Right then... let's go through Jack's Bacon Explosion video. I've watched the original one just to get a decent idea on what he originally did, where he fucked up, and how he presented it. Let's do this.
1. Right off the bat, it's really jarring to see and hear the difference of Jack between the two videos; he's not only aged a fuckload, but he's pink as hell, which indicates serious blood flow issues.
1b. He also sounds noticably croakier too; Jack is a very unhealthy manchild in these times.
2. Jack admits he's lost count of how many videos he has made, and he mentions if you count all of his channels you'd get at least 1500 videos.
3. He then lets slip that he was watching his old videos, mainly the ones that got a lot of views; this feeds my theory that he is in fact pulling an Al Bundy and being a sadfag over lost time and fame.
3b. Seriously, it's that pathetic.
4. He actually pulled a DarkSydePhil 38 seconds in, he legit did an "okay?" word pause as he sadfags about lost internet fame glory.
5. You can actually hear him get angry as he talks about his Bacon Explosion video; he talks about how it got tons of views and how it was delicious; hilarious as shit due to the increase in volume and force in his voice.
5b. I now suspect he's also doing this to tell the haters to fuck off, and he still has the "touch".
6. Oh, and before I forget, he shows you back when he had production value, a second arm, better lighting, and wasn't pink like Kirby.
7. Hehehe Fat Jack thinks he can make this product better... this will be fucking hilarious.
8. "FAGGOT" ~ Jack's Avatar on his downward spiral into death and narcissism
9. Oh, he already is worse than Jack from 10 years ago; Younger Jack actually told me what type of bacon he used for it; a maplewood smoked bacon... no courtesy here.
10. Mushbrain Jack has an Alzheimers moment and thinks he showed us his cubed, err, "pulled" pork cooking skills when he goes into his next meat.
10b. Nope; turns out he just made a fuckload during the week and thought he filmed it.
11. Why does this stupid asshole keep doublesmoking meats? He already fucking smoked his meat; no need for more of it.
12. Jack uses a different brand of breakfast sausage; he also highlights how it has sage in it.
12b. I'll note that this was the only type of sausage Young Jack used in his particular Explosion; he also did this after showing off his fans' creations... Young Jack had a lot more passion for this than Fat Jack does.
13. Fat Jack is also using Italian style sausage as well; welp that's a lot more flavor complexity than the original already.
14. And now Obese Jack highlights his fourth fucking meat for this with Chorizo, which adds in its own mix.
14b. Actually, let me link you to
@salmonellajack 's post;
he lists a pretty good amount of the amount of seasoning Fatboy here already has based solely on the meat.
15. Oops, a bit of Cali is slipping in Jack; he mentions Al Pastor, a popular style of taco.
15b. And no, Al pastor is only similar in that its' meat is pork based; it uses middle-eastern style seasonings like bayleaves and is hung similar to how kebab meat is thanks to it being a Hispano-Arabian fusion.
16. Young Jack and Fat Jack make the same mistake: you DON'T NEED SEASONING.
16b. Young Jack used his gourmet mix, salt, pepper, red pepper and his shit sauce on bacon and sausage that already has spices in it.
16c. Fat Jack not only is doing this, but using five different meats and even more shit to boot... it's gonna taste like burning salt.
17. Speaking of the mix... Jack actually remembered he made shit sauces and shit mixes today.
17b. I must ask though, is it because of his sadfag attempt to relive glory, or was it insecure narc rage from idiots like me talking about how he never uses it?
18. Jack is still doing anti-Tammy measures like the fat glutton he is; it's obvious whenever he does this.
19. OH GOD WHAT NO NO
NOOOO-
*One Ritual to Restructure Adam's Psyche Later*
20. He mentioned needing to add EVEN MORE Italian seasonings to the sausage that already has said seasonings. Just needed a second.
21. Bacon Explosion 2: Secret of the Ooze (that's clogging Jack's heart)
22. Jack has the meats all in their containment bowls as the bacon looks set to slither away in fear.
23. Strokebrained Jack calls casings "link skins" when it comes to talking about removing the sausage's casings.
24. Jack for a second thinks he got hot sausage before correcting himself.
25. Jack proceeds to dump out what may be 1/5th of the entire loadout of that Italian seasoning bottle on the sausage already laced with that herb mix.
25b. For those wondering, that means he drowned it with even more oregano, basil, thyme, sage, and others into the stuff with those spices already pre-measured...
26. And he's lacing in his shit seasoning onto the breakfast sausage, which fun fact tends to be the most heavily seasoned out of the three.
26b. Breakfast sausage usually has salt, pepper, sage, thyme, and usually has a dash of cayenne pepper and brown sugar already.
26c. I do know Jack's shit mix is mostly salt and garlic if I remember right, so that's not gonna help.
27. He then adds a fuckload of Slap ya Mama to Chorizo, which already has paprika and likely (since we usually have Mexican style which differs from Spanish) ancho peppers, cinnamon, coriander, cumin, salt, pepper, and others.
27b. Slap ya Mama itself especially adds more peppers, cayenne pepper since he's clearly using the hot shit, garlic, salt, and red pepper.
28. In short, it's going to be overseasoned as fuck; drowning especially in sage, thyme, and salt. Dear god the salt...
29. Huh, his shit sauce actually poured out like a liquid... maybe he WAS selling rancid shit and hoping to get away with it.
30. Fatboy pretends to be Keto some more as he ignores how the breakfast sausage and bacon very likely have sugars due to either preservation or for flavor; this of course ignores how it still has too much protein for that diet.
