Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

Translation: "my toddler isn't strong or willing enough to help my shove my ass into this frock! I should have left him with Mama Beth instead of Rylee! At least he's strong enough to lift my arms for me!"

Its must be super embarrassing to not only be unable to fit into a dress, but even more so to use a 4 year child as an excuse.

It shouldn't take very long to put on and take off a simple frock, Tess. Wait until the kid is asleep, or stop being cheap and hire a babysitter (and pay them with money, not free samples or "exposure").

You know, if Tess wasn't so massive, and didn't lie about her measurements, this would never have been a problem in the first place.

 

[Miss Misery]

In a tiktok she posted a few days ago she was showing another strawberry dress in a box. People got excited in her comment section to see it on her and since have been leaving comments about when she will show it off.

I only bring this up because she, of course, is blaming her small child for her laziness. I also believe she hasn’t posted herself in it yet because it doesn’t fit and must be altered in some way.

here’s some screenshots of the comments on her videos-

Spoiler

View attachment 1804642
and then the next day -
View attachment 1804646

bonus comment that made me lol-
View attachment 1804651

here’s a link to the dress video

This is the dress, screenshot is from the designer’s website with measurements.
View attachment 1804656
View attachment 1804662

If Tessie's measurements are actually 52-46-54 I will fucking eat that dress.

 

[Water-T]

If Tessie's measurements are actually 52-46-54 I will fucking eat that dress.

I have no doubt that Tess saw that measurement chart and thought, "Not only will that fit me, but I bet it'll practically swim on me!"

I wouldn't be surprised if her real measurements are 64-58-66

 

[Miss Misery]

I have no doubt that Tess saw that measurement chart and thought, "Not only will that fit me, but I bet it'll practically swim on me!"

I wouldn't be surprised if her real measurements are 64-58-66

A Flabletics 4x, which she is stretching to the point of breaking, is 54-47-57, so I think you might be right.

I'll say 64-60-68 though, just for the hell of it.

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

I have no doubt that Tess saw that measurement chart and thought, "Not only will that fit me, but I bet it'll practically swim on me!"

I wouldn't be surprised if her real measurements are 64-58-66

Her real measurements are --

 

[Barbarella]

No way can she fit in that dress unless it was custom made. Her arms would make it impossible-the sleeve is elastic and above elbow, so her hams won't fit without serious adjustments. Much less finding the waistline she doesn't have. That fitted dress style is not made for a monster fat.

It is possible that they custom made it since they are apparently giving her a freebie, and after her XXXXXL arrived she is still having it tailored, arms let out more, reinforced in the bust.

The idiots clamoring for it? Yawn. The strawberry dress in sequins? We’ve seen it.

Where is she going to even go in that, assuming that she can figure out a way to make it fit.

How convenient to have an almost elementary school-aged ”toddler” to blame everything on.

 

[Angry New Ager]

In a tiktok she posted a few days ago she was showing another strawberry dress in a box. People got excited in her comment section to see it on her and since have been leaving comments about when she will show it off.

I only bring this up because she, of course, is blaming her small child for her laziness. I also believe she hasn’t posted herself in it yet because it doesn’t fit and must be altered in some way.

here’s some screenshots of the comments on her videos-

Spoiler

View attachment 1804642
and then the next day -
View attachment 1804646

bonus comment that made me lol-
View attachment 1804651

here’s a link to the dress video

This is the dress, screenshot is from the designer’s website with measurements.
View attachment 1804656
View attachment 1804662

Bowie is not a toddler.

I'm going to type this shit large for the people in the back, and make it rainbow because why the fuck not, we all need more cheeriness in our lives these days:

BOWIE IS NOT A TODDLER.
A toddler is a child between one and three years old; Bowie is now over 4-1/2 years old (born in mid-June 2016). Not a toddler.

To be a toddler is a specific developmental stage, and Bowie should have met all of the recognized milestones and be well past them by now. If he's still behaving like a toddler, it's because every important adult in his life--Tess, Nick, Jolene, Mama Beth--has failed him. But he's still not a toddler in that case, just a developmentally-stunted preschool-aged child.

Tess blaming shit on her 4-1/2-year-old "toddler" being "a nightmare" doesn't make her look "real" or normal; it just shows what a shitty parent she is.

Poor Bowie; life's going to be shit for him because his parents couldn't be bothered to actually parent him. They might as well have handed him off to the nearest coyote pack to raise.

 

[JambledUpWords]

That model in the black strawberry dress wears the dress better than a “supermodel”.

Also, more Tess posts:


Tess is looking like a drag queen again

 

[Cheesegirl78]

It's not even sewn-on sequins, it's just glitter glued in a strawberry design, and it looked like the glitter was coming off. Brand-new dress still in the box, and glitter is peeling off.
A deal at almost $500.

ETA: her neck in that last picture, it looks like she has dirt in the folds of her neck.

