Horrorcow Lucas Werner - A man of Spokane, Washington who is obsessed with millennial and Gen Z chicks

[Fatal Walter]

God, I hate how he's still willing to mention changing his nieces' diapers. Gives me the creeps.

 

[mothman96]

His newest rant is an instant classic. He doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend as he rattles off basic qualities he has that most functional adults have.
V day is eating at him hard. Is a chimp out in the cards soon?

Except he can't cook and laundry- well he knows what a washer/dryer are but hardly uses them. Doubt if he know how to properly do laundry and use the washer/dryer. Dishes/vacuum, yea we've seen how he cleans/keeps house. Looks like he calls mistreating cats as "training" them, so if he "trains" cats like he "trains" dogs, he shouldn't be alone with a dog. He "knows" how to hay horses, well being that he's a lazy fat fuck that doesn't like manual labor, he likely saw someone doing it. Changing diapers hell no, he shouldn't be around infants, children, young girls, young teens etc,

 

[Poop Shoot]

He just lies so much about absolutely everything all the time, that he just can’t keep it straight. That’s what a lot of people who are very impulsive and have zero executive function do. There is only right now right now right now, the past constantly changes, and the future will never eventually get here.

 

[WonderWino]

His newest rant is an instant classic. He doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend as he rattles off basic qualities he has that most functional adults have.
V day is eating at him hard. Is a chimp out in the cards soon?

I like how he claims he can train cats like dogs. Uhhh no lucas you can't. Cats are not fully domesticated and cannot be trained to the extent dogs can. There is also the fact your ex flat out said you were abusive toward her cats and specifically made a point of removing them when you wouldn't leave. Gee I wonder why

Also lol at his claim of knowing how to cook and do laundry

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

His newest rant is an instant classic. He doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend as he rattles off basic qualities he has that most functional adults have.
V day is eating at him hard. Is a chimp out in the cards soon?

He's such an unbelievably fat lazy f***.

Every single Hotel video is him fully prone, lying down and recording himself. As if he can't even bring himself to stand upright if he doesn't have to.

Also, has anyone ever tried to eat food while lying on their back? It's not easy, it's quite uncomfortable, as gravity wants to pull the food to the back of your neck, rather than down towards your stomach.

And yet Lucas has many videos of him eating, par example, entire trays full of brisket fully prone, basically emptying them into his mouth. Or lying on his back munching on a burrito.

I seriously think that his eating issues are at the root of a lot of his problems.

He's such an insane slob, and the fact that he can't see how repellent his gluttony is, and the way you can tell he's basically one second away from rubbing Sriracha mayo all over his chest and his Acorn; just pure vomit.

Happy Valentine's Day Lucas, you arrogant vile tub of lard!

 

[Wernology]

He's such an unbelievably fat lazy f***.

Every single Hotel video is him fully prone, lying down and recording himself. As if he can't even bring himself to stand upright if he doesn't have to.

Also, has anyone ever tried to eat food while lying on their back? It's not easy, it's quite uncomfortable, as gravity wants to pull the food to the back of your neck, rather than down towards your stomach.

And yet Lucas has many videos of him eating, par example, entire trays full of brisket fully prone, basically emptying them into his mouth. Or lying on his back munching on a burrito.

I seriously think that his eating issues are at the root of a lot of his problems.

He's such an insane slob, and the fact that he can't see how repellent his gluttony is, and the way you can tell he's basically one second away from rubbing Sriracha mayo all over his chest and his Acorn; just pure vomit.

Happy Valentine's Day Lucas, you arrogant vile tub of lard!

He thinks he looks like Hedonism Bot, but he really looks more like a Hutt, and without the charm, money, or influence of either thing.

Also lol at his claim of knowing how to cook and do laundry

Behold, Lucas' laundry doing skills:

 

[WonderWino]

He's such an unbelievably fat lazy f***.

Every single Hotel video is him fully prone, lying down and recording himself. As if he can't even bring himself to stand upright if he doesn't have to.

Also, has anyone ever tried to eat food while lying on their back? It's not easy, it's quite uncomfortable, as gravity wants to pull the food to the back of your neck, rather than down towards your stomach.

And yet Lucas has many videos of him eating, par example, entire trays full of brisket fully prone, basically emptying them into his mouth. Or lying on his back munching on a burrito.

