Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[EyelessMC]

(in Minecraft).

Sounds like a lot of work for one girl, but I can imagine she'd have a sense of accomplishment if she pulled it off...

Spoiler

 

[HIVidaBoheme]

Hmmm sure is wonderful how all these money spells work by turning these witches into OF ethots. Oh I get it, they sell their souls to Aphrodite for the money spells to work!

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

I'm pretty sure this is a troon.


That's the ugliest book cover I've ever seen.


Try using dark text over a solid light colored background so it contrasts which will make it easier to read. It's magick! Blessed be.


HATE CRIME HATE CRIME HATE CRIME!!! REEEEEEE!!!

Also, apparently our best buddy has a pedo stalker I think? She's a 30yr old virgin.
l
But wait, there's more!


Tard fight!


Please don't kill her! We need lulz!


If anyone can find more info on "Trashy Tasha" I will give you a winner rating.


What is with these people and their constant panic attacks?


Guess what happens next. Really think hard. Ponder over it for a few minutes. Okay in three seconds I will tell you, one. . . two. . . three. . . Identity theft. Bet you didn't expect that, huh?


This Amegaotaku person shouldn't bother trying so hard to get angie to neck herself. The way she talks about it all the time it will happen without her interference.

@WinchesterPremium, should I go make a thread on angie? Should it go in lolcow or prospering grounds?

 

[WinchesterPremium]

@WinchesterPremium, should I go make a thread on angie? Should it go in lolcow or prospering grounds?

If you think there is enough content for one. Prospering grounds is probably good for this one, I'd expect they'd get moved to the Tumblr subforum unless you can find other websites they're on. I did a quick scan but couldn't find anything interesting with the same username (There was a @AngieTheWitch twitter, but their content sounds like a different person).

I don't really mind if you want to keep it on this thread either. Witchblr related drama is under the purview of this thread even if it isn't about who is cheating on who's god or ghost or whatever.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Kiwi parents, what would you do if you found out this is what they're teaching your elementary school aged child?


I'll be awaiting my miracle!


It's like she thinks he's a dog or something.


I wonder if I should tell my sister that her excessive emoji use is witchcraft.


Forget about a body swap, what you really need is punctuation.


I can think of several better things to put in the bottom text that describes magickal rituals more accurately than "yaaaas". How about:

• Period blood spaghetti
• Shoving rocks in my vagina
• Loki is the father of my imaginary babies because he got me pregnant in an alternate dimension
• Drinking essential oils, chemical burns in the esophagus is very pagan.
• Carving random shit into a Dollar Tree lavender scented candle instead of calling the cops on a rapist​

Blessed be!


Gotta watch out for those terf witches! Quick, stick a dozen needles in a stale cheeto to create a safety ward!

 

[NoReturn]

Kiwi parents, what would you do if you found out this is what they're teaching your elementary school aged child?

I'm not a parent but I'd be pissed if I were.

I wonder if I should tell my sister that her excessive emoji use is witchcraft.

This is EXACTLY like when Christians say shit like "That happiness you feel is Jesus!" or "Your depression is caused by our devil."
Same shit as the personal god crap. It's just their old religion with a new coat of paint.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Why the bon appetit emoji? Is she planning to eat this thumbtack hair mixture?


We should start worshipping Null and calling him cuddle bear while giving him period blood and autistic screeching as offerings.


Why'd you change it from my quote? Now it looks like any other basic bitch tumblr.


What is with these people and being mean to those working minimum wage? He probably only agreed with you because if he didn't then you would probably have thrown a fit.

 

[Azafran90]

What I'm getting from this is that regular christianity wasn't horny enough for this people so they went and started jacking off to other pantheons; and left the entire "Jesus wants you to be happy" on there because they're basic bitches.

 

[Crybaby Xianghua]

Spoiler

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Why do cinnamon sticks have a stronger effect for this spell than ground cinnamon? They're the same thing, except one is in powdered form.

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Inb4 Artemis is the goddess of trannies.

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That's the dumbest reason for a mental breakdown I've ever heard.

I've been interested in theology, mythology and world folklore, and if I remember correctly....I think Ares was one of the most feared and despised deities of the Ancient Greek world. Worshipping Ares back then is like the modern day equivalent of worshipping a devil such as Satan or Baal/Beelzebub. So that Ares so called "worshipper" would be chewed up and spat out if she did this shit back in Ancient Greece....

