Inactive Richard "Lowtax" Kyanka - Deadbeat (emphasis on "Dead") founder of Something Awful, forced out of his own community, on his second divorce, stuck his dick in crazy, "Birth Giver"

[Mr. Boogedy]

Because those services hadn't been invented yet in 2003 when he had all that crap printed up, and even if they existed, it would have been legitimately prohibitively expensive to print on demand in the quantities that Low-T wanted.

Cafepress started 1999, and in the early 2000s it seemed like every dinky website had a Cafepress store. I get the point about cost per item, but considering how much unsold stock Lowtax has, I wonder how much of a different it would have made in the end. (I know, Lowtax would have only considered the upfront cost, and not storing it or having to do orders.)

Actually, now that I think about it, didn't people try to order merch after a couple years and got no response?

 

[Mandarys Milan II]

SA does still turn a profit. But it doesn't make nearly enough profit to pay Logan a salary. Lowtax will never give up that much income, or any income for that matter.

Yeah, what I mean is while SA is not technically in the red and does make a bit of profit, it plateau'd years ago, and hasn't seen a significant increase in profit for a very, very long time (not counting the Patreon). And Logan has the idea in her head that she can magically breathe life back into THE BRAND through...making the site more colorful? Muh front page? Making it appeal to a younger audience? 16 year old merchandise?....Or something, and completely turn the ship around and get SA making 2003 money again. And we've already gone over ad nauseum about why none of that is going to work. She doesn't even have a cohesive, outlined plan together of the things she is going to do that are not going to work.

When I knew Lowtax, his big idea was that the Gaming Garbage streams would be an instant success and turn everything around for him. He really, really wanted Gaming Garbage to be his new thing, and go from being an irrelevant forum has-been to the next big name in game streaming. And he really thought that was going to happen, too. Even Shmorky had the sense to know that shit was a waste of time. Both LowT and Logan have an expertise on how to waste time and resources doing exactly the wrong thing. I'm sure Lowtax will soon drop all pretense of Logan being 'a business associate who is DEFINITELY NOT my current cum receptacle' and have her co-host the streams. And well, with razor sharp wit and comedic timing like this, how can Gaming Garbage NOT be the next game streaming sensation?

I imagine this relationship will go about as well as Shmorky and his bipolar girlfriend.

Funny how Lowtax ranted so much about Shmorky having a Schizophrenic girlfriend, while all he wanted was a crazy bitch of his own all along. Only this will be worse, because there's a child involved, and instead of a funny Youtube video of a Schizo lady ranting about the Jews in a paranoid panic, it'll be a horrifying 911 call of Logan going Lorena Bobbit on him. I can't wait until LowT tries to hide in his man cave and finds out what a BPD abandonment meltdown is like.

I never bought any SA merch but when I visited Lowtax's office during 2014 he was handing his old merch out for free, so I got a City Name Sports Team hat. It was the worst hat I ever owned -- shit material, non-elastic non-adjustable fastener, extremely uncomfortable to the point that I tried it on for like a minute and never again.

I know exactly what you mean, he gave me that same damn hat.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

Making such a documentary would be quite a herculean effort because the site has deep lore and people who know the most are also quite elusive. Lowtax himself wouldn't be worth talking to because he doesn't actually know that much about the forum his whole rotting being is clinging on.

Lowtax would be worth interviewing just so you could compare his version of events with everyone elses.

 

[smackpops]

Low t has lots of merch cause he just never shipped it out when sold. And when goons asked wheres my shit they just got banned.

 

[Ghostse]

I wonder why Lowtax thought that he had to have an inventory of pre-made merch instead of using a print-on-demand service like Cafepress or partnering with a dedicated merch company. I know it's because Lowtax is incompetent.

As was explained to me by a webcomic making internet contact when asked about roughly the same (these are really old numbers, btw):

I guess when you do CafePress you see something like $0.50-$1 on a $13 t-shirt. Ordering from the factory and doing it yourself you can pocket something like $8-9 (before shipping) if you buy enough units - and if you have set up an LLC (why haven't you set up an LLC) you can write off the costs of buying and shipping.
AKA buying 1,000 t-shirts and selling 250 makes you as much money as selling 250 t-shirts through CafePress, and T-shirts also don't exactly spoil, so you can potentially sell those extra 750 and eventually make even more money*. That's the general reason why anyone with any internet present in the DotCom to 2.0 eras has at least one box of their t-shirts somewhere.

