Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Kideo Hojima]

There are plenty of wild school stories I have and while I won't go into detail for most of them, some honorable mentions include:
- A popular kid in my year who acted like every single gay stereotype rolled into one despite being straighter than a ruler. He'd always be the lead role in any school made musical and was known to be a person who thought he was better than everybody else. The strangest thing was, however, whenever there would be a minor inconvenience his way he would bawl his eyes out. I end up hiding his trashy YA novel once? Instant tears. His voice cracks during a high note in the musical? Tears. Come to think of it, any musical I participated in was kind of cringy.
- I originally wanted to take German as a language course in middle school. (You were allowed to take either that, Italian or Spanish.) Instead of a nice teacher for my class, I find out that she's been placed on maternity leave and we instead got some old Russian lady in her sixties. Her accent was so thick that most of the class couldn't understand her and we slowly turned said class into a chaotic mess. Whenever she'd lose control of the class, she'd blurt out "I cannot take it anymore/ no more!" Oddly enough, she never did report us.
- In 4th grade, someone asked me how to determine a snake's gender. I said something along the lines of "a boy has a penis, a girl does not." and my 4th grade teacher overheard me and scolded me for using such an inappropriate word.
- That one fat sped in high school who lived with his grandparents who was caught allegedly jerking it to and nutting on pictures of girls from our year. He didn't show up for two weeks after the video leaked online.

 

[FuckedUp]

- I originally wanted to take German as a language course in middle school. (You were allowed to take either that, Italian or Spanish.) Instead of a nice teacher for my class, I find out that she's been placed on maternity leave and we instead got some old Russian lady in her sixties. Her accent was so thick that most of the class couldn't understand her and we slowly turned said class into a chaotic mess. Whenever she'd lose control of the class, she'd blurt out "I cannot take it anymore/ no more!" Oddly enough, she never did report us.

Did you have my 10th grade chemistry teacher? Her losing it and going on a tirade about how bad we were always made my week

 

[Kideo Hojima]

Did you have my 10th grade chemistry teacher? Her losing it and going on a tirade about how bad we were always made my week

There weren't a lot of teachers during my school life that wailed about the woes of dealing with hyperactive children who clearly didn't want to be there. (Tip: If you hate children, do NOT become a public school educator.)
I do recall my middle school band director assistant (an overweight lady who kind of looked like a lesbian) screeching out "STOP. TALKIIIING!!!!" whenever we were just quietly chatting among ourselves. Come to think of it, she was kind of a mean old hag. (She would also give a few tirades about how "mean" we were being and saying it was gonna be our faults if we slipped up during a concert. Something about making us look bad?)
During a winter concert, the band members had to sit in the back of the auditorium and watch all of the other musical clubs go first and perform because we were the last act. If she caught you sleeping or not paying attention to the main act, she'd hiss in your ear about how disrespectful you were or something for some other reason. One time, she saw me read a book during choir and she stomped over and snatched it out of my hands. I don't know what she said to me exactly but I think it was along the lines of "Don't be rude, give them your full attention. Show some respect."
The look on her face when I reached into my book stash below my seat (I was an avid reader at the time.) was priceless. She almost had an aneurysm on the spot and instead just fucked off.

 

[Disheveled Human]

I had watched several cartoons in my time as a kid and thought it would be funny to do the old "before someone sits down on a chair to swipe the chair away" so they fall on their ass. Well I reenacted this trope and the poor kid dropped on his ass on a hard floor. I didn't get in too much trouble and the kid seemed fine but I still feel bad about it to this day.

In highschool I used to pick on this chubby kid in gym class and coined the nickname for him "Cone Tits" which was an instant hit with the rest of the class. I later felt really bad about it when I found out I had things in common with the person we both played Counter-Strike and Baldurs gate. We never made amends and still feel awful about it to this day.

