Diseased Neo-Pagans / Witches on the Internet / Witchblr - SMT IRL, but with fatties

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Yes, it is.

”Inspiring Affirmations” just sounds like Joel Osteen with extra steps.

I'd love to see an actual Hindu's response to this.

 

[A Sign]

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Spoiler

Why so many ellipsis?



Don't accept trans children, they are our future generation of witches.


Typing in all caps is not a good way of keeping negativity away from you.


Aren't you cottagecore witchy magick type people supposed to be good at healing? Would it have been too much trouble to just use some glue?


One day I really should read those books but I really don't want to pay for that shit.


Any kiwis want to place bets on how long until he is freed from this mortal coil?


Every time I masturbate to hentai and hear the moans of a nine year old cat girl getting gangbanged and sob because I have no friends, @EyelessMC just pops in to stroke his scarred penis resting below his hairy groin and just

Listen

And you know that's a pretty nice way to start my day


You think God is stalking you???????????


I wonder when the kid's old enough, will they try to poison the animals?


Uhh why don't you want to follow anyone under 16? Are you fantasizing about having sex with all your Tumblr friends?!


That means like half of witchblr are white supremacists.



Sometimes I wonder what the Greek gods would think of all the fanart they get.

Can someone explain to me what this is supposed to mean?


Someone do this for my hamster please. His name is Nugget and has yellow teeth and black eyes. I gave him a piece of cod today cooked at 375 degrees for ten minutes in the air fryer and also some pecans which he stuffed in his cheeks.


It's Lilith astral projecting onto your shoulder to get permission to suck your clit.


Maybe he's just horny for triangles.


octopus, my innocent darling child.

 

[NoReturn]

Why so many ellipsis?

ener-chi is secretly a boomer. It's their boomery dog whistle.

Someone do this for my hamster please. His name is Nugget and has yellow teeth and black eyes. I gave him a piece of cod today cooked at 375 degrees for ten minutes in the air fryer and also some pecans which he stuffed in his cheeks.

I sense... butt nuggets. Lots of butt nuggets. Little pellets from a triangle-tail butt. Nugget cares not. Nugget seeks only more food to create more nuggets.

 

[RazorBackBacon]

Can someone explain to me what this is supposed to mean?

If I was to try and interpret this drivel with a sober and rational mind, they're saying that all this spiritual stuff flows from the same source and that the ritual trappings you put on it is just a framework for you to work inside of until you're spiritually ready to move outside. Sort of like learning your mother tongue before learning other languages. Then they go completely off the deep end trying to articulate some kind of holy insanity but just degrade into word salad. I'm guessing the shrooms kicked in while they were typing.

Every time I masturbate to hentai and hear the moans of a nine year old cat girl getting gangbanged and sob because I have no friends, @EyelessMC just pops in to stroke his scarred penis resting below his hairy groin and just

Listen

And you know that's a pretty nice way to start my day


You think God is stalking you???????????

These people remind me of those headmates idiots talking about how Marvel's Loki kept bullying the Doctor and other insane larp-y bullshit.

Also:
"how do you banish a god?"
You don't. Have fun, loony.

 

[EnemyStand]

These people remind me of those headmates idiots talking about how Marvel's Loki kept bullying the Doctor and other insane larp-y bullshit.

How It Would Really Go:
Witch: Aphrodite you so kyoot UwU! I love myself, so I feel your love!
Aphrodite: Get a dick in you, you fat ugly cow.
Witch: Waaah! Hades, Aphrodite's being mean again!
Hades: You dead yet?
Witch: No...
Hades: Then I don't care. I have a job. You should get one and stop imagining me.
Witch: Waaa! Why are the gods so mean?
Athena: Did you just blaspheme?
Witch: *says nothing, as she is now a spider*

Also:
"how do you banish a god?"
You don't. Have fun, loony.

I said it before and I'll say it again to any pagan: my God has a bigger dick than your god.

 

[Agarathium1066]

Also:
"how do you banish a god?"
You don't. Have fun, loony.

Hit it with a large enough object and it will go back to slumber for a while. Fully banish it?

Not with a witch's budget.

 

[RazorBackBacon]

How It Would Really Go:
Witch: Aphrodite you so kyoot UwU! I love myself, so I feel your love!
Aphrodite: Get a dick in you, you fat ugly cow.
Witch: Waaah! Hades, Aphrodite's being mean again!
Hades: You dead yet?
Witch: No...
Hades: Then I don't care. I have a job. You should get one and stop imagining me.
Witch: Waaa! Why are the gods so mean?
Athena: Did you just blaspheme?
Witch: *says nothing, as she is now a spider*

That reminds me, I don't really know why anyone would choose to worship the Olympians. There's three pantheons I wouldn't fuck with if I had the choice; Babylonian, Mesoamerican, and Greco-Roman. Even a basic perusal of Greek myth gives you a very clear idea that the gods are petty, vindictive, and cruel. Zeus straight up rapes women all the time and his wife chooses to punish his victims. Athena turns some bitch into a spider for being better than her at weaving, and even wise and virtuous Apollo just lays some plague on people because fuck you I don't need a reason.

