Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[World's Smallest Violin]

Remember guys, she wants a beauty brand. I can't imagine anyone is knocking down her door to demand she collab with them.

Given her ethical history that won't happen any time soon.

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Her PR people are really working overtime to make her look like a decent person before the EYBS merchandise is released.

 

[Whale Lake 2]

She think Bowie will make him - and her by asssociation - stand out and look glamorous, creative and unique. David Bowie was cool and beautiful and special, therefore if you give your son that name, it shows you are too. She's wrong, of course.

Trash on either side of the Atlantic always seems to be drawn to giving their children 'original' names, names made up from whole cloth or ganked from current trashy celebrities. There's also the trend of mispelling a normal name on purpose to stand out. It's actually a strong socioeconomic marker that can actually affect chances of getting a job to have a clearly 'trash' name on your CV. She called him Bowie instead of David because David is far too subtle to signal her intended association with glamourous rock stars. It's kind of a very weird form of aspiratonal weirdness in that it doesn't even work, if you are actually aspirational for your kids you give them a name that will help them, not hinder them or basically stink of the ghetto or the trailer park. It's like the way Tess dresses in that she think wearing bright, fussy, sausage skin 'sexy' ghetto clothes awith bits cut out and little straps and high hemlines, showing acres of skin and cleavage and tats and having these long, fussy, false nails makes her look hot as fuck and glamorous as fuck, when it does the opposite, it makes her look her very worst and emphasizes her very low class background and taste.

The question of names bothers me a lot more than it should, no matter the cow that is being discussed. A name is what you have written on documents and what you carry around your entire life. Sure, you can legally change it, but would your parents be happy that you changed the name they gave you? Would they even call you by your new name?

Onision naming his daughter after a girlfriend he had in high school and misspelling the name (that poor child is called Cloey) is a thing of shame, and the same can be said about Tess. Bowie wasn't even his actual surname, it was his stage name; even David Bowie's legal name was a boring, normal, perfectly regular David Jones.

People, especially failures like Tess over there, need to realize that names are important, and you cannot call your child a series of sounds you just came up with (that poor girl called Abcde), fucked up versions of Catherine because you want it to be exotic but not too exotic, or random words (Gwyneth Paltrow called her daughter Apple, for Christ's sake) or celebrities' stage names. It's ridiculous because they want their kid to have a special, recognizable name in order to give them a little bit of fame as soon as they are born, and yet they don't do jack shit to actually teach them something that would make them shine.

Just look at Tess' second kid: named after one of the best known artists that ever lived, and yet he's four and has not been potty trained fully yet. A disgrace.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

you cannot call your child a series of sounds you just came up with (that poor girl called Abcde), fucked up versions of Catherine because you want it to be exotic but not too exotic, or random words (Gwyneth Paltrow called her daughter Apple, for Christ's sake) or celebrities' stage names. It's ridiculous because they want their kid to have a special, recognizable name in order to give them a little bit of fame as soon as they are born, and yet they don't do jack shit to actually teach them something that would make them shine.

Just look at Tess' second kid: named after one of the best known artists that ever lived, and yet he's four and has not been potty trained fully yet. A disgrace.

It's another example of the weird mirroring that goes on between the very top and bottom of the socioeconomic scale.

Celebrities/entertainers have fuck-you money and high social status that basically erases the social disadvantages that come with giving dumb names to your kids. Even so, it' quite common that the child reaches an age where being called say, 'Zowie Bowie' is so embarrassing they actively change it to something normal (Zowie Bowie called himself 'Joey' by his teens and now goes by 'Duncan'.for example). Upper class, old money or aristocracy have their own odd naming traditions that reflect their high social status, insular social culture and the history of their families. People from the lowest rung of the socioeconomic ladder copy this 'name child something odd to stand out) without realising they don't have any the natural advantages of rank or wealth that erase the problems that come with having a really stupid name. There's a weird cargo cult quality to it; naming a kid after a supremely rich and famous entertainer, trying to acquire some of their mystique without realising the mystique comes from their fame, their talents or creations, NOT their name. The name became glamorous because of the person, not the other way around

 

[SnarkySperg]

Her PR people are really working overtime to make her look like a decent person before the EYBS merchandise is released.