31. Jack is desperately shilling a random smoker mesh that's more often used for stuff like fish or vegetables on grills.
31b. This saddens me because Young Jack's little shit sauce commercial was actually better product placement and better presented than this shit.
32. *heavy breathing* as Jack starts to just talk about how he's going to weave the bacon.
33. Another point for Young Jack; he showed you how the weave works; you lift two of the five slices and then put the perpendicular slice on top of the other three before rolling them back down.
34. Gluttonous Jack then cooks the rest of the bacon so he can cram it in the center, thus adding more flavor complexity in this seizure of a retake.
34b. I can't say enough that Young Jack was far less retarded with this recipe; he just laced the center with a bit of his shit sauce and the bacon and called it a day.
35. Caveman Jack just grabs a fistful of sausage meat and tries and fails to lift it.
35b. He then pretends he's just going to break it up and put it down in little areas before it cuts to his slightly too thin sausage sheet.
36. The meat paste layer grows ominously as horrid sticky noises play as Jack continues to ooga booga his food by grabbing it in chunks... I half suspect he takes a bite of raw sausage off camera during the cuts due to there being a missing spot of Italian.
37. Before he continues the Sausage Shoah, I notice Fat Jack can't even be fucked to do even layers... wow.
37b. By comparison, Young Jack tried fairly hard to make the sausage layer even before he added the bacon.
38. Jack again randomly places the next sausage type on the edges for no real reason; it'll just lead to uneven and awful tastes...
39. Jack then adds the loosely shredded, more like cubed pork on top of the mix.
39b. These long awkward silences between pauses make me think he saves that footage so he can use his dead hand to
slkfjslkdjlkjgfjdgjkk-
ERROR: THOUGHT TERMINATED TO SAVE SANITY
40. So anyways, he chose to fade cut for no reason after putting on pretty much all of the pulled pork for no reason.
41. And he then slathers the fucking atrocity he made with barbecue sauce on the inside after all that seasoning spam earlier.
42. Wow, Jack didn't even pat down the fucking bacon when he puts it into the center of this disaster.
43. Jack states that they're going to roll the product and that it's the hardest thing to do.
43b. So of course Tammy has to do it for him; shame he treats her like a wallet for his own manchild desires and ego.
44. Oh, and side note: Tammy actually used gloves to handle the food while Fat Jack fucking didn't... why isn't she hosting this again?
45. Fun fact: he clearly overstuffed it since the baconweave isn't quite containing the mound of meat within.
46. Fade cut to a finished meat burrito from Satan's Anus as Jack just barely remembers that he wants to slather on more shit sauce as a coating.
46b. This is as the Phone of Damnation blares in the background,
47. Jack lies about loving his shit sauce; if this was the case he'd never ever fucking use Sweet Baby Ray's like he's done for years by this point... he'd also have used it more often than never for years on end.
48. A HUNDRED FIFTY DEGREES?!
48b. .....
49. Okay... it's fine. I did not just hear this gluttonous pig possessed by the wendigo say 150 degrees...
49b. You'd have to be a complete idiot to think that cooking sausage 15 degrees below pork safety is a good ide- yeah he fucking said it.
50. So... to compare that little nugget to Young Jack... I can say Young Jack was far less retarded; he actually got the temperature right.
50b. ...seriously he forgot the most basic thing possible... fucking hell man.
51. Fat Jack's set up is far far shittier than Young Jack's; for example he did not even bother smoking this thing at all with the wood chips.
52. For another thing, he doesn't even explain to those curious how he cooked it; it's just there... on the smoker, and it's noted that the sauce doesn't look remotely like it dried up into that caking smoking should do.
53. Oh wow, his editing is so poor I thought for a good few seconds he was showing what he thought was the finished product.
53b. No, he was just showing his new fancy meat thermometer; Young Jack may not have known what those were called ("meat temperature things"), but he at least fucking cooked to temp that specific time.
54. The final product looks okay for it's type; it's just a bacon explosion usually looks like a giant fried larva to me.
55. Failed Husband Jack ignores Tammy as he holds on to the Explosion much to her annoyed protests, showing how and why he got fired as a DJ by refusing to fucking listen and in fact do the opposite out of spite.
56. Aaand the sausage is clearly undercooked; GG Jack.
57. Haha Tammy walks off at about the same time in annoyance and Jack doesn't care; what a fucking shit spouse.
58. Fat Jack warns that this is a very rich food item, which is why you clearly pair it with mashed potatoes rather than say collard greens or asparagus... rich usually means dense and fat riddled foods and as much as I like taters I'd say they're too rich for this.
59. Oh, he changed his opinion; get something bland to counter this.
59b. No shit Jack, you used I think 20 different spices in stupid amounts to make this thing.
60. Both Young and Fat Jack use their fingers to pick up their mound of meat rather than use a fucking fork like a non-savage.
61. Jack accidentally shows how gay he is by deepthroating his chunk of bakemeat by shoving it down with his finger as his eyes roll like a fucking shark.
62. Cut reaction as he pretends the reason he likes this version more is because of the chorizo sausage.
62b. I think it's because he laced it with a shitload of spice so the heat was the only identifiable taste in that entire shitshow.
63. Jack lies about how this shitty thing is a "worthy" sequel to the first time he made it; hilariously fuck no, because Young Jack was far more engaging and made a more competent version of it.
64. Hah, he pretends we can talk to him and he doesn't block everyone like the woman he is.
Wow... no wonder I was told to make this runthrough. It was bad, but interestingly bad when you compare it to the original, since he GOT WORSE.
