Aaaargh.
0:00 Still with the retarded intro. Tongue and Amberlynn Reia. You’d think she’d have fixed the title card, at the very least. Though that editing is probably beyond her capabilities.
0:08 ‘Hello you guise.’ Huh! A marginal difference. And very lacking in the peppy energy I’ve come to expect. Our gorl’s soundin’ down. And looking like absolute shit.
0:13 Welcomes us to her new video, where she’s just ‘sitting here with some Starbs’ and shows us a red fruit-filled Starbucks abomination. Drink those calories, gorl! Let’s keep trekking to 600 lbs! Because anyone with working eyes can see you’ve blown right back into the 500s again.
0:19 Still waggling around her red fruity shitshow in a cup. Says she didn’t want to get the name wrong. It’s ‘another one of my favorites.’ Dumbass, if it’s a favorite, you should know its damned name! The fuck, AL.
0:30 I want to peel her lips off with all the lip smacking after sips of her Very Berry Hibiscus Refresher shit. She goes on to say she should’ve gotten Veni - she’s holding a Grande, and it’s only 70 calories. Which yes, it is only 70 calories. And it has 15 mg of sodium, so not terrible. And 17 grams of carbs, because it’s pure fucking sugar in a cup. Not the worst thing she could’ve gotten - it’s carbonated berry juice. She’s not showing us the cake pops we know she scarfed on her way back to her hovel, though. Pity. I wanted to see if she got the birthday cake ones this time. I personally enjoy the vanilla ones midway on long bike rides.
0:45 Shows off a pack from Starbucks, and says ‘and then, for breakfast… I decided to actually EAT *insert pregnant pause as she fucks around with the package*’ We know you decided to eat. You always eat. It’s what you do, because you have no talents and no hobbies. Then she blathers about how she decided to eat right after waking up instead of waiting to eat later. Pft, hahahahaha. Who the fuck does she think she’s joshin’ right now?
1:05 Shows off her sodium bomb of spinach, feta and cage-free egg-white wrap. So yeah, 290 calories, but 840 mg of sodium. Of course she has to moan and make faces and speak with her mouth full. What a disgusting pig.
1:43 Prattles on about how she can’t make ayyygg whites as good as Starbucks, and continues to orgasm as she shoves food into her face. Then she goes on about how she never thinks about Starbucks having food items. Except every time she goes she gets food.
Pardon me while I mentally shut down and drink while she stuffs her face and moans like a whore in glee.
3:00 Blathers about how oThEr YoUtUbErS make the same noises when eating as she does when doing mookbongs.
3:32 She is panting and huffing as she weebles outside. I am getting nauseous. I’m sure it’s not the booze affecting my brain. It’s fucking motion sickness.
4:10 ‘It’s pretty snug and warm.’ She’s done 0.06 miles and is panting and gasping. She didn’t want to overdo it.
4:33 9:07 for 0.26 miles. 9:07 for 0.418 km. Hahahahaha.
5:11 Weebles into Barnes and Nobles. They didn’t have the book she was looking for. She’s trying to get a book that LifeByJen is doing on her virtual book club. AL is excited to join the book club because she’s never been part of one.
5:45 They’re at Target. AL is blathering about how she created Target. More webbles as she waddles to Target. I need more alcohol to deal with the swaying. This is worse than being on high seas.
6:24 She found the book. ‘Then she was gone.’ She of course has to manhandle the front book out of the way, grab the one behind it, throw it into her cart, and then put the front book back into place as she explains that she never likes to take the front item in a stack. Probably because she knows that other fat-fingered toddlers put their booger-fingers all over it like she does. FFS.
6:38 Has to get a toy for Rarity, then picks up some more nail polish. The cat toy gets hurled into the cart. Cuts out before she can throw the polish in.
7:08 AL is freaked out by plastic animal skeletons.
7:14 And AL states that Twinkie enjoys wearing costumes. Quit anthropomorphizing your rat-dog, idiot. They’ve already got Twinkie a skeleton and ladybug costume, and AL wants to get her a retarded rainbow costume. Tosses that shit into the cart.