The idiocy of it all makes me laugh and facepalm at the same time.

 

[EyelessMC]

The idiocy of it all makes me laugh and facepalm at the same time.

Witchblr in a nutshell. This could be the promo blurb if Witchblr was a book.

This is EXACTLY like when Christians say shit like "That happiness you feel is Jesus!"

lol I've never heard a Christian say this but I don't doubt there's people who would. Some people think Jesus is God and God is spirit and spirits have no gender therefore Jesus has no gender and that's why Jesus is in the sun and the grass and the trees so we need to stop deforestation because we're killing tree Jesus.

What I'm getting from this is that regular christianity wasn't horny enough for this people so they went and started jacking off to other pantheons; and left the entire "Jesus wants you to be happy" on there because they're basic bitches.

Yeah, outraged and wanting to stick it to mom and dad whoever mom had sex with and now gets child support from, they took only the fluffy stuff from Christianity, stuffed it into a sack, drew the most recognizable "pagan" deity they saw in a sitcom or cartoon on it and started using it as a body pillow.
Basically what I'm saying is these people made their own god dakimakuras.
...Actually that's not even much of a joke considering the most ardent waifufags do the exact same "offering food to your imaginary friend" thing.

Do you think we could find a Witchblr/anime cross-over tumblr? Someone's gotta be worshiping some kind of anime deity. But it's gotta be sincere, none of this hiding behind irony crap. I want to see someone offering their period blood to Goku.

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Why the bon appetit emoji? Is she planning to eat this thumbtack hair mixture?

I think she means her hair is tasty. Are we sure this tumblr doesn't belong to Shoe0nHead?
Also I looked into the original user that posted that and the comments are pretty funny in context.

So basically bad karma is gonna come near jar-lady and somehow the thumbtacks are gonna stop it dead in its tracks like some kind of witch's Home Alone scene.

Spoiler: Also kinda funny

Poor girl... She could have gotten her answers from reading "Queering the Tarot" if not for what I suspect to be some kind of debilitating brain damage leaving her illiterate.
Anyway, what is the wisdom of the cards telling her??

What mountainous insight! This lonely girl still thinking about her ex could never have guessed she was feeling lonely and needed to stop thinking about her ex!
This must be the power of the heart of the cards...

Even funnier is the next answer she gets, which again consists of common sense advice but with repeated dashes of "you're really insecure, your insecurities ruined your relationship, stop being so insecure", and told with the most asinine attempt at sounding like a wise mystic.

Her: "Hey, I'm feeling really troubled and keep wondering about my lost love. What do the cards say?
Tarot Master: "The cards say you're a loser."
Her: "Oh..."
Tarot Master: "Hey, don't look at me. The cards are just dicks sometimes."

 

[Snusmumriken]

Spoiler

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Kiwi parents, what would you do if you found out this is what they're teaching your elementary school aged child?
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Tbh if I was a parent I wouldn’t be too offended by my kid learning about fantastical concepts as long as it was relevant to the class subject, like art or literature. Kids love fantasy shit like this so it would probably at least get their attention for ten seconds. She better hope she doesn’t have a child with devoutly religious parents in her class though.

What I am offended by is homie’s lack of punctuation. I read that out loud to myself and ran out of breath. Also for some reason I want “I am in a périod of dépression” printed on my wine glass.

 

[DatBepisTho]

Spoiler: Also kinda funny

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Poor girl... She could have gotten her answers from reading "Queering the Tarot" if not for what I suspect to be some kind of debilitating brain damage leaving her illiterate.
Anyway, what is the wisdom of the cards telling her??
View attachment 1819554
What mountainous insight! This lonely girl still thinking about her ex could never have guessed she was feeling lonely and needed to stop thinking about her ex!
This must be the power of the heart of the cards...
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Even funnier is the next answer she gets, which again consists of common sense advice but with repeated dashes of "you're really insecure, your insecurities ruined your relationship, stop being so insecure", and told with the most asinine attempt at sounding like a wise mystic.
View attachment 1819565
Her: "Hey, I'm feeling really troubled and keep wondering about my lost love. What do the cards say?
Tarot Master: "The cards say you're a loser."
Her: "Oh..."
Tarot Master: "Hey, don't look at me. The cards are just dicks sometimes."