I seriously think that his eating issues are at the root of a lot of his problems.

He's such an insane slob, and the fact that he can't see how repellent his gluttony is, and the way you can tell he's basically one second away from rubbing Sriracha mayo all over his chest and his Acorn; just pure vomit.

Happy Valentine's Day Lucas, you arrogant vile tub of lard!

Perhaps this is his horrifying way of emulating a rich romans dining habits as some kind of weird flex to try and make women think he's cultured

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Perhaps this is his horrifying way of emulating a rich romans dining habits as some kind of weird flex to try and make women think he's cultured

Frankly, I doubt Lucas is educated enough to even understand the concept of the Roman feast and vomitorium, as far as I can tell his eating his 100% instinctual... it's essentially oral masturbation.

I don't think it would ever occur to Lucas to eat, and then vomit, either to try to maintain his weight in some bulimic fashion, or to open himself up to allow himself to eat more food, Roman-style, but it's a disgusting thought.

It's funny that people have said Lucas thinks he's attractive when he does this, I'm not even sure that's true.

It's actually one of the things that is the strangest to me about him, the way he doesn't seem to understand the way the videos he makes make him look.

Is it that he thinks they make him look good and he's totally wrong, or does he just have no filter, and is thus presenting himself in the worst possible State, because he has very little shame? It's bizarre.

One of the strangest barriers, rubicons so to speak, in terms of Lucas is what he will and won't discuss about himself.

He'll tell you he wants to sleep with teenagers because they remind him of his nieces and nephews, basically, he'll discuss diaper-changing in the immediate vicinity of romance, ugh ugh, but if you start talking to him about the voices on the wind, or writing a tweet claiming to be a pedophile, he'll say it's all a big joke or sarcasm.

So he does have SOME shame, he does have SOME kind of filter, he just doesn't seem to be consistent, and there's some normal areas of shame that seemed to be totally absent in him.

Perfect example: he'll film himself licking a strange girl's deodorant, but then when asked about it he'll deny it utterly. It's like, do you think we didn't watch your gay video Lucas? We all know that when the video was off you probably did things to that deodorant that are illegal in most countries.

 

[AbraCadaver]

Frankly, I doubt Lucas is educated enough to even understand the concept of the Roman feast and vomitorium, as far as I can tell his eating his 100% instinctual... it's essentially oral masturbation.

I don't think it would ever occur to Lucas to eat, and then vomit, either to try to maintain his weight in some bulimic fashion, or to open himself up to allow himself to eat more food, Roman-style, but it's a disgusting thought.

It's funny that people have said Lucas thinks he's attractive when he does this, I'm not even sure that's true.

It's actually one of the things that is the strangest to me about him, the way he doesn't seem to understand the way the videos he makes make him look.

Is it that he thinks they make him look good and he's totally wrong, or does he just have no filter, and is thus presenting himself in the worst possible State, because he has very little shame? It's bizarre.

One of the strangest barriers, rubicons so to speak, in terms of Lucas is what he will and won't discuss about himself.

He'll tell you he wants to sleep with teenagers because they remind him of his nieces and nephews, basically, he'll discuss diaper-changing in the immediate vicinity of romance, ugh ugh, but if you start talking to him about the voices on the wind, or writing a tweet claiming to be a pedophile, he'll say it's all a big joke or sarcasm.

So he does have SOME shame, he does have SOME kind of filter, he just doesn't seem to be consistent, and there's some normal areas of shame that seemed to be totally absent in him.

Perfect example: he'll film himself licking a strange girl's deodorant, but then when asked about it he'll deny it utterly. It's like, do you think we didn't watch your gay video Lucas? We all know that when the video was off you probably did things to that deodorant that are illegal in most countries.

Feel like I already pointed this out, but maybe it was in another thread: a vomitorium refers to the entrances and exits of places like the Colisseum, where after a day’s events, the apertures would “vomit” out crowds of spectators.

The idea that romans had special rooms for vomiting or that they did so in between meal courses was a notion made up in the 19th century by people who didn’t understand the meaning of vomitorium and thought it literally meant “a room for vomiting.” It was just more deliberate misreading of texts to say “oh look how disgusting and immoral these pre-christian pagans were!” They referenced some stories like the Satyricon as a source, though the Satyricon was just that, a satire of wealthy society. Also Seneca had some things to say about high society binging and purging during meals, but Seneca had a vicious hate-boner for luxury of all kind and isn’t a reliable source.

