually makes the RoSW movie much BETTER I would be so surprise. Because then what's the point in cutting out scenes from the movie, if it made it better.
Like the opening scene was an notable example as it left me confused to why Kylo was there in the first place if he hadn't stumped upon the triangle.

The irony though is that there's a lot of pointless scenes in this movie, like the ones with Keri Russell, that if they'd been cut out, it actually makes the movie flow better.
 
The saddest thing about The Rise of Skywalker is it helped me look back at the other bad Star Wars movies (I, II, and VIII) and help me see the positives of those movies and how those had some good ideas in them.

This is what you get when you give JJ Abrams to make an ending then combine it with corporate interference, Kennedy's feminist agenda, and the writer of two of the worst superhero films ever made in recent times.
 
I just watched that Critical Drinker video a minute ago... Pretty good take that largely reinforces the general shitposting in the last few days of this thread. I am surprised that the RLM guys haven't chimed in yet, figured they would have posted days ago.

Hopefully they're working on a huge video to critique not only this clusterfuck of a film, but the whole Disney trashfire trilogy in general.
 
Disney Exec Cap Wearing Time:
They had to please the fans and those toxic white cis hetero male fans are so goddamn fickle that they had to spend MILLIONS trying to appease them.

John Wick just has to shoot people, it's that easy.



When has a JJ movie ever had good fight coregraphing? Star Trek they are doing the same shit as they did in Star wars: Dudes punching each other, lots of falling down from level to level. Over and fucking over again. Far out battles, visuals of CGI things.

Let's look at what he directed to see if he did anything that had lots of martial arts or hand to hand combat. Producing is just signing your name to a movie, fuck that noise.

Spyjinx (Video Game) (creative director)
2019Star Wars: Episode IX - The Rise of Skywalker
2015Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens
2013Star Trek Into Darkness
2011Super 8
2010Undercovers (TV Series) (1 episode)
- Pilot (2010)
2009Anatomy of Hope (TV Movie)
2009Star Trek Save Vulcan Alternate Reality Game (Video Game)
2009Star Trek
2007The Office (TV Series) (1 episode)
- Cocktails (2007)
2006Jimmy Kimmel Live! (TV Series) (guest director - 1 episode)
- Episode #4.269 (2006) ... (guest director)
2006Mission: Impossible III (directed by)
2001-2005Alias (TV Series) (5 episodes)
- Authorized Personnel Only: Part 2 (2005) ... (minor segments, uncredited)
- Authorized Personnel Only: Part 1 (2005) ... (minor segments, uncredited)
- The Telling (2003)
- Almost Thirty Years (2002)
- Truth Be Told (2001)
2004Lost (TV Series) (2 episodes)
- Pilot: Part 2 (2004)
- Pilot: Part 1 (2004)
1999Felicity (TV Series) (2 episodes)
- Todd Mulcahy: Part 2 (1999)
- Todd Mulcahy: Part 1 (1999)



Answer: He has not directed any movie with massive amount of John Wick (or Matrix, or Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon) level fight coreography. MIssion Impossible 3? What the fuck was that one about? Oh that's right Tom Cruise Falling, Running, Jumping, or moving from Point A to B out of things.

Visuals JJ can do in spades. He's a clone of Michael Bay sans the ability to understand hand to hand action scenes. Every goddamn scene in TROS had any massive combat scene be lots and lots of moving parts and people so you could cover up for the AWFUL sword/gun play of the actors. I swear I thought I heard John Boyega go "PEW PEW PEW!" when he was running and ducking around the flagship's hull. Maybe it was in my head, either way, that battle was even MORE nonsesicle cause Oxygen coming from where? In orbit? Oh shit I'm questioning again,better not think only consume.

I think this is all the evidence that you need to prove that Hollywood picks and chooses who gets to be successful.

It's frankly a miracle Star Wars even ended up as good as it did.
 
YMS put out his review, spends half the video shitposting about public transportation and watching the camrip. Another entry to the list of "things more entertaining than Disney Wars."

Very well.

