Wuhan Coronavirus: Megathread - Got too big

[Thomas Talus]

At last, a true professional steps in:

https://babylonbee.com/news/prominent-italian-doctor-suggests-throwing-pills-at-coronavirus

It's times like this I wish I worked in some sort of essential industry.

Spoiler

Minor powerlevel, I am in management of a non essential business.

I'd sure hate to be in your shoes.

But they're not shutting down the internet short of catastrophic, society-ending failure, too many things depend on it.

Meanwhile, on 4chan....

View attachment 1192276

Offscreen: The buckets of lube, wigs, and Astolfo cosplay outfits.

 

[Adamska]

Poland, the daily numbers: 238 (grew by 61 since yesterday) confirmed cases, 5 dead.
Also, the Chinks are trying their hand at damage control by promising to deliver us test kits, masks, and protective gear.

Go fuck yourself CCP.

I bet all of them are made of garbage or already toxic so lolno.

Also test does not equal vaccine. I'm tired of people intentionally being too mentally challenged to understand this.

 

[Neil]

Coronavirus II: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

As the spread of coronavirus worsens in the US, John Oliver discusses how the government is handling the outbreak, how they’re not, and what we can do to hel...

www.youtube.com

John Oliver uploaded an episode with no laugh track. The humor here comes from the dead silence after each and every attempt at a joke. This is the first time I've ever laughed at any John Oliver show episode.

 

[Aria]

BNO Newsroom on Twitter

“Coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases https://t.co/eUoE2b20hL”

twitter.com

coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases

http://archive.li/A2YRP

 

[Übertroon]

BNO Newsroom on Twitter

“Coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases https://t.co/eUoE2b20hL”

twitter.com

coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases

http://archive.li/A2YRP

Germany keeps benefiting from having a shit ton of ICUs

 

[simulated goat]

Hey chinese trolls, we 'mericans went nuts on toilet paper but we don't bury people's pet cats alive or throw them from windows. There is nothing you can say that will make us forget, in fact this audience tends not to forgive or forget. I'd say 'Fuck off' but if having you here spares one normie from entertaining your bullshit it will all be worth it.

BTW, how's those nifty truck boxes working out for you?

 

[Adamska]

Hey chinese trolls, we 'mericans went nuts on toilet paper but we don't bury people's pet cats alive or throw them from windows. There is nothing you can say that will make us forget, in fact this audience tends not to forgive or forget. I'd say 'Fuck off' but if having you here spares one normie from entertaining your bullshit it will all be worth it.

BTW, how's those nifty truck boxes working out for you?

They built a major bridge out of garbage and wasted millions on building a glass solar road they closed like a week later. They're a joke.

 

[The Great Chandler]

Lots of people say stuff like "Ugh, kids are the worst; they don't know any respect!"

Yeah, well, look at the adults that set the example for them. Adults aren't any better. In fact, I think they're worse, because they should know better.

Sorry, just frustrated by all the idiots thinking we're turning into Mad Max.

 

[dopy]

BNO Newsroom on Twitter

“Coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases https://t.co/eUoE2b20hL”

twitter.com

coronavirus updates: - Germany: 702 new cases, 3 new deaths - Netherlands: 292 new cases, 19 new deaths - Malaysia: 120 new cases, 2 new deaths - Portugal: 117 new cases

http://archive.li/A2YRP

strange, germans seem to be the most trustworthy and thorough with numbers out of everyone. i really don't think they'd inflate them, definitely not in a dire time of crisis.

 

[Male Idiot]

Alright so still not up to date but some updates:
1- turn out the lack of test was NOT due to corruption and I am so sorry for spreading that rumor. Funnily enough the government has come clean BEFORE the unions dropped their bomb so now everyone looks stupid. And I mean everyone because the reason it happened is SO MUCH STUPIDER THAN I COULD EVER IMAGINED.

So here's our top keks for the day. Turns out ISCIII told the gov to move to south korean tests because they could be employed as drive by, and shifted out the ones used till now because they couldn't be used that way as well (needed lab shit. Technical explanation is long just, couldn't be drive-byed, that's the vital point).

And the government, in their inmense big brainage, decided to IMMEDIATELY HALT ALL TEST PRODUCTION TO SHIFT IT TO THE NEW METHOD. Which has to be the most facepalm worthy way anyone could ever do this. This didn't cause a test shortage (I mentioned we didn't have one) but it DID freak the people in charge of testing the fuck out, so they decided tests would be more necessary after quarantine was over (for obvious reason) and since, due to horrid miscomunication they just got the "halted production" part and not the "producing new tests" part they decided to halt all testing until after quarantine, then they only told the subordinates the "halt all testing" shit and not the "temporarily" part because they didn't know what excuse to give.

The government has only admited temporary lack of testing due to production issues, the rest I got from contacts, but that's the jist. Seems no one had any corrupt reason, it was just the most hilarious chain of fuckups I've seen in a while. Thank you spain. The hurt from my sides reminds me I'm alive. Fucking hell welcome to fucking spain mofos.

2-question for y'all: anyone got confirmation for the french rumors? 'Cause that shit's scary. Not 'cause of best girl but 'cause of the french government's absolute level of crazy.



ALL flus come from china.



