🐷 Ethan Oliver Ralph / TheRalphRetort / Rad Roberts / Jcaesar187 / Rage Pig / "Killstream" / "Tequila Sunrise" - 5'1'' fat alcoholic, owner of a gunt, convicted felon and revenge pornographer, property of the ugly failed tranny pornstar Lucas Roberts. Has quadruple titties.

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gran_autismo said:
Estranged from the show. As if The Ralph Retort is some kind of religious ministry and Null has "fallen away" for cross dressing or buttering his own toast on the Sabbath.

It all started when Ralph called all his acolytes to Mount Coomer, telling them that all the women under 18 had to be surrendered to him and no one aside from him was allowed to have sex because it was a spiritual burden that only he could bear. Not even married couples! Especially not married couples! Ralph was still particularly salty that such unions could exist even after his own wife had slipped his grasp, fleeing to another country under control of some of his worst enemies.

But Joshua Conner Moon had no underage women and had previously been caught talking about the potential necessity of sacrificing Ralph to the corn to ensure the harvest that year, and so Ralph cast him out that very day. Joshua Conner Moon was placed into a car with several other "Lost Boys" and "Paypigs" as they're known, driven to the edge of town and told to "go on" and "git".

Some say you can still see his disabled brother still on the edge of town, waiting for Ralph to "totally come get him once things are better". He continues to subsist on the charity of other castoffs and the state. All very sad.
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That's probably too charitable to paint Ralph as some sort of dysfunctional David Koresh for retards than pointing out the reality that he's more like that guy who was way too into Ham radio and wasn't a trucker.

If anything, Daxxy boy is the David Koresh of this cornfield, only much sadder.
 
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soy_king said:
That's probably too charitable to paint Ralph as some sort of dysfunctional David Koresh for retards than pointing out the reality that he's more like that guy who was way too into Ham radio and wasn't a trucker.

If anything, Daxxy boy is the David Koresh of this cornfield, only much sadder.
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I can't spin a fanciful tale about a guy that hangs out at the truck stop after work buying CB radios and aftermarket trucker mods for his Toyota Camry, it just doesn't work the same.

Though it does beg the question: has Ralph worked a regular job? Was there ever some bright eyed boy prior to the GG days that had dreams of doing something that wasn't internet-people related? Most hosts, they'll typically include some stories about their lives/work history before the show whether you want to hear about it or not.

To hear Ralph tell it, his life pretty much began the day he hit a female cop in the face. He doesn't seem to have had much in the way of life experiences; even his marriage was mostly an online affair. Sometimes you hear bawdy stories about how he was a joker in school or an alterboy or something, but beyond that? Not a whole hell of a lot.
 
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gran_autismo said:
I can't spin a fanciful tale about a guy that hangs out at the truck stop after work buying CB radios and aftermarket trucker mods for his Toyota Camry, it just doesn't work the same.

Though it does beg the question: has Ralph worked a regular job? Was there ever some bright eyed boy prior to the GG days that had dreams of doing something that wasn't internet-people related? Most hosts, they'll typically include some stories about their lives/work history before the show whether you want to hear about it or not.

To hear Ralph tell it, his life pretty much began the day he hit a female cop in the face. He doesn't seem to have had much in the way of life experiences; even his marriage was mostly an online affair. Sometimes you hear bawdy stories about how he was a joker in school or an alterboy or something, but beyond that? Not a whole hell of a lot.
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Must've had a pretty normal white trash childhood if everything we know about him is after he became a felon.
 
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4str4staleatherbelt said:
Stop "crying" bro :lit:
View attachment 1458418
killstream.live

Josh Moon "Null" - Killstream.Live

Josh Moon is head janitor of KiwiFarms, a website covering Chris-chan's legacy & internet drama. His predictions are usually wrong. His dick doesn't work.
killstream.live killstream.live
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The harvest needs ethan, I don't know why he hates the harvest. Not like he is doing anything meaningful.
Jack Awful said:
The only reason these niggas hate Josh so much is he mentioned corn and they hate vegetables.
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Given how much corn liqour ethan drinks, that might be bullshit.
Edit:
Hazel Motes said:
has to wait 20 minutes before his girlfriend can find his penis.
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This one made me sad and I don't know why.
 
