Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

How much does Ryann weigh?

  • 300-350lbs (Panda Bear)

    Votes: 26 1.0%
  • 350-400lbs (Bull Caribou)

    Votes: 146 5.5%
  • 400-450lbs (Heart of a Blue Whale)

    Votes: 379 14.2%
  • 450-500lbs (Pigmy Hippo)

    Votes: 545 20.5%
  • 500-550lbs (Domestic Pig)

    Votes: 394 14.8%
  • 550-600lbs (Baby Grand Piano)

    Votes: 318 12.0%
  • 600-650lbs (Vending Machine)

    Votes: 192 7.2%
  • 650+ (A Fucking Planet)

    Votes: 661 24.8%

  • Total voters
    2,661
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Tess married somebody just as terrible, in his own way, as she is, in hers. So of course that's violence and domestic abuse; as the woman, she's the only one who is allowed to be critical, controlling, dishonest, and manipulative, damn it!

ETA:

Ryann, do you think you could use your words to let everybody know what Dolly's new fragrance actually smells like? Since you're such a perfume snob, surely you're able to do that, right?
 
Tess: "I'm a big perfume snob!"

Also Tess: "It smells... dreamy!?"


Ryann, do you think you could use your words to let everybody know what Dolly's new fragrance actually smells like? Since you're such a perfume snob, surely you're able to do that, right?
Precisely. No base scent? No notes? Is it floral? Fruity? Deep? Earthy? Does it have Spices?

I have literally no idea what this perfume is like other than "Dolly Parton good! Tess like smell!"

Maybe dreamy is to Ryann, what creamy is to Chantal. . .
 
I’m sure Dolly appreciated the solid endorsement of Tess rubbing that card all over her greasy face.
Oh fuck off you ginormous slag, next you’ll be telling us all that your ex lidurally raped you.

Actually...I can see her doing that. Every time she makes up a statement like this, she waits to see if she gets pushback from Nick or fans. When none appears, she takes it as a sign to make up a little more...first he was wonderful, then they were unfortunately two different people, then they didn’t get along, then he was mean, then gaslighting and verbally abusive, then she was cowering in his shadow before finally breaking free...now he’s “physically and/or sexually abusive.”

A year from now Tess is going to be posting about how brave she was to endure being murdered by her ex. Do you know just how many women are murdered by their partners? So many, and Tess is one of them, but she overcame it. Send your sponsorship and partnering inquiries to TessHollidaysGhost@gmail.com #EffYourCorporealBodyStandards
 
This is just some more random spergery from me, but its sort of tangentially related so plz laugh (jeb bush voice a la please clap)

Ya gorl loves hobby lobby, and they have all of their spring shit out. There is a cute little Dolly Parton licensed collection, and when I saw it in the store, I had a laugh because Tess loves tat, and loves Dolly, but hobby lobby bad because Jesus, so would she be able to waddle in and buy the Dolly stuff? She wouldn't be able to show it off on Instagram because people would know it's from hobby lobby, and her followers might call her out for supporting such a "gay hating" company

Dolly Stuff
 
GotDAMN that hairline, imagine shooping this much and not fixing your roots??
That’s an astonishing amount of slap on her face for her not to care about 1-inch roots, or her obvious double chin.
Nevermind her roots, she should be concerned about the fact that her hairline is very visibly thinning.
damn.png
Photoshop might work fine for covering that up for now (and I assume it does, based on the pictures posted earlier on this page), but eventually it's going to be noticeable to anyone who sees her in person.
 
This is just some more random spergery from me, but its sort of tangentially related so plz laugh (jeb bush voice a la please clap)

Ya gorl loves hobby lobby, and they have all of their spring shit out. There is a cute little Dolly Parton licensed collection, and when I saw it in the store, I had a laugh because Tess loves tat, and loves Dolly, but hobby lobby bad because Jesus, so would she be able to waddle in and buy the Dolly stuff? She wouldn't be able to show it off on Instagram because people would know it's from hobby lobby, and her followers might call her out for supporting such a "gay hating" company

Dolly Stuff
None of that stuff would appeal to her because it isn’t tacky enough for tess. She needs pastel rhinestone bs with Dolly’s face or name plastered on it so everyone knows it’s Dolly stuff. She thinks if she covers herself in enough Dolly Parton clothes and tattoos and perfume, she’ll absorb some of the actual genuine adoration people have for Dolly. She wants to be universally beloved like Dolly, but sadly Dolly is loved for being generous to her community and a wonderfully sweet person who stays healthy, in shape and avoids any drama.

The anti-Tess.
 
Ryann, do you think you could use your words to let everybody know what Dolly's new fragrance actually smells like? Since you're such a perfume snob, surely you're able to do that, right?
It's that same eruditeness that earned Tess her job as a fashion commentator which lasted a whole 5 minutes!
 
It's that same eruditeness that earned Tess her job as a fashion commentator which lasted a whole 5 minutes!
Ah, never forgot how her sheer dumbness is what launched Jonathan Van Ness's career in television: she was so boring, and the silence was so profound when she got her single "E" red carpet gig that her hair gay attempted to fill the silence with something to spare his friend the embarrassment. And it ended up becoming his audition for the re-launch of Queer Eye (though I'm sure his "GayofThrones" YT channel also helped, along with his hairdressing talent).

She's still burning with envy, despite the fact that her agency booked her EVERYWHERE for 18 months and she had numerous chances to get a show of her own.

Good times.
 
You have nowhere NEAR the beauty and presence Anna Nicole did, Tess.
Take her name out of your filthy mouth.
Good lord, she's so thrilled over that one stupid mention by one twitter account that she plastered it on every social she has
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It seems like she's still paying her publicist to baby her like a real celebrity assistant.
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And pretending that, because she likes Dolly Parton, any good thing that happens to Dolly is basically happening to Tess. Narcissistic transfer is some shit.
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You have nowhere NEAR the beauty and presence Anna Nicole did, Tess.
Take her name out of your filthy mouth.
she mentioned her “nod to Anna Nicole Smith”like 50 times because nobody would know that is what she’s doing. She doesn’t know how to model, especially on therunway, so she came up with something absurd to do at the end. When this post came out, several commenters were like “what the fuck is she doin” and she’s like LOL OBVIOUSLY NOD TO ANNA NICOLE CLOWN 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
 
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