Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Big Redman Incorporated]

I had one my sophomore year of undergrad because I needed empty/elective credit hours so I picked some easy GPA fodder to offset my harder classes. It was basically "here's why smoking is bad and here are the kind of stress fractures you can get" paired with occasional days in the gym or rec fields. I got the implication it was low-key a class for student athletes.

But this little assignment will no doubt convince Lucas that he is now some expert on COVID-19.
Would be funny if he found a way to turn in something that talked about telomeres & COVID sluts though.

Man, I would pay good money to see Lucas have to spend time in the gym, sperging about his super strong DNA whilst failing to bench press an empty bar.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Yep. That rice is gonna be shit. Notice how every dish he cooks takes 25 minutes. No matter size, cut of meat, or ingrediants

Let me guess...25 minutes is the max time on that little oven. He just turns it all the way over to the end and lets it ride, like pushing the lever down on a toaster. He has no concept of different cooking times or temperatures. He only knows On and Off.

Lucas showing off his notes and mediocre graded assignments is starting to become a pretty lolworthy aspect of Wern watching. He's so very proud of himself for getting by in these classes that are designed to be a little more manageable than rigorous academia considering most of their student body is probably at different stages of life with work and kids.


Just saw that new cooking video. He made a sauce out of ketchup and mayo for the lamb shoulders. That sounds absolutely horrid as a marinade. He literally said he thinks these cooking vids might attract a lady. Yeah making frankenfood in a homeless shelter toaster oven is one sure fire way into a woman's heart. Nothing gets a lady going like watching a guy eat a mayo covered steak with his bare hands, gnawing on it like a coyote eating roadkill.

Even the stupidest, most sheltered 18 yr old can cook better food than this, because they can read the package and follow instructions on a box of rice.

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.

The only young women Lucas would even have a semi-reasonable chance of getting with would be whatever sad cases wind up in the homeless shelter with him.

But as we've seen with Dorothy the Satanist, even they have better options.

 

[AbraCadaver]

The only young women Lucas would even have a semi-reasonable chance of getting with would be whatever sad cases wind up in the homeless shelter with him.

But as we've seen with Dorothy the Satanist, even they have better options.

Yeah even homeless girls steer clear of his MSRA-riddled arse and aren’t impressed with his cooking. But since Dorothy ate something he made once. Lucas latched onto that as “WOMAN LIKE FOOD, MAKE MORE FOOD, MORE WOMEN COME.”

Just like when he was a kid and was too tarded to know how to end a conversation so he learned to say “peace” at the end of speaking. I’m betting he said that at the end of every convo without fail because he didn’t know what else to do. Now he has “learned” that woman eat food, make food, more woman eat, something something, LUCAS PENIS IN VAGINA!!

Lucas approaches the concept of women like a damn cargo cult. Or actually...I saw a study once that made pigeons superstitious, dead serious. Researchers would dispense treats regularly to get pigeons on a routine, then withhold treats and dispense them at random times. They observed the pigeons’ behaviour.

A pigeon that happened to turn around in a circle just before a treat randomly appeared would then be observed obsessively turning in circles and then checking the dispenser, as if turning in circles MADE the food appear. Other pigeons did the same, mimicking whatever action they’d been doing when the last random treat appeared. They fucking caught pigeons rain dancing to make food appear.

What I’m saying is Lucas is dumber than a pigeon, because when the pigeons eventually realized their random actions weren’t producing more food, they stopped. Lucas, however, just keeps doing his zoomer rain dances and hoping it rains 18 yr old bikini girls.

 

[themotherflippin480]

The only young women Lucas would even have a semi-reasonable chance of getting with would be whatever sad cases wind up in the homeless shelter with him.

But as we've seen with Dorothy the Satanist, even they have better options.

Idk, i think he might have a chance with another lolcow or like a schizo lady

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Idk, i think he might have a chance with another lolcow or like a schizo lady

Nope.

The closest he got to "Suzanne 2.0" so to speak was a 30 year old woman he befriended while he was in transitional housing, before receiving his illustrious fart shack....and even this woman, with her own no-doubt significant problems and personal issues, was canny enough to keep The Wern at arms length and use him for free meals....even fairly expensive meals, if Lucas's recitation of events can be trusted.

He's crazy enough that he's a red flag to other crazy people.

Think about that.

Plus he stinks of piss and onions, we have it on good authority.

 

[themotherflippin480]

Nope.

The closest he got to "Suzanne 2.0" so to speak was a 30 year old woman he befriended while he was in transitional housing, before receiving his illustrious fart shack....and even this woman, with her own no-doubt significant problems and personal issues, was canny enough to keep The Wern at arms length and use him for free meals....even fairly expensive meals, if Lucas's recitation of events can be trusted.

He's crazy enough that he's a red flag to other crazy people.

Think about that.

Plus he stinks of piss and onions, we have it on good authority.

Oh shit

 

[IceQueen]

Oh my God... I know I’m way late but I just watched his cooking videos from today. It is absolutely baffling to me how anyone can think slathering $4 lamb shoulder in ketchup and mayo and cooking it in a homeless shelter toaster oven, while bragging about how you changed diapers under supervision of your mom when you were 10 years old, are ways to attract a mate/future wife. Like my brain really just can’t comprehend it...