Romans did sometimes prescribe vomiting as a medicinal cure, but strictly for medical reasons. They thought it was healthy to prescribe expelling something that was upsetting your stomach, but the idea of vomiting to make more room for food would have been revolting to them.

They did ascribe such a practice to rulers and noblemen they thought were fat and decadent and gluttonous, though it was all unsubstantiated rumor, showing even they thought it was a gross habit and that enormous gluttons were immoral.

Just standing up for the ancient romans

 

[Da Dude123]

His newest rant is an instant classic. He doesn't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend as he rattles off basic qualities he has that most functional adults have.
V day is eating at him hard. Is a chimp out in the cards soon?

More of his "I'm plenty good" crap. Wow, a 41 year old man who claims to be able to wash dishes, cook, and do laundry. And let's not forget those diapers! As has been pointed out, we saw how he kept his fart box. And this is a guy who has nothing to do all day and could not even keep a small space like that clean.

Lucas is single because he is homeless, ugly, dirty, fat, and makes an ass of himself on the Internet everyday. He also is trying to date a much younger woman who is good looking. The 41 year old men who are able to pull that off typically have homes, jobs, and are not butt ugly. And Lucas won't settle for a non Gen Z woman.

 

[WonderWino]

Frankly, I doubt Lucas is educated enough to even understand the concept of the Roman feast and vomitorium, as far as I can tell his eating his 100% instinctual... it's essentially oral masturbation.

I don't think it would ever occur to Lucas to eat, and then vomit, either to try to maintain his weight in some bulimic fashion, or to open himself up to allow himself to eat more food, Roman-style, but it's a disgusting thought.

It's funny that people have said Lucas thinks he's attractive when he does this, I'm not even sure that's true.

It's actually one of the things that is the strangest to me about him, the way he doesn't seem to understand the way the videos he makes make him look.

Is it that he thinks they make him look good and he's totally wrong, or does he just have no filter, and is thus presenting himself in the worst possible State, because he has very little shame? It's bizarre.

One of the strangest barriers, rubicons so to speak, in terms of Lucas is what he will and won't discuss about himself.

He'll tell you he wants to sleep with teenagers because they remind him of his nieces and nephews, basically, he'll discuss diaper-changing in the immediate vicinity of romance, ugh ugh, but if you start talking to him about the voices on the wind, or writing a tweet claiming to be a pedophile, he'll say it's all a big joke or sarcasm.

So he does have SOME shame, he does have SOME kind of filter, he just doesn't seem to be consistent, and there's some normal areas of shame that seemed to be totally absent in him.

Perfect example: he'll film himself licking a strange girl's deodorant, but then when asked about it he'll deny it utterly. It's like, do you think we didn't watch your gay video Lucas? We all know that when the video was off you probably did things to that deodorant that are illegal in most countries.

Knowing lucas he would probably gorge on food, vomit, drench said vomit in siracha mayo and pickles and eat it on video if he considered the idea. Can't let that prime rib go to waste after all

and the deodorant thing was creepy as fuck. He was acting like a literal walking stereotype of a creep in that. Thats even worse than sniffing her panties - and you know damn well he'd do that if he could. The fact he denies what is literally on video is a big red flag that shows he can rationalize just about any behavior, no matter how insane or inappropriate

Feel like I already pointed this out, but maybe it was in another thread: a vomitorium refers to the entrances and exits of places like the Colisseum, where after a day’s events, the apertures would “vomit” out crowds of spectators.

.....Not that it would surprise me if the romans had a special room to go vomit if the ancient roman version of the wern showed up with horrifying siracha mayo garum slathered puls for dinner

 

[Wernology]

Lucas thinks he's plenty good and doesn't need therapy, but the cards disagree wholeheartedly. Pity he has me blocked on IG but, hey, he can see it here.

Can't say I've ever had so many cards scream, "GET THERAPY, FUCKO!" before.

I'm the worst, but I'm waiting to see if he puts out any more videos before it gets late before putting them together so here:

Let’s take a look at The Wern’s mood for Valentine’s Day.

