Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Mola Ram]

It must have been a truly spicy Mt Dew marinated chicken that induced Bob to think "the world needs to see the Care Bears wage a War in Heaven and this time Micheal won't be there to save God The Cloudkepper"!
Like I'm torn between thinking this is so braindead it needs to be purged from the world and thinking this is so batshit that it kinda needs to happen.
"Care Bears meets Paradise Lost" even Alex Jones would tell Bob to lay off the crack pipe.

Did you get to Professor Coldheart's origin, where he liberally rips off Batman: The Animated Series with a soupcon of Adventure Time?

Even in his madness, Bob is incapable of original ideas.

 

[BR55]

Did you get to Professor Coldheart's origin, where he liberally rips off Batman: The Animated Series with a soupcon of Adventure Time?

Even in his madness, Bob is incapable of original ideas.

I was more taken by the endless MCU rip offs.
The Avengers style team dynamic.
The obligatory post credits scene.
The Avengers Assemble moments.
The big stupid climax.
The Joss Whedon style teen sitcom "drama" between the "team members".
The stupid backstories and personal foibles each Bear has.
The other stuff is mild by comparison.
I also loved the Order vs. Chaos stuff ripped straight from pulpy fantasy.
Only the finest creation myth for Bob's Care Bears pitch.
Bob's blogspot is a fucking gold mine.

 

[Marissa Moira]

Does anyone know who actually owns the Care Bears IP?

Hallmark and Hasbro.

 

[Mola Ram]

I was more taken by the endless MCU rip offs.
The Avengers style team dynamic.
The obligatory post credits scene.
The Avengers Assemble moments.
The big stupid climax.
The Joss Whedon style teen sitcom "drama" between the "team members".
The stupid backstories and personal foibles each Bear has.
The other stuff is mild by comparison.
I also loved the Order vs. Chaos stuff ripped straight from pulpy fantasy.
Only the finest creation myth for Bob's Care Bears pitch.
Bob's blogspot is a fucking gold mine.

As is true of Bob's fascination with Mario Bros. and his hateful personality, the contrast between the fluffy innocence of the original property and Bob's focus on violence and grittiness makes for some high-larious dissonance.

The Bears attack, but the enemy moves with alarming speed to dodge their tummy-blasts.

He makes ready to freeze the rest of her... but he's stopped (and the red-glow "broken") after being hit in the face with a birthday cake! Birthday Bear, having summoned the last of his strength to do this, falls unconscious.

Cloudkeeper "powers up" to a glowing, giant-size form (think 25-30 feet) and vows that he'll kill Coldheart himself, but the Bears resist - even as their onetime Master tells them that they have no right, that they were made to serve and that they'll never manage without him. Tenderheart's response is to call for the lineup once again: "Care Bears... STARE!"

You know, I have to give Bob credit. I consider myself a modestly talented writer and I could not come up with something this demented if I had a hundred years. Bravo.

 

[Arthur Morgan]

As is true of Bob's fascination with Mario Bros. and his hateful personality, the contrast between the fluffy innocence of the original property and Bob's focus on violence and grittiness makes for some high-larious dissonance.







You know, I have to give Bob credit. I consider myself a modestly talented writer and I could not come up with something this demented if I had a hundred years. Bravo.

This is why I believe the fan fiction where he gets a sword from Iwata and teams up with Nintendo characters exists because it sounds exactly like something Bob would write, especially Mario stomping Marcus Fenixs head until it's a pulp.

 

[LiquidKid]

Another terrible movie idea that isn’t original. Imagine my shock.
View attachment 1140591

View attachment 1140592

Bob... even Phineas and Ferb thought this idea wasn’t good enough to use and delegated it to a lame marketing skit for Shark Tank

There's a key difference between Disney's remakes and Blobbo's ideas. Disney is producing cheap, soulless knockoffs of their existing properties, but they at least manage a pastiche of familiarity with the concept. You're not going to get a very different story from the original. It's played safe to a fault, but it works well enough because of that. When parents want to take their kids to the movies, they know that a Disney remake is going to be a safe bet, and it'll tick their own nostalgia boxes from watching these movies when they were younger. It doesn't hurt that there really don't seem to be a whole lot of kids' movies released in theaters these days, so Disney has more or less cornered the market, to the tune of a hefty pile of cash with every remake.

