Careercow Robert Chipman / Bob / Moviebob / "Movieblob" - Middle-Aged Consoomer, CWC with a Thesaurus, Ardent Male Feminist and Superior Futurist, the Twice-Fired, the Mario-Worshipper, publicly dismantled by Hot Dog Girl, now a diabetic

[Mola Ram]

His brother has a more nautral smile while Bob "smiles" like an autistic moron.

Hey, if it quacks like a duck...

 

[Jetpack Himmler]

He's always hideous, obviously, but does he look extra weird in this video to anyone else?

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Quick! Somebody get Dobson's bicycle pump! The implosion of Bob's face is accelerating!

 

[Quixotic Man]

Bob is busy what Bob does best, backpedaling on his opinions when women disagree with him.

And being worried about Coronavirus when he should be worried about his face separating from his skull.

And continuing to hold on to his beliefs and grudges despite all evidence.

 

[SBG]

Theres nothing wrong with liking dumb action films and being a fan of genres light on story but heavy on stunts, if you like cheesy action films more power to you. Just don't go around praising the film as the greatest thing ever and not expecting people to laugh at it. Most importantly don't act like a smug asshole. Don't imply just because someone doesn't like your silly over the top action film that they are stuffy and too full of themselves, some people want more out a film than mindless over the top impossible action scenes. A good story or interesting characters for one. Bob just can't help but be a giant dick whenever he interacts with anyone he disagrees with.

There's plenty to praise in action movies besides the story, which I'm guessing isn't something Bob would too into as it'd require thinking more about how the movies are presented in regards to shot composition, the editing (like with the Brown Bunny), and in the case of Mulan, whether audiences would even like the fight styles.

 

[TopTierHealer]

Comparing Moviebob to Mark Kermode is like comparing a discarded McDonald's meal to a 9-course wine pairing at Noma.

That was my point, what better way to demonstrate Bob's shitty writing than comparing him to actually good writers.
There is a sucker born every minute and if your first interaction with the internet is Bob Fucking Chipman then your palate will be soiled forever.
Finally, Armond White has been a troll critic that can defend Michael Bay to the death but unlike Bob he has enough charisma and writing chops to pull off stupid opinions eloquently. Bob thinks that mental gymnastics and unnatural sentences = Big brain takes.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

Bob is busy what Bob does best, backpedaling on his opinions when women disagree with him.

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And being worried about Coronavirus when he should be worried about his face separating from his skull.

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And continuing to hold on to his beliefs and grudges despite all evidence.

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So Bob hates Mulan now when a woman calls it out for its shamefully inaccurate Chinese pandering, and also I love how he so venomously talks about a teenager, he really is projecting High school bullying.

 

[Bolo]

Bob is busy what Bob does best, backpedaling on his opinions when women disagree with him.

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I was curious to see how wrong Disney got the "culturally-foward" in the wrong way in this XIRAN chic thread and I read the whole thing and all I got was cinema Sins but with a smug chinese cunt counting historical inaccuracies and nitpicks in the "oh, you don't get my culture" sort of way. And now Mulan has super powers apparently.

We will never know for certain if Mulan bombs or not, stream numbers are a black box and producers like it to keep that way. Regardless, I'm a bit surprised from the backlash this movie is getting that even Robert is backpaddling.

So I went ahead to look, and aside from the Chinese cast, the writers, director and cinematography are all white women (and 1 white dude as a writer) and that just made me confused.

If the point was to pander to Chinese audiences, why not just get a chinese production and throw 200 million to them to do Mulan? And I'm not saying that because of "historical inacuracies", I don't know much about Chinese history, but those Wuxia movies are a far cry from authenticity as well.

But the deal is, Chinese audiences like their own movies. true, it is hard to see market for them outside of China, but for westerns audiences the name Disney and Mulan should be enough to check it out. So I guess this is one of those cases that trying to please everybody ends up pleasing nobody.

Mind you, the animated Mulan was never all that big of a hit back when Disney was getting over it's 90's renaissance, and was heavly criticised in China (they hated the Eddie Murphy Dragon). But at least it was it's own thing, and by far the most memorable thing from it was Donny Osmond, the whitest guy who ever whited before, singing about being how a man is as mysterious as the dark side of the moon.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

If the point was to pander to Chinese audiences, why not just get a chinese production and throw 200 million to them to do Mulan? And I'm not saying that because of "historical inacuracies", I don't know much about Chinese history, but those Wuxia movies are a far cry from authenticity as well.

I don't think it's a case of authenticity as such, it's about doing the genre properly. Think of it like Lucha Libre, or telenovelas- if you want to do them properly, you can't just go "pro wrestling, but with masks" or "soap operas, but in Spanish" if you want to please the Latin American audience. Disney, in their infinite wisdom, decided that "Wuxia" meant "flying kung-fu with a Panda Express aesthetic," never mind all the other stuff that ought to go into the movie to please a Chinese audience. It's especially surprising that they missed that trick given that Coco was a sleeper hit in China, which should have at least pointed them in the right direction- but nope, it's [the current year], and Disney bugmen have to be even more insectile than the OG hive. FML.