Long story short I'm good at being an asshole but now only use it for defensive purposes most of the time.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

- A popular kid in my year who acted like every single gay stereotype rolled into one despite being straighter than a ruler. He'd always be the lead role in any school made musical and was known to be a person who thought he was better than everybody else. The strangest thing was, however, whenever there would be a minor inconvenience his way he would bawl his eyes out. I end up hiding his trashy YA novel once? Instant tears. His voice cracks during a high note in the musical? Tears. Come to think of it, any musical I participated in was kind of cringy.

Are you sure he wasn't just pretending to be straight? Because that sounds pretty gay.

 

[Kideo Hojima]

Are you sure he wasn't just pretending to be straight? Because that sounds pretty gay.

We didn't talk much so I'll never know. I did hear rumors that he had a few girlfriends and the relationships were short. For all I know he could've been a beard even though my school was extremely tolerant/wouldn't care.

 

[CrystalRoserade]

Had a classmate who legitimately thought he was some kind of cat demon, a witch, and a dragon. Said classmate was also a wannabe emo, complete with hating his family and wanting to go to Hot Topic. He even hissed at people. He was that exceptional. People loved messing with him because of how he'd react, which usually consisted of him throwing a major shitfit.
I had him in my US History class and a few of my English classes, plus we went to the same elementary and middle school. My last interactions with him were in Junior year. I did see him Senior year, but we barely interacted. Most of my interactions with him were me telling him to cut it out with his shitty attitude, with a little bit of genuinely playful teasing. Also, he hated nicknames with a burning passion, even if they weren't intended as insults.
Also, said English classes were IEP (Think Special Ed but higher functioning. Basically a diet version of the regular classes.) I never learned what sort of learning or social disability he had, but I have a feeling it was either some kind of autism, or schizotypal personality disorder, or a combination of the two, since he lacked any real social grace. Fairly intelligent, just a bit of a delusional asshole at times..

I also had a classmate who was a redneck, complete with racism. He did get his ass kicked by a black guy who was known to be a bit of a hothead, once. Said black guy was also a total asshole, but that's beside the point.

As for something related to me, I used to have trouble chewing due to having a bad under-bite (As in, only two teeth on either side matched up) that has fairly recently been corrected. Said trouble chewing would usually result in me vomiting, which would happen often. It got to the point that in elementary school a kid thought I was allergic to hamburgers because I'd end up vomiting whenever we'd have them. Also got kicked off the bus once for trying to defend myself when some asshole kids were picking on me. Unfortunately, I was the one that got in trouble while the other kids got away with it. The kicker? The asswipe of a bus driver made up some clearly bullshit excuse about me tapping people's asses with rolled up paper as they left for the reason that he kicked me off. Thankfully my dad didn't believe a single part of it, and I had a friend who was on the bus too.

Another edit to add another story, this time relating to my experience with Foods classes in middle school and high school.
I was switched into a Foods class in seventh grade because I was a bit slow at PE, and the coach was worried I'd get hurt. One of the first days I was there, the teacher was making chocolate chip cookies. As she was demonstrating, she got to scooping out the dough when a classmate interrupted her to ask her when the chocolate chips were added... which resulted in the rest of us realizing that she forgot to put the chips in the dough. She was a bit of a crotchety old lady, from what I remember. Ended up failing the class because I kept forgetting to write down the recipes in a folder. Next year, when I took the class again to make up for failing it the first time, we had a much younger teacher, who didn't make us write down recipes. She was fun. We even did homemade alfredo sauce in that class.

Senior year of high school came around and I took Foods, hoping I'd learn some sort of new technique, or even newer recipes. Nope. The teacher took way too long to go over the syllabus, complained about us being behind when she was the one responsible for that, and would frequently go off on tangents when trying to teach us. We only did about three or four recipes for that class specifically. Now, for the club she lead (FCCLA)? She made us cook stuff for them. Stuff like chicken tortilla soup, for instance. What did we make? Pizza, cookies, muffins, and a breakfast plate. We didn't even get to make the pizza dough ourselves. All we did was put sauce and toppings on the dough.

 

[snailslime]

freshman year during lunch, a trans girl pinned a girl who was bullying her down and started hitting her over the head with a lock. i think they both got expelled but idk

 

[Jason Wynn]

Went to high school with a kid who was a pathetic coomer. I mean, they all are, but the things this kid would do to get spank material was sad...