7:55 Target ‘haul.’ So in addition to the dumb shit already shown, she picked up 3 black pumpkins, glittery wreath thing, a hand candleholder that reminds her of Thing from Addam’s Family, 6 new pairs of hideous earrings (4 of the same style in different colors, 2 that are bow-shaped studs of different colors), band aids, sponges for dishes, another sponge, a scrubby sponge, two nail polishes, soft cleanser for stainless steel, febreeze, shampoo and conditioner (different shit than she normally does), Mr. Clean magic erasers, general purpose cleaner, two more tubes of toothpaste, more toothbrushes, an outfit for Becky’s niece, a Jack Skellington shirt for Becky’s nephew, and a Mario shirt for Becky.
11:00 Well, we see AL with a dog toy and Twinkie actually displaying some energy as she runs around in a stupid looking dress. Rarity comes out for attention. AL hurls the toy past Rarity (who as a good kitty goes to murder it, but gets the fuck outta the way as Twinkie goes barreling over to get the toy). It’s almost cute. Except it’s a chunky chihuahua in a dress, so that puts a cringe factor on the whole thing.
11:16 Now AL’s saying good morning to us. She’s going to wear her black bows she bought the day before.
11:31 Claims she can’t speak because she’s still tired - she’s only been up an hour, guise!
11:53 Started reading her crap book. Did the math, because she’s supposed to be on page 160-something by (pause for a moment as she fails to put in earrings and drops it - jump cut to get Becky to pick it up) Monday. Says she needs to read 26.5 pages a day, so she’s going to read 27. But hey, she read 67 pages! She wants a lollipop reward and a trophy, guise! Then she simps about how freaking good the book is. She recommends, 10/10. Meaning you only need 1.5 brain cells to comprehend what’s in print.
12:38 So Becky’s meeting up with her sister at the Apple Store and has left AL behind. AL says she wanted to stay home because she hurt her hip with her sad little quarter-mile walk. Says she just needs to do light exercise - stretching, not walking. This from Ms. 8000 steps. And Ms. 1,000,000 steps this year. How’s that resolution coming, AL?
13:22 Ah, fuck working her hip. She’s going to go read her shit novel because she’s obsessed with it. And it makes sense - doing a light amount of research, I have found that it’s a short read with tiny chapters and a very predictable storyline where many gripe about having figured it out well in advance and say that the end failed to wrap up all the plot lines that were started in the book. Sounds a lot like an afternoon-fluff thriller to read when one’s doing the laundry.
13:33 So yeah, AL’s reading on her bed. And of course, it’s not the 6K bed. Snug as a bug in Becky’s bed, ‘cause they got no rugs.
14:00 Goes off about how the lighting in the room makes her skin look yellow. So does the lighting outside too, AL. And the lighting in the kitchen. Just admit you’re a jaundiced fuck with a fatty liver.
14:16 Back in the car, they’re going food shopping because Becky needs ingredients and AL wants groceries for herself (guess she’s out of snacks). She then professes that she’s swollen and her lymphodema is acting up and making her the size of an adult male walrus. Says that after surgery she was crazy swollen, like her face looked like a different human bean. Then says she knows she’s been eating a lot more sodium than she should. Pft.
15:07 The gorl who never naps took a nap after reading. Then Misty and the Pedo (at least that’s who I’m assuming, unless Becky has another married sister) came by to visit and they had dinner. Which was AL’s first meal of the day. Bullllllshit.
15:23 ‘I’m gonna keep it low key tonight, for sure, when it comes to food.’ And they’re going to Kroger.
15:48 vlog ending. Picking a comment. America Erica family of 3 - ‘and just like that, we’re back to discussing the journey.’ AL goes on big huge denial that she never said she wasn’t ever going to talk about her weightloss journey. Except that’s exactly what you said, and there’s video evidence of it. You dumbass.