Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Sorry to get all autistic and Lookism, but I will. Lucas has good facial features. Slightly positive canthal tilt, colorful hunter eyes, compact middle face, decent maxilla and bottom third and a big skull which is a positive. Lacking in cheek bones which give him the bug eyes are the one big negative, along with his Norwood 4-5 but he's 41 so. Lucas has always been fat, so it's hard to tell what facial bones are hiding under there, but I think they'd be pretty good. Just saying, compared to most dudes my age, Lucas has a lot going for him facially.

I wasn't trying to get hostile.

Put the way you explained it here, I think I understand a bit more.

Perhaps that it's just that I associate Lucas so much with those grimaces of rage and those stupid Derpy rictus faces he makes, it's hard for me to identify anything in his facial structure that could ever be attractive, but that's more Association than reality I guess.

Taken individually, blue eyes, blonde hair, and 6'1" can all be part of an attractive package.

Unfortunately, said package is addressed c/o House of Charity, Spokane, attn: The Wern

 

[Cheesegirl78]

Sorry to get all autistic and Lookism, but I will. Lucas has good facial features. Slightly positive canthal tilt, colorful hunter eyes, compact middle face, decent maxilla and bottom third and a big skull which is a positive. Lacking in cheek bones which give him the bug eyes are the one big negative, along with his Norwood 4-5 but he's 41 so. Lucas has always been fat, so it's hard to tell what facial bones are hiding under there, but I think they'd be pretty good. Just saying, compared to most dudes my age, Lucas has a lot going for him facially.

I agree.
If he lost weight, got himself cleaned up, decent clothing, good haircut, he would be very passable.
Until he opens his mouth.

But I feel almost anyone can be made to look good, just takes extra with a lot of people.

 

[IceQueen]

Ever wondered how THE Wern picks up his chicks? Here's exclusive content sent to the Spokane Girl Tuesday (along with like 999 other voice messages). The full thing will be featured in Weekly Wern 4.



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HAHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK okay but actually it’s low key starting to concern me how much and how utterly rapidly he is devolving... I feel like the Wern maintained relatively the same level of crazy for years, and now he’s devolved more in the past 10.5 months than he had in the previous 3-4 years prior... I know he’s never been GOOD but he can’t even string words together. He’s never had MUCH common sense but now he has absolutely none. He literally isn’t able to SPEAK without devolving into literal gibberish. I’m hopeful for many more years of the Wern but I’m less and less confident that it’s a good possibility.

I wasn't trying to get hostile.

Put the way you explained it here, I think I understand a bit more.

Perhaps that it's just that I associate Lucas so much with those grimaces of rage and those stupid Derpy rictus faces he makes, it's hard for me to identify anything in his facial structure that could ever be attractive, but that's more Association than reality I guess.

Taken individually, blue eyes, blonde hair, and 6'1" can all be part of an attractive package.

Unfortunately, said package is addressed c/o House of Charity, Spokane, attn: The Wern

Yeah I agree it’s hard to view the Wern as attractive but he honestly would be if he just did the bare minimum and also didn’t have such a shit personality. If he lost some weight and cleaned himself up, and I saw him without knowing a thing about him, I would think he was for sure average, possibly even decent looking for an older guy.

 

[mothman96]

Ever wondered how THE Wern picks up his chicks? Here's exclusive content sent to the Spokane Girl Tuesday (along with like 999 other voice messages). The full thing will be featured in Weekly Wern 4.



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Seems to me what he's doing is going to places where it's likely he can find young women to stalk, creeps close enough to where she/they can hear him laughs/talks loud enough to get their attention , tries to get them interested with Hi, (fumbles with what to compliment).

 

[AnOminous]

I’m hopeful for many more years of the Wern but I’m less and less confident that it’s a good possibility.

I think there's a good chance of him ending up like Bulla, finally committing some crime that can't be ignored, and ends up getting put away for good, or at least for a while.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

Happy Birthday Lucas
Shit like this is why women hate you.

 

[AbraCadaver]

You think if Lucas was thinner he'd be an attractive man?

Actually, I think you said above attractive? No offense, but Do you live somewhere surrounded by really ugly deformed men?

Even if he was thinner, he has a giant Potato Head, he's practically bald, he has huge ears that are more two-thirds the length of his face, he has the wide staring Psycho Eyes (TM), I mean you do you, and I know there's no accounting for Taste, but...