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itsoktobewhite said:
Pull the trigger Gator!!
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Holy fuck this is the most autistic thing i have ever written
In the distant future....
In a rundown hospital in Richmond Virginia, Substance abuse treatment wing.
The hospital room is dirty and full of discarded fast food containers and empty liqour bottles. In the corner there is a small shrine dedicated towards an Irishman, saint patrick perhaps?
In the middle of the room is a hospital bed and upon that hospital bed there is a ghastly sight. A midget not taller then 5´1 and round as a ball, pale and sickly. Looking like hes not long for this world. All manner of tubes and machines is attached to him, keeping him alive but barely. His breathing is labored and all over the place. But even though he looks like hes about to loose his last fight hes still with a fervent passion clutching a small wooden box. The box is quite old, weathered and has "woodford reserve, R.R" stamped on it.

Next to him in a metal chair that looks like its just about to fail from the heavy burden its carrying is a creature most people would identify as an average Reddit moderator. Long disheveled hair and fat, Dressed in all dapper green with a mask in his pocket. The visitor is holding a smartphone and he is browsing r/4chan. All of a sudden a greentext makes him snicker.

Slowly the sick man opens his eyes and with a lot of effort turns his head towards the sound.
-G.. a... gator?

-Its me! Oh friend people have been in my dms all day. This time i thought you woulnd´t comeback You have been out for so long. I.. i... thought i had lost you forever. a solitary tear runs down his face. The doctor told me that this time you wouldn´t wake up. the visitor begins sobbing

-Im in a lot of pain Gator... I... i need you to.. i need you to.. come... come closer

The vistor with some amount of force dislodges his butt from the chair and shovels closer right next to the dying man. Putting his hands on the yellow bedsheets gripping the fabric.
-I would do anything for you and i mean anything. You name it pal!

Hands trembling, the man marked by the reaper gives gator a box. Gators hands moves towards the brass lock. Flipping it open and inside are three things. A 1911 handgun, with a confederate flag camo, a picture of a blond girl and a bottle of makers mark.

-That gun was my fathers... It was the only thing he left for me, after he moved to canada. I wanna do him proud.
I have spent my whole life running gator. I don´t wanna run anymore.
Take the gun Gator. I can´t take this anymore, the pain is never ending! One... one last time gator, i need you t.. to pla.. pull the trigger gator, the sick man now sobbing, tears streaming down his face

-I can´t.... i can´t do it dont force me to chose between my loyalty or the continuation of the only thing i have ever been proud of! Your my best pal Ethan i... i dont wanna be alone....

-Gator you will never be alone as long as you have this, Ralph says pointing towards the bottle. It has served me well. It never leaves you and it never complains. I wanna give you one last gift. A small laugh exits the dying man it sounds similar to a dolphin.

-What.. what... is it? stammers the man dressed in green clutching the gun between his sausage fingers.
you have my blessing to take the offer... you can become cohost of this week in nectar. I need you to become your own man gator. I need you to become the oldfag.
Im at peace and the last thing i need before i go... Is the reassurance that TRR dies with me and that the people i care about get what they need. I want all of the lemons to go towards my exwife and girlfriends daughters. Gator it has been an honor to have you not as my slave boy but as my lover. Now do it...

Gator raises the gun. Hes at this point shaking uncontrollably. He steadies himself and whisper goodbye : ethan
*Bang*
 
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soy_king said:
That's probably too charitable to paint Ralph as some sort of dysfunctional David Koresh for retards than pointing out the reality that he's more like that guy who was way too into Ham radio and wasn't a trucker.

If anything, Daxxy boy is the David Koresh of this cornfield, only much sadder.
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Except women actually liked David Koresh.
 
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At this point this thread only really gets activity when First Fag and Gunt throw a tantrum. Even then its mostly passive interest, like watching a crack head on the side of the street. The only realistic way Gunt will get a moderate audience again is if he starts spiraling and we are getting consistent pillstreams. Even the people that love making fun of him, like PPP, dont even want to sit there and watch the show. The product that is his show is a relic from a bygone age of when everyone wanted to larp as a right wing visionary. Now everyone is wise to the fact that doing that is retarded. He is like a pay phone booth.
 
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Love_Machine011 said:
At this point this thread only really gets activity when First Fag and Gunt throw a tantrum. Even then its mostly passive interest, like watching a crack head on the side of the street. The only realistic way Gunt will get a moderate audience again is if he starts spiraling and we are getting consistent pillstreams. Even the people that love making fun of him, like PPP, dont even want to sit there and watch the show. The product that is his show is a relic from a bygone age of when everyone wanted to larp as a right wing visionary. Now everyone is wise to the fact that doing that is retarded. He is like a pay phone booth.
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There is a special category of lolcow which no one finds funny on their own and is only a lolcow because they consistently demand do be one.
 
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