Bobby, on the other hand, seems to believe that the correct way to remake any franchise is to subvert expectations a la Rian Johnson, which for him generally means "come up with the dumbest way to flip a story around and then praise yourself for being so smart to think it up." His ideas are often built on spite towards existing fans of a series or people he hates ("Terminator except the bad guy is the mayonnaise ghouls"), or they come from a place of sheer insanity ("Care Bears but it's Paradise Lost"). And that's when he's not ripping off material that he's already seen before, such as the "Hot Wheels movie but they're shrunken cars" that is literally pulled from Ant-Man and the Wasp. Top it off with his insistent claim that each one of his exceptional ideas is a "billion-dollar franchise," and you've got yourself a standard MovieBob film idea.

Disney's remakes are bland and safe. Robert's hot takes are actively antagonistic or incomprehensible. Even if he had any sort of clout to be noticed, nobody would hire him for any of his garbage concepts.

people who work for Disney also know how to write a paragraph without using a parenthetical statement. Bob can barely manage a sentence without relying on one.

 

[BR55]

Reading some of Bob's other pitches is a riot.
His Megaman pitch for example.
In it Dr. Light and Dr. Wily are friends initially, Light being the upper class gentleman and Wily being from the dang dirty working class, but of course end up clashing.
Wily wanting to use automation to drive the working class extinct because he was bullied as child, holy fuck the projection is real.
Other than that it has everything you expect.
The out of place violence and grittiness, the shallow MCU tier "adult" themes in what is on paper for kids...You get the idea.
Or his Captain Planet pitch which is...It's just the fucking Avengers with a Captain Planet skin, big surprise right.
Oh and the villain is an eldritch/lovecraftian abomination, those are Bob's exact words, called, I shit you not, Zarm.
And theres a rip off of Jarvis/Vision from Iron Man as well. Again big surprise.
And then theres his MCU X-Men pitch...which is just his MCU fanfiction.
It's honestly the most boring of the bunch.
Seriously though guys I can't do this stuff "justice" you need to go read it for yourselves.
You won't believe that he unironically wrote the absolute lunacy you'll be witnessing.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

It must have been a truly spicy Mt Dew marinated chicken that induced Bob to think "the world needs to see the Care Bears wage a War in Heaven and this time Micheal won't be there to save God The Cloudkepper"!
Like I'm torn between thinking this is so braindead it needs to be purged from the world and thinking this is so batshit that it kinda needs to happen.
"Care Bears meets Paradise Lost" even Alex Jones would tell Bob to lay off the crack pipe.

Now I want to see Alex Jones reading Bob's Twitter account. Could you imagine his reactions to this shit?

 

[Adamska]

Reading some of Bob's other pitches is a riot.
His Megaman pitch for example.
In it Dr. Light and Dr. Wily are friends initially, Light being the upper class gentleman and Wily being from the dang dirty working class, but of course end up clashing.
Wily wanting to use automation to drive the working class extinct because he was bullied as child, holy fuck the projection is real.
Other than that it has everything you expect.
The out of place violence and grittiness, the shallow MCU tier "adult" themes in what is on paper for kids...You get the idea.
Or his Captain Planet pitch which is...It's just the fucking Avengers with a Captain Planet skin, big surprise right.
Oh and the villain is an eldritch/lovecraftian abomination, those are Bob's exact words, called, I shit you not, Zarm.
And theres a rip off of Jarvis/Vision from Iron Man as well. Again big surprise.
And then theres his MCU X-Men pitch...which is just his MCU fanfiction.
It's honestly the most boring of the bunch.
Seriously though guys I can't do this stuff "justice" you need to go read it for yourselves.
You won't believe that he unironically wrote the absolute lunacy you'll be witnessing.