Mate. Get the hell out. That sounds like it'll be hell in a month. To be fair ALL governments have been pulling that propaganda shit. Like the south muricans puting on the pin for supposedly invented the test kits when the first test kit was made by germans and then every government has made its own for the most part. But that population to healthcare ratio is fucking terrifying.

It is the same all over the 2nd world.
Hospitals were mediocre but were totally defunded after the CCCP turned belly up, and the army did the same.

But I can go to 90% of the city and need not fear diversity and inclusion. Women could get home at 23.00 alone and do not get enrichments. It had its charms, and in the US for example I would be fired the first joke I told.

Stay safe folks. To anybody in Spain, remember, lets jack each other off, but no homo. Zero homo. In Italy, get a Bud Spencer movie marathon at home.

 

[Lithos]

South Korea drops in the rankings, being overtaken by Germany.

Guam has five cases.

It's interesting that Corona-chan's hit every French territory.

I thank Trump that he didn't back down from the Chinese virus comment. That makes me content.

 

[dopy]

South Korea drops in the rankings, being overtaken by Germany.

Guam has five cases.

It's interesting that Corona-chan's hit every French territory.

I thank Trump that he didn't back down from the Chinese virus comment. That makes me content.

i actually wonder why germany's deaths are so low for their # of cases. are german boomers/old people too autistic for gatherings?

 

[GloJojo]

I am constantly 60 pages behind, so am very late with these, but some of you may find some educational value in the links below. Pretty much all of the academic journal publishers made WuFlu related research available for free. Here are some examples :
Cambridge Core
Oxford University Press
Springer Nature

Thank you Dr Purr, very cool!

 

[Jarolleon]

They built a major bridge out of garbage and wasted millions on building a glass solar road they closed like a week later. They're a joke.

Did they fall for that one Solar Roadways scam that Thunderf00t was obsessed with debunking in autistic detail?

 

[Mikoyan]

An update on the working from home situation. Work for a large corporate with locations across the globe. Normally working from home is fine but had lots of trouble today. The voip app we use just wasn't working, connecting to the company network/VPN was a huge ass pain and kept dropping off. At one point we got a company wide email saying the voip service was stressed by the amount of remote connections and completely broke down for the whole of Europe.

In theory I have a job that can be done remotely but not if the company's IT infrastructure shits the bed. Anyone have similar issues? Any IT people here - can millions of people working remotelly stress consumer grade internet to breaking point?

I have a good bit of data here, but let me safely summarize:

The ISPs are doing pretty okay. They're ready for most big events, and everything I've seen says they're keeping up.

Most company IT is fucked. They get shoestringed along and nobody wants to pay for VPN hardware/licenses, because 'we don't do work from home'. The result is then this stuff is hitting them square in the dick. Everyone should've had their gear ready as part of their vaunted disaster planning but no, nobody does that. It's money and might make people *gasp* work from home where they can't be micromanaged to death.

 

[Richard Harrow]

I thank Trump that he didn't back down from the Chinese virus comment. That makes me content.

Agreed. Of all the things to complain about in the present situation the shrieking harpies on the left can't help but scream racist at the sky.

 

[Shield Breaker]

New York state coronavirus cases soar to about 1,700, hospitalizing 19%

Cuomo says at least 19% of New Yorkers with confirmed cases have been hospitalized with COVID-19.

www.cnbc.com

1700+ confirmed infections in NYS. Current hospitalization rate is 19 percent.

New York, California, and Washington are all going to be hell.

I guess it's infiltrated our state Capitol, @Shield Breaker

State senators await tests after staff member reportedly tests positive for COVID-19, senator says

Oklahoma state senators have been told to remain in their offices and wait to be tested for the COVID-19 coronavirus, a Senator confirmed with KOCO 5 Tuesday afternoon.

www.koco.com

At least it's hitting the best targets here.

 

[General Tug Boat]

Well, the police aren't working etiher, so it will all even out.

"Michigan police not physically responding to some calls in order to avoid coronavirus spread"

"Lansing Police Chief Daryl Green in a March 12 “coronavirus exposure mitigation” memo said his officers, “until further notice,” won’t respond in person to reports of larceny; property destruction; retail fraud, if a suspect isn’t known or the value of the theft is under $1,000; attempted break-ins or break-ins at unoccupied buildings, including garages or vacant homes;" [it goes on...]

Mlive (archive)

(Also, can someone please tell a newfag how to embed news articles?)

Sounds like typical shit in Detroit anyways, police don't usually respond to many of the calls anyways because how burned to the ground that city is anyways. Rest of the world finally will see through the grace of lady wu, a typical day in the hood. Unemployment, crime, failed education system, failing infrastructure, incompetent and corrupt politicians, potential death every day you walk out the front door. Think your just going to walk out and get the groceries, BAM! Darkness... Typical spear chucker shit they called it, but what happens when you are corralled in poverty with very little other options. Guess I've been conditioned from youth of this eventuality, sad to see it's going to hit everywhere else that bad. Oh well.

 

[Deadman]

From 4chan in january. scary accurate, but i doubt the whole "brazilian bat's causes mutaion if infected."

 

[Adamska]

Did they fall for that one Solar Roadways scam that Thunderf00t was obsessed with debunking in autistic detail?

Yes. Yes they fucking did.

It's now closed too.