Online dating, relationships and encounters discussion.

[Queen of Tarts]

My attempts at online dating usually turn into meeting complete assholes who are only interested in sex. Or Adonis' when they're nothing special themselves.

It's nice to have high standards some times, but when those standards include "big muscles, looks like Ryan Gosling" and you're sow-like, I think that's unrealistic at best.

 

[Pandas Galore]

The only person I ever got close to dating in general was online. We met through Starcraft and he was kinda nice and met on the competitive ladder. Problem is you can't really judge someone by first impressions cuz he ended up being extremely manipulative and after something that happened junior year of high school he started blaming me for it and we had a falling out where he tried stalking my accounts to other sites to harass me. He even made several dummy skypes and tried using friends to try and get into skype calls with me to harass me.

Basically I don't have many positive experiences with online dating and, while I understand why people will like it, I don't think I can easily get back into it after that.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

Same as for most of you, online dating was frustrating for me.

I used two sites: OKCupid -which most everyone has heard of, and "Alikewise" where you were supposed to connect with people by what books you read.

Alikewise was a bust -Most messages came from spambots, and I don't recall having an exchange beyond two messages.

OKCupid actually yielded dates, and a six month relationship that was fairly casual. In my experience, I had to message first, then wait for a reply, so I messaged multiple women who interested me at once, and wound up going through streaks -sometimes I was talking to four users at the same time, but I frequently couldn't get the time of day.

 

[The Fair Lady]

I'm actually really into OkCupid right now. Still getting a lot of guys liking my profile, and at least 7 or 8 have messaged me. Most of them seem alright, though one asked a creepy question that made me block him.

Update: My only problem with the site so far (other than the creeper mentioned above) is that some of the guys messaging me are coming off as way too eager and pushy. I'm not ready to accept phone numbers, let alone meet up.

I don't want to look like a bitch and not reply to these guys altogether, but I'm not sure what's the best way to tell them I'm trying to take things slow.

 

[John Titor]

I'm too much of a coward to try online and off.

 

[Picklechu]

I'll still log into OKCupid every few days, just to keep myself in search results, but I haven't really actively used it in over a year. I've gone on one date from it, which was a nightmare. This girl was about twice as big as her pictures suggested (she was next to a very large friend in most of them, which seems strategic on her part in hindsight) and she was one of the most boring people I've ever talked to in my life. She talked about fucking algae for a third of the time. Thankfully, it was just a lunch date, so it wasn't too expensive.

 

[Strewth]

I'm actually really into OkCupid right now. Still getting a lot of guys liking my profile, and at least 7 or 8 have messaged me. Most of them seem alright, though one asked a creepy question that made me block him.

Update: My only problem with the site so far (other than the creeper mentioned above) is that some of the guys messaging me are coming off as way too eager and pushy. I'm not ready to accept phone numbers, let alone meet up.

I don't want to look like a bitch and not reply to these guys altogether, but I'm not sure what's the best way to tell them I'm trying to take things slow.

I just always used to say that I was super busy with other life stuff.
So like, I could only really chat right now, but I was open to meeting up in the future, when things were less hectic.
It's might not exactly be truthful, but it always seemed to do the job for me.

 

[cheersensei]

Met my husband on a *chan site. Dated online for almost a year, then finally took the plunge and met offline. A lot of time was spent chatting on Yahoo and occasional texts. Aside the first time meeting jitters, things fell into place. We shared a lot in common, and were just wanting to be with one another. Moved out and moved in with him a few months after meeting, and about a year later, we were married. Three years going on four in October.

 

[Queen of Tarts]

I've noticed my friend irl has way more prospects than I do, including incredibly sexy guys. She's about average, like me, so it's quite...depressing when I try for the same thing and get shot down because I'm not some hunk beyond even their level.

One of the negative things about being gay, I suppose, is the severe lack of dateable men. On one hand, I don't know if I want a boyfriend. On the other, I'd at least like the option, you know?

 

[MrsGoodman]

@Saul Goodman maybe we belong over here

 

[2Spoopy]

Spent a year after a nasty break up going around some of the dating sites. Stayed around mostly for the lulz, and met a small repertoire of cringe worthy people online, some of whom have become my personal cows.

Got bored of that and was just closing out my accounts when I started talking to my now fiance. And that's going pretty damn good.

I still check in on some of the dating sites, but it's a lot more fun when you have someone to share it with.

feelsgoodman.jpg

 

[Holdek]

Had one girl agree to meet up, and then get cold feet and never respond to messages again.

Spoiler

 

[Doctor Professor Timon]

I've dated online.

I have learned that desperate people go to the internet to date.

I have also learned crazy women do that.

