draculasestateagent
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2020
So, I have been sitting here in the pre-dawn hours, autistic and true, contemplating some of the things she has said or done with her food. Her lust for Chef Boyardee. Her refusal to eat Cream of Wheat because she forgot to buy jelly to add to it. Her weird half-ounce of coffee. Her Coldest Fatso Sippy Cup. Herhighchairmobile mukbang tray...
Clotso's most secure era was probably from age 2 to 6 or so. I believe she was 2 (correct me if I'm wrong) when her mom passed her off full-time to grandma. Grandma had her until adolescence, but insecurities (which ultimately would become traumas causing truancy and brief institutionalization) would have started appearing at school, probably in kindergarten and first grade. From her perspective, life has only gotten worse since then; there really are no halcyon years. So around age five or six is as good as is ever got for her.
We've noted many times (so many that I hesitate to bring it up again, although it is one of her most compelling characteristics to me) how absolutely infantile Clotso's behavior is. Along with everything else, I think her relationship to food is stunted and cemented in that 2 to 6 age range.
Never again has she enjoyed as happy and carefree days as she did when Grandma plopped her in front of the TV with a bowl of Spaghetti-O's. How warm and content she felt as beams of morning sunlight heralded another day of blissful childhood ignorance, as grandma lovingly sweetened the bland Cream of Wheat with tablespoons of jelly! Sometimes, Grandma would treat her like a big girl, and let her have a little tiny sip of coffee with lots of mil k added... Those rapturous days when she had no cute baby sibling, no mean girl classmates, no demands on her time, no schedule or routine to follow... This is why she tics in a three year old's voice, this is why she throws tantrums, and this is why she knows nothing an older child would know.
I guess there are people like this who are not deathfats; terminal nostalgia for one's childhood is definitely a little screwy, but it doesn't seem to result in constant face stuffing. So she definitely has something wrong with her on top of just this desire to be a little kid forever. But this is a big part of it.
I also think she has been regressing; she is more child-like and more vocal about her childhood foods than ever before. Maybe if she fully regresses to age six, she can die fulfilled.
You can also see this with how she handles things; I thought it was just because her hands were so fat but the way she spread the jam on her toast yesterday, the way she squeezes sauce onto things, the way she handles a knife and fork - they're all reminiscent of a toddler's handling of things. It also explains why she giggles about farts, sex and boobies, and why I don't believe she's ever really had sex or done anything adult in her life.