Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 379 14.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 394 14.8%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 12.0%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 192 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.8%

  • Total voters
    2,661
I always wondered how she properly wipes her massive arse with those talons stabbing through the toilet paper. But then again, I doubt she can move her enormous arms to reach anyway. 🤮

do people stick their finger literally in their anus when they wipe lol? It’s not difficult to toilet properly with somewhat long nails. Her being too fat to reach is the real hygiene concern.
 
If she was willing to stick to being a social media "influencer," moving to a much cheaper part of the country and spending her days producing content for platforms that will actually pay--YouTube and Patreon, and sponsored content on Insta--would be a really smart move. She wouldn't even have to move back to Buttfuck Nowhere, MS; she could find someplace decent and affordable in the greater Houston, Dallas-Ft Worth, Atlanta, Memphis, or St Louis areas, and there are plenty of ambitious young gays in those places who would love to do her hair and makeup, and try to conjure up something new and fabulous to swathe her in. That would also put her near a major transportation hub, making it easy to catch flights to anywhere else--should anybody still want to fly her in for paying gigs.

But she's a dim-bulb "model," not a creator. If she actually had the brains to produce content for social media, and make a career out of it, she would be doing it by now. That she's not, despite having such a huge following, just tells me she's too short-sighted and stupid to ever do it. I mean, my god--that she doesn't have a Patreon just fucking astounds me. She should have had that up and running years ago, and that she never did attests to her room-temperature IQ (and Nick's, as well).

So she's desperately trying to stay in the LA area, (despite, as Nick informs us, worrying about making rent), for the same reason every other desperate hopeful or struggling, faded Z-Lister does--that's where virtually all of her chances at paid modeling work, as well as the chance to encounter real celebrities, or walk a red carpet to prove she's still famous, are. If she leaves, she leaves behind the chance to show off what a celebrity she is to her Insta followers. It's also an admission that she can no longer make it in LA, or as a professional model at all.

She's had her taste of fame, is a full-blown addict for it, and she wants her heyday back. And she's stupid enough to think that she might actually be able to get it--if she just gets a few fillers, and a bit of Botox, and loses a bit of weight under the claim that it's "self care," she could start getting jobs again, and everybody she's burned will come back and want to hire her again. And to do that, she's got to stay close enough to LA to grab at any chance to be in the limelight, no matter how broke she is.

I still think she'll move out to somewhere really shitty, like Riverside, Perris, Hemet, Lancaster, or Palmdale just to stay within driving distance of LA, before she finally crashes and burns and has to drag herself and her kids back to Mississippi (if she doesn't ship them back to stay with family, first).

The reason she's on the diet train is because stylists, photographers, and fatgirl brands are all onto the fact that she's no longer a size 22, hasn't been for a long time, and yet she keeps lying about it. I think the Self photoshoot, where she was obviously draped with clothes that weren't even close to fitting her, was probably the last straw; that was her last high-profile shoot.

She has a choice: she can admit to her true size (which is probably a 28/30), which would limit the jobs/Insta promo deals she could still potentially get because she's too big for all the "better" fatgirl clothes. She's too big for Eloquii, now (not that they want to talk to her because she makes their clothes look like shit when she squeezes her bulk into them, then lies about their sizes runing small). Or, she could lose weight, and get back down to a size 22.

And she's apparently decided on the latter--though I suspect it was because somebody she considers vitally important had a come-to-Jesus talk with her about why they won't hire her (or provide her with free clothes) until she gets her shit together. She's been getting fatter and fatter, and lying about it, and fucking up photoshoots and runway shows because of it for years now, and that hasn't been enough to make her put the fork down--until now, all of a sudden.

I don't think she'll lose the weight, btw. She's too fucking dumb to know how to do it properly (fried brown rice? really?); too lazy to meal plan, prep, and cook; too accustomed to using food as a source of comfort and entertainment. And she'll have every FA advocate ready to call her out for the sin of dieting, and triggering fragile young fatties with any talk of weight loss. Since the only people who actually give a shit about her are the FA/BoPo crowd, she'll have to lose weight without ever talking about it on Insta, or publicly congratulating herself for her progress, or seeking asspats for it--which means she's fucked.

This is what also makes LA such an unmitigated hellhole. (Don’t get me wrong there are amazing cities all over CA, but I’d chose hellhole MS over a shitty one bedroom in LA. At least in MS I could move somewhere and only have to talk to squirrels, which are better company than 95% of LA’s residents.) The City is just full of people so desperate to be famous or near fame, so desperate to convince you how glamorous and fabulous their life is while sucking off old dudes to make rent in a roach infested bedsit.

Nathaniel West’s ā€œDay of the Locustā€ is just as true today as it was in 1939.