Of course the CORRECT way to do this is buy your bulk shirt order and after 3-4 years realize that if no one has bought them by now they aren't going to buy them ever and have a fire-sale in your online store, and then donate the rest to goodwill for the charitable write-down.



*Also if you are horrible fucking nerd who goes to conventions or w/e, you mark your shirts upto $20 you only need to sell like 10 to make your table fee back - which you are almost guaranteed to do because I guess people collect them. And if your shirt isn't complete ass you can use them as barter fodder with other people who have a table, and trade them for things you'd have normally forked over cash for.

 

[kiwilurkin]

Time to check in:

1,378
PATRONS
$7,917
PER MONTH

Edit for reference:

 

[ReformedGoon]

A lot of folks have lost their jobs or have had hours cut back due to the pandemic so that's not totally surprising. That said I expect Lowtax to be more active on the forums for awhile to try to pimp his patreon. I just wish he'd kick out most of the mods there and replace them with not insane people but that's never going to happen.

 

[Back me up!]

Dude is still making roughly 100K a year (plus what SA actually makes) for doing nearly nothing so why rock that boat? I wouldn't expect to see Lowtax on the forums until it drips down to 2k a month and/or the up coming divorce just completely wipes him out.

 

[Anonymous Dimwit]

Time to check in:

1,378
PATRONS
$7,917
PER MONTH

View attachment 1268595

Edit for reference:
View attachment 1268599

What was the peak again, almost $12k? lol $4k/mo just to appease Barney and a bunch of other looney troons. Good job LowT

 

[Peep Plops]

It's a race to the bottom to see whether lowtax's patreon bottoms out before he's found sprawled on the floor or only after the coroners report is made public.

 

[AnOminous]

Dude is still making roughly 100K a year (plus what SA actually makes) for doing nearly nothing so why rock that boat? I wouldn't expect to see Lowtax on the forums until it drips down to 2k a month and/or the up coming divorce just completely wipes him out.

It seems like any time he does show up, it's to engage in acts of stunning assholery that cause his Patreon to dip even further.

I wouldn't be surprised if his actual financial situation is already pretty dire, though, much like DSP's. With massive drug and booze habits and ridiculous shit like $50 bagged pies, he is probably blowing more money than he makes.

 

[kiwilurkin]

What was the peak again, almost $12k? lol $4k/mo just to appease Barney and a bunch of other looney troons. Good job LowT

He's cut it in ~half in a ~year.

 

[Ghostse]

What was the peak again, almost $12k? lol $4k/mo just to appease Barney and a bunch of other looney troons. Good job LowT

In the interest of honest hate:
The peak was nearly 13K, but had been slipping little by little ever since his big influsion post "My spine is crumbling, how will I go bang mormon BPD cokewhores?! PLZ HALP or I might have to pull the plug on the only thing that makes me money and gives me relevance". It slips a little month-by-month as people decide to remove an item from the monthly expenses.

The big drop iirc was from about 12K to about 9.5K which coincided with the Barney Saga, and then a second slip a little over 8 after some Kiwi gayops* ads about his "business trip" and him trying to intimidate and control his soon-to-be-exwife.

This dip is just about in line with usual pre-barney month-end drop because Lowtax doesn't actually put out any content worth paying for.

*op was not actually gay

I wouldn't be surprised if his actual financial situation is already pretty dire, though, much like DSP's. With massive drug and booze habits and ridiculous shit like $50 bagged pies, he is probably blowing more money than he makes.

Unless they got proper old-money training about how to not be retarded with a balance sheet, people who stumble into windfalls usually end up burning through it and then more because they don't really value the money because they never had to earn it. Unless you go out of your way to try to work around normal human nature, you don't value anything you haven't worked for.

To use your DSP example, do you think he'd blow $2,000 on a pay-to-win wrasslin game gatcha game if that was money he'd have actually had to work for, instead of donations that magically show up?

He's cut it in ~half in a ~year.

View attachment 1269684

I believe Spinal Tap Saga was last year, and that peak includes a bunch of one-time big numbers, like 2K from Caylen aka Fruithat faggot aka Abe the faggot.

 

[AnOminous]

Unless they got proper old-money training about how to not be exceptional with a balance sheet, people who stumble into windfalls usually end up burning through it and then more because they don't really value the money because they never had to earn it. Unless you go out of your way to try to work around normal human nature, you don't value anything you haven't worked for.