They did a shit job.
1. She's one of those 'sEx wOrK iS rEaL wOrK!' people. I know she's always given off an air of sexuality, but come on. Also, no way does she dislike being fetishized. Even if we aren't assuming she's getting feeder fetishist money on the side, she's constantly sexualizing herself, using her weight as a selling point.
2. 'I'm entitled to wear your clothing because bodily autonomy means I get to be a gluttonous pig!'
3. She doesn't sit around eating all day, sure, but she's definitely eating 'comfort food' a whole fucking lot. Most people aren't comfort eating daily, and she is. Even if she isn't doing it 24/7, she's doing it more than she should be.
4. No fucking way is she going to therapy. She can't even afford an apartment.
5. 'I'm not perfect.' Oh, we know. But you do. You absolutely act like you have all the answers, going so far as to shame people who question your all-encompassing wisdom.

Overall, more of her virtue signaling and fake 'wisdom' that just sounds like a whole lot of nothing when you think about it for more than half a second.

 

[Whale Lake 2]

1. She's one of those 'sEx wOrK iS rEaL wOrK!' people. I know she's always given off an air of sexuality, but come on. Also, no way does she dislike being fetishized. Even if we aren't assuming she's getting feeder fetishist money on the side, she's constantly sexualizing herself, using her weight as a selling point.

Sex work is empowering only for those who choose to do it and not face any kind of consequences if they leave it. The people that say this crap are mostly spoiled, young girls who had all the possibilities in life and think that being sex workers is something special and that makes them different.

Go ask to the prostitute that works on the streets and has a pimp that beats the shit out of her and whose life is on the line every single time a client approaches her if she's empowered and happy with her job position, or if she would rather have a job in an office.

The problem is that Tess doesn't realize how close she is to becoming like the latter, rather than the former.

 

[multiverse]

Her PR people are really working overtime to make her look like a decent person before the EYBS merchandise is released.

... and although she's totally on a "social media break" and absolutely dying of flu: she's still scrolling for (positive) mentions. She found one.

 

[SnarkySperg]

... and although she's totally on a "social media break" and absolutely dying of flu: she's still scrolling for (positive) mentions. She found one.
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Social media break to her is literally just 'don't post anything that won't disappear in 24 hours'. Also I think during her last break she used the EYBS page at some point too.

Does she just masturbate to this stuff? She constantly posts these posts to her stories. Sometimes she includes a caption ('aww, love you too!') but usually it's how it is here, where she's literally just reposting stories that worship her just to say 'hey! People like me!' She's not even trying to hide her narcissism

 

[Mike Hunt]

Remember that time Nikki was legitimately employed for years in the music industry, thereby becoming an expect in all the best music marketing techniques?

Me neither. What a weird lie to flex on. If you have so much industry experience, why could you never find employment in LA beyond "buy my crap digital paintings of my more famous wife"? Why do you have "a crappy job" now?
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Only catching up now, but can someone explain how cassette is superior to CDs? I know that tape storage is a good archival medium, but is there a noticeable audio difference between cassette and CD that my admittedly uncultural ears can't pick up on? Or is this more of Nikki trying to add to his fake hipster cred?

Does she just masturbate to this stuff? She constantly posts these posts to her stories. Sometimes she includes a caption ('aww, love you too!') but usually it's how it is here, where she's literally just reposting stories that worship her just to say 'hey! People like me!' She's not even trying to hide her narcissism

Maybe she has no one in real life (outside of maybe her two kids) who would seriously tell her that he/she likes Tess unconditionally. Most of her hanger-ons are people like Nick who wants to leech off of Tess' relative fame. That's how I see it, anyway.