Traded me a gold cart of Majora's Mask, box and all for a Playboy I swiped out of a store dumpster for him.

Traded my friend a copy of Perfect Dark, box and all for a pack of naked lady playing cards he got for like $5

Would pay cold hard cash for porno pics we'd print out and give him. He had a computer of his own, but we didn't ask questions.

He stopped after this fat goth girl left her hoodie on her chair in the cafeteria, Coomer Kid grabbed it and started smelling it, goth girl's boyfriend saw him doing it and socked him a few good ones.

 

[Brain Power]

A girl at primary school ended up pregnant (and had the baby) at 12-13, just before she had to go to secondary school. I don't remember how old I was when it happened, probably under 10. I think that made me afraid of romance and sex

 

[Skin and Bones]

I went to a Catholic grade school. So we had a nun teaching some classes. But unlike what most people would expect from a nun, this one was tall and strong and should be pretty gruff if she was angry, which meant all the students and their parents were scared of her. There was this one time we were going to church and a kid thought he would get away with running away. She chased him down him and picked up him to yell at him. I was oblivious to how scary she was, so we got along pretty well.

 

[Pinot Pierrot]

When I was in middle school, I was interested in parkour esque maneuvers which meant mostly jumping down stairs and going places I wasn't supposed to. One time when I was in one of those moods, I jumped over the side of a railing and almost landed on a adult's head. I probably wouldn't have heard the end of it if I did so I decided to cut back on it from then on.

I was big on Assassins Creed during high school, making the grand decision to take up parkour even though the entire location was a series of low-level buildings laid out on flat, unexciting terrain. Nevertheless, every lunch break I tried emulating Ezio by going outside to attempt wall-runs up the same two ledges over and over again, hoping I can get better with practice (I didn't).

On top of being that kind of moron, I was the shy type who didn't like attention; I would hide whenever I hear footsteps, or just stand around pretending nothing was going on if there wasn't a place to duck. Nevertheless, some classmates of mine did see me in the act while I wasn't paying attention. Repeatedly. I only learned this when my little brother told me, years later, that he knew about my old habits because they approached him about the subject. Apparently, they admired me for being the kind of guy who doesn't care what others might think (I am). My little brother said he didn't know how to respond to that.

I didn't either.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

I remember one teacher in middle school, she had the late 40's chunk going, big hips, big red hair and always wore long skirts. Think of someone that organizes drum circles for other chunky ladies so they can celebrate their womanhood and you're pretty close. She was our home ec teacher, of course.

Her type is not that unusual, there are many like her, but what made her different was that she had no filter. She never seemed to think about what was appropriate before saying it and this could derail a class into things that had nothing to do with baking bread. The memory that really stands out is her impromptu sex ed. One time she started talking about the wonders of puberty and the beautiful changes to the body, this was spurred by her seeing her 14 year old son in the shower the other day. She told us that she had changed his diapers, seen him naked as a pre-schooler, and in the sauna(unisex) when he was ten or so and now... -- just to be clear she was talking about his dick and balls, she was explicit about that. Her general description of his genitalia could easily be confirmed by the boys just by looking at it, after all he was our age and we had gym together. He was in the other class.
What does that have to do with meatballs? Fuck if I know.

There was also a river of shit flowing under our school. There was an underground tunnel connecting two buildings and there was a mid-sized manhole on the concrete floor down there. If that was lifted you could see an endless stream of something that looked like this slowly flowing under it.

Never found out what that was about, it seems unlikely that they had a pipeline of shitty school bolognese being secretely piped somewhere.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Had a very socially conservative math teacher in 6th grade. She forbade discussion of R rated movies, would single kids out for not listening to Christian music, and frequently ranted about politics.

Her favorite topic to rant about was Obama. You'd think the history teacher would be ranting up a storm about politics, but nope. Every history teacher I had was cool.

