Some Manajerk
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2017
SO we're pretty close to having a Lord of the Flies scenario?
Let's Sperg Dwarf Fortress Community Succession Fortress 2020 - YEAR 1 - NEW FORT STARTED!
- Thread starter Trigger Me Timbers
- Start date
SO we're pretty close to having a Lord of the Flies scenario?
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Maybe I burrow them with the apes and whoever survives to turn gets put into some kind of feral child ape unit. This fort is in really really bad shape largely due to the bugged stress mechanics in 0.44.12. I'm amazed it's even been running up until now.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I'm going to be a trifle late but finally things are moving. I'll have a very lengthy report in the next day and probably a save file by Thursday. I already have something like 74 screen shots of all the absolute insanity that happened. Specifically, first I exterminated most of the population and the children, replacing them with some slightly less stressed migrants.
We are still at a third of the population we started at, but most of them are actually functional instead of constantly refusing to do anything and randomly murdering each other. Finally, the apes are finished, after I used them to kill all the children.
Also our own civilization, which had already declared war on us because some genius decided to repeatedly attack them, besieged us with over 300 units. We somehow survived that by turtling up and then for no obvious reason they went away.
Plus some genius tantrumed in a temple and knocked down a statue and is now an insane vampire. More later, I'm tired.
We are still at a third of the population we started at, but most of them are actually functional instead of constantly refusing to do anything and randomly murdering each other. Finally, the apes are finished, after I used them to kill all the children.
Also our own civilization, which had already declared war on us because some genius decided to repeatedly attack them, besieged us with over 300 units. We somehow survived that by turtling up and then for no obvious reason they went away.
Plus some genius tantrumed in a temple and knocked down a statue and is now an insane vampire. More later, I'm tired.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Let's get started on a bit of this horrible shit shall we.
The reaction of most people to this fort in its opening state is like this.
Don't remember any of these names. All these people are long dead by this point.
This is the best part of the early part of this year. It's a bunch of goblins swarming the magma chamber. Guess what happens to them?
They get fried! All of them! Unfortunately somehow, the iron gate was destroyed during the holocaust, because it just wasn't there later.
Even after this, this is a place full of ghosts.
There are more dead people in the history of this place than there have ever been living dwarves in it. It's cursed.
Even children are going kamikaze.
I'm just putting one of these in here, although this kind of thing was constant. Unhappy children are suicide bombing the fort, so anyone who lives in it has to murder children just to get to their daily job. It's kind of actually depressing me too. Holy fuck this place is a shithole.
Things get a lot worse, though. A lot worse.
The reaction of most people to this fort in its opening state is like this.
Don't remember any of these names. All these people are long dead by this point.
This is the best part of the early part of this year. It's a bunch of goblins swarming the magma chamber. Guess what happens to them?
They get fried! All of them! Unfortunately somehow, the iron gate was destroyed during the holocaust, because it just wasn't there later.
Even after this, this is a place full of ghosts.
There are more dead people in the history of this place than there have ever been living dwarves in it. It's cursed.
Even children are going kamikaze.
I'm just putting one of these in here, although this kind of thing was constant. Unhappy children are suicide bombing the fort, so anyone who lives in it has to murder children just to get to their daily job. It's kind of actually depressing me too. Holy fuck this place is a shithole.
Things get a lot worse, though. A lot worse.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I was just going to murder all the high stress people because there's just no way of saving them in this particular version of DF and there were just swarms of completely unsalvageable dwarves. Most of the children were like this. Just feral animals. Thanks a lot for the excellent childcare the previous psychopaths in charge of the fort provided.
So I hoped just to give them a dwarfy bath in magma, the one thing that cures all dwarvish ills. I herded them into the same chamber that got rid of the goblins, with burrowing, and all the other high stress civilians who couldn't be saved. It was a tough task and lots of tantrums intervened, but eventually they were all in there, including whatever apes still existed. It was too difficult to sort them out.
So now all I had to do was pull the levers to lock them in and then pump in some more magma.
Guess what? There weren't even enough sane dwarves left to pull the lever! They refused to pull it for a solid month.
Here I had all the useless dwarves lined up to get their reward in one place together, and no magma is coming! What can I do? And on top of that, some of them are wereapes and. . .oh. This might actually work.
Can lycanthropy do what magma can do?
Apparently, yes.
Also, helpfully, the wereapes were not very careful about their own welfare.
There was a lot of carnage.
This is just one sample page. There was death after after death after death after death. The wereapes slaughtered everyone.