Tess embodies the very worst of LA. A fat neglectful single mom of two kids who is living in a crappy one bedroom apt (with 4 ppl) wasting money or hustling for beauty treatments or other things that read as glamorous or luxurious so she can pimp herself to get just a little more exposure or fame. Her life is the opposite of glamorous, it’s low rent and pathetic, but as long as she can sell try to sell the opposite image on IG it’s all good!

She’s the worst case scenario of capitalism- consuming and image are her entire existence. LA is the perfect city for her fupa slug trail.


More pics from her most recent night of drinking and eating crap with friends. It seems she knows a baker who was kind enough to allow her to stir things and put stuff in the oven.

So this is how they act when invited to someone else's house. Tess smugly informs us that she bakes holiday cookies every year like a giant fat Betty Crocker, while stuffing her face with pasta. She did not make the food and I doubt she cleaned up. They got drunk and decided to flash Instagram...
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... but what's this? Oh, the children were there while they were drunkenly pulling up their shirts? I'm sure your teenage son was thrilled to be a part of this. It seems he was charged with Bowie's care while mommy got trashed and trashy. What a lovely holiday memory.
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I’ll never get over having a big, honking 60 inch massive TV screen above a mantel. Tacky as fuck, but even this house is way above Tess’s current standard of living.

The irony is Tess’s dreams of fame and food addiction have left these kids envious of how well kids in Englewood live.
 
Ever the bastion of vapidity, Tess has decided that the best treatment for #sad resulting from fake mourning is an AMA. Tacky nails are the best depression treatment! Fave drinkie poos! White trash name origin stories (Ryann, you named Rylee after yourself, dimwit)! How great her moddle outfits were! #Spon ad for Lush! Wow, she feels so much better now you guys.
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This is what also makes LA such an unmitigated hellhole.

I thought it was the Romero-like swarms of of itinerant psychotic methheads and pants-shitting heroin addicts attracted by the liberal drug policies and the sunshine, plus the typhus, bubonic plague and other third world diseases?

I like to think of Tess and all those fame-grubbers just like her, stepping in human shit left by worm-infested junkies right after they take another round of 'glamour' selfies in some hotel bar to prove they're living the most aspirational of lifestyles.
 
Ever the bastion of vapidity, Tess has decided that the best treatment for #sad resulting from fake mourning is an AMA. Tacky nails are the best depression treatment! Fave drinkie poos! White trash name origin stories (Ryann, you named Rylee after yourself, dimwit)! How great her moddle outfits were! #Spon ad for Lush! Wow, she feels so much better now you guys.

I don't know about you, but when a close friend dies, I too deal with it by somberly peacocking online and shilling like a shameless whore.
 
I like her little jab at Nick.

Q: What's your favourite mythical creature?
A: A stable man.

Full-blown open warfare when?
Speaking of that faggot, what's he up to?

He's inter mixing sadposts about his prize pig with flirting with posts about s&m
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He regales us with stories of his heroic efforts to find an AA group that will give him asspats
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And at the same time, he wants to have someone kill him so he never actually has to get a job or leave his mom's couch.
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I like her little jab at Nick.

Q: What's your favourite mythical creature?
A: A stable man.

Full-blown open warfare when?

I'm starting to lose faith that either one of them is going to start dropping nuclear bombs. I think they have a "mutually assured destruction" agreement and there's a bunch of shit they both want kept secret. I think by now any chance of Nick coming back is gone, but there won't be some big announcement that they're done.
 
It says more about Tess than it does about men that stable men avoid her like the plague.
Tess isn’t very stable herself, so asking for a stable man is too much. If Tess wants a stable man, she needs to move out of LA, get a normie job, and participate in her kid’s lives. Tess is too much of an attention whore to do that though.
 
I don't know about you, but when a close friend dies, I too deal with it by somberly peacocking online and shilling like a shameless whore.
It says more about Tess than it does about men that stable men avoid her like the plague.

oh but isnt our speshul soopermodel queer?

stable men do exist but they absolutely avoid people like tess at all costs. Unfortunate for tess but a man would have be very mentally unstable to find her attractive or wife material.
 
Tess isn’t very stable herself, so asking for a stable man is too much. If Tess wants a stable man, she needs to move out of LA, get a normie job, and participate in her kid’s lives. Tess is too much of an attention whore to do that though.

Crazy unstable BPD dirtbags always whine about wanting a no drama, stable, partner to pay all their bills. They never understand their behavior and personality only attracts other unstable, BPD dirtbag freeloaders. Shockingly stable, sane, successful people only want relationships with stable, sane, successful people (at least if they are over 25).