Ultimate Alien Anthology, The Essential (and New Essential) Guides to Alien Species, and maybe Essential Planets & Moons might make for amusing reads. UAA has great artwork though with aliens lined up next to each other for comparison.
View attachment 1063776View attachment 1063778View attachment 1063798View attachment 1063764
View attachment 1063772View attachment 1063780View attachment 1063789
One of the aliens pictured above actually managed to make into TLJ surprisingly enough (with a minor alteration though). One of only 5 old aliens to actually make it into Disney's shitty trilogy (not counting Chewbacca, Nien Nub, Yoda's ghost, Ackbar and the barely visible Jawas at the end of Plan 9).

Also maybe check out Star Wars Journal 1 if you're interested in seeing what inspired Square Enix to make a certain game.

Even if you don't want to read much, I suggest you check them out just for the artwork.

I know you're a Knights of Ren/Mad Max person, so I won't be biased in regards to Disney shit and tell you that the @TheMysteriousAHole has some pics that go into a lot of detail about them, that is if you still care about them despite them dying like punks at the hands of Rey and Ren.

I hope you'll enjoy it.
God, I loved the old Essential Guides. My local library had a bunch of them, and after finding them on a random perusal, I checked them out regularly and flipped through every last page, absorbing all the cool stuff that had been created in this sprawling universe. I loved reading about all the R-series variants, or the various superweapons like the Galaxy Gun or the Sun Crusher, or the Dark Trooper project, or even the multitude of TIE fighter variants. The Essential Guide to Vehicles and Vessels is where I first learned of the majesty of the TIE Defender, which I will continue to declare my favorite TIE fighter to my grave.
TIEdefender_negvv.png
Meanwhile, I couldn't tell you much of anything from Disney Wars that engages me on a similar level. And it's not just that I'm older and don't have that childlike wonder anymore, because I can still read about the old EU and get excited over it (need I bring up World Devastators again?). Disney's concepts are just bland by design, from the fleshy aliens with boring designs, to the only new droids pretty much being BB-8 and evil BB-8. And when they're not bland, they're just ripping off shit that came before, like the Death Star Destroyers or Starkiller Base. The Supremacy is probably the only thing that's remotely memorable, and only because it's a Super Star Destroyer that's just stretched out the other way.

I need to see about tracking down some of those old Essential Guides again. It'd be a real trip down memory lane for me.
 
I thought EP3 was a pretty solid recovery considering the first two... still a little bloated and clunky in places... we probably didn't need 25 minutes of lava acrobatics before Obi-Wan defeated Anakin... but generally speaking, I liked Ep3. While I kind of drifted into and out of the Clone Wars stuff, I generally enjoyed it.

But in general, I felt TFA nailed the SW universe vibe much better than the prequels did. From the get go, the prequels looked cheap. Nobody was fooled that this was anything but Lucas sitting in a greenscreen covered warehouse outside of San Francisco filming his actors read banal dialogue. They just felt lazy from the get-go. There were exceptions obviously, with TPM returning to Tunisia and such... but just way way way too many obvious digital matte paintings sucked the immersion dry pretty quickly. It just didn't really pass the smell test at the time and today looks dated as fuck. Lucas was more worried about advertising for ILM then he was in telling an engaging story or getting his actors to wake up. But I will give Lucas credit where it is deserved, the prequel trilogy slowly improved over time while Disney shit the bed and crashed with their 2nd entry.

I can tell you've never seen Lost (or you have fetal alcohol syndrome and liked it). One and a half seasons of Lost, supplemented by Wikipedia synopsi, opened my eyes to just how much of a hack JJ is. So none of this shit surprises me.

TFA paid lip service to being Star Wars. Weird fucked up retread of ANH it was, it copy and pasted shit from the OG movies, but didn't quite get there. They wanted you to believe it was Star Wars.

Where JarJar got you, and anyone else not wise to his bullshit, is that TFA is litered with Mystery Boxes. You are tricked into thinking these are Lucas' plot hooks - that neckbeard nigga can't write dialogue for shit but he is great at broadstrokes and melodrama - but they aren't, they are empty boxes with a jar of screws inside. JarJar has no plan for them. If backed into a corner and forced to act on one, he'll pull whatever resolution is convenient at the time because there's no forethought, no world building, no figuring how this figures into the greater scheme.
JarJar does a cargo-cult aping of people with talent to trick the audience into believing he also has a plan when he doesn't.