 

[Parthenos]

Only catching up now, but can someone explain how cassette is superior to CDs? I know that tape storage is a good archival medium, but is there a noticeable audio difference between cassette and CD that my admittedly uncultural ears can't pick up on? Or is this more of Nikki trying to add to his fake hipster cred?

Eh, vinyl and archival tape reels win over CDs in terms of audio quality but cassettes don't really stack up in comparison. They're analog so they sound better in theory, but they were never meant to store high-fidelity audio so they'll lose out against good quality CD files or FLACs.

A lot of hipsters still use cassettes, but that form of distribution is to my experience mostly limited to niche subcultures. So for instance, you're likely to see cassettes sold at, say, a local DIY/punk concert. Or for another example, many musicians for vaporwave - which is practically built on 80s/90s nostalgia - intentionally chose to release on cassettes as a homage to the era.

My guess as to why he likes them? It's because during Nick's childhood, he most likely listened to cassettes. So of course he's going to favor those over CDs. Keep letting us all know how old you are, Nick!

 

[multiverse]

Tess seems to have gotten over the Worst Flu Ever within 24 hours; there's a difference between being hung over and having the flu, fatty.

Why won't any hot, stable, normal man date her? I can't imagine.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Tess seems to have gotten over the Worst Flu Ever within 24 hours; there's a difference between being hung over and having the flu, fatty.

Why won't any hot, stable, normal man date her? I can't imagine.
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Tess definitely is a cancer, but not in the astrological sense.

 

[junafolia]

Her PR people are really working overtime to make her look like a decent person before the EYBS merchandise is released.

One thing is for sure, the person that wrote this ran with the idea of what she said and developed it. There's no way in hell her 2 brain cells came up with all of this. Damn, that's if it was spoken. If not her agent wrote all of this.

 

[multiverse]

Tess once again stuffs her rolls into a too-small Fabletics outfit, face shining with sweat. She shows off her airbrushed Reebok shoes, which someone else had to tie for her because she cannot reach her feet. Fashun!

Nail spergs, have at it.

 

[Antipathy]

She's getting even fatter. I'd estimate she's gained 200 pounds since the start of this thread.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

Any of our photoshop specialists want to take a punt on how shopped those pink outfit pics are?

 

[multiverse]

Any of our photoshop specialists want to take a punt on how shopped those pink outfit pics are?

We could start with the simple fact that the street signs are being sucked into her orbit.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

Any of our photoshop specialists want to take a punt on how shopped those pink outfit pics are?

We could start with the simple fact that the street signs are being sucked into her orbit.
View attachment 1173141

Gotta create that 'hourglass' waist eh? Or indeed, a waist at all. Tess has not had anything that would begin to pass as an actual waist even with the use of corsetry and spanx etc for about five or six years in reality, has she?

Such size positivity though,eh Tess? So vain she shops some shape into her barrel figure while preaching how she loves her body just the way it is.

 

[SnarkySperg]

Tess once again stuffs her rolls into a too-small Fabletics outfit, face shining with sweat. She shows off her airbrushed Reebok shoes, which someone else had to tie for her because she cannot reach her feet. Fashun!

Nail spergs, have at it.
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It's so clear she's only wearing this to rep it because I don't know of anyone who goes and gets their nails done before working out.

Any of our photoshop specialists want to take a punt on how shopped those pink outfit pics are?


Gotta create that 'hourglass' waist eh? Or indeed, a waist at all. Tess has had anything that would begin to pass as an actual waist even with the use of corsetry and spanx etc for about five or six years in reality, has she?

Such size positivity though,eh Tess? So vain she shops some shape into her barrel figure while preaching how she loves her body just the way it is.

This is how you know she's definitely not autistic--the Photoshop sucks. Autists wouldn't make that mistake.

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

You can see her gigantic ass granny panties