The first card shows that he’s so hopeful that things will be different, that they’ll change--the Nine of Pentacles shows that desperate hope.

Like all other things for Lucas, it won’t work out.

Reversed Five of Cups is a strong, “Get therapy, you have too many issues to have anyone want to put up with you” card, reversed Three of Swords is another card that is a very, very strong, “Nobody will ever want to deal with all of your baggage, get therapy, get on meds, get your shit together” card as well.

While Death is indicative of change it is not always a positive change (though that is what Lucas hopes it will be) and, in this case, followed by a reversed Nine of Cups it’s another, “Seriously dude, get therapy and get on meds. What you think is ‘confidence’ is just arrogance without anything to back it up and people find you wildly unpleasant to talk to or be around,” card and the King of Swords, with its meaning of a man who isn’t willing to “settle for less” only compounds the arrogance and unpleasantness spoken of by the reversed Nine of Cups.

He does not come off as confident and suave as he thinks he does, he just comes off as a massive dick, probably to compensate for the acorn he actually has.

Since Lucas steadfastly insists he doesn’t need therapy or meds, a girlfriend will never be in the cards for him.

Neither will a hookup.

Edit: Here's the Twitter meme he was reading almost verbatim in his latest video from, but he "looked the numbers up" so we can trust that he's right--if by 'looked up' he means 'read someone else's Twitter post' then sure.

Edit again for the comment chain that showcases Lucas' stunning intellect:

 

[AbraCadaver]

Knowing lucas he would probably gorge on food, vomit, drench said vomit in siracha mayo and pickles and eat it on video if he considered the idea. Can't let that prime rib go to waste after all

and the deodorant thing was creepy as fuck. He was acting like a literal walking stereotype of a creep in that. Thats even worse than sniffing her panties - and you know damn well he'd do that if he could. The fact he denies what is literally on video is a big red flag that shows he can rationalize just about any behavior, no matter how insane or inappropriate



.....Not that it would surprise me if the romans had a special room to go vomit if the ancient roman version of the wern showed up with horrifying siracha mayo garum slathered puls for dinner

A Wernitorium?

 

[Fatal Walter]

Vomitorium is probably what we should call any room Lucas cooks in.

 

[Gas Station Boner Pills]

 

[King Daddy Telomerase]

Lucas can't even do any of those, besides maybe fold his 5 pieces of clothing that he stuffs in his bag and messes up anyway.

 

[GleamingTheQ-Bert]

Lucas thinks he's plenty good and doesn't need therapy, but the cards disagree wholeheartedly. Pity he has me blocked on IG but, hey, he can see it here.

Can't say I've ever had so many cards scream, "GET THERAPY, FUCKO!" before.

I'm the worst, but I'm waiting to see if he puts out any more videos before it gets late before putting them together so here:

View attachment 1920716

Let’s take a look at The Wern’s mood for Valentine’s Day.

The first card shows that he’s so hopeful that things will be different, that they’ll change--the Nine of Pentacles shows that desperate hope.

Like all other things for Lucas, it won’t work out.

Reversed Five of Cups is a strong, “Get therapy, you have too many issues to have anyone want to put up with you” card, reversed Three of Swords is another card that is a very, very strong, “Nobody will ever want to deal with all of your baggage, get therapy, get on meds, get your shit together” card as well.

While Death is indicative of change it is not always a positive change (though that is what Lucas hopes it will be) and, in this case, followed by a reversed Nine of Cups it’s another, “Seriously dude, get therapy and get on meds. What you think is ‘confidence’ is just arrogance without anything to back it up and people find you wildly unpleasant to talk to or be around,” card and the King of Swords, with its meaning of a man who isn’t willing to “settle for less” only compounds the arrogance and unpleasantness spoken of by the reversed Nine of Cups.

He does not come off as confident and suave as he thinks he does, he just comes off as a massive dick, probably to compensate for the acorn he actually has.

Since Lucas steadfastly insists he doesn’t need therapy or meds, a girlfriend will never be in the cards for him.

Neither will a hookup.

Edit: Here's the Twitter meme he was reading almost verbatim in his latest video from, but he "looked the numbers up" so we can trust that he's right--if by 'looked up' he means 'read someone else's Twitter post' then sure.

