Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[WonderWino]

The server will tell him "the Poonanner is not in the cards for you".

Indeed, thats what they'll tell lucas

.....and then 2 tables over the 20 year old flatbill and his greybeard father will be having lunch together, they'll both order the poonanner. The waitress will smile and call out to the kitchen to send some out, whereupon the owners 2 18 year old daughters will come out of the kitchen, sit their assses up on the table in front of the two other diners and spread their legs

....all while lucas watches in utter seething rage, with all the if looks could kill glaring he can muster. Lucas, unable to handle the greybeard and flatbill getting what he so rightly deserves, picks up his pepsi filled glass and hurls it across the room, shattering it against the wall. He then stands up and waddles in indignation out of the restaurant

Upon exiting the building, he spots a telephone pole a few feet away, clearly visible from the restaurant entrance. 'This is my chance for revenge! I can really stick it to those agephobic greybeards and flatbills this time!' he thinks to himself, as he reaches in his pocket and pulls out a tattered piece of paper and duct tape. The paper is a copy of his incel manifesto he has been posting throughout spokane to find the child bride of his dreams. His task complete, the wern waddles off into the nearest alley and into the night, his incoherent ranting about agephobes and socialism echoing through the alleys of spokane.

Thus the legend of the wern was born. Local hobos drinking swish and swapping stories around a burning barrel in their shanty towns recount stories they've heard about how on cold winter nights in spokane, you can hear the voice of the wern echoing through the alleys of the city, a mourning crying out for his lost tween breeding mare. They recall how those with younger hobo girlfriends of their own can sometimes hear the werns voice getting ever closer as he repeats his mantra 'who has my juicy woooommmbbb.....? give her to me you agephobic bigot.....i'll give you cheap booze if only you introduce meeeee........' sometimes accompanied by a strange and horrific smell and the eerie feeling of being watched from the alley or dense woods just outside the light of their barrel fires. None can say for certain what it is and no hobo, especially the 16 year old runaways are brave enough to investigate

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

I think it's destined to be a truism, that the ones who mock cows are worse themselves.

I present:

Who is this jackass? Compared to him, Lucas is Dave Chappelle.

 

[Rescuetoast]

I think it's destined to be a truism, that the ones who mock cows are worse themselves.

I present:

Who is this jackass? Compared to him, Lucas is Dave Chappelle.

what was even the point of making this? Was it supposed to be funny?
Serious question, I really can’t tell.

 

[Rogowski]

Now the question is did this really happen or is it all in his head?

 

[WonderWino]

Now the question is did this really happen or is it all in his head?

....i'm going to lean heavily in the 'its all in his head' option. There is no way he actually did that 'with everyone in his building.' There would have been an incident if he had tried it. Either someone losing their shit on him and putting him in the hospital or some kind of harassment and/or attempted rape allegation by one of these supposed hot young addicts to the building manager. He wouldn't be posting about it, he'd be either thrown out of the building for arrested for it. Trying to blackmail someone into sex, especially a young woman is not something the building manager can ignore at all. That would be a lawsuit and potential criminal charges against the manager themselves if they refused to take it seriously

So yeah, no chance in hell that actually happened the way he says it did, at all

That said, publicly making claims like he did there is no joke and no laughing matter as far as the company that owns the building is concerned. Just making statements like that can get him in all kinds of very, very serious shit if they find about it. He's literally claiming to be committing a sex related felony in the building. That, again, is not something they can ignore. Its something they absolutely have to confront him about if they see that are made aware of that post, to protect their own asses legally. The fact that he just randomly made a statement like that, clearly unaware of just how much trouble it can get him into, shows just how mentally deficient he has become at this point. He's always been a shit disturber that tries to get away with little vindictive shit, but not long ago he never would have done something that overtly stupid, he would at least understand how much shit it can get him into

Lucas really, really needs a proper psych exam by a professional, behavior like this is a huge red flag for someone like him

 

[Rogowski]

Lucas wouldn’t do it face to face if he did blackmail anyone he’d probably leave notes

 

[wenttobermuda]

I think it's destined to be a truism, that the ones who mock cows are worse themselves.

I present:

Who is this jackass? Compared to him, Lucas is Dave Chappelle.

My suspicion is he's one of us.

Now the question is did this really happen or is it all in his head?

I don't know what to make of this.

I don't think he is bold or industrious enough to blackmail "all," or even any, of his neighbors for sex. I don't believe he's so far gone as to actually believe he has blackmailed all of his neighbors for sex. Is he fantasizing out loud? Is this edgy Lucas humor? Is he feebly trying to troll th world?

He's certainly getting weirder. Between this and lurking in the stairs, it seems the focus of his zoomer poonaner hunt is moving from online environments (like Fetlife, etc), or bars, to his complex. It's seldom a good idea to shit where you sleep. Especially considering how he tends to get banned from the places he hunts zoomer poonaneer in.

 

[AnOminous]

If he actually tried something like that and said 'yeah give me some younger pussy or i'll call the cops' he would get his ass flat out killed, possibly right then and there. You do not fuck with heroin dealers like that. What a fucking moron

He really doesn't want to get known as a snitch in a house full of ex-cons, some of whom are also current cons. Getting his ass kicked is the absolute least that would happen to him. Getting dead isn't that unlikely either.

 

[Rogowski]

He’s definitely manic tonight.

 

[inv773]

what was even the point of making this? Was it supposed to be funny?
Serious question, I really can’t tell.

To me it would be a last desperate attempt at getting Lucas to grasp reality. If not it's just comedy.

For the most stubborn of all, mockery is the truly the final step, and nothing does it better than actual parody.

Yes Lucas, this is how stupid this looks. Maybe someone in a wig will get you to realize this isn't going to work. It's going in the opposite direction.