The Prequels, by extreme contrast, were meant to fill in gaps & backstory (which is I feel a big part of why they failed) not introduce new questions also to sell a shit ton of toys now that Hasbro-nee-Kenner had fucked up and lost their sweet license on toys and Lucas was able to negotiate one more in his favor. But this sense of deep backstories and only alluded to events is what made the OT so great, the sense of the unseen vastness and depth.

For example: Han is in debt to Jabba because he dumped his cargo of smuggled goods. But we don't know what he was hauling, or where, or what was going on when he was forced to drop his contraband. Your mind can come up with all sorts of scenarios, the falcon being boarded by storm troopers as Han tries to fast talk his way out of the jam. But if you actually tried to expand on it, its likely going to suck. It'll either be boring (least of all because you know how the story ends) or nonsensical*. Its BETTER that this never gets fully addressed, and fully addressing it is immaterial to the plot or Han's character.

But that's not how JarJar does his mystery boxes. Instead of tossing rando world building horseshit on throw away lines, he'll shroud it in extra mystery. JarJar would have suspense music and tight zoom on Jabba "You know how important that cargo was to me, Solo! Its simply....IRREPLACEABLE", making you BELIEVE there's some important element or story to the cargo. No, its just something that JarJar thought sounded cool.

Take Luke's lightsaber. That's a story for another time. There is absolutely no fucking way to deliver a good story about how it got there, and JarJar clearly has no idea, he just wanted to toss in some nostalgia bait get the fans worked up and doing his job for him. Rey could have gotten another lightsaber, or even Luke's saber from RotJ, and there could be a line about "I got it from a friend", which might set up an actual delivery where Yellow Yoda got it from Luke before he went into exile, or maybe from one of the Jedi trainees who left before everyone got Renned over. But those are actual interesting ideas that you have to set up and deliver one, instead of pulling random bullshit out your ass with whatever sounds good at the moment.

The best thing Rian did by subverting expectations with the TLJ was wake people up to the complete lack of any planned narrative beyond "Rey is the best at all the things, destroy anything we have to pay Lucas royalties for".



That said, I will give you: If you have never seen Star Wars or otherwise give no fucks about the franchise, TLJ aside, they are better more entertaining movies (and I won't fault you for taking TLJ over attack of the clones). But the PT is the better trilogy in that it IS an actual trilogy and not merely 3 movies with roughly the same cast & characters.


*Of course that ignores you zigging rather than zagging; say Han never dumped his cargo, he's actually ripping off his boss. But that changes the tone of the character from Rascal with heart of gold to actual ruthless con artist shitbag.**
** Until the DOUBLE reveal that is was Chewie betraying them both THE WHOLE TIME.
 
I thought it would have been more fun if the sword was sentient and sapient and was helping Rey amplify her powers but subtly "tempting" her to fall to the dark side at Exegol, a treacherous, murderous Sith Sorcerer-Blade, steeping in thousands of years of temptation and gore...

Instead, its just a goofy lookin' mall-sword that isn't even 40 years old. What a ripoff.

Edit: The Son of Mortis as the villain thing would have probably meant that wayfinder sword was going to be a magical dark side weapon called The Dagger of Mortis.
The word is that Abrams and George Lucas really liked The Son of Mortis idea and already had an English actor cast for him, Matt Smith. This was talked about in this thread. Kathleen Kennedy and others HATED the son of mortis/dagger of mortis thing, and got Bob Iger to sour on it, and that's what all the Emperor Palpatine stuff is.
 
Last edited:
I missed the quote, but then I got lost among the hundreds of new posts in this mess, heh.

RE: Palpatine's blood triumphing over the Skywalkers, reminds me of the terrible plot Sansa had in Game of Thrones, when she was meant to "avenge" her family:

- Marry Ramsay, the man whose family butchered the Starks and destroyed Winterfell
- Gets raped by him, eventually, she would have gotten pregnant.
- Keeps getting raped until she births a boy
- Boy becomes Ramsay's heir, named Bolton, rather than Stark.
- Sansa likely gets murdered after the spare heir is born.
- Stark line dies with her and is replaced forever by the Boltons.

