Chris's excuses for being unemployed / pretending to be overworked megathread

[ToroidalBoat]

I believe Chris could easily be a janitor or a shelf-stocker or some basic of basic factory job.

I think one symptom of autism is an inability to do tedious repetitive tasks that aren't desired - or was that AD(H)D?

Anyway, trying to get Chris to stay in one place and do the same thing over and over all day - especially while being supervised - may not be a good idea. Remember how Chris' job at Wendy's went? And that was before the insanity of "Classic Chris", the mega insanity of "Pristine Christine", and the giga "Merge" insanity.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

He'd also yell at all the customers, and creepily try to hit on all the women. It would be disastrous. Maybe it would be funny to record and post in the CWCki.

The men would flirty, crusty eye lashes, and "my eyes are up here".

I think one symptom of autism is an inability to do tedious repetitive tasks that aren't desired - or was that AD(H)D?

That's ADHD.

Anyway, trying to get Chris to stay in one place and do the same thing over and over all day - especially while being supervised - may not be a good idea. Remember how Chris' job at Wendy's went? And that was before the insanity of "Classic Chris", the mega insanity of "Pristine Christine", and the giga "Merge" insanity.

Oh god, can you imagine?! "Hello, sir! I see you have ordered da fries, would you like some of pink, lady like milkshake to go with them?!"

Or
"Hey little Billy, don't be fooled by da rocks dat I got, I'm still Xtine from da block! Wanna meet my husbands, they're standing right next to me!?"

 

[CwChalk]

"Hey little Billy, don't be fooled by da rocks dat I got, I'm still Xtine from da block! Wanna meet my husbands, they're standing right next to me!?"

This is why I figure it would be hard to hang around Chris for any length of time these days. Eventually he's gonna put you on the spot, asking if you can psychically hear his imaginary friends or trying to make you interact with magi-chan in some way. I wonder how a supervisor would actually handle something like this?

 

[Argh My Cigar]

This is why I figure it would be hard to hang around Chris for any length of time these days. Eventually he's gonna put you on the spot, asking if you can psychically hear his imaginary friends or trying to make you interact with magi-chan in some way. I wonder how a supervisor would actually handle something like this?

I feel bad for his co-worker at Wendy's. She was probably trying to tell him to stifle it with the Sonichu shit and to actually do his fucking job, but he interpreted that as her "having a chip on her shoulder for me". I can only imagine how his direct manager felt.

 

[Optimus Prime]

I feel bad for his co-worker at Wendy's. She was probably trying to tell him to stifle it with the Sonichu shit and to actually do his fucking job, but he interpreted that as her "having a chip on her shoulder for me". I can only imagine how his direct manager felt.

Probably glad to be rid of Chris, if we're being honest. I've never had to work fast food (thankfully) but I can only imagine a fat lard like him failing to do the bare minimum was really putting the screws to keeping the food moving "fast".

 

[Elpizo]

Probably glad to be rid of Chris, if we're being honest. I've never had to work fast food (thankfully) but I can only imagine a fat lard like him failing to do the bare minimum was really putting the screws to keeping the food moving "fast".

More like "Slow in the minds" Food, if you'd ask me.

 

[TrippinKahlua]

Maybe Chris should buy a stock of Magic Mike DVDs, and draw brassiere’s on the men, and sell the vandalism for $200 each.

 

[Bragorboats]

A few years ago Chris was in some program to help people with difficulties find work. I think there was even a leaked picture, anyone know what came of that?

 

[Fapcop]

I feel bad for his co-worker at Wendy's. She was probably trying to tell him to stifle it with the Sonichu shit and to actually do his fucking job, but he interpreted that as her "having a chip on her shoulder for me". I can only imagine how his direct manager felt.

That’s just one of the problems with Chris as a productive member of the workforce:

Anyone daring to tell him to actually do his
job or offer some hints will instantly go into the “villain” category in his head.

To be badmouthed, and in the worst case scenario: Featured as a villain in his comics. “Doctor Ass-Man with his timeclock of pain” or some shit like that.

A few years ago Chris was in some program to help people with difficulties find work. I think there was even a leaked picture, anyone know what came of that?

Sounds like it was part of the court-ordered tard-diversion program Chris entered.

(And was for some reason allowed to graduate, despite halfassing it all the way!)

I’d love to see the pic, and witness Chris in full “Hedgehog-passive-aggressive mode”: Constant loud sighs, leg shaking and screwing off on his DS all the time.

Did it by any chance happen at the time where Chris posted his: “I don’t need to get a job because I’m busy with the merge and whatnot!” Rant on Twitter?

 

[w4vy_gr4vy]

A few years ago Chris was in some program to help people with difficulties find work. I think there was even a leaked picture, anyone know what came of that?

Well obviously not very much as he still has never been in any danger of working. Probably involved a lot of though.

 

[Fapcop]

More like "Slow in the minds" Food, if you'd ask me.

Kinda off topic, but working in a fast food place can be pretty hectic, especially if it’s in a busy area. Someone like Chris probably couldn’t keep up, even if they only had him do the tard-tier work like cleaning tables, etc.

I’d love to see him in a European McD, where they typically don’t hire from the lowest rung of the labor market, and Chris would instantly be pegged as the “social charity-employee” lol!