View attachment 1920734

Edit again for the comment chain that showcases Lucas' stunning intellect:

View attachment 1920747

He stole all that stuff to try to make himself sound smart?

I love you Klick, this is f****** brilliant.

He's such a complete tool, such a follower. He hears someone say something, then he starts repeating it himself.

This is one of Lucas most autistic Tendencies. He re- uses words that he's heard, that he thinks make him sound smart, but 95% of the time he uses them in the completely wrong context.

Also: a bag of vegetables cost $4? I think it depends entirely on what vegetables you buy, whether they're organic, etc etc etc. You can tell Lucas never shopped for groceries, other than buying chorizo and disgusting quantities of cheese. Have fun in that hotel room by yourself, you fat retarded slob.

Edit: Lucas never uses the television, he never uses the shower. The Motel 6, or whatever Hotel he's at, should throw a cot into a broom closet, give it a bucket to shit and piss in, a tiny microwave, and name it the Lucas Werner Suite.

 

[WonderWino]

He stole all that stuff to try to make himself sound smart?

I love you Klick, this is f****** brilliant.

He's such a complete tool, such a follower. He hears someone say something, then he starts repeating it himself.

This is one of Lucas most autistic Tendencies. He re- uses words that he's heard, that he thinks make him sound smart, but 95% of the time he uses them in the completely wrong context.

Also: a bag of vegetables cost $4? I think it depends entirely on what vegetables you buy, whether they're organic, etc etc etc. You can tell Lucas never shopped for groceries, other than buying chorizo and disgusting quantities of cheese. Have fun in that hotel room by yourself, you fat retarded slob.

Edit: Lucas never uses the television, he never uses the shower. The Motel 6, or whatever Hotel he's at, should throw a cot into a broom closet, give it a bucket to shit and piss in, a tiny microwave, and name it the Lucas Werner Suite.

I've had a suspicion for awhile now as to why lucas doesn't use the tv when he has a room. You would think he would want to at least maybe see the news or some show with little girls in it or whatever considering thats his thing, but I get the feeling he's got some kind of weird malkavian thing going non ironically where the voices on the wind say shit through the tv to him that sets him off. It would explain alot about his avoidance of it. Especially considering its not like there is anything else to do in a motel room. There has to be a reason for it and I can't imagine what else it could be

 

[Wernology]

I felt a little bad that Lucas was still forever alone on Valentine's Day, so I made him a nice, romantic new dating profile showcasing the kind of behavior a lady could expect if they agree to date him for some inexplicable reason.

Also, that voicemail he left for the Tiffany catfish is one of the all time funniest fucking things he's ever left for someone and the fact that he thinks he sounded sexy and desirable will forever be hilarious to me.

Even helped him out some more in the video description:

Just think, if you date The Wern, you could receive voicemails calling you an "ovulator" complete with incorrect interpretations of the science (as stated by the authors of the papers themselves, who sent Lucas a C&D back in 2019 for trying to use their names to prey on young women), fantasies about beating up guys with tattoos and baseball caps, and great impressions of Butthead's voice!

All you have to do is track him down at the only low barrier shelter that hasn't banned him, or at any one of Downtown Spokane's fleabag motels.

He'll do laundry in the tub for you! He'll clean the toilet and then, with the same brush, start to mop the floor (see the final episode of the Golden USB show on this channel for his admission of 'being taught' to clean a bathroom that way), he'll violate restraining orders if you decide to leave him, he'll use your potential children as unethical experiment subjects for the PhD in a field he made up that he's 'working' toward getting, he'll burn mayonnaise slathered food in a toaster oven until it's inedible, he loves being called daddy by little girls by his own admission, he's on a government no rent list and has a history of evictions so no private landlord will rent to him but that's okay because you're going to be the one paying rent anyway, at 41 he's not allowed to manage his own money and has a state appointed payee, he's a whopping two inches so you'll never have to worry about it being too big or feeling anything at all, he'll never work a day in his life and thinks this is fine because he'll be 'taking care of you', but hey, he knows how to change diapers!

...which you may not want him to do if you have a daughter, based on how much he loves it when little girls call him daddy...

Anyway, line up today to date The Wern!

You'll have to, there are lines to get into the homeless shelters, and the cutoff time is usually 7pm.

 

[Brian Butterfield]

"Mi casa es su casa" only works for people with homes, Lucas.