AVENGED!
 
I thought it would have been more fun if the sword was sentient and sapient and was helping Rey amplify her powers but subtly "tempting" her to fall to the dark side at Exegol, a treacherous, murderous Sith Sorcerer-Blade, steeping in thousands of years of temptation and gore...

Instead, its just a goofy lookin' mall-sword that isn't even 40 years old. What a ripoff.

Edit: The Son of Mortis as the villain thing would have probably meant that wayfinder sword was going to be a magical dark side weapon called The Dagger of Mortis.
Kathleen Kennedy and others HATED the son of mortis thing, and got Iger to sour on it, and that's what all the emperor palpatine stuff is.

That's JarJar for you.
"We're going to actually open this mystery box, I'm so fucking excted. What's inside this Sith Assassin blade? Evil soul-corrupting sith powers? Maybe some sort of rage-poison if anyone other than a Sith touches it? Maybe force-echos of all the people it killed that will point the way forward?! ...well, no just some runes carved into it that we have to mind wipe threepio to have interpreted.
Goddammit, another fucking jar of screws."
 
I wish some people had archived the old Dark Horse forums 'cause Randy would occasionally discuss it there. Randy would also shitpost to stir up Fandalorians, too. I remember a time in one of the old Star Wars: Republic issues that a bunch of dead Mandalorians appeared because some mega Mando fans kept on pestering him for the Mandalorians to appear. The fans got their wishes!
It wasn't fans, it was a fan: specifically DarthMane2, if memory serves. His request wasn't at all unreasonable either, since Dark Horse was then going all-out on the Clone Wars content and it had been established that the Mandalorians were belligerents in that conflict since literally before Dark Horse even existed as a company. Unfortunately, Randy apparently is/was one of those people who seemingly can't help but turn into a raging 'sperg whenever Boba Fett or anything tangentially related to him comes up in discussion, so, as you say, he responded to the poor guy's request by dropping an unexplained pile of dead Mandos in the background of one panel in the flagship Republic title.

I think John Ostrander may have felt badly about the incident (at the time, it was common for just about all of the Lucasfilm authors to regularly interact with the fans via web-forum), as he later worked in a mention in Republic #65 that a Mandalorian force had been driven off of the planet New Holstice by Aayla Secura's 30,000-strong 327th Star Corps at the cost of 40% of the Republic troops (the same loss ratio as the British Light Brigade infamously suffered at the Battle of Balaclava), but I don't think any living Mandalorians actually appeared in a Dark Horse-published Clone Wars title for almost a decade after that, with this seeming embargo on exploiting one of the very oldest pieces of Clone Wars lore only lifting in 2013, as a late tie-in with Dave Filoni's animated series:

dark-horse-comics-star-wars-the-clone-wars-defenders-of-the-lost-temple-tpb-1.jpg


*edit*

Dammit, now I'm getting all nostalgic again... I really miss when SW comics were drawn by artists like Jan Duursema; even a fucking sentient tree like T'ra Saa ended up looking like a total babe under her pen:

The-Legacy-Collection-Tra-Saa_Big_6.jpg
 
Last edited:
That said, I will give you: If you have never seen Star Wars or otherwise give no fucks about the franchise, TLJ aside, they are better more entertaining movies (and I won't fault you for taking TLJ over attack of the clones). But the PT is the better trilogy in that it IS an actual trilogy and not merely 3 movies with roughly the same cast & characters.

I pretty much agree with this right here... The prequel trilogy was more internally consistent story wise, even if Lucas seemed obsessed with retconning shit in the special editions and still not having things line up perfectly with the OT. The PT clearly enjoyed a thru story thread / plot outline that was clearly missing for Disney and the complete lack of storytelling coherence they delivered.

My knock with the prequels is more about execution. There was a story he wanted to tell, he just did it with a bunch of horrible dialogue and dull presentation. Last time I watched AOTC, which was only a year or so ago with my kids, I was amazed at how fucking pedestrian it was whenever actors had to speak... episodes of Dallas or Falcon Crest from 1986 had more dynamic performances and camera work.
 
Back