View attachment 1353515
C'mon dude, it's just part of his World of Warships ad to show the bacon drowning like they're the marooned crew of the Japanese, uh, Whatever It's Called.
FUCKING CHRIST NO OKAY TIME TO DO A RUNTHROUGH
1. Fat Jack is still wearing his Grimace Shirt that's two sizes too small for him; if this is childish spite then okay retard look bloated and like the shirt's gonna rip.
2. Jack open face lies about how he got a 'sponsor' like this for the first time.
2b. What probably happened is he probably begged them to sponsor and World of Warships, knowing he does manage to get 4 digit views and having about as much shame as Raid: Shadow Legends, said yes.
3. Jack pretends he knows gamers and has them as an audience this episode; ignore how the only person who probably does game is Jr, and that his main audience besides hate-watchers are old boomers who play phone games.
4. He proves my point by shilling how it's "NoT jUsT a MoBiLe GaMe!" in his promo.
4b. This hilariously is the most effort he's put into a video in years, which is why I think he's not lying about being a sponsor and proof of how fucking desperate he is to earn money; I reckon Tammy is hounding him for being a leech.
5. Besides nearly getting drowned out by the generic promo ad, he said "free to entry" in a stroke addled fit.
6. Jack is pushing for the intro package, and you know he's doing it because it allows him to get money from it.
6b. As a side note, I'm tempted to rewatch some
Drachinifil, a far more entertaining dude if you want to watch a dude sperg about old war boats.
7. Jack tries to read off a card about what the game gives you, and it's great he didn't even try to pronounce Ishizuchi, the Japanese ship you get in the promo.
8. Jack pretends he cares about playing this game, and I dunno if Jr. is the type of guy who likes playing games like World of Warships, he doesn't feel like that guy to me.
9. Jack lies about liking games; in reality he tried to dabble in LPs, but it's clear this boomer is as competent with games as he is with general tech.
9b. I will give kudos though if he means phone games, since while it's casual, it's honest and still a form of gaming.
10. "FAGGOT" ~ The avatar on his not telling us directly what type of gamer food he's making.
11. Obese Jack has the gall to pretend that he has any rights over criticizing others for what they eat when you've seen what bullshit he himself does.
11b. He especially shits on Doritos and Mtn Dew and calls it crap when we have pictoral evidence of him tantruming over having to wait for a family pack of tacos he eats himself s and steals Tammy's dip.
12. So Jack's stroked out idea is that his gamer food "will not get the hands dirty"; let's see how this plays out Cotton.
13. Jack shows a tallboy of nuts and talks about "drinking your food". Wat.
14. He then preens about how he's a "gamer" that has been there since Pong, Asteroids, and Tempest. Okay boomer.
15. Jack then reveals that filling a tallboy with nuts or popcorn is a favorite snack for himself; what an ogre.
15b. Seriously, this is just fucking trailmix but even more stupid.
16. Wendigo Possessed Jack jerks off the glass as he talks about how the purpose of this is to "curb the hunger" until the "marathon" is done, and how that near full glass will last you about an hour or an hour and a half.
16b. This also says a lot about how often this pig snacks down holy shit.
17. Mushbrained Jack proclaims how the "next best item next to the controller or keyboad" for a gamer is toothpicks; ignore how you can just use a fucking fork.
18. He actually uses hors d'oeuvres as a term as he talks about how you totally should use a toothpick over a fucking fork.
19. He's going to now talk about the different foods gamers can eat "that you never thought of".
19b. He of course ignores how a lot of people don't even eat while gaming; hell, I usually just drink sodas, juices, or teas during my sessions.
20. Jack again goes on about how mommies cook tendies, while letting slip Jr. cooks more often than his dad and thus would be a better candidate for this video since he makes quick meals while gaming.
21. Fatboy's trying to pretend he's keto again without using that word, since he's gotten tired of getting caught out on them.
22. Also it's clear his first meal are frozen Swedish meatballs; not a bad 'fuck it' choice if you need a quick meal, but let's see how he fucks it up.
23. Jack whines about how you need to "spice up" meatballs, calling them 'bland and boring' if you don't.
24. Oh, he's still trying to use all those soy sauces from the last Condiments with Jack episode.
24b. Preemptive fuck you to Jack, since I hate soy sauce, and I've mentioned it before; I'd rather just eat 'em plain than use that shit.
25. Jack claims that he'll use 'a little bit' as he overpours and then catches himself and changes his statement to be "a lot of it" when using like 1/6 of the bottle.
26. And he's adding red pepper again; I'm pretty sure it's an anti-Tammy measure since she doesn't like spicy.
26b. That's how much of a selfish shit Jack is; he makes damn sure only he eats this entire bag of meatballs.
27. Jack over pours again due to being too mushbrained to use a sifter of some sort.
28. Mongo Jack pathetically shakes the bowl before using his hands to get dirty and mix the balls with the seasonings, thus failing the purpose of these things.
