Episode 6: fuck. This is supposed to be all about dwarf lore so prepare for lore rape beyond any previously seen. Again I will try to not repeat myself but needless to say the acting, comedy, melodrama, and aesthetics still hold all the charm and grace of chewing down rancid hobo shit on a rainy thursday night.
And god fucking damnit another of my predictions last year came true as the plot introduces the fact the assasins guild is trying to take over the thieves guild to form a "crime guild" jesus christ i hate this shit so fucking much. Ok so the nascent "crime guild" is apparently going to try and storm the watch for no real reason and shitbag vimes and troon cheery go to dwarf land. The troon whines about "the dark that hunts" that killed his mother in the mines.
Oh and i have yet to mention the shitty goddamn goblin subplot of these episodes. Basically the plot periodically cuts so these godawful fucking paper mache speds babble about overthrowing capitalism. Couple episodes ago the troon managed to win their undivided loyalty by being polite to them and now they pop up every so often to inflict this goddawful attempt at comedy onto us amidst all the other godawful attempts at comedy.
And cheery literally treats his new goblin manservent like a mix between a house nigger and a dog because this show was not content to be the biggest goddamn abortion in recent cultural history but has decided to be the single worst fuckup of being woke ever put to screen.
OH FUCK THE TROON IS SINGING KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT.
aaaaand that singing was apparently his ritual to but his beard on which is a vital componant in protecting himself from "the hunting dark". I am just flat out of insults at this point so im just going to use random ethnic slurs when appropriate. Jigaboo. Jigaboo. Jigaboo.
Le-Important Social Commentary has le-arrived as the troon gets all srs and talks about how all dwarfs have to act the same and be the same and diversity is not allowed and they all need to wear beards now.
Nigger Carcer now combines patented underacting with overacting and then he and kebab-she-wonce put on face paint for now apparent reason......and what the actual fuck the city is now in the middle of verdant grass and scrub land. They literally pulled a Game of Thrones Season 8 between episodes.
A now bearded angua and carrot decide to engage in what can only be called dwarf blackface for their own amusement....despite carrot being a fucking dwarf. Im seriously going to need a counter for how many times simon allen manages to fuck up being woke in this goddamn trashfire.
Oh and the dwarves live about a half hour walk away from ankh morpork, and troon cheery says he had to sekritly escape dwarfland because "edgy and tragic backstories" being crowbarred in is totally not the most overused fucking device used by hack writers on trash adaptations
....THE DWARVES ARE ALL FUCKING TALL...THE FUCK IS THIS?!
Yeah so....fuck even knows at this point. The dwarves are just humans who like beards now and we get speechifying about how troonery is valid and important n sheeit and FUCK THEY ARE TRYING COMEDY. Also boring old woman vetinari is now the ruler of dwarves because.....because. Troon cheery has a gay black wannabe troon ex.
Also fuck the crime guild is here and more comedy is attempted and quickly aborted. Gay black wannabe troon dwarf ex immidialty betrays troon cheery and aligns with nigger carcer in his plan to murder everyone.
i think that brings us to atleast 6 wokesped clusterfucks as team villain is now composed entirely of sinister black and ethnic people wanting to destroy society......aaaaand troon cheery just casually mentioned previously owning a goblin and naming him after gay black boyfriend....
...make that 7, give or take.
Shit Vimes mugs again and apparently maniquins are alive. dont care and neither does the writer. Carrot is randomly confirmed descendent of the king by carcer because he needs carrot to control the dragon because....fuck even knows. humans and dwarves are the same species now despite them not being in the first few episodes and carrot is thus biologically a dwarf...i think...which doesnt mean anything and im reasonably sure i have gone mad and am just tapping away at the keyboard to hold off the psychosis from making me kill again.
"the hunting dark" is summoned by muh-diversity because it hates it which is why all dwarves wear beards as it makes them part of the white male patriarchy or some shit. troon cheery mugs at the camera and vanishes, hopefully never to return. crime guild has now taken over the watch building. and sheboon sybil and vimes are flirting because fuck you.
Carcer and carrot are talking about how awesome carrot is fated to be and carrot seems to have forgotten that his love interest and troon best friend are being killed horribly as they speak other than to call angua #hashtagINSPIRING and reaffirm that the troon is a proud troon. Well that was fucking pointless.
The troon is now having acid trips in cringe fucking costumes and is now reuniting with his dead troon mother and apparently the "hunting dark" achtchully saves diverse people from muhpresshun and sends them elsewhere in the multiverse. Oh and now its the summoning dark which will protect and follow troon cheery forever because troonery. Troon mother cant be arsed to stick around though because he wants to explore the multiverse. The troon perpetually looks like he is taking a shit.
Oh thank fuck we are back to the godawful crime guild plotline. Vimes and sheboon are stuck in a cell. Sheboon sybil is immidiately baited into killing the lead they captured a few episodes back without any hesitation because she is a fucking idiot atop of being a nigger. then vimes tells her not to so she stops.
Back in the mine and troon cheery has become a trannified neo from the matrix who now teleports around using dark diversity magic and forcibly converts all dwarves to diversity and starts a troon revolution and kisses the gay black dwarf who betrayed him five minutes ago.
shitty arya stark knockoff breaks into sheboon and vimes cell, and despite outnumbering her three to one and having already repeatedly demonstrated she can easily kick the shit out of her with her strang black wammen power, sheboon immidiately decides the situation is hopeless and unlocks the cell to escape, forgetting the fact that there is an army of assassins on the other side who were just talking to her five minutes ago.
i am fully descending into madness at this point. every time i close my eyes i see the laughing face of adolf hitler and visions of me dancing in a meadow wearing nothing but the flayed skin of simon allen.
troon cheery speechifies about how his dark diversity magic is diverse and magic. vimes and sheboon are about to be killed but then.....this fucking thing appears
View attachment 1917826
Yeah.....ok now omnitroon cheery is lisping and making catty fashion remarks about the crime guild head.
9 and counting.
....................................
......
.........
......
ok....yeah im gonna have to clip this shit because i refuse to suffer alone
Fuck. Cant get any way of ripping it without straight up torrenting, and i aint fuckin doing that shit. Basically its a dance sequence feating ultra troon and fully fagged up carrot and angua and it is easily the most godawful embarrasing horseshit yet featured in the show and i say this with absolute certainty after all the shit i have said thus far about other episodes.
Basically they dance like faggots to distract the assassins who for no apparant reason dont just shoot them or sheboon or vimes andthen omintroon makes the lights go out as they all run off
Oh for fuck sake now the auditors are back and nigger carcer is over-under acting.
Carrot gets confirmed not king by a blood test and is spontaniously miserable about not being special like his troon and miserable midget friends and storms out.
Auditors drone on about "all the vimes in the multiverse spreading love and hope" and i suddenly feel the need to peel the flesh from my feet and walk blood and shit and nigger cum all over simon allens shitty apartment carpets while he is off sucking dicks at the local tesco.
kebab she-wonce now tells the auditors to find the evilest sam vimes in the multiverse to murder sybil in order to destroy love in the multiverse. and the episode.....finally.....fucking ends
Now if you will excuse me, i have to go take another gigantic shit and....plan things