But the deal is, Chinese audiences like their own movies. true, it is hard to see market for them outside of China, but for westerns audiences the name Disney and Mulan should be enough to check it out. So I guess this is one of those cases that trying to please everybody ends up pleasing nobody.

Not really? The Chinese like to watch pretty people do interesting things, and find a lot of white people very pretty (less so black people.) There was a nontroversy a few years back where SJWs were getting riled the fuck up at The Great Wall for starring Matt Damon, who's a FUCKING WHITE MALE, then it died down when they realized that it was a Chinese production which specifically wanted him. They tend to take a looser view on strict historical accuracy than the west but that doesn't mean you can do whatever the fuck you want. If Disney did a version of Romance of the Three Kingdoms where Liu Bei is a bumbling sitcom dad, Lady Sun is a kung-fu superwoman, and Kong Ming is a fat black transwoman, there would be fucking riots.

 

[SBG]

If the point was to pander to Chinese audiences, why not just get a chinese production and throw 200 million to them to do Mulan? And I'm not saying that because of "historical inacuracies", I don't know much about Chinese history, but those Wuxia movies are a far cry from authenticity as well.

But the deal is, Chinese audiences like their own movies. true, it is hard to see market for them outside of China, but for westerns audiences the name Disney and Mulan should be enough to check it out. So I guess this is one of those cases that trying to please everybody ends up pleasing nobody.

I think a good example of an American movie made in a visual style of a Chinese one would be Warcraft. Visually it's atrocious to me, but it's something the Chinese like for some reason. I imagine Disney has competent enough producers to know that shit wouldn't fly in the US, yet at the same time thought they could pander to the ultra-nationalistic Chinese market by hitting the right tone (that they don't have experience doing).

Looking back with Mulan, test audiences were apparently rating the movie pretty poorly, before they did the reshoots that they pretend weren't meant to change anything drastically.

A source close to us has revealed that a few audience reactions from the test screening were bad. How bad? From a score of 1 to 10, it was given a 4. We’re not sure what the reshoots will focus on, but Disinsider thinks it’s for the many battle sequences. However, reshooting the battle sequences may not help with the overall picture.

The fact they released it on their streaming service and will be making it 'free' on there in a couple months is probably a sign that they gave up on it (similar to Artemis Fowl) and wanted to get some benefit out of it in the form of at least promoting their streaming service.

There seems to be a pattern of Disney failing miserably with movies that have action sequences or meant to have any sort of dramatic vibe. They end up trying to run back to fix it and get a jumbled mess in return.

 

[Bolo]

Not really? The Chinese like to watch pretty people do interesting things, and find a lot of white people very pretty (less so black people.) There was a nontroversy a few years back where SJWs were getting riled the fuck up at The Great Wall for starring Matt Damon, who's a FUCKING WHITE MALE, then it died down when they realized that it was a Chinese production which specifically wanted him. They tend to take a looser view on strict historical accuracy than the west but that doesn't mean you can do whatever the fuck you want. If Disney did a version of Romance of the Three Kingdoms where Liu Bei is a bumbling sitcom dad, Lady Sun is a kung-fu superwoman, and Kong Ming is a fat black transwoman, there would be fucking riots.

Good point, I forgot about that. A few years ago there was this trend of white Hollywood stars doing chinese movies. Keanu Reeves did a couple of them. Hell, even Bruce Willis did them.

Other thing i've been wondering is if the woke thing isn't turning the chinese audiences off as well. This isn't so much a case of people hating the "SJW" or "get woke or go broke", but the very clumsy manner these subjects are inserted in those movies.

I still laugh when I think about the remake of Aladdin and when the movie went into a halt so Jasmine would break into a song about how opressed she was, out of fucking no where. And the movie never came back from that.

I don't know how this Mulan remake dealt with its politics, but the little I know about the Wuxia movies is that they don't deal with politics at all, it is just exposition, these are the good guys, the bad guys, action and maybe a kiss at the end. So seeing a movie trying so hard to talk about women emancipation over wire-fu kicks, that might be a turn off as well.

 

[Krokodil Overdose]

Good point, I forgot about that. A few years ago there was this trend of white Hollywood stars doing chinese movies. Keanu Reeves did a couple of them. Hell, even Bruce Willis did them.

That's been a thing for a while, though I imagine the Kung Flu and flooding from this year's rainy season have rather put a damper on things of late. Remember The Meg with Jason Statham?

Other thing i've been wondering is if the woke thing isn't turning the chinese audiences off as well. This isn't so much a case of people hating the "SJW" or "get woke or go broke", but the very clumsy manner these subjects are inserted in those movies.

The Chinese have a word for this: "baizuo," translates literally as literally "white left." It describes WEIRD shitlibs to a T:

Spoiler: based and MSGpilled

Although the emphasis varies, baizuo is used generally to describe those who “only care about topics such as immigration, minorities, LGBT and the environment” and “have no sense of real problems in the real world”; they are hypocritical humanitarians who advocate for peace and equality only to “satisfy their own feeling of moral superiority”; they are “obsessed with political correctness” to the extent that they “tolerate backwards Islamic values for the sake of multiculturalism”; they believe in the welfare state that “benefits only the idle and the free riders”; they are the “ignorant and arrogant westerners” who “pity the rest of the world and think they are saviours”.