Getting a rich trophy prince or princess seems to be a constant theme for people wit BPD, along with always being a victim in every single relationship they ever do have.

From the sounds of it gay hubby got his walking papers after they got evicted/lost their last rental. No room for him at Jolene’s and Tess was only interested if hI’m if he could provide her a place to plop her fat ass on a sofa, so back to Oz he went.
 
I think she’s just waiting on a magazine to give her a payout for her side of the story for the break up. The problem with that is nobody is interested. How on earth she has been on the cover of magazines still boggles my mind.

I'm starting to lose faith that either one of them is going to start dropping nuclear bombs. I think they have a "mutually assured destruction" agreement and there's a bunch of shit they both want kept secret. I think by now any chance of Nick coming back is gone, but there won't be some big announcement that they're done.
 
I think she’s just waiting on a magazine to give her a payout for her side of the story for the break up. The problem with that is nobody is interested. How on earth she has been on the cover of magazines still boggles my mind.

Magazines have to have any interest in a person’s life to begin with to give two shits about a divorce. I don’t think any magazine has thought anything about Tess except when a token fat is needed for photo shoot filler. I’d be shocked if any pubs even knew she was married. I don’t think even the lowest of online gossip websites that live for low tier YT personalities would even take an interest in her marriage or divorce.

I also think one of the reasons you don’t see Tess on YT is because it’s too much work, her affect is awful and she doesn’t have the equipment or production capacity to look good on video. PS and editing still photos is one thing, trying to do the same on video is far more time consuming and difficult.

(Think how Chantal looks in her selfie photos compared to how she looks on video. Tess could never handle that level of realness. The drag queen level of fakery she employs makes her ā€œeff your beauty standardsā€ theme the height of hypocrisy, Tess is a slave to old fashion beauty standards but she can’t meet any of them without mountains of artifice and editing. )
 
Magazines have to have any interest in a person’s life to begin with to give two shits about a divorce. I don’t think any magazine has thought anything about Tess except when a token fat is needed for photo shoot filler. I’d be shocked if any pubs even knew she was married. I don’t think even the lowest of online gossip websites that live for low tier YT personalities would even take an interest in her marriage or divorce.

I also think one of the reasons you don’t see Tess on YT is because it’s too much work, her affect is awful and she doesn’t have the equipment or production capacity to look good on video. PS and editing still photos is one thing, trying to do the same on video is far more time consuming and difficult.

(Think how Chantal looks in her selfie photos compared to how she looks on video. Tess could never handle that level of realness. The drag queen level of fakery she employs makes her ā€œeff your beauty standardsā€ theme the height of hypocrisy, Tess is a slave to old fashion beauty standards but she can’t meet any of them without mountains of artifice and editing. )
Well, its not like the magazine can report the truth about her and nick. Can you imagine THAT article? Would it mention his reddit posts where he talks about enjoying lots of cox in his mouth or his interest in tom of finland and superfatchicks?
 
I also think one of the reasons you don’t see Tess on YT is because it’s too much work, her affect is awful and she doesn’t have the equipment or production capacity to look good on video. PS and editing still photos is one thing, trying to do the same on video is far more time consuming and difficult.
She should ask Onision to do it in exchange for sex. She's probably a bit old for him though.
Well, its not like the magazine can report the truth about her and nick. Can you imagine THAT article? Would it mention his reddit posts where he talks about enjoying lots of cox in his mouth or his interest in tom of finland and superfatchicks?
Yes.

Also, what could Nick possibly be hiding that neither he nor Tess has told anyone? What's stopping him from exposing her? We all know he's a commie fag. He's open about this. He's open about being borderline too. She's called him a narcissist on her Insta before so it's not like that's never been revealed.
 
There's probably nothing to reveal after all. Tess is just a boring megacunt while Nick is a mopey fag.

Oh, I never expected any type of interesting drama or secrets that could actually be exploited for fame or profit. No big publication/media outlet gives a shit. It’s more a matter of watching your gross obese wine aunt and self-obsessed closet-case uncle snipe at one another across Facebook until it finally explodes into something resembling an Amy Ramadan ten-dollar-drama. Tess might try to tell ā€œher storyā€ to some 10th-tier vlog but it’ll just be vague shit about emotional abuse (which will probably be true- they’re both obviously mega-bpd type assholes) and then Nick will have to tell ā€œhis side of the story.ā€ In other words, your run of the mill tacky nonsense, nothing in Glamour or Elle or whatever. But it’ll sure be fun to watch!
 
Tess bestired herself from her harrowing grief to get all dolled up with nowhere to go. It counts as moddle work if you don't have any clients and are only sitting on your gigantic ass in your nanny slave's living room, right?
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