 

[Gaear Grimsrud]

He treats that toaster oven like it's a fucking toy.

Me comparing it to a kid making Creepy Crawlers just gets more apt the more I think about it.

 

[WonderWino]

He treats that toaster oven like it's a fucking toy.

Me comparing it to a kid making Creepy Crawlers just gets more apt the more I think about it.

I was thinking more of an easy bake oven situation. Which makes the comparison all the more interesting

 

[Picklechu]

His toasterbortions (which is hysterical and is now what they are officially called, you can't change my mind) have been great content, and Recipes of Redemption has been doing more Lucas videos, so it's a win/win.

I was thinking more of an easy bake oven situation. Which makes the comparison all the more interesting

I would literally pay money to see Lucas try and shove a steak into an easy bake oven.

 

[mothman96]

Nope.

The closest he got to "Suzanne 2.0" so to speak was a 30 year old woman he befriended while he was in transitional housing, before receiving his illustrious fart shack....and even this woman, with her own no-doubt significant problems and personal issues, was canny enough to keep The Wern at arms length and use him for free meals....even fairly expensive meals, if Lucas's recitation of events can be trusted.

He's crazy enough that he's a red flag to other crazy people.

Think about that.

Plus he stinks of piss and onions, we have it on good authority.

The 30 yr old ran for the hills when the Freak told her he was willing to dick her down.

ETA:

When did 18-24 turn into 18-21?

He say (18-24) --(18-21) but he wants the youngest in the range - an 18 yr old.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Let me guess...25 minutes is the max time on that little oven. He just turns it all the way over to the end and lets it ride, like pushing the lever down on a toaster. He has no concept of different cooking times or temperatures. He only knows On and Off.

Even the stupidest, most sheltered 18 yr old can cook better food than this, because they can read the package and follow instructions on a box of rice.

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.
I did a year of Culinary training and we had one girl in our class who was severely autistic so her disability impacted her ability to follow instructions.

Let me guess...25 minutes is the max time on that little oven. He just turns it all the way over to the end and lets it ride, like pushing the lever down on a toaster. He has no concept of different cooking times or temperatures. He only knows On and Off.

Even the stupidest, most sheltered 18 yr old can cook better food than this, because they can read the package and follow instructions on a box of rice.

I don’t know why he thinks women would be impressed with his toasterbortions. Most all of them have access to real ovens with real cookware and real stovetops, because they live in actual homes.

When I did Culinary for a year in college we had one girl in the class who’s cooking might have been as bad if not worse than Lucas. She was autistic so her disability made it difficult for her to listen to instructions but not only that she was very arrogant and would tell off anyone trying to help her understand the lesson. Two times she started a fire, once by trying to make a cross over between mushroom soup and pasta sauce with the highest heat on a gas stove, everything in the frying pan at once including the pasta. I kid you not my chef teacher was Italian and his face looked like he had just seen The Pietà spat on. The second time she threw an entire stick of butter into a deep fat fryer thinking she could make deep fried butter. I’m glad Lucas decided to do biology instead honestly could you imagine him with a gas stove in a class with young women and flatbill fry cooks. He’d probably get thrown out for being an obnoxious perv but still he’d be going around trying to show off his “gourmet” creations and get really resentful realizing everyone there thinks his cooking is shit. With this girl who I kind of felt bad for she was so clueless about how terrible her creations were and somehow in her own thought they made sense. There’s this really bad combination between having mental illness and a big ego at the same time that just pushes a person like that to being arrogantly wrong and unable to learn.

 

[Wernology]

Who cooks lamb with mayonnaise and ketchup?

Nobody with working taste buds or culinary skills.

 

[ItsjustabowlofGary]

Who cooks lamb with mayonnaise and ketchup?

Nobody with working taste buds or culinary skills.

It legit looks like he rubbed silly putty on that poor lamb.

 

[Maxxicus Callahan]

Who cooks lamb with mayonnaise and ketchup?

Nobody with working taste buds or culinary skills.

What’s with the music in the background? It makes this so much more disturbing as he films this slab of meat, his new toaster oven victim. Speaking of lambs you know even Hannibal Lector wouldn’t eat Lucas, too salty.

 

[WonderWino]

What’s with the music in the background? It makes this so much more disturbing as he films this slab of meat, his new toaster oven victim. Speaking of lambs you know even Hannibal Lector wouldn’t eat Lucas, too salty.

@klickitat missed a golden opportunity to call the video the silence of the lambchops

Can you hear the screams of the young lambchops smothered in mayo lucas?

 

[Wernology]

@klickitat missed a golden opportunity to call the video the silence of the lambchops

Can you hear the screams of the young lambchops smothered in mayo lucas?

He'd just say he heard zoomer chicks begging him to fuck them anyway.

 

[Amewsed]

Who cooks lamb with mayonnaise and ketchup?

Nobody with working taste buds or culinary skills.

He's trying to find his tribe.

Unfortunately for him, the huts are on a different planet.

 

[lemme ASS you a question]

What do you think the Wern would cook up for his 20 year old zoomer bae the morning after vigorous love making? My moneys on raw pork slathered in mayonaisse and microwaved onto a paper plate with a cup of hot water as the drink.