 

[WonderWino]

He’s definitely manic tonight.

Well, isn't that interesting

The last time he brought up star trek it was to compare himself to soran from star trek generations, which both amuses and scares me. Why you ask? the tldr is soran was an scientist who went batshit and became obsessive about getting back to the nexus, which was basically some kind of energy ribbon that sent anyone caught up in it to some kind of heaven like dimension where literally every fantasy you had came true. soran basically became an obsessive nutcase and developed a torpedo to destroy some local start to divert it in such a way that it would hit a planet he was on to drag him into it, destroying a populated planet and killing everyone on it...for what he knew was a delusional fantasy

Think about that for a second and how similar that actually sounds to lucas - crazy obsessive person willing to sacrifice millions of people to allow him to go live out a delusional fantasy consisting of his greatest desire. That sure sounds eerily like something lucas would do, doesn't it? and we all know what that particular fantasy would look like - I can see it now, lucas sitting in an olympic swimming pool filled with KFC gravy, dipping cheesy cukes into it and eating hundreds of them at a time, while surrounded by hundreds of perfect 10 tween girls, all pregnant with his super sperm over and over again until he fills fantasy spokane with thousands of wernlings, all while becoming a PhD geneticist and developing the perfect super human....while being hailed as the greatest genius of the 21st century, while watching millions of bigot republicans get gassed in giant auschwitz style camps. Its no wonder he compared himself to soran like that. He must fucking love that part of the movie

As for the second, it sounds like he's getting desperate and starting to go full circle: he tried finding out where the greybeards and whatnot got their women, then he tried reasoning it out himself, then he tried stalking to some degree, then he tried to guilt people into telling him, then he tried to play buddy buddy to find out, then he tried bribing with liquor.....and now hes running out of ideas and threatening literal blackmail. I assume this is related to the druggies with supposed 20 year olds in the building that he has already threatened to blackmail....otherwise I really don't understand what exactly he is claiming to be blackmailing these people over. Then again its lucas, trying to do things logically is an exercise in futility for him

I have to say I am very interested to see where this saga goes next. He seems utterly oblivious to the utter shitstorm he is risking bringing down upon himself. I suspect somethings going to happen, one way or another in the not too distant future, as he is getting way too stupid and overt about things this time

 

[Nobleman]

I think it's destined to be a truism, that the ones who mock cows are worse themselves.

I present:

Who is this jackass? Compared to him, Lucas is Dave Chappelle.

That A-Logging was so bad that it was worse than A-Log.

 

[Poop Shoot]

I have to say I am very interested to see where this saga goes next. He seems utterly oblivious to the utter shitstorm he is risking bringing down upon himself.

He doesn't seem to understand that blackmailing someone for sex is, what, a stones throw away from rape - if not outright rape by coercion. Publicly making these accusations are going to get him arrested or evicted with a quickness.

 

[Rogowski]

A lot of local Spokane FB shitposters are going off on Lucas’ admitted blackmail right now and one of them are actually contacted him on twitter to see if he was serious or not. I’m not sure if the winky-smiley face emoticon is supposed to allude to this being his shitty comedy or if he’s being sincere but here ya go make your own assumptions.

 

[wenttobermuda]

Most likely explanation in this instance is that Lucsas is a tard pretending to be a non-tard who's pretending to be a tard.

Eager as I am to believe the worst about him, I don't believe he's running around blackmailing people for sex. He's just feebly stirring the shit. His routine stupidity must not be getting him enough attention. Perhaps he's run out of things to say about his semen.

I'd be delighted to be wrong, however.

 

[LightEmittingDiode]

Lucas is a giant pussy; he wouldn’t dare confront a little old lady let alone confront a literal drug dealer to give Lucas his “honies” or he will rat him out to the cops/building management. He also wouldn’t dare to confront one of the drug dealers customers - Zoomer female or otherwise.
This is all for internet tough guy points, except no one believes his bullshit.

 

[Bassomatic]

If Lucas wasn't a disgusting pedophile at this point I'd feel sad.

He's seeing and hearing things, sitting alone in his filthy hovel and wandering to a stair case to hope to find a sexy toddler for some insane ass reasoning.

Pretending he's batman fighting drug dealers and then posting he's sucidal.

This dumb mother fucker can't learn hes been in a cell or nut house for less. I would not rule a ween moving on this last posting.

Also that "prank" video was so cringe I might need a wheel chair my back broke.

 

[dingobaby]

It doesn't really matter if Lucas is actually blackmailing drug dealers for their honies or not. He put it on social media. What is an already paranoid meth dealer to think?

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas isn't successfully blackmailing anyone in the .01% chance he's actually trying to, so whatever.

He's just voicing frustration because he thinks scummy drug dealers are having sex and he has no chance.

 

[TelemeresDaddy69]

Thus the legend of the wern was born. Local hobos drinking swish and swapping stories around a burning barrel in their shanty towns recount stories they've heard about how on cold winter nights in spokane, you can hear the voice of the wern echoing through the alleys of the city, a mourning crying out for his lost tween breeding mare. They recall how those with younger hobo girlfriends of their own can sometimes hear the werns voice getting ever closer as he repeats his mantra 'who has my juicy woooommmbbb.....? give her to me you agephobic bigot.....i'll give you cheap booze if only you introduce meeeee........' sometimes accompanied by a strange and horrific smell and the eerie feeling of being watched from the alley or dense woods just outside the light of their barrel fires. None can say for certain what it is and no hobo, especially the 16 year old runaways are brave enough to investigate

You could also hear "agephobes, agephobes, these women are agephobes.. agephobes, agephobes, misogynist, these women are agephobes..."