Inviting an Olympian in to be your personal savior is a bit like making friends with Hannibal Lecter.

Besides, they're doing it wrong. Greeks and Romans didn't take Olympians as their personal savior. For daily prayers they just propitiated the little gods of hearth and home, maybe an ancestor spirit or two. If you know anything of Shinto, it was very much like that.

But I guess saying "I worshipped at the lararium today and I fell that the lars were with me all day long!" just doesn't sound as kewl as Hades rocking out to showtunes with you.

 

[EnemyStand]

That reminds me, I don't really know why anyone would choose to worship the Olympians. There's three pantheons I wouldn't fuck with if I had the choice; Babylonian, Mesoamerican, and Greco-Roman. Even a basic perusal of Greek myth gives you a very clear idea that the gods are petty, vindictive, and cruel. Zeus straight up rapes women all the time and his wife chooses to punish his victims. Athena turns some bitch into a spider for being better than her at weaving, and even wise and virtuous Apollo just lays some plague on people because fuck you I don't need a reason.

Inviting an Olympian in to be your personal savior is a bit like making friends with Hannibal Lecter.

Besides, they're doing it wrong. Greeks and Romans didn't take Olympians as their personal savior. For daily prayers they just propitiated the little gods of hearth and home, maybe an ancestor spirit or two. If you know anything of Shinto, it was very much like that.

But I guess saying "I worshipped at the lararium today and I fell that the lars were with me all day long!" just doesn't sound as kewl as Hades rocking out to showtunes with you.

The God of Death does not do show tunes. Hades is obviously a Classical Music fan.

But yes, the Greco-Roman deities are like sticking your hand in a beehive to get honey. Your hand is so damaged you can't enjoy it and since you didn't get the wax off the honey tastes like earwax anyway. Babylonians had the excuse of 90% of the bullshit being from Big Daddy not disciplining his daughter and Kulkulkan couldn't keep the world spinning without blood sacrifice for some reason, but the Greco-Roman pantheon had no excuse for their behavior. They had power, mortals didn't, fuck mortals. Only Hephaestus, Hades, and Hestia didn't really fuck with mortals much (although Athena was more pissed at Arachne for blaspheming and for bringing up her dad's infidelities to school her with). It's almost as if those three had actual jobs or something.

 

[Nazz]

That reminds me, I don't really know why anyone would choose to worship the Olympians. There's three pantheons I wouldn't fuck with if I had the choice; Babylonian, Mesoamerican, and Greco-Roman. Even a basic perusal of Greek myth gives you a very clear idea that the gods are petty, vindictive, and cruel. Zeus straight up rapes women all the time and his wife chooses to punish his victims. Athena turns some bitch into a spider for being better than her at weaving, and even wise and virtuous Apollo just lays some plague on people because fuck you I don't need a reason.

Inviting an Olympian in to be your personal savior is a bit like making friends with Hannibal Lecter.

Besides, they're doing it wrong. Greeks and Romans didn't take Olympians as their personal savior. For daily prayers they just propitiated the little gods of hearth and home, maybe an ancestor spirit or two. If you know anything of Shinto, it was very much like that.

But I guess saying "I worshipped at the lararium today and I fell that the lars were with me all day long!" just doesn't sound as kewl as Hades rocking out to showtunes with you.

The God of Death does not do show tunes. Hades is obviously a Classical Music fan.

But yes, the Greco-Roman deities are like sticking your hand in a beehive to get honey. Your hand is so damaged you can't enjoy it and since you didn't get the wax off the honey tastes like earwax anyway. Babylonians had the excuse of 90% of the bullshit being from Big Daddy not disciplining his daughter and Kulkulkan couldn't keep the world spinning without blood sacrifice for some reason, but the Greco-Roman pantheon had no excuse for their behavior. They had power, mortals didn't, fuck mortals. Only Hephaestus, Hades, and Hestia didn't really fuck with mortals much (although Athena was more pissed at Arachne for blaspheming and for bringing up her dad's infidelities to school her with). It's almost as if those three had actual jobs or something.

The thing is, these people don't actually give a shit about the myths, or the actual historical practice of the tradition. They want to use the Cool Names they read about in the Percy Jackson books while they chant over their shitty plastic athame and yankee candle votives and feel cool and superior to their yucky christian relatives. Their spirituality runs about as deep as your average pothole. They treat the religion as if it were a fandom, and they are one step away from saying they kin with Zeus because theyre constantly horny or that theyre kin with Demeter because they didn't kill a potted plant.