And finally, the reward after all this chimping, a unit list screen with this.
Only three of these miserable, useless, unsalvageable children left. All three of those are still alive.
At this point, absolutely all units were still refusing to do anything useful at all. It was impossible even to pull levers. Everyone's stress was out the roof. I could only vaguely control the motion of dwarves by putting them in the military and even then they'd usually ignore orders. And harrowed, haggard, etc. super high stress dwarves routinely tantrum and refuse to do things. It was just pages and pages and pages of tantrums and more tantrums.
I attacked Tinlake again myself because why not, fuck those assholes. Let's get back @Trigger Me Timbers.
Then things got worse.
Also why the fuck are goblins defending Tinlake? Maybe they're the actual traitors.
So I hoped just to give them a dwarfy bath in magma, the one thing that cures all dwarvish ills. I herded them into the same chamber that got rid of the goblins, with burrowing, and all the other high stress civilians who couldn't be saved. It was a tough task and lots of tantrums intervened, but eventually they were all in there, including whatever apes still existed. It was too difficult to sort them out.
So now all I had to do was pull the levers to lock them in and then pump in some more magma.
Guess what? There weren't even enough sane dwarves left to pull the lever! They refused to pull it for a solid month.
Here I had all the useless dwarves lined up to get their reward in one place together, and no magma is coming! What can I do? And on top of that, some of them are wereapes and. . .oh. This might actually work.
Can lycanthropy do what magma can do?
Apparently, yes.
Also, helpfully, the wereapes were not very careful about their own welfare.
There was a lot of carnage.
This is just one sample page. There was death after after death after death after death. The wereapes slaughtered everyone.
And finally, the reward after all this chimping, a unit list screen with this.
Only three of these miserable, useless, unsalvageable children left. All three of those are still alive.
At this point, absolutely all units were still refusing to do anything useful at all. It was impossible even to pull levers. Everyone's stress was out the roof. I could only vaguely control the motion of dwarves by putting them in the military and even then they'd usually ignore orders. And harrowed, haggard, etc. super high stress dwarves routinely tantrum and refuse to do things. It was just pages and pages and pages of tantrums and more tantrums.
I attacked Tinlake again myself because why not, fuck those assholes. Let's get back @Trigger Me Timbers.
Then things got worse.
Also why the fuck are goblins defending Tinlake? Maybe they're the actual traitors.
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2014
Our forts have just been manipulated to fight in a proxy war between the elves and the goblins.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
This is probably an important diplomatic event, but I don't even care.
I just sent some moron I didn't like to demand tribute from some random place. Maybe they'll send us a trading caravan. Apparently, sending a tribute demand is a way to establish contact with a civilization without any chance of war happening, and so, whatever. Dwarf diplomacy apparently involves sending some unarmed guy to another civilization to get drunk and yell at them demanding things.
Why is this a big thing? Because for literally months, dwarves had refused to dig or do anything even remotely useful, even build walls or pull levers that needed to be pulled to save the entire fort. This was the first dig task that anyone did in months. I just sat and watched him do it for a while because wtf.
This is when I thought we were pretty much fucked. When it's goblins it's "a vile force of darkness." This was the message that said goddamn you are dumb for being a traitor and attacking your own civilization. And let's get real, the force that showed up was ludicrous.
Look at this.
See that page of horses? There's pages and pages of just horses. And that's before even the heavily armed dwarves from the Mountainhomes who would absolutely obliterate our weakened forces if they got even near us.
And each of those is heavily armed, heavily armored, and would take out a half dozen of our weak ass troops by themselves. And there are literally hundreds of them, and a couple dozen of us. This is like a reverse Sparta situation. We're vastly outnumbered by troops that could individually beat the fuck out of our entire army.
Luckily we're giant pussies and even though the cumblaster is broken (one of the gates broke), we can just shut down the gate and praise Toady, this stops even the mightiest of armies. So that's what we did. Even though it took a rather frantic effort to get the lever pulled because for some reason, when I said the lever needed to be pulled now, it repeatedly chose some random retard from 50 levels away who on top of that was crippled and hobbling on crutches, to come pull the lever that we'd all be dead by the time he got there.
God I hate dwarves. And fuck you Toady.
For some reason, domestic turmoil yet again occurred inside the fortress.
I have no idea what this bullshit was. It was apparently some random bar fight. This is just an example of what goes on in the fort even when nothing is otherwise happening. Why the fuck is a poet even in this place?