28b. I actually have a far smarter solution that I use for my own fries; get a big ziploc bag, fill it like the bowl, seal it, and then shakey shakey with no fear of splatter and guaranteed coating.
29. Jack shills the old bullsye liner he loves using; I guess he remembered he probably got it as a promo back when he wasn't a failure on YT.
30. Looks like the sauce didn't stick all that much as Jack continues to handle the meat with his good hand and talk about having to bake them.
30b. I'd just say fuck it and use the air fryer, but I think he probably gave it back to that store for his money again.
31. Jack has the balls to not just lie about being in keto, but is now claiming anything with bacon isn't greasy. Fuck off.
31b. He's also just blatantly reusing
an old thanksgiving recipe he already did like the lazy tub of lard he is.
32. He complains about having to use smaller brussel sprouts from the store; what a glutton.
33. Not greasy my ass; he's COVERING THE FUCKING SPROUTS IN OIL WITH BACON
AAAAA-
*One Wawa Hotdog and some orange juice later*
34. Okay, calm again. So Jack actually doesn't go crazy with either the salt or the oil for the sprouts; it's just there's no point if you have the bacon grease already.
35. I'm baffled on why he's now doing pinch measurements for seasoning the veg when he clearly didn't give a shit about doing that with the red pepper for the meatballs.
35b. Seriously suspect he stole the recipe given the change in tactics.
36. Jack is complaining about having to wash his hands due to mixing the items with his hands.
37. Jack now pretends that you're cooking along with him; I guess he now wants to pretend he's Bob Ross or something.
38. Mise en place comes to bite Jack as he entombs the sprout in a fatty cut of bacon; he had to move the bowl.
39. Huh, maybe he didn't steal the recipe, since the most common ones I can find actually slathers a maple syrup glaze on them.
39b. He probably got rid of it to both hide his theft and to pretend he's totally in ketosis despite never losing weight.
40. Fucking hell fatboy you don't NEED TO COOK IT ALL IN ONE FUCKING DAY HOLY SHIT
STOP STOP STOOOPPP-
*One sanity slap later*
41. Of course fat-ass is going to cook all this shit and eat it... the fuck was wrong with me?
42. Anyways, Chunky Jack decides he needs more lard inside him so he just pulls out frozen pigs in a blanket as his fourth recipe.
43. "If I can eat anything, I'd probably be chowing down on these" ~ Jack on how frozen pigs in a blanket are what he'd pick over his own fucking cooking
44. This fat fuck is pretending that bacon slathered sprouts drowning in oil, or teriyaki slathered store brand meatballs is healthier than a pig in a blanket.
44b. If you needed confirmation he's still pretending in real life he's on a diet, then here you guys go; he even mentions carbs in his delusional ramble about how he isn't eating himself to death and fucking worships food as his god.
45. After finishing trying to pretend he's better than those gamers and healthier too, Gluttonous Jack gushes at the all-beef hotdog and mentions these are very good.
46. Jack again accidentally admits his food is shit and you should just get some pigs in a blanket by Hebrew National.
46b. He utterly fails to realize that he's basically admitted absolute failure with that line, seriously.
47. His meatballs are "done", though given the lack of browning I'd say put them in just a bit longer.
47b. Also they're hanging out in a little lagoon of grease, so YUMMM in Jack's mind.
48. Jack, in a fit of insecurity, cuts a meatball in half and crows that it's fully cooked.
49. Jack is still insisting on toothpicks over just using a fucking fork.
50. Jack proclaims his storebought meatballs slathered in spice and sauce "amazing"; it's almost like pre-made meatballs are hard to fuck up or something.
51. YA SHATHUB! IA IA PA'GLUB! SHATHUB IG VO'GT TARNUK! VIK A JAHUD!
52. Sorry about that outburst; this episode is painful... I meant to say that this abomination is swimming in an ocean of grease and oil, and despite this the bacon is still fucking undercooked.
53. Jack proclaims this gastronomic horror "beautiful" as I smell grease and hear pigs getting slaughtered in the background...
54. And he can't even be fucked to take these horrors out of the still molten bacon grease and then let them cool.
55. Jack is so used to blasting foods on broil he was actually afraid the toothpicks would combust.
56. Jack admits that one of the only foods he likes burned is bacon; hilariously that means he only loves it for the maillard browning and carcinogens.
57. He has to shake the grease off of the hell concoction he made.
58. Jack's eyes fucking dart around between remembering tastes, lying about images, and pulling from feelings as he eats the horror in front of me.
59. He does a fake and gay chef's kiss over a recipe he did before.
60. "ThIs TaStEs HeAlThY" ~ Jack on grease covered, oil slathered bacon with brussel sprouts
61. He has gotten officially back into lying about being keto as his shirt is stretching across his massive gut.
62. He claims anyone will eat something if bacon's on it; he's retardedly late to the bacon meme.
63. One last shout out to the company that stupidly let him get a promocode as he again doesn't use the stretch card of scammery, probably because Pink Chicken and the Lazy Man highlighted how he uses it as a filler.
This was an experience. Let's just call it that.