To use your DSP example, do you think he'd blow $2,000 on a pay-to-win wrasslin game gatcha game if that was money he'd have actually had to work for, instead of donations that magically show up?

Come to think of it, DSP actually has a work ethic, unlike Kyanka. Whatever you may think of his "job," he spends hours a day doing something he obviously hates to do, solely because he gets paid to do it. Kyanka does sweet fuck-all all day every day. He streams maybe when he feels like it, but he isn't getting paid to do that, he's getting paid by mangled crotch shut-in troons.

DarkSydePhil is actually better than Kyanka.

 

[Ghostse]

Come to think of it, DSP actually has a work ethic, unlike Kyanka. Whatever you may think of his "job," he spends hours a day doing something he obviously hates to do, solely because he gets paid to do it. Kyanka does sweet fuck-all all day every day. He streams maybe when he feels like it, but he isn't getting paid to do that, he's getting paid by mangled crotch shut-in troons.

DarkSydePhil is actually better than Kyanka.

DSP also hasn't licked peanut butter off a battery for money. The Chad DSP vs the Virgin Lowtax

 

[Mandarys Milan II]

and then donate the rest to goodwill for the charitable write-down.

Even the poorest of the poor deserve better than Something Awful merchandise.

I don't even get why you would market that 'city name, sports team' merch. Is it a reference to something? If so, nobody gets it. Nobody thinks it's a clever joke. No one commented on it when I wore it. You want to sell merch? Try marketing to your 2020 audience instead of your 2002 audience that have long since moved on. I don't know, shirts that say shit like 'Something Awful: Shaking the CIS-tem up' or other dumb puns that use the word CIS or pride flag colors inlaid onto the grenade logo, more SA emoji stuff, shirts with puns on them, goons love puns, they eat that shit up for some reason, it's the only jokes they know how to make anymore. And those are all really dumb ideas that I just pulled out of my ass, but I feel like goons would actually be dumb enough to buy them. Anything is better than that 'city name, sports team' junk. Of course there's also, you know, making the stuff out of material that isn't utter garbage and making sure it isn't defective before you send it out. You writing this down, Logan?

Come to think of it, DSP actually has a work ethic, unlike Kyanka. Whatever you may think of his "job," he spends hours a day doing something he obviously hates to do, solely because he gets paid to do it. Kyanka does sweet fuck-all all day every day. He streams maybe when he feels like it, but he isn't getting paid to do that, he's getting paid by mangled crotch shut-in troons.

DarkSydePhil is actually better than Kyanka.

I could never bring myself to dislike DSP. Guy's got a work ethic, and unlike LowT, actually manages to make me laugh. Plus he isn't an actively terrible person who hires pedophiles,. abuses his wife and treats his children like shit. Hell, even the Channel Awesome people are better than LowT (JewWario excluded of course).

E: Also Channel Awesome got dragged and shit slung at them WAY worse by way more people for doing far less nasty, underhanded fuckery than LowT has done.

 

[RapidUnplannedDisassembly]

There's no humor in it to defend, but 'city name sports team' is a pretty obvious swipe at vapid sports merchandising. A dude probably thought it was a brilliant piece of social commentary at some point by which merch could get 'ironically' successfully peddled, but it didn't work.

Like I said earlier, it is REALLY not going to work at a moment in history where not only does bitching about sports in general have no tone, but nobody gives a fuck about what they're wearing right now because we're all either staying indoors, or taking 'redneck Call of Duty cosplay' to a city capital.

 

[Tanner Glass]

There's no humor in it to defend, but 'city name sports team' is a pretty obvious swipe at vapid sports merchandising. A dude probably thought it was a brilliant piece of social commentary at some point by which merch could get 'ironically' successfully peddled, but it didn't work.

Even if was funny (and it isn't) but even if it was - the joke is from 2004. It would be akin to releasing a "Who let the dogs out?" t-shirt in 2020 - it's so fucking old.

 

[dance dance if you want]

Posted in the SA thread, but it needs record here as well because it is another poor idea of dear Richard.

Logan is now an admin.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Posted in the SA thread, but it needs record here as well because it is another poor idea of dear Richard.

Logan is now an admin.

But Lady Ambien was an mod, did you love her more than me????!! I’m your SA business partner too Richard...,Reeeeeeeeeee!! You haven’t sent money for any of my big boss lady business woman ideas....reeeeee!!!

*Poof*
Logan is an SA Admin. Look for lots of shitty ads in your near future Troons.