حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

[DuskEngine]

What I meant is that, if my life is akin to Sisyphus, any forward momentum would be futile. That's the paradox.

read some fucking Camus you plebeian.

Hell, read fucking anything that's not Evangelion smut fic and imdb pages of old Scorsese movies.

 

[Treblinkachu]

Connor will always be a fat, useless lump. The only thing he is remotely good at is chimping out and being an exceptional member of the internet. It may be hard for some of you to accept this because you are naturally inclined to deny that anyone could be so pitiful and useless. This means that you have a good soul and are a positive person. But it is true. Connor is hopeless, and nothing will ever change him.

 

[Dudeofteenage]

I don't recall moving out on my own to be particularly miserable - has anyone else found it that way?

It's not miserable, but it is a big hassle and often involves significant short term expenses. It's totally worth it, but that's Connor's problem - he hates exerting himself, not even physically, but just generally. Hence why taking a single college course every term feels, to him, like a herculean effort that tests the very edge of his limits.

 

[Smutley]

I think so - I believe Connor mentioned something about poor spending habits (something to do with 80s stuff or something - I'm not sure) and a suicide attempt resulting in his parents gaining power of attorney over him.* So getting control of his tugboat again may be difficult for Connor seeing as how he apparently doesn't like confronting them.

This is pretty correct. His power of attorney is actually because of his second suicide attempt, and according to Connor his parents made him sign the form while he was drugged up in the hospital. It hasn't been removed because his parents don't believe he can take care of himself with his poor spending habits and because Connor refuses to revoke it.

Somewhere in this thread, people told him exactly how to do that, by the way. He's seeing a therapist regularly, and all he would need to do is fill out the paperwork and get his therapist to sign off on it, and he'd have control of his tugboat again. He's claimed it's because his awful parents browbeat him and refuse to help / tell him he can't do it / won't drive him to get the papers / but the actual truth is either his therapist doesn't want to do that because he really shouldn't be running his own accounts, or because he's too lazy to do a bit of paperwork.

Has Connor had behavioral therapy? If he hasn't, South Carolina's VRD program'll pay for it if he enters.

Connor's been a part of a vocational rehab program in the past. It's one of the reasons he hates black people since one cut in line to get a paycheck. He also had a "girlfriend" from the program who his parents hated and refused to let him see so they were so secretly dating she probably didn't know about it either.

 

[GeneralSpecific]

Connor's been a part of a vocational rehab program in the past. It's one of the reasons he hates black people since one cut in line to get a paycheck. He also had a "girlfriend" from the program who his parents hated and refused to let him see so they were so secretly dating she probably didn't know about it either.

"Mom, Dad! I have a girlfriend!"
"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, WE'VE TOLD YOU A THOUSAND TIMES. MOLLY RINGWALD IS NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
"I met her at rehab!"
"Typical. Fucking 80s actresses.."

 

[Marvin]

He also had a "girlfriend" from the program who his parents hated and refused to let him see so they were so secretly dating she probably didn't know about it either.

A girlfriend? Connor,

 

[GV 002]

Cometh the self important twat
With pedo specs and fedora hat
To talk of self indulgent folly,
Belly buttons and precious Molly.
Strutting, an autistic rooster,
Using kiwis as his morale booster.
Crowing of his pains and fears,
And how adoption grinds his gears.
All must bow to his intellect,
This genius commands respect.
He promises inspired writing,
Relishing in the white knignting.

But lo, salvation in in sight!
A bright and strong beacon of light!
A band of kiwis show their face,
To put this autist in his place.

Where the hell is all this work?
Lose that self important smirk!
What's that smell, crotch rot,
A major hygiene blind spot.
We're tired of empty promises
And SOTL homages!
You haven't gone a goddamn thing
And we don't care if these words sting!
We demand answers, fatty
As to why you're so rude and bratty.
Make some effort you lazy slob,
Write some shit and get a job!

His eyepatch twitches in his rage,
He's not about to act his age.
Blonde curls quiver in anger,
At the kiwi's truthful banter.