This had me rolling, ngl^
Bad news for those that need Tarot for self reflection, there's this wild new thing called self awareness... but it's missing from more than a few decks.

-It's also possible to shuffle your deck in such a way that you can almost 100% get the bad cards/or good in reverse to mess with people. It's a fun party trick, especially if you don't like the person or just want to fuck with your friends.

Tl;dr- Use them for grifting, story generating tools, or party tricks. They work better for those purposes, anyway. Life advice from printed paper tends to be a bit "one size fits all," anyway.

 

[Cake Farts]

Tl;dr- Use them for grifting, story generating tools, or party tricks. They work better for those purposes, anyway. Life advice from printed paper tends to be a bit "one size fits all," anyway.

Way way back then, some psychologist explained how they made better therapy tools rather than divination bullshit. It helps you break down issues into “archetypes” so you don’t jump to conclusions and you focus on specific parts easier, or you can use it as a means of approaching problems from a different angle (though still limited to your introspectiveness and personal bias)

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Do you think we could find a Witchblr/anime cross-over tumblr? Someone's gotta be worshiping some kind of anime deity.

We used to have Jashinists in deviantart era, does it count

 

[EyelessMC]

Way way back then, some psychologist explained how they made better therapy tools rather than divination bullshit. It helps you break down issues into “archetypes” so you don’t jump to conclusions and you focus on specific parts easier, or you can use it as a means of approaching problems from a different angle (though still limited to your introspectiveness and personal bias)

Are you talking about Carl Jung? The guy was 1/3 Psychiatrist and 2/3 Philosopher but admittedly that 1/3 had some really beneficial ideas.
I wonder what a Jungian psyche approach to Witchblr would look like. At least we all know what a Freudian one would be-- project your mother obsession onto everyone else to feel normal while talking about phallic imagery.

We used to have Jashinists in deviantart era, does it count

That's incredibly retarded but definitely would count if they took it far enough. Did any of them sacrifice their plushies to the retarded anime nihilism ninja death cult? Did they offer bodily fluids in a jar while wearing those scratched out headbands, eyeliner and black fingernail polish? Oh, the pure emo edge...

 

[WinchesterPremium]

Are you talking about Carl Jung? The guy was 1/3 Psychiatrist and 2/3 Philosopher but admittedly that 1/3 had some really beneficial ideas.
I wonder what a Jungian psyche approach to Witchblr would look like. At least we all know what a Freudian one would be-- project your mother obsession onto everyone else to feel normal while talking about phallic imagery.

#Shadowwork. The origin behind the SMT reference in the subtitle. Its a pretty common thing on Witchblr revolving around jungian psychology, not really sure why it hasn't come up on this thread before.

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Just be a prostitute like a normal girl with daddy issues.


We are going to get spray tans, have lots of buttsecks and drink period blood until our demands are met!


What is with these people and making sigils with such uneven lines?!


>Lucifer has expressed a desire to have me as his priestess (would say godspouse but I do not really view him as a god so much as an equal)

 

[Crybaby Xianghua]

Hey hey! I got a great game for these ham witches to play....

How about I gather 52 Tarot cards for them and toss them onto the ground.

It's a game of 52 Tarot Card pick up! Them ham witches better pick up every singel damn cards, or else they shall be jinxed for all eternity. Heh heh heh!

 

[DatBepisTho]

Way way back then, some psychologist explained how they made better therapy tools rather than divination bullshit. It helps you break down issues into “archetypes” so you don’t jump to conclusions and you focus on specific parts easier, or you can use it as a means of approaching problems from a different angle (though still limited to your introspectiveness and personal bias)

Did not know they were considered therapy tools at one point. Pretty cool.


To keep me relevant to the witchblr topic: lol introspectiveness and witchblr.

 

[Monolith]

Hey hey! I got a great game for these ham witches to play....

How about I gather 52 Tarot cards for them and toss them onto the ground.

It's a game of 52 Tarot Card pick up! Them ham witches better pick up every singel damn cards, or else they shall be jinxed for all eternity. Heh heh heh!

Tarot decks have 74 cards.