And then this happens. As if things aren't going badly enough.
This dumbshit, one of the few sadbrains I didn't exterminate in the wereape holocaust, went nuts and toppled a statue in a temple. So now he's a vampire. Great. I have him burrowed in with other sadbrains in the hope he eats them.
As badly as things are going, though, there's occasionally something good.
Finally, the memorialized slabs that I ordered ON MY FIRST FUCKING DAY IN OFFICE BEFORE ANY OF THIS HAPPENED are being placed so the ghosts would calm down. This was fucking months ago. Ghosts have been fucking up everything for months. A ghost literally fucking murdered someone. I knew that was theoretically possible but I never actually saw it happen, and in this case, it was actually a couple years ago in someone else's tenure. I'll post it if I find it. Some dwarf was murdered by a fucking ghost.
If I've done nothing else, other than kill most of the inhabitants of this fort, I will at least be remembered for getting rid of the swarms of ghosts that when I got here practically fucking outnumbered the actual inhabitants.
Also I will isolate this little anecdote because it symbolizes exactly what this fort is like.
A literal child went nuts (yet again). I sent the entirety of our armed forces to kill a goddamn child. This is what happened.
Oh great, this again. How hard can it be to put down another child?
Nobody gets there in time other than this moron.
And then what happens?
This, for literally days, because who can be bothered to show up to a chimpout? Most of the "military" is off drinking with goblins and humans at this point.
After literally days of pummeling, he finally wakes up and takes out a literal fucking child.
And guess what happens now? Seriously, guess.
I bet you can't guess.
He's been doing such a great fucking job.
I just sent some moron I didn't like to demand tribute from some random place. Maybe they'll send us a trading caravan. Apparently, sending a tribute demand is a way to establish contact with a civilization without any chance of war happening, and so, whatever. Dwarf diplomacy apparently involves sending some unarmed guy to another civilization to get drunk and yell at them demanding things.
Why is this a big thing? Because for literally months, dwarves had refused to dig or do anything even remotely useful, even build walls or pull levers that needed to be pulled to save the entire fort. This was the first dig task that anyone did in months. I just sat and watched him do it for a while because wtf.
This is when I thought we were pretty much fucked. When it's goblins it's "a vile force of darkness." This was the message that said goddamn you are dumb for being a traitor and attacking your own civilization. And let's get real, the force that showed up was ludicrous.
Look at this.
See that page of horses? There's pages and pages of just horses. And that's before even the heavily armed dwarves from the Mountainhomes who would absolutely obliterate our weakened forces if they got even near us.
And each of those is heavily armed, heavily armored, and would take out a half dozen of our weak ass troops by themselves. And there are literally hundreds of them, and a couple dozen of us. This is like a reverse Sparta situation. We're vastly outnumbered by troops that could individually beat the fuck out of our entire army.
Luckily we're giant pussies and even though the cumblaster is broken (one of the gates broke), we can just shut down the gate and praise Toady, this stops even the mightiest of armies. So that's what we did. Even though it took a rather frantic effort to get the lever pulled because for some reason, when I said the lever needed to be pulled now, it repeatedly chose some random retard from 50 levels away who on top of that was crippled and hobbling on crutches, to come pull the lever that we'd all be dead by the time he got there.
God I hate dwarves. And fuck you Toady.
For some reason, domestic turmoil yet again occurred inside the fortress.
I have no idea what this bullshit was. It was apparently some random bar fight. This is just an example of what goes on in the fort even when nothing is otherwise happening. Why the fuck is a poet even in this place?
And then this happens. As if things aren't going badly enough.
This dumbshit, one of the few sadbrains I didn't exterminate in the wereape holocaust, went nuts and toppled a statue in a temple. So now he's a vampire. Great. I have him burrowed in with other sadbrains in the hope he eats them.
As badly as things are going, though, there's occasionally something good.
Finally, the memorialized slabs that I ordered ON MY FIRST FUCKING DAY IN OFFICE BEFORE ANY OF THIS HAPPENED are being placed so the ghosts would calm down. This was fucking months ago. Ghosts have been fucking up everything for months. A ghost literally fucking murdered someone. I knew that was theoretically possible but I never actually saw it happen, and in this case, it was actually a couple years ago in someone else's tenure. I'll post it if I find it. Some dwarf was murdered by a fucking ghost.
If I've done nothing else, other than kill most of the inhabitants of this fort, I will at least be remembered for getting rid of the swarms of ghosts that when I got here practically fucking outnumbered the actual inhabitants.