Fucky you sociopathic scum,
Adopted kids don't deserve a mum!
School is priority numero uno,
That and sperging over Juno.
I've been emotionally scarred,
And my maths class is really hard!
I really can't stop jacking cock,
To my Molly Ringworm movie stock.
So what if my crotch is sticky,
To remove the odor is too tricky.
Alphaboy is gonna be huge,
Away with your vile subterfuge.
I'm gonna be the next Stephen King,
You plebs don't understand a thing.
My parents are both psychopathic,
They call me a fucking spastic!
I'm a fucking prodigy,
Not some writer wannabe!

The band of kiwis stand their ground
At this argument most unsound..
Are you fucking serious boy?
Man the harpoons, bullshit ahoy!

The autist proceeds to rant and rave,
Proving that he can't behave.
He chimps out like a fucking pro,
Showing again he cannot grow.
Beating a hasty forum retreat
To Wrong Planet to continue to bleat.
The kiwis roll their eyes and sigh,
Fatty Ding Dongs, bye-bye!
The cycle continues, the pathetic maggot,
Forever a whiny fat faggot.

 

[Meowthkip]

A three-legged kitten could kick Conner all around the playground. A sadder excuse for a man I have never seen.

Lil' Brudder could kick his ass, all on his own.

And unlike Connor, he's got the heart of a champion.

I don't recall moving out on my own to be particularly miserable - has anyone else found it that way?

I was scared out of my mind just because I've always been averse to change due to brain problems, but once I'd settled in, I felt fine. I'm really glad I'm out of my parents' house, I never want to go back to living with them. I love being on my own.

If only Connor knew what he was missing.

 

[Picklechu]

I honestly wonder what Connor would do if, when the Connor Cycle begins anew, he came to his thread to "hang" and nobody replied?

 

[Zeorus]

Moving out of my parents' house was the most liberating thing I've ever done.

Have fun being in perpetual slavery, Connor. Slavery to yourself.

 

[Strelok]

Oh hey guys, what's new. Haven't been in this thread in probably a couple of months.

Oh. Nothing is new. Nothing at all.

What a surprise.

 

[Le Bateleur]

Connor you are lazy. Why are you so lazy?

 

[Emiya Kiwitsugu]

Connor you are lazy. Why are you so lazy?

Because "I'LL FAIL IF I DO ANYTHING."

Plus, doing stuff takes time, time which could be spent masturbating to belly buttons.

 

[Zeorus]

Because "I'LL FAIL IF I DO ANYTHING."

Plus, doing stuff takes time, time which could be spent masturbating to belly buttons.

Doing something else would get in the way of his nefarious plotting.

 

[Connor Bible]

Hey guys. I take it you missed me. Were Leonard and Holden giving you all bad times?

I've been contemplating a lot of things lately. About myself, and about the world. The evening news, once my premium source for sleaze and a constant reinforcement of my immature cynicism, is growing boring. My infamous sexual kink is becoming unappealing and impractical to me. I'm beginning to feel humble in the face of life's hardships. I think now, I am beginning to "take it like a champ". Every day has its challenges and the sour is mixed with the sweet. I'm beginning to savor the former and latter simultaneously.

My book review is practically completed by this point. I just need to punch in a couple of hundred more words, and construct the title and works cited pages. I think I've done a great job.

 

[Kršćanin Čendlervic]

and the connor cycle begins once again. Also @Connor Bible how long is this book report? You said you started working on it last week.

 

[Connor Bible]

and the connor cycle begins once again.

No really. I'm feeling happier.

 

[JU 199]

I think now, I am beginning to "take it like a champ".

ok....

My book review is practically completed by this point. I just need to punch in a couple of hundred more words, and construct the title and works cited pages. I think I've done a great job.

Can we see it?

Surely if it's great it'll pass our standards?

 

[JustSomeFella]

No really. I'm feeling happier.

You feel happier because you haven't been posting here.

 

[Connor Bible]

I am learning too late in my youth that I shouldn't worry about meeting other people's standards. I'm more concerned about self-fulfillment, first and foremost.