I wish that smoothbrained tard actually put something like categories so I could read these and spork the shit out of them, because I didn't know he decided to tard on Mega Man and Cap'n Planet. But of course dumb dumb Bobby doesn't; organization of thoughts are for filthy wrinklebrains with walnut thoughts, not frictionless galaxy brains who seek to recreate EpCot rides as reality so he can die a robot.

 

[BR55]

I wish that smoothbrained tard actually put something like categories so I could read these and spork the shit out of them, because I didn't know he decided to tard on Mega Man and Cap'n Planet. But of course dumb dumb Bobby doesn't; organization of thoughts are for filthy wrinklebrains with walnut thoughts, not frictionless galaxy brains who seek to recreate EpCot rides as reality so he can die a robot.

The Care Bears/Paradise Lost pitch has already been linked here.
The other three pitches I mentioned are linked right at the beginning of the Care Bears pitch.
Just in case you were wondering.
I don't know how many pitches there are but thats a good place to start.

 

[RSVP]

Not an archive, but Bob is generally too stupid to take these embarrassments down. (And if he does now, we'll know you're reading, chubs.)

Pitch Me, Mr. B: "CARE BEARS"

Well, then. We've finally reached the end point of this little experiment. With CAPTAIN PLANET , MEGA MAN (now to be a real thing, for bet...

moviebob.blogspot.com

So Carol is Bob's self-insert in this fic, right?

The Care Bears introduce themselves to Carol, a young quasi-"goth" type who has trouble making friends and prefers to stay indoors painting and playing music. She's indifferent to the Bears attempts at happy-making, which only makes them escalate to what soon feels more like "happy" bullying.

Finally, Grumpy get's pissed off and interjects: Maybe she has a good reason to feel bad, and maybe her way of dealing with it via painting etc is working for her - why should she change to meet their version of "happy?"

she feels that her "weirdness" isolates her from other kids.

This part feels like wish-fulfillment:

Carol performs a song about feeling alone and different at the open mic cafe. After a pause, she receives a standing ovation and the owners gift her with a special trophy given to especially strong first-timers.

And this part is like Bob is trying to paint a sympathetic picture of his bad attitude:

she understands feeling hurt and angry and needing to let it out. But also that she's learned you don't share bad feelings to spread them, like a disease - you share them to let people know who you are, and that you could use help or a friend.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

Hallmark and Hasbro.

So by that fact, would Bob hypothetically have to go to Paramount to make his Care Bears pitch, since they’re involved with Hasbro?

 

[BScCollateral]

Spoilered because it is almost off topic, but I don't think it is.

Spoiler: Kung Fu robots do Milton

In the 1970s there was a Japanese TV series about a guy in a rubber suit pretending to be a robot who fought evil. This particular show was called Kikaider, and one of his archenemies was his evil counterpart, the Hakaider.

In 1994, a gritty reboot was made about the adventures of the Hakaider, with the hilarious title Mechanical Violator Hakaider which sounds like a Red Letter Media character.

It is an SF post-apocalypse superhero retelling of Paradise Lost., complete with God played like Michael Jackson. I shit you not.

I have no idea if the Hakaider in the original series is true to its personality in the film, but Honi soit qui mal y pense.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

All of this, and an absolute zero percent chance Bob has ever actually read the original Paradise Lost. Maybe some bowdlerized class notes version, but I doubt even that. The language and concepts would have been far beyond his comprehension. It would frustrate and bore him. Whatever he thinks he knows about it is whatever scraps of pop knowledge are out there floating in the ether.

 

[Mola Ram]

So Carol is Bob's self-insert in this fic, right?

Nah, the self-insert is clearly Grumpy Bear. "World-weary," likes technology, a loner, sick of everyone else's positive attitudes. Total Bob. I guess he really is a bear.