They do this shit with Nordic mythology too and its just as cringe tbh, sometimes moreso with the Marvel influence

 

[NoReturn]

Athena: Did you just blaspheme?
Witch: *says nothing, as she is now a spider*

Spider is too good for her, as @EnemyStand pointed out, Arachne got spidered because she was a blasphemer, but she was also a blasphemer who was a worthy opponent (weaving-wise). A normie would just get smited.

Inviting an Olympian in to be your personal savior is a bit like making friends with Hannibal Lecter.

These people are from tumblr. They think they could do that. There's whole fandoms for serial killers.

 

[EnemyStand]

The thing is, these people don't actually give a shit about the myths, or the actual historical practice of the tradition. They want to use the Cool Names they read about in the Percy Jackson books while they chant over their shitty plastic athame and yankee candle votives and feel cool and superior to their yucky christian relatives. Their spirituality runs about as deep as your average pothole. They treat the religion as if it were a fandom, and they are one step away from saying they kin with Zeus because theyre constantly horny or that theyre kin with Demeter because they didn't kill a potted plant.

They do this shit with Nordic mythology too and its just as cringe tbh, sometimes moreso with the Marvel influence

I think the Nordic "worshippers" are even more cringe than the Greco-Roman stans. Venerating gods of a culture whose whole thing was being physically strong and self-reliant while being anemic deathfats with tugboats just makes me shake my head. Hell, if I'm not mistaken the Norsemen didn't even really worship their gods per se, they just saw them as what they should strive to be like. They had their shrines and prayers and stuff, but actually asking for shit? Odin and company had better things to do than hold the mortal's collective hand.

Spider is too good for her, as @EnemyStand pointed out, Arachne got spidered because she was a blasphemer, but she was also a blasphemer who was a worthy opponent (weaving-wise). A normie would just get smited.

Yeah, true. Hell, Athena probably wouldn't smite these sad lasses anyway. I doubt they're really worth her time.

EDIT: Actually, if I claimed to be a priest of Chaac do you think they'd let me shatter the bones of their children on an altar then scatter their blood over farmland to ensure a bountiful harvest? Not that I would do it, I'd do what God did to Abraham and laugh in their faces while CPS took the poor kid.

 

[Snusmumriken]

Gather my friends! For I, the Great Witch NoReturn, have a prediction!

If you have the letters, A, E, I, O, U or sometimes Y in your name, you will need to piss within the next 24 hours!

Thank Hera I’m safe.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

If your argument for why we should do something is based off manipulating me into doing that thing with threats of suicide, I'm not going to do that thing just to spite you.

Just pray St Michael if you're that worried about demons attacking you.

So you used to be a devout Christian, you lapsed, God's trying to talk to you and you're ignoring Him?

This website can get you incredibly MATI.

 

[Montalbane]

How It Would Really Go:
Witch: Aphrodite you so kyoot UwU! I love myself, so I feel your love!
Aphrodite: Get a dick in you, you fat ugly cow.
Witch: Waaah! Hades, Aphrodite's being mean again!
Hades: You dead yet?
Witch: No...
Hades: Then I don't care. I have a job. You should get one and stop imagining me.
Witch: Waaa! Why are the gods so mean?
Athena: Did you just blaspheme?
Witch: *says nothing, as she is now a spider*

I said it before and I'll say it again to any pagan: my God has a bigger dick than your god.

In my headcanon hades is like a welder or some job that seems boring but is incredibly satisfying.
Because having a boring job is better than this larping bullshit

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

In my headcanon hades is like a welder or some job that seems boring but is incredibly satisfying.
Because having a boring job is better than this larping bullshit

In my headcanon Hades sucks on my stinky toes while we have a threesome with Persephone. Did you just call my magick practice bullshit? I can't believe I've just been invalidated like that. Go educate yourself on godspousing, you reactionary.

 

[Montalbane]

In my headcanon Hades sucks on my stinky toes while we have a threesome with Persephone. Did you just call my magick practice bullshit? I can't believe I've just been invalidated like that. Go educate yourself on godspousing, you reactionary.

I bet you use your right hand to jerk off you fascist prick.

 

[Marshal Mannerheim]

Go educate yourself on godspousing, you reactionary.

Astral projecting, surely?

 

[fuzzyrodent85]

Astral projecting, surely?

That and I also put mint (his sacred plant) young living essential oil in my coochie so we're basically making sweet love together.

 

[dirtydeanna96]

Gather my friends! For I, the Great Witch NoReturn, have a prediction!

If you have the letters, A, E, I, O, U or sometimes Y in your name, you will need to piss within the next 24 hours!

What about IEOUA?