(In Europe McD typically hires students and young go getters. The wages are pretty good, and you can advance up the ranks pretty quickly if you work hard.)

 

[Tikbalang]

...if you work hard

That's the deal breaker in Chris's standards.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

Kinda off topic, but working in a fast food place can be pretty hectic, especially if it’s in a busy area. Someone like Chris probably couldn’t keep up, even if they only had him do the tard-tier work like cleaning tables, etc.

Same with being a convenience store clerk. Stocking beer, cigs, and working a lotto machine isn't that hard, but such stores often have much, much more going on. The one I worked at was also a bait shop, ice cream store, and pizza place. I had to learn how to do all that, plus clean the shop, discard expired shit, and deal with heroine junkies. Chris couldn't handle half of that.

Chris would need to have a job that was so easy and brainless he'd be in constant danger of being replaced by a machine.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

but he interpreted that as her "having a chip on her shoulder for me"

And then he "retaliated" by drawing her as an ugly pokemon.

Imagine the kind of crazy crap he'd do nowadays if "wronged"?

 

[CwChalk]

Same with being a convenience store clerk. Stocking beer, cigs, and working a lotto machine isn't that hard, but such stores often have much, much more going on. The one I worked at was also a bait shop, ice cream store, and pizza place. I had to learn how to do all that, plus clean the shop, discard expired shit, and deal with heroine junkies. Chris couldn't handle half of that.

Chris would need to have a job that was so easy and brainless he'd be in constant danger of being replaced by a machine.

Grocery stores pride themselves in having good customer service no matter what department you're working in. If Chris can, theoretically, hold a job, it'd have to be one with as little interaction with the public as possible. Like bridging the dimensional merge, but I don't think it pays well.

 

[Argh My Cigar]

Chris would need to have a job that was so easy and brainless he'd be in constant danger of being replaced by a machine.

One of my old jobs was working at an organic focused grocery store. There was this special granola sold in bags that was marketed as being packaged by adults with autism and by buying it you’d be helping them sustain their jobs. There’s also a group home documentary I saw once that also had each ‘tard doing menial jobs like cleaning up trash from a local theater for 2-3 hours. It was less a steady job and more to give them something to do during the day and have pocket money (as in, enough for a few cups of coffee.)

The issue with these jobs even for Chris is that they’re for autists who can’t do shit like use a computer or drive a car and need constant supervision to wipe their asses; Chris would definitely benefit from the latter though. They also pay shit wages; not even $100 a week, and for him that’s chump change. The thought of Chris on an assembly line for packaging food also scares the shit out of me; imagine finding clumps of seaweed green hair in your fucking granola.

 

[Jason Wynn]

My first job was unloading trucks at a grocery store. Part time, no interaction with customers, just unload the freight with your crew in a timely manner, open and process it and have it ready to be stocked. It was simple work any idiot could do. I'd suggest it would be something even a mong like Chris could handle (we did have one slow-in-da-mind on the team who was a decent worker) but that's optimistic of me.

Could he even handle a basic monkey job like sorting glass or mopping floors?

 

[CwChalk]

My first job was unloading trucks at a grocery store. Part time, no interaction with customers, just unload the freight with your crew in a timely manner, open and process it and have it ready to be stocked. It was simple work any idiot could do. I'd suggest it would be something even a mong like Chris could handle (we did have one slow-in-da-mind on the team who was a decent worker) but that's optimistic of me.

Could he even handle a basic monkey job like sorting glass or mopping floors?

Oh, that reminds me... This might be off topic a little bit, but it's kinda relevant. Fuck it.

Used to work in a grocery store, also had a slow-in-the-mind working as a bag boy. He wasn't too bad, he did his job. One day, I guess he had explosive diarrhea because he made a huge mess in the men's employee bathroom. He didn't wipe properly and tried to go back to the storefront, but it dripped down one of his his pant legs and left a trail down one of the aisles. The manager caught him quickly, and had him stay after hours to clean up the mess he made. I suppose making another employee clean up his shit would have been just a little unfair, but he was able to mop, heh. I think he was fired, never saw him after that.

Maybe Chris should just stay away from the food industry.

 

[Andre Richardson]

Sounds like it was part of the court-ordered tard-diversion program Chris entered.

(And was for some reason allowed to graduate, despite halfassing it all the way!)

I’d love to see the pic, and witness Chris in full “Hedgehog-passive-aggressive mode”: Constant loud sighs, leg shaking and screwing off on his DS all the time.

A few years ago Chris was in some program to help people with difficulties find work. I think there was even a leaked picture, anyone know what came of that?

Found a picture regarding the court mandated program Chris had to take. Called the “Therapeutic Docket”. As you can imagine, the program did jack shit for Chris.
Info

 

[Fapcop]

Found a picture regarding the court mandated program Chris had to take. Called the “Therapeutic Docket”. As you can imagine, the program did jack shit for Chris.
Info
View attachment 1482225

Holy...

Fucking...

Shit...

Imagine the poor court appointed psychologist who walks into his office, only to be greeted by THAT sight.

I’ll bet you the poor fucker turned right back around, walked back to his car, and drank deep and long from the bourbon he keeps on the glove compartment for days like this.