I could also see him planning to have a cameo as the Bill Hicks-ish standup comedian who of course totally belongs in a theoretical Care Bears movie. Oh God, did Bob try to be a standup comic once upon a time? I can totally picture it.

All of this, and an absolute zero percent chance Bob has ever actually read the original Paradise Lost. Maybe some bowdlerized class notes version, but I doubt even that. The language and concepts would have been far beyond his comprehension. It would frustrate and bore him. Whatever he thinks he knows about it is whatever scraps of pop knowledge are out there floating in the ether.

Cliff's Notes or Wikipedia at best. Maybe he was taught it senior year in high school, but that suggests he was in an honors or AP class, and I kind of doubt that. Either way, his most in depth experience with it was probably the Star Trek episode "Space Seed."

Casting Grumpy Bear in the role of Satan is truly exceptional, though.

 

[RSVP]

Nah, the self-insert is clearly Grumpy Bear. "World-weary," likes technology, a loner, sick of everyone else's positive attitudes.

Spoiler: Grumpy Bear

 

[Judge Dredd]

Not sure if Bob knows the difference between a good movie or spank bank. I'm thinking he only likes the Harley Quinn movie because he feverishly knuckle slams his slug dumpling to Margot Robbie.

He does, but he made the argument that seeing a film because it's got a hot scene is no different than seeing a film for a good action scene.

It's a fair point, you know what they say about broken clocks. Films like Basic Instinct and American Pie show there's something to that. I'll defend Bob more and say that it's okay that Bob likes femdom Nazi movies.

Like most of Bob's beliefs, it falls apart when it goes from love to hate. I remember Bob called the woman in Transformers movies (I think it was Megan Fox) a talentless walking real doll. It's okay for Bob to fap to Black Swan, Sucker Punch, She Wolf of the SS, or whatever Mario fanfiction is on his hard drive because they push his buttons, but don't you dare get a boner watching Megan Fox lean over in tight jeans in Transformers or play Dead or Alive Xtreme 3 to watch giant tits flopping about or you're a bad person.

If Bob really wants a "Cars shrunken down and confused for Hot Wheels" movie, he could have the cars be highly technologically advanced spacecar weapons that get shrunken down by a group of evil spies who burst into the laboratory where they were developed with the intent to steal them and smuggle them out of the country. A few of the scientists who worked on the space cars get shrunken down by accident, and they hop in the now shrunken spacecars and drive them away, escaping the evil spies. Once out on the street, the shrunken supercars run into a small boy who mistakes them for Hot Wheels, scoops them up and takes them home. It's up to the teeny scientists to escape from the boy, find more fuel to power their supercars (they had to use it all up in their escape attempt,) and find a way to get the cars to the authorities and restored to their regular size before the evil spies track them down. There. You now have a premise for a throwaway kids movie based on a toy franchise. The whole thing could be 3-D animated by Illumination for a song. Yer welcome. I want ten percent of the take from the toy sales in exchange for this idea.

You inspired me to make my own.

Spoiler: My billion dollar Hot Wheels movie idea

Don't make a movie.

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

I could also see him planning to have a cameo as the Bill Hicks-ish standup comedian who of course totally belongs in a theoretical Care Bears movie. Oh God, did Bob try to be a standup comic once upon a time? I can totally picture it.

That would end... badly. "What do you get when cross a diabetic genius movie critic with a society that is run by obsolete mayonnaise ghouls and steals his Superior Future? I'll tell you what you get, friendo. You get what you fucking deserve!"

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

You inspired me to make my own.

Spoiler: My billion dollar Hot Wheels movie idea

Don't make a movie.

Mine was "Care Bears Meets Fast and Furious but all the cars are Hot Wheels cars," so you've got one up on me there.

 

[Rei is shit]

Robert loves advertising



Epic games store lost a customer


Globohomo will defeat DEATH ITSELF