Never again. One had my phone number and would not stop texting me, another was one of those suicide-threateners, and, finally, one seemed normal, but then it turned out she was more dumb than a box of rocks and didn't understand why I broke up with her after she admitted she cheated on me.

As for real-life: Two in particular, first one was a nut-job and I got out of there fast, and the other couldn't understand what personal time (away) from them meant.

 

[Holdek]

I'm currently using Match.com.

So far, I haven't had any luck. None of the girls I was interested in responded back. I kinda wonder whether I should tell them that I share their interests, ask them out immediately, or simply say hi.

In my experience it works best to send a brief introduction that indicates that you've actually read their profile. So yeah talking about some shared interest you both have.

Then maybe exchange one or two more messages with ask out on the third message or so. You want to make them initially comfortable with you online by establishing a rapport but if you just keep e-mailing them without meeting up in person they may lose interest.

Brief backstory: I used Match a couple of years ago and went out on same dates but nothing led to anything serious, probably because I treated the whole process like a chore instead of something enjoyable and I got tired of putting in the effort. So try to have fun with it.

 

[Holdek]

I've dated online.

I have learned that desperate people go to the internet to date.

I have also learned crazy women do that.

Never again. One had my phone number and would not stop texting me, another was one of those suicide-threateners, and, finally, one seemed normal, but then it turned out she was more dumb than a box of rocks and didn't understand why I broke up with her after she admitted she cheated on me.

As for real-life: Two in particular, first one was a nut-job and I got out of there fast, and the other couldn't understand what personal time (away) from them meant.

Sounds like women are crazy no matter where they are!

 

[The Dude]

I met Mrs. Dude online and we just celebrated our Ten Year Anniversary on the 14th. So I guess you could say that were one of the success stories for dating online.

 

[Doctor Professor Timon]

Sounds like women are crazy no matter where they are!

One thought she could make me violate my personal beliefs, too. It was amusing. I'm a semi-stoic, which means I control all emotion to the best of my ability to keep a level head. With the understanding that they are necessary in some situations.

She told me she cheated on me. My only response was, "Have fun with him. We're not getting back together even if you two break up?"

Her jaw dropped - she seriously thought she was so important I'd want to. She had the nerve to ask, "Why?"

I replied, "You backstabbed me. I forgive you, of course, but I'm not stupid enough to get with someone who'll cheat on me."

To this day, she hates me.

_____________________

Kiwis, this will be the moral of that story.

Don't cheat, find out if someone shares similar beliefs to yourself - if you're an atheist, don't get with someone of a religious background - and vice versa.
If you can't agree on the core fundamentals of your own lives, it's a bad idea. You're not going to 'convert' anyone. Don't be as stupid as I was when I was that young.

Also, some free advice for male and female kiwis:
If they are constantly texting you, wanting to know everything you're doing? They're possessive, usually bossy.
If their friends are terrible people and they're an angel? They're playing you.
If they're constantly poking and prodding at you with things you don't want to do? They're using you. Common salesman tactic is ask for something big, get rejected, and then ask for something smaller. Then they work their way up. These are manipulators. This applies ESPECIALLY online.
If they're still dating you and you're wearing crocs (the shoes)? They actually like you. Stay with that person.

 

[Jomadre]

My "personal condition" does not apply well to me dating online. By that I mean I'm a 4/10 appearance-wise, I make terrible first impressions due to my fluency disorder, I'm too uncoordinated to dance, and I'm also extremely nerdy even in my non-nerdy interests (I have to stop myself from sperging about my garden, to give an example).

When I ask people I've known for a while out I typically am successful. If I try to cold-contact someone on a dating website or at a bar or whatever, I typically fail. And even when I meet someone, typically I get one date and the other person never wants to see me again.

And considering the last time I used a dating site, I got one woman who assaulted me and another that kept flipping back and forth from being motherly and nurturing to chimping the fuck out and screaming at me I am not eager to try again.

Doing the "lone wolf" thing now. I have my garden, my traveling, my painting, and my tarantula husbandry. I find a RPG group and I'll have almost everything I need really.

 

[Anchuent Christory]

Then maybe exchange one or two more messages with ask out on the third message or so. You want to make them initially comfortable with you online by establishing a rapport but if you just keep e-mailing them without meeting up in person they may lose interest.

Yeah, there's definitely a "sweet spot" for making a move. Too early can be creepy, too late implies that you're just going to keep messaging to keep them at arm's length to satisfy some need to feel like you have somebody without actually making some sort of commitment.

 

[AN/ALR56]

I tried tinder
I failed.

But i know that i am a fat ugly sperg, i have to improve my self before going back,i have made some improvement with new clothes,which made me happy.