It's 100% a scum move not to tell a dating partner your biological sex from the very start (or ideally,
before it ever comes to dating/romance.) Why would you expect people to respect your 'gender identity' and accept it as a very important 'truth' (i.e. Jazz: "I am a woman!") if you're hypocritical enough not to respect that your potential partner almost definitely has a thing of their own called a 'sexual orientation' that
they would like respected and treated as a very important personal truth of theirs, too?
I'm out of the dating pool, but it seems like most of my lesbian friends (I'm straight but the majority of my female friends are lesbians, with my interests/career it's just turned out that way) have either felt personally pressured or just flat-out publicly shamed if they won't date an MTF 'transbian,' who are almost always the gross AGP types obsessed with the 'validation' of getting a real (or the grand prize, a "gold star") lesbian to sleep with them. It seems that particularly lesbians are the victims of this 'but I'm a woman on the inside so my penis is just a girldick, it's nothing like a man's penis (the dreaded 'mouthfeel' argument), I'm a girl in my soul, don't you care more about hearts not parts?' gaslighting, as if 'you just haven't found the right man/penis yet' hasn't always been asshole entitled men's opinion on lesbians... (I don't mean all men are entitled assholes, I just mean lesbians have always had to deal with a certain type of man who apparently will never understand that 'I'm a lesbian' does not equal 'ha ha that's cute, but no really, I know once you try
my cock you'll see the light, so how about it?')
I've had lesbian friends say 'it felt like we were making all this progress, we could finally be out, we could even
marry our girlfriends, we could speak up about 'corrective rape' and almost every sane person would agree 'that is fucked up, we need to end all of that shit' but all of a sudden, if you're a lesbian who won't date a biological male with a 'girldick' who came out as trans last week and isn't even on hormones yet,
fuck you and die in a fire you transphobic, trans-suicide-causing, cis-scum TERF bitch!' Even if their main reason for not wanting to date that person isn't even that they're male - it's that they don't like a single thing about their personality and still wouldn't date them even if they were biologically female! - It's still a denial of a lesbian's right to be recognised and respected as a lesbian: a female exclusively attracted to other females.
As for MTFs who go after straight men and don't tell them... asking to get murdered and your killer acquitted on a 'gay panic" defence, much?
I feel like FTMS aren't engaging in this kind of deception nearly as much, or at least you certainly don't hear about it as much... isolated cases yes, but it's obviously a bit harder to pass off a strap-on as a penis than it is for a male to tuck, tuck, tuck (or just guilt, guilt, guilt.) And a lot of FTMS seem to still date lesbians, not straight women or men...
I'm part of a social group with a dickhead MTF and his rationale for not telling the 'fellow lesbians' he dates that he's pre-SRS trans is 'everyone lies on their dating profiles... they say they're younger, taller, thinner, use old photos... what's the difference?' Um, most people (lesbians included) who find dates online are no longer shocked to meet a 'match' who obviously has a few extra years behind them, is a little shorter than they were expecting, or who has a few more wrinkles and a couple extra pounds compared to their profile photos... but I'M ACTUALLY MALE AND STILL HAVE A PENIS isn't really in the same league as those common 'little white lies.' I'd argue it's MUCH worse even than the other common 'secret reveal' that I think is just shitty and pointless, "I'll wait until we've been on a few dates and he really likes me before I tell him I'm a single mom with two kids at home." (although I may have to rethink my opinion of this one, because the last
five women I know who did this got an unexpected answer - "oh, that's actually a relief, that's totally fine, because I've got a kid/kids too with the ex and thought you wouldn't be interested in
me if you knew."
Nikkie's story sounds weird... I only encountered her recently (still, pre-outing) watching some 'model quest' tv show brainlessly to relax and she was the celebrity guest, and I clocked her instantly. It wasn't her face or her mannerisms or anything - they're actually super 'feminine' - it was a combo of her voice and that she's just giant! The contestants were vying to be fashion models so they were all really tall, but she still towered over them... she looked like 7' something next to them. I know they build humans tall in her part of the world (I just googled and it says she's 6'2... no way, she's definitely taller than that and she's also
built) and just looking through google images of her next to average-sized women, how did anyone
not know? But good for her I guess, and great that it's worked out with her partner.
The last annoying thing is when trans people think it's okay to 'go stealth' until they feel like telling their partner because their partner is bi/pan, so they assume they won't care... one, if you actually believed that then
why go stealth, and two, 'bi' usually means someone is capable of feeling attracted to both men and women - but most often
not someone 'in between.' "Pan" is the tumblr-speak for pure 'hearts not parts', but in my experience a lot of young people who call themselves 'pan' are just being defensive - i.e. "please don't kick me of the LGBTQ alliance because I don't want girldick on an MTF or a pump-up "penis" on a FTM, I've actually just been calling myself 'pan' because according to the cult anyone else is transphobic scum who needs to die in a fire, but I'd never
actually considered getting involved with a troon... I just figured out real fast that if you're an actual lesbian, the MTF 'Ts' feel entitled to you as sexual partners, and if you say no, they'll kick you out of the group and threaten to burn you alive."
Anyway, Nikkie shots: no one else was
not shocked she's trans? She seems lovely and heaps of fun, but c'mon...
