Food You're Not Really Sure Anyone Even Buys

I can't imagine said:
I actually buy fig newtons fairly regularly (like probably a package every 2-3 months).

Fresh figs are pretty hard to find in stores since they don't travel very well; they get damaged easily in transport and spoil quickly. Because of that, the ones grown in north America are mostly used for dried fig products. Which is unfortunate since fresh figs are quite good.
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Fresh figs are feckin manna from heaven. Had to google fig newtons... They are called fig rolls here and the exact same thing. And I buy them regularly.

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I don't like figs and never seen these, but they seem to be similar to the ma'amoul except with figs instead of dates?
 
Nasty Old Person said:
I tried canned Vienna Sausages / cocktail Weenies once. They taste like soggy canned hot dogs. I offered the rest to the cat. He tried to bury them with a dishtowel.

I have never heard of a cocktail that uses these things. I barely understand olives in martinis.

Who eats these things, and why? How does a person's life get to the point where they eat more than one of these things in an entire lifetime?
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Vienna sausages are something you eat over the bathroom sink piss drunk. The smoked ones are aight doe.

Coffee Druid said:
I was going to say fig newtons. I forgot they existed until I had a craving for the strawberry ones recently.
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I used to like them before all the cost cutting and fucking with the ingredients that was done following the Kraft split, which also fucked up Oreos and even non-contract manufactured Cadbury chocolate. Now you have to eat the whole package quickly before they turn crusty and rock hard.
 
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CWCchange said:
Vienna sausages are something you eat over the bathroom sink piss drunk. The smoked ones are aight doe.


I used to like them before all the cost cutting and fucking with the ingredients that was done following the Kraft split, which also fucked up Oreos and even non-contract manufactured Cadbury chocolate. Now you have to eat the whole package quickly before they turn crusty and rock hard.
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I'm a slow snacker so now I'm worried about that. Still have half the package left. I hate when companies switch up recipes and end up with a worse product. There's a lot of junk food and stuff I haven't eaten in over 5 years so I'm always wary of trying them again and being disappointed.
 
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I don't think I've seen anyone buy a pepino melon.
 
Trombonista said:
I don't think I've seen anyone buy a pepino melon.
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I've never seen anyone buy one either, though I can check the sales at my store and see that we do, in fact, sell a few of them a week. At the very least, they sell better than the quinces, though that's not saying much. I'm not sure if any of our fruit sells worse than quince.
 
I can't imagine said:
I've never seen anyone buy one either, though I can check the sales at my store and see that we do, in fact, sell a few of them a week. At the very least, they sell better than the quinces, though that's not saying much. I'm not sure if any of our fruit sells worse than quince.
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The pepinos are expensive so I never tried them. Quinces have to be cooked, Although I read some ancient people would chew on a piece as a sort of breath freshener. Any fruit you have to cook is too high maintenance for some people.

Like I never see Rome apples anymore. I guess they sell them. They used to be really common here. Now I don't see them in any store. All those weird ass designer apples like Envy and Jazz take up all the space. Where are my Jonathans and braeburns?
 
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Dysnomia said:
The pepinos are expensive so I never tried them. Quinces have to be cooked, Although I read some ancient people would chew on a piece as a sort of breath freshener. Any fruit you have to cook is too high maintenance for some people.

Like I never see Rome apples anymore. I guess they sell them. They used to be really common here. Now I don't see them in any store. All those weird ass designer apples like Envy and Jazz take up all the space. Where are my Jonathans and braeburns?
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Hey, Envy and Jazz are delicious, and it seems like Braeburns are mushy half the time.
 
Canned meat chunks and vegan substitutes with intentionally misspelled or vague names are at the top of my "why would anyone eat this?" list. Behold, the unholy spawn of the two:

tenderbits.jpg


Tender Bits of what, exactly? That name sounds like sub-par dog food. This product looks like something that the LiartownUSA guy photoshopped, but I swear it is not. This product has been around since the 70's.

The Worthington/Loma Linda company is a goldmine of grossly-named, canned vegan horrors, but their crown jewel is...
NUTMEAT.jpg


This is real. This is a real product you can buy and consume. NUTMEAT.
 
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Nasty Old Person said:
I tried canned Vienna Sausages / cocktail Weenies once. They taste like soggy canned hot dogs. I offered the rest to the cat. He tried to bury them with a dishtowel.

I have never heard of a cocktail that uses these things. I barely understand olives in martinis.

Who eats these things, and why? How does a person's life get to the point where they eat more than one of these things in an entire lifetime?
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My mom fed those to the dog when he was a puppy. Taste pretty good in rice tho,
 
Sperghetti said:
Canned meat chunks and vegan substitutes with intentionally misspelled or vague names are at the top of my "why would anyone eat this?" list. Behold, the unholy spawn of the two:

View attachment 1612602

Tender Bits of what, exactly? That name sounds like sub-par dog food. This product looks like something that the LiartownUSA guy photoshopped, but I swear it is not. This product has been around since the 70's.

The Worthington/Loma Linda company is a goldmine of grossly-named, canned vegan horrors, but their crown jewel is...
View attachment 1612607

This is real, This is a real product you can buy and consume. NUTMEAT.
Click to expand...

IIRC, the Loma Linda company was a official provider of foodstuffs for the Seventh Day Adventist church. Don't remember if they were actually owned by the church or just subsidized, but yeah. The food is more intended to resemble the food than actually taste good, though it doesn't really accomplish either task terribly well.

I think they're owned by some big food conglomerate now, though the food is still that dubious canned vaguely meatish looking stuff.
 
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Does anyone ever willingly buy fruitcake for their own consumption? I sometimes receive them as gifts at Christmas. They always end up in the compost pile because I don’t hate anyone enough to regift them. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a shitty grocery store fruitcake full of weird neon red and green bits or a proper traditional English recipe; fruitcake is a culinary abomination that shouldn’t exist.

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Any of the 'impossible meats.'

I'm assuming people buy them every once in awhile but whenever I'm grocery shopping, it seems like one of those things that's always in stock and never in anyone's cart.

It's strange because I live in a pretty vegan/vegetarian area.
 
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Honeybuns I see all the time at gas stations and party stores but I have never seen a person eat one in front of me in my whole life. The only times I've heard about people eating them has been in prison as an ingredient for the nasty concoctions they put together with stuff they buy from the commissary. Really speaks volumes to the quality of them.

One of the funniest stories I have ever heard was when Aaron Hernandez, a former rising star with the Patriots who was arrested and convicted of murder, was locked up in jail got commissary mistakenly delivered to him which included two dozen honeybuns. Knowing that the next morning the guards would find out what happened and take his food away from him, Hernandez spent the whole night eating his commissary and occasionally sleeping, desperate to have some control over his own life back. The next morning the guards saw the wrappers of twenty honeybuns piled on the floor, Hernandez had made sure to leave them there so the guards wouldn't search his cell looking for the remaining contraband. As he bragged how smart he was he asked if could finish off the remaining four. The guards promptly said no which caused Hernandez to whine how hungry he was. Just a funny story about a man who once had it all shoving prison-grade pastries in his mouth all night long desperate to eat what he wanted for once.
 
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