Also I will isolate this little anecdote because it symbolizes exactly what this fort is like.
A literal child went nuts (yet again). I sent the entirety of our armed forces to kill a goddamn child. This is what happened.
Oh great, this again. How hard can it be to put down another child?
Nobody gets there in time other than this moron.
And then what happens?
This, for literally days, because who can be bothered to show up to a chimpout? Most of the "military" is off drinking with goblins and humans at this point.
After literally days of pummeling, he finally wakes up and takes out a literal fucking child.
And guess what happens now? Seriously, guess.
I bet you can't guess.
He's been doing such a great fucking job.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Oh here's the dude murdered by a ghost.
Whoever you were, you year 288 douchebag, congratulations for presiding over a fort where dwarves are so fucking weak they get killed literally by the spirits of dwarves who are already dead. Good job, asshole!
You're in this thread, too. You bastard.
Whoever you were, you year 288 douchebag, congratulations for presiding over a fort where dwarves are so fucking weak they get killed literally by the spirits of dwarves who are already dead. Good job, asshole!
You're in this thread, too. You bastard.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2019
This slayed me. How fucking pathetic of a warrior are you when a literal child knocks you out with nothing but his bare hands and beats your face in for days on end?A literal child went nuts (yet again). I sent the entirety of our armed forces to kill a goddamn child. This is what happened.
Oh great, this again. How hard can it be to put down another child?
Nobody gets there in time other than this moron.
And then what happens?
This, for literally days, because who can be bothered to show up to a chimpout? Most of the "military" is off drinking with goblins and humans at this point.
After literally days of pummeling, he finally wakes up and takes out a literal fucking child.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
This is the cream of the crop for our fort. It's absolutely ridiculous I staved off a siege from the vastly superior civilization some IDIOT TRAITOR declared war against just by closing a gate. Why did you do that? Why? Why?
I had to murder over 2/3 of the fortress just to get anyone functional, but I got rid of ghosts. Yes, you'll say I'm a madman, but do you see ghosts around any more? Ha! Ha!
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2016
Bruh you got a problem with ghosts?
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Ghosts can suck my bearded dwarven dick! Here's your slab! I've got more where that came from!
Paranoid Bastard
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 17, 2019
Man, all this horrible shit is making me nostalgic for my turn. What happened to our legendary hammerdwarf? I'm fairly certain I left him in the military and he could single-handedly kill a forgotten beast.
Also, who let the fucking wereapes out? CONTAINING THEM WAS THE ONE THING I DID RIGHT!
Also, who let the fucking wereapes out? CONTAINING THEM WAS THE ONE THING I DID RIGHT!
- Joined
- Mar 17, 2018
Just reading through this thread has reaffirmed my human supremacist views. Fucking stumpies can't even pull levers when stressed or clean up their corpse bits.
Still better than those fucking knife-ears tho.
Still better than those fucking knife-ears tho.
Some Manajerk
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Oct 16, 2017
considering i had them contained too, i suspect the fort has an ape sympathizer. hopefully they all died.
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2016
Same. I just moved him to a 2x2 room in the middle of offices and had him walled in. I really should have just killed Bibi. It would have been easy and i wouldnt have felt bad.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I'm not sure but they were already chimping out when I took over, a fact the previous overseer neglected to mention. I think there have been multiple infestations and there's some nearby source of these apes. I would have tried to keep some but the fort was completely out of control and nobody was sane enough to do delicate things. The children were the worst because they're absolutely useless at the best of times but they were also constantly tantruming.
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2019
My guess is that we haven't killed the original wereape that infested our fortress when @Some Manajerk took over, and he keeps coming back to bite our faces off.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
Save file.
Report tonight, probably worth waiting for. The fort is in fairly bad shape but for the moment is safely locked down with 32 dwarves most of whom aren't terribly useful.
Report tonight, probably worth waiting for. The fort is in fairly bad shape but for the moment is safely locked down with 32 dwarves most of whom aren't terribly useful.
- Joined
- Aug 21, 2018
I think its more likely that some social justice dwarf (SJD) just defunded the Fortress Guard and issued out early releases to all them good boy apes who dindu nuffin but destroy shit the one day of the month. Its not their fault! its dwarven supremacy that made them this way.
32 dwarves
u fukin wot m8
I need to see this final report. I have a good idea where they went, also, whats our kid to dorf ratio at?
also @Some Manajerk since no one has stepped up from the last invite blast you can play next using @AnOminous savefile
GL HF!