I mean, IF he had a full head of hair and wasnt rapidly balding away in back, IF he dropped a tonne of weight, IF he got a flattering haircut, IF he worked out so that his horrific pasty unimoob disappeared, IF he learned to stop making crazy expressions and chimp fear grimaces, and IF he got an entire personality transplant and fixed his unfixable brain...

I’d put him at average. Decently, solidly average, but average. The kind of guy I might date IF he had something super interesting about him, like some really creative passion. But there’s no way in hell he’d be “above average” in looks in the eyes of any woman, not just me. Not unless the local average was some seriously busted-looking dudes. But for his age, yeah, decent.

anyway who cares about that when I can SMASH MY GASH TO THE EGGS, whatever the hell that means.

As for his voicemail, didn’t he state a while back that his new amazing never-fail pickup tactic was to say, “Hi, I like your______” and fill in his choice of “clothes/hair/makeup?”

It’s funny how Lucas comes up with these arbitrary new pickup tactics and the moment he adopts them, swears they never fail.

 

[mothman96]

Unfortunately, said package is addressed c/o House of Charity, Spokane, attn: The Wern

Or addressed to a local mental hospital.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

Says the guy that hasn't got laid in almost a decade.

 

[mothman96]

Like Lucas leaves his "attraction signs" taped to poles downtown Spokane, someone should copy his psycho predator posts and tape them up all over the bus plaza, downtown, etc. with a big red flag-- Beware the Predator Lucas Werner, extremely mentally unstable 41 yr old obsessed with impregnating a young woman under 24.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

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Says the guy that hasn't got laid in almost a decade.

Hmmm. He sounds....dare I say it....high?

Did The Wern break his LRA and get some Black Friday Sticky Icky?

 

[IceQueen]

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Says the guy that hasn't got laid in almost a decade.

Ignoring all the other ridiculousness of his replies, what fire is he talking about lmao a dumpster fire on Spokane’s skid row?

 

[Pump Meat]

Sorry to get all autistic and Lookism, but I will. Lucas has good facial features. Slightly positive canthal tilt, colorful hunter eyes, compact middle face, decent maxilla and bottom third and a big skull which is a positive. Lacking in cheek bones which give him the bug eyes are the one big negative, along with his Norwood 4-5 but he's 41 so. Lucas has always been fat, so it's hard to tell what facial bones are hiding under there, but I think they'd be pretty good. Just saying, compared to most dudes my age, Lucas has a lot going for him facially.

This reads like something a femcel would post on reddit (not an accusation or judgement).

 

[IceQueen]

Did you guys see that he is attempting to create his own language for the newest “game he’s designing”? So much for cutting back on board game design to focus on school...

 

[Goldaor]

I wonder where he is? That's a living room and it doesn't look like a shelter, it looks like a crack house. Will THE Wern be pressured into trying meth in exchange of "yea man we'll help you find a young girlfriend!!! But you must try this first so we know you're cool."?

 

[Wernology]

I wonder where he is? That's a living room and it doesn't look like a shelter.View attachment 1753075

Well, if he keeps "Sith" in there, he's going to get bitchslapped so hard by Disney's lawyers so hard he'll forget what year it is.

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

What is weird about Lucas's use of the word "fecund" is he is the only person I have heard use that word that isn't another biologist. Like fuck after a few years of hearing that word used in reference almost exclusively to female snakes & turtles, it just sounds so strange to hear some crazy hobo use it to refer to young human women.

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Well, if he keeps "Sith" in there, he's going to get bitchslapped so hard by Disney's lawyers so hard he'll forget what year it is.

His "language" is literally just saying words backwards and spelling them wrong.
Genius, Lucas.

 

[Telomere Savalas]

Happy Birthday Lucas
Shit like this is why women hate you.

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SMASH YO GASH! Genius.

 

[Patchwork Ragdoll]

I think it's about time to officially let the festivities begin! Happy 41st Mucus. Soon we'll all be hooking up and doing things you've only seen online and will never experience for yourself. All hail the mighty king of incels, this orgy is in his honor.

Ok, who wants to smash my gash first?

 

[Wernology]

I think it's about time to officially let the festivities begin! Happy 41st Mucus. Soon we'll all be hooking up and doing things you've only seen online and will never experience for yourself. All hail the mighty king of incels, this orgy is in his honor.

Ok, who wants to smash my gash first?

Only if you've got nine other chicks I can swoop at the same time, like I'm some horrible Australian magpie defending a nest.