 

[GinnyPotter]

I went to an alternative school in high school. Not a bad kid school but just one you actually didn't get taught by teachers and basically had to teach yourself. (One of my first English projects I had to read 4 books and do projects on them. I bought 4 rockstar autobiographies and had a blast with it. To this day Motley Crue is still my favorite band.) It was a really small school (150 kids total) and it was split between morning and afternoon. The graduation was usually 20 kids max.

The school was 4 days a week (friday was optional), three hours a day, no buses, you had to take a three week orientation to get into it and had to maintain a 3.0 GPA or else they would kick you out. They didn't have any extra curricular stuff, you had to get your P.E credit basically on your own and every few months they would have a week where you could sign up for random classes that had nothing to do with school. So you basically would show up to school, do work and the teachers were just around if you had questions. Sometimes they would just disappear for the whole class period. One year they had a class that just went up to the mountain and you could snowboard or ski all day. Another time, RENT was touring before it went to broadway and a bunch of kids signed up so they bought tons of tickets and then most of the kids decided they didn't want to go. This school wasn't well funded so when we got to the threater, my math teacher was standing on the corner scalping tickets.

My best friend had a birthday party one year and invited me and another close friend and her boyfriend over for a party. It was pretty badass. Her dad made sushi and her stepmom made one of the best cakes I've ever eaten. Although I didn't eat it until the next day.

She was a pretty big drug addict and had a lot of issues so was on a lot of medication. Like at one point she was put on lithium. So she has a really high tolerance for drugs. At lunch, we decided to take some pills and because I trusted her, I didn't think twice about taking what she gave me. I was never really a pill person but it was her birthday so I said, 'what the hell, why not?'

She ended up giving me 500MG of Tramadol which I had never even heard of before but it was a regular dose for her. By the time I got to her house after school, I was so fucked up I could barely move. I started getting super overheated and my friends had to undress and put me in less clothing. When we went down for sushi, I couldn't eat anything but she didn't want her dad to know how fucked up I was so she would sneak sushi off my plate.

We had school the next day and her dad was one of those people that always made sure you had breakfast and lunch, so he had me eat an orange for breakfast. I was still pretty fucked up but ate the orange on the car ride to school. Halfway I start feeling super sick. I barely make it out of the car when he dropped us off and I projectile vomit all over the front of the school. No one saw me, so I slug into the building and pretend like nothing happened.

I spent the whole day periodically going to the bathroom to puke/dry heave and literally sleeping through every class. None of my teachers said anything. They just let me sleep because they knew I had partied the night before. It was fucking amazing. When I would leave a class, they would just smile like they knew what I had done the night before. Several kids were talking about all the orange puke in the front of the school and wondering who it was.

All in all, the school and teachers really got to know the students and really cared about them. I am def grateful for the experience. Several years later, I heard they started cracking down and punishing kids more. Glad I went when I did.

Sadly, my friend ended up overdosing and passing away several years later. But that day was one of the good memories I have of her.

Jesus, that was long. My bad. I woke up way too early and am just killing time til I gotta work.

 

[FuckedUp]

would single kids out for not listening to Christian music

Wouldn't that be the majority of the class?

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Wouldn't that be the majority of the class?

Yes.

 

[Chan Fan]

In high school I had to ride the bus with this obese kid who wore a bucket hat and talked to himself the whole ride and his stop was like two before mine so I had to hear him talk to himself for a long time. He was odd-looking, big dark circles under his eyes. The strangest thing he did was that he would shout "Keep crackalackin'!" right when he was about to get off the bus. EVERY DAY. I think the bus driver was just glad he was leaving because he always sat up front in the seat behind her so she had to endure hearing him talk to himself as she drove.

One time he was talking quietly and most of the other kids on the bus had been dropped off so I listened to what he was saying. He said, "Which is more imporant - the cracka or the lackin'?" I never saw him talk to anyone else and despite living in my neighborhood the only other time I saw him was when he would stand in front of the small gas station his family owned, where he would talk about crackalackin'.

 

[RedAntiNationalist]

One time a spider crawled on my arm and I screamed really loud

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

One time a spider crawled on my arm and I screamed really loud

Was it one of the bigass ones, or, like, tiny red dot?