 

[IBrokeBob]

Oh her with the strawberry dress again? She looked like a ton of crap in a sack when wearing the pink version so I doubt changing the color to black will suddenly make her look good in it.

Remember, she looked crappy in the dress and so no-one bought it. Then about a year later, the random chick on tiktok wore it and the sales skyrocketed 800% and the dress went viral. The chick wasn't a death fat like reds so she looked pretty and ethereal in it whereas tess looked like a hippo in a tutu while wearing it.

So tess boohooed about that because that is just so unfair and that she wore the dress first. The rest of the world moved on and don't care but Tess is still trying to get attention for it. Just like she reeees about being queer and not one single solitary soul gives a shit.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Just like she reeees about being queer and not one single solitary soul gives a shit.

That’s because when everyone and their mom claims to be queer for social media clout, it isn’t special anymore. Take any influencer that does similar things to Tess and I bet at least 50% of them will claim to be queer, nonbinary, trans, or any other part of the alphabet brigade

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Wait...

Why does it look like she missed a hair shaving?

 

[Extra Dainty Gorl]

It's not even sewn-on sequins, it's just glitter glued in a strawberry design, and it looked like the glitter was coming off. Brand-new dress still in the box, and glitter is peeling off.
A deal at almost $500.

ETA: her neck in that last picture, it looks like she has dirt in the folds of her neck.

It's almost identical to "that" dress though. NVM Tessy can't fit into it, the attempt to tease a photoshoot into it is all her feeders care about. I can almost guarantee that she's tried it on at this point, and weather it fit or not she took pics. As horrifying as those may be, we'll probably be 'graced' by some form of them (photoshopped/facetuned to oblivion) at some point this holiday season.

Wait...

Why does it look like she missed a hair shaving?

View attachment 1804942

That looks like it might be a cat/stray hair, not one growing out of her neck but with MessyTessy who the fuck knows. It's nasty and very obvious (and should have been in any mirror or camera preview either way you wanna look at it).

 

[Cheesegirl78]

---

And her bitching about Bowie "trying to kill her?"
That's called he wants your attention, Tess! Stop taking selfies, put your phone away, and do SOMETHING with your son. Like, take him outside to burn off that extra energy he has, take him to the park, anything.
Just get off of your fat ass and do something with your kid.
Christ, I know teenage mothers who do better with their children than this 35 year old woman does.

 

[Wallace]

---

And her bitching about Bowie "trying to kill her?"
That's called he wants your attention, Tess! Stop taking selfies, put your phone away, and do SOMETHING with your son. Like, take him outside to burn off that extra energy he has, take him to the park, anything.
Just get off of your fat ass and do something with your kid.
Christ, I know teenage mothers who do better with their children than this 35 year old woman does.

But that would involve her caring about someone other than herself, and we certainly can't have that.

Like all narcs, Tess believes she should be the center of attention at all times, and that the world should shower her in fame and fortune solely for her being so inherently awesome. Anyone who says or does otherwise is evil.

 

[Water-T]

Tess blaming shit on her 4-1/2-year-old "toddler" being "a nightmare" doesn't make her look "real" or normal; it just shows what a shitty parent she is.

Poor Bowie; life's going to be shit for him because his parents couldn't be bothered to actually parent him. They might as well have handed him off to the nearest coyote pack to raise.

I honestly think her kid isn't any more troublesome than the average 4 year old. However, to a landwhale who can't lift her arms without assistance, keeping up with a 4 year old must be exhausting.

Of course, she's obviously making shit up because she can't fit into it due to YET AGAIN lying about her true measurements. It should not take several days to model a dress already in her possession, kid or no kid.

Tess must be feverishly looking for someone to alter the dress, or at least open it way the fuck up in the back and then make sure to not turn around in it.

 

[JambledUpWords]

 

[Flawmil]

View attachment 1805089View attachment 1805091View attachment 1805090

Every time she tries to be profound her narcissistic tendencies barf all over everything. Just because a friendship doesn’t work out doesn’t mean that person isn’t a good person and needs to change. The fact that she thinks friends need to change along with her to fit her “growth mindset” is absolutely disgusting. You fucking grow apart from people, that happens in every adult life...if you think that people have to change themselves in order to have ThE HoNoR of your friendship you’re probably the one who needs to change. Fuck.

 

[Gay Mouth]

“Remember: No one that truly loves you would never ask you to sacrifice parts of yourself that are detrimental to your mental health to be deserving of their love.”

Did I just have a fucking stroke?

 

[Miss Misery]

If Tessie's measurements are actually 52-46-54 I will fucking eat that dress.

I feel the need to mention I'm going to swallow it whole, extricate it from my shit, wash it (several times), and then wear it... and I will still look better than Tess ever would or will.

And yeah, that's an A-Log for sure. Gimme hats, I don't even care. It's fucking Christmas 'n shit.