Basically, while China is a de jure communist country (and de facto aristocratic oligarchy) they've never taken up with the recent mutations of Marxism into it's cultural form. As a result, dangerhairs and genderspecials look at least as ridiculous to them as they do to us, with the added feature of there being no stigma against laughing at funny foreigners. While I'm sure the leadership has no problems puppet-mastering Antifa and the rest of the useful idiots, they have no use for them except as a tool against the decadent west. Yuri Bezmenov made the point that the usefuls are always the first against the wall once the revolution is concluded, and that is absolutely what would happen here as well.

 

[Doctor of Autism]

I don't know how this Mulan remake dealt with its politics, but the little I know about the Wuxia movies is that they don't deal with politics at all, it is just exposition, these are the good guys, the bad guys, action and maybe a kiss at the end. So seeing a movie trying so hard to talk about women emancipation over wire-fu kicks, that might be a turn off as well.

It basically did the false female empowerment by making Mulan born special and can do anything cause woman. She never did any hard work to get where she was which pissed off many, especially the Chinese. They also made Chi something exclusionary despite the Chinese believing anyone can have Chi.

Basically they made Mulan a Captain Marvel/Sequel Trilogy tier movie

 

[Flexo]

The only way to really point out how bad MovieBob's writing is to compare it good reviewer. The only one that comes to mind right now is Mike Kermode so I'd appreciate any other input.

I recommend goodbadflicks for the unpretentious but highly informative. The man knows his stuff and is unapologetic in liking films (even if he admits it's not amazing, he's like "I had a fun time.")

GoodBadFlicks

Movies, games, and the occasional editorial. From A-Z list films, video games, and other assorted overlooked goodness. Schedule - Monday - 1 PM EST New Main ...

www.youtube.com

Critical Drinker IS the pretentious film critic - after a few bottles of alcohol. Very Scottish sense of humor too.

The Critical Drinker

I drink and I say things. I'm here to deliver reviews, breakdowns and analysis on modern entertainment media. Expect a healthy dose of sarcasm, biting critic...

www.youtube.com

"Unmarketable white men":

So if mental disability happens to a white man who claims he wants to kill fags, suddenly the "different way of processing" excuse won't fly!

Wait... where was it mentioned that the attacker was a white guy? Last time I heard about a gay bar attack... it wasn't.

He's always hideous, obviously, but does he look extra weird in this video to anyone else?

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It looks like somebody switched on "big head mode" in a video game.

He's built like a South Park character.
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Someone needs to get this to the EFAP meme team stat!

There seems to be a pattern of Disney failing miserably with movies that have action sequences or meant to have any sort of dramatic vibe. They end up trying to run back to fix it and get a jumbled mess in return.

We may joke about soulless robots (no matter how hurtful it is... ) but sometimes it really does seem like Disney has been taken over by aliens who have completely lost any sense of the heart & soul stories require.

I should probably go back and rant about this on the SW thread, but it's like they have reduced everything to a binary form: Protagonist loses battle until they win battle. There is no back and forth in a fight, no ebb and flow to the sequences. It's like if the director just walked into frame, looked at the audience and said, "Please cry now."

I still laugh when I think about the remake of Aladdin and when the movie went into a halt so Jasmine would break into a song about how opressed she was, out of fucking no where. And the movie never came back from that.

I dunno, I thought she did a pretty good job considering the obvious low budget they had, she probably wasn't allowed many retakes.

Or... were you talking about a different Aladdin?

 

[Quixotic Man]

From Chip's twitter. I really appreciate the "plop the seasoning in the center and don't even attempt to spread it" method on display here. Looks like some real Grade A USDA Select steaks too.

 

[Adamska]

From Chip's twitter. I really appreciate the "plop the seasoning in the center and don't even attempt to spread it" method on display here. Looks like some real Grade A USDA Select steaks too.

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I see the Chimpman family went to the Scalfani School of Salmonella here. Utterly pathetic.

 

[Sir Wesley Tailpipe]

From Chip's twitter. I really appreciate the "plop the seasoning in the center and don't even attempt to spread it" method on display here. Looks like some real Grade A USDA Select steaks too.

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With that pale colour, I pray that that is pork, not beef.

 

[Godzilla@1989]

From Chip's twitter. I really appreciate the "plop the seasoning in the center and don't even attempt to spread it" method on display here. Looks like some real Grade A USDA Select steaks too.

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Who taught the Chipman family how to cook because their meals look god awful and incredibly disgusting.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

How can you be 100+ pounds overweight and still that bad at cooking? Jesus.

 

[Marissa Moira]

How can you be 100+ pounds overweight and still that bad at cooking? Jesus.

Ask the Scalfanis.

 

[Oh Long Johnson]

How can you ebeg so relentlessly like Chris and be grilling parted out top sirloin?

On gas.