Secret Gamer Girl / SecretGamerGrrl / Googleshng / "Violet Hargrave" / Jacob Lawrence (Jake) Alley / Violet Cassandra Ocean - Delusional Zoe Quinn Stalker, Libelous Tweeter, Thirsty Gnome, Faux-Tranny Neckbeard Incel, Micropenis, "Known Troubled Person", Creator of "Massive vs the Masses", Self-Described "Noise Making Thing"; Lives in Niantic, CT

Norvic said:
The only way to make money from advertising is to be Google or Facebook.
Click to expand...
Or at least be huge enough that the crumbs they throw you add up to real money.
Alternatively you can just give in and cover your website with ads for flash games like "Titty Quest", and let the malware run wild.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: Jewin' MacEwan
Casta Spersions said:
That's way too complicated. It involves bowls and cracking eggs. I don't even know what a bowl or eggs are so how would he break it down? At least I know what a spatula is now.

Funnily enough, and i think most would agree, his cooking series/tard life skills is quite possibly, nay, certainly the most palatable (lol) things he's ever written. Most googleshngs immediately make my eyes glaze over and I cannot read them. This has major comedic value. Keep educating the world, Jake!
Click to expand...

He's also talking about something concrete that exists in his life/apartment. Him describing a pot is dumb as hell but at least he's got a pot. When he speds about politics, gender, women or life he's worse than a stoner with a 9th grade education talking about quantum physics and how the fourth dimension is time and time is the axis that comes in from the upper right in the cartesian coordinate system.

The way he describes pots, pans and other household items should be the template used to properly explain the lack of depth in everything else he's talking about, the things he knows even less about. Jake talks about how the female reproductive system ACTUALLY works :: Jake holds a pot and tries to explain what it is and the dangers of using it
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jewin' MacEwan, Karl_der_Grosse, adderall and 5 others
just another day in the Twitter Mines:
1587441675403.png
 
  • Horrifying
  • Like
Reactions: Jewin' MacEwan, An Ghost, Army Burger and 3 others
Done Goofed said:
Jake is officially trolling us. Not that he hasnt been all along, but well played gnomeo
Click to expand...

Oh no, Jake would never troll us. After all, Internet trolling is a form of terrorism -- perfected by Nazi Gamergate at the behest of their leader, Steve Bannon. Trolling gives a +10 Tweet damage bonus with a critical hit multiplier of x5. (Followers take splash damage and barring a saving throw, may unsubscribe from the target's Patreon.) There is no way he would partake in such dark magic, considering that it also has the chance to warp him into a "terrorist" himself.

I suspect the recipes, as well as the Twitch streams, are attempts to curry favor with Aeryn "SFTheWolf" Simpson. I assume that a similar situation exists here -- SFtheWolf made private comments about plans for the future, and mused about getting into streaming or at least cooking food that didn't require zapping it in the microwave. Jake of course sees an opportunity to ingratiate himself with Aeryn, and immediately starts a Twitch channel and starts Googleshnging out "recipes" in an attempt to hold SFtheWolf's attention.

We know that Jake will embark on any course of action involving others regardless of whether he's been asked to participate, and will hold that course for years. Also remember that Jake talked about "splash damage" of another type during his treatise on boiling water -- and that "sexy apron" is something I assume he would like to see Aeryn in. It's also interesting that SFtheWolf knew the Twitch terms and conditions regarding nipples. (Why bother reading them unless you're going to stream yourself?) Finally, why would Jake take the risk of streaming when his voice will further cement that fact that he's been doxed dead to rights? He would only do that if he had a chance of getting that sweet, sweet girldick.

I assume that when SFtheWolf starts making excuses and doesn't co-sign his lease at the Crocker House, Jake will whine yet again about his friends leaving him. "I can't believe my friends do this, even though I taught them all I know about streaming and cooking! Am I such an unlovable monster? Please donate to my Patreon!"
 
Last edited:
  • Thunk-Provoking
  • Winner
  • Like
Reactions: Jewin' MacEwan, Cryonic Haunted Bullets, BOLDYSPICY! and 11 others
Video Games said:
Ooh, I want to learn how to make scrambled eggs next. That's a great beginner recipe.
Click to expand...

Epicurious does these comparisons of cooks at different performance levels cooking the same main ingredient. Level 3 is a pro chef; Level 1 is an amateur. They should bring in Jake as Level 0.
 
  • Agree
Reactions: sick_hypnotic
Smaug's Smokey Hole said:
I'd like to read his roast chicken instructions. "when smoke comes out of the chicken-hole it is cooked all the way through"
Click to expand...
If you hear a loud piercing alarm (also accompanied by flashing lights! Yay disability accommodations!) your chicken is burned. Throw it out and call your abuser to bring you another one. Keep trying till you get it right!
 
  • Winner
  • Like
  • Agree
Reactions: Jewin' MacEwan, Cryonic Haunted Bullets, BOLDYSPICY! and 8 others
Kosher Dill said:
Where was this?
Click to expand...

Sorry about that -- I confused the timeline a bit. Chelsea made a reference to the lead singer of Kamen Rider Decade ("welp gackt is still hot in 2015 WELP ") on 1/21/2016, while Jake started tweeting about the show from November 2014.

I would not be surprised if Jake learned about Kamen Rider from his association with CON, though . . .
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back