Lolcow Leonard F. Shaner Jr. - Autistic Pedophile / Foamer / Shitlord

[Leonard F. Shaner Jr.]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

 

[Reflux]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

You need an editor. Bad. This reads like something an elementary schooler would write.

 

[Leonard F. Shaner Jr.]

You need an editor. Bad.

It's just the rough draft. I'm still adding information to the story. Then it will get proof read. I have a friend who is an editor for a news paper, he's going to help me.

 

[Samson]

Holy 3rd grade level of english!

 

[Reflux]

It's just the rough draft. I'm still adding information to the story. Then it will get proof read. I have a friend who is an editor for a news paper, he's going to help me.

I sure hope your editor doesn't feel the need to leave in redundant capitalization. Phrases like two children and three mules don't need to be capitalized.

In the meantime, read up on some basic grammar rules if you're not too busy foaming or eating fudge.

 

[chimpburgers]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

You and Connor Bible should get together sometime. He's about as " good" of a writer as you are.

 

[Billy Bad Rad Shad]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

Please get an editor, you have the word to and too confused.

 

[millais]

Driver Thomas was riding the shaft

And for the next 60 minutes, it was really hot.

 

[Samson]

Shaner, when are you going to share your version of the conspiracy against you? Until you do that, we have no choice but to believe everything that people are saying about your autistic ass being thrown off the Colebrookdale.

 

[AnOminous]

If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

Needs more gay buttsecks.

 

[Zim]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

"Union Canal No. 231". 35 years age 23 John at age 34 girl age 3 O'Kelly age 23 a team of Three Mules lock # 37.

The autism is rife in this what with all the exact numbers. Also you use the number 3 a lot. Is there any significance to that number for you?

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Wow, Len, this book of yours is really raunchy. Are you sure you want people to see this side of yourself?

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain Johnson C. Wiener aka The Gayporniful Adventures of Len Shaner Jr.

Captain Johnson Wiener is the gay porn stage name of Leonard F. Shaner, Jr. He has worked in gay porn for 35 years, starting with 40 Gays in 40 Nights. He then starred in Spermville, as well as A Funny Thing Happened on the way to the Foreskin. Captain Wiener met his husband Rocky Balboner at the Hotel Coral Essex. He was a fluffer. They now have been married for a total of four days since the landmark Obergefel v. Hodges case in late June of 2015. They have two live-in sex slaves, Harvie the Gimp and Tickles, a tranny SJW.

Captain Wiener and his bright pink gay bus set sail for San Fransisco, and then on down to Fire Island via the Anal Canal. This would be a 4-way orgy. Captain Werner shoved off at The EndUp dance club at 5:00 AM, with his lover, John Cutesack, age 23, and oil-massage expert Lance Thruster, age 15 and a team of kidnapped teenagers. They were hauling 28 tons of porn to be shipped to Soviet Russia. Captain Wiener was the bottom, and John Cutesack was groping his posterior, to make sure it was nice and tight, and not too slack. Afterwards he would jerk the team and that was good for them.
Lance was riding the shaft and Captain Weiner yelled at him to get off. Captain Wiener is a fat man, and he does have a bulbous gut at all times. Now John Cutesack was yelling at Lance, "Slow up the team, we're going too fast. We are supposed to go four miles per hour, not six. If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37."

Of course, all of this was gay code speak for "I, Len Shaner Jr., want to have raw butt sex with a bunch of oiled up naked guys right now!"

 

[Treblinkachu]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

Your fixation with numbers is very autistic

 

[Reflux]

@Schuylkill Valley I proofread your story. I'm not an expert writer, but I was really curious to see if I could remove a lot of the autism from your writing snippet.

Your writing is very disjointed and it doesn't connect ideas very well. Characters talk without being established who it is that's talking, there's a weird fixation on ages of people, and overall you fixate on ideas that don't really apply to the story. I really hope your editor friend is real and has a lot of spare time, because he's going to need it to edit this story.

I kept your structure intact though, and only removed what wasn't necessary. It's still pretty autistic, but hey, I tried. And it was a fun thing to do while I wait for my coffee.

Spoiler: I regret nothing

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

John Werner is the captain of barge Union Canal No. 231. He has done barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal in Lewistown, PA. He moved to Bernville, PA and continued his work with the Union Canal. Werner met his wife Mary Conrad at the Northkill Hotel where she was working as a kitchen helper. At age 23, she married Werner. Presently, they have been married for a total of ten years. They have two children, a five year old son and a three year old daughter. They currently have a baby on the way.

Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal. The trip would take four days. Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His crew consisted of bowsman James W. O'Kelly, mule drive Willy Thomas, and three other mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. O'Kelly was watching the 80 tow line to make sure it stayed nice and tight so the crew wouldn’t be driven off course. Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Werner yelled at him to get off the mule. “You're being paid to lead the team, not to hitch a ride!” Werner is a fair man, but he does have a temper at times. O'Kelly then started yelling at Thomas to slow the barge down. Thomas was driving the barge at six miles per hour, when their speed needed to be at four.

“If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine and we are getting close to lock # 37. The keeper is Mathias Stout, a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point.” “I agree,” Werner said as he woke up from his two minute nap.

edit: left one bit of autism in

 

[SuperFilter]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

Werner has a light smell of self-insert. Marrying someone 11 years younger seems like the sort of thing you wish would happen to you.
Also I think you said this was supposed to be a children's book? This doesn't sound like the sort of thing a child would read.

 

[Superior Watermelon]

Here is the beginnings of the book I'm writing.

Captain John C. Werner and His Crew

Captain Werner is the captain of barge "Union Canal No. 231". He has worked in barge work for 35 years, starting with the Pennsylvania Canal out of Lewistown, PA. , He then moved to Bernville, PA. And started his life with the Union Canal. Captain Werner met his wife Marry Conrad at the Northkill Hotel she was a Kitchen helper. At age 23 she married John at age 34. They now have been married for a total of Ten years. They have Two Children a boy age 5 and a girl age 3. And one on its way.

Captain Werner and his crew set sail for Reading and then on down to Philadelphia via the Schuylkill Canal, this would be a 4 day travel. Captain Werner shoved off at Bern Wharf #10 at 5:00 AM. His Bowsman James W. O'Kelly age 23 and Mule Drive Willy Thomas, age 15 and a team of Three Mules. They were hauling 28 tons of grain [Corn] for Philadelphia to be shipped over to England. Captain Werner was at the tiller and Bowsman O'Kelly was watching the 80' tow line to make sure it was nice and tight, not to slack any for they would jerk the team and that wasn't good for them.
Because it could pull them off course. Driver Thomas was riding the shaft mule and Captain Werner yelled at him to get off that mule, "you're being paid to lead the team not to hitch a ride"! Captain Werner is a fare man, but he does have a temper at times, Now Bowsman O'Kelly was yelling at Willy to slow up the team that they were going to fast, we are suppose to go 4 mph not 6.
If a lock keeper catches us, we will get a fine, and we are getting close to lock # 37 and Keeper is Mathias Stout a mean cuss. I don't want to get him at that point. Then Captain Werner said and I agree, as he woke up, from his 2 minute nap.

Have your ever thought about illustrating a comic and possibly crossing over two characters, like Thomas The Tank engine and Jay Jay Jetplane? You could call your main character Thomjay The JetTrain. This would be a logical progression for you Len

 

[Reflux]

I want to read the explanation for this.

 

[Zim]

Sources say @Schuylkill Valley got hit in the head by a Lantern after he tried to swing on someone on the 4th, Please confirm.

Edit: Sorry. I didn't notice you wrote this. Yep it's confirmed!

So here's something funny I just heard. Saturday evening Leonard Shaner got hit in the head by a lantern one of the train guys was using. According to my sources Shaner was out taking photos and one of the guys working told him to leave. The train guy accused him of taking photos for one of his many hate pages. Shaner panicked and said something like "No! It's not mine! It's Freddy M.'s." and the train guy called him out on it. So Shaner got mad and impotently took a swing at him. He missed and received a lantern across the face for his trouble.

Just a fun story I thought I'd share.

 

[Billy Bad Rad Shad]

So here's something funny I just heard. Saturday evening Leonard Shaner got hit in the head by a lantern one of the train guys was using. According to my sources Shaner was out taking photos and one of the guys working told him to leave. The train guy accused him of taking photos for one of his many hate pages. Shaner panicked and said something like "No! It's not mine! It's Freddy M.'s." and the train guy called him out on it. So Shaner got mad and impotently took a swing at him. He missed and received a lantern across the face for his trouble.

Just a fun story I thought I'd share.

Heard the same thing, by the "Privet Investigator" Erica R Stone with the help of Freddy M and Wendy Woppers.

 

[Pickle Pirate]

Shaner panicked and said something like "No! It's not mine! It's Freddy M.s."

Come on Len, let's leave Freddie Mercury out of this. He doesn't deserve to get swept up into your nonsense.