I just can’t get over the insanity of launching a revolution by seizing the Golden Arches. Lucas ain’t going to do it though, somebody else’s job to do it Mucas is just the messenger
Perhaps he's trying to emulate hitlers beer hall putsch. I can see it now - lucas marching out of the shelter and down the street at the head of several hundred hobos, surrounding the building with hobo guards armed with broken bottles and old 2x4s and then marching into the restaurant. Lucas pauses, looks around at the crowd and screeches that the socialist revolution has begun, that bernie sanders is with them and that a group of hobos and crackheads are marching on the spokane city hall to oust the politicians and form a new government, with lucas as its head, in preparation for implementing an internet based direct democracy. He stops to point at the nearest mcdonalds employee, demanding a double quarter pounder meal with a mountain dew and then turns to the manager, telling him that if he and his employees join the revolution there will be places in the new government for them
Isaac then arrives with his brother and shareef, to take charge of the hobo army as lucas's generals, and immediately goes to work securing the mcdonalds and preparing for any attempt to retake the building, while lucas gorges on a half dozen double quarter pounders drenched in tartar sauce. When he is finished his meal he orders one of his senior hobo officers to take charge of the mcdonalds and oversee the profit splitting for the day, and to load up his hobo-crackhead battalion with all the burgers and fries they can carry as supplies for their offensive against city hall. Lucas then orders shareef to take a number of hobos to assault eastern state mental hospital and free his insane comrades so they can join the fight against capitalism. Lucas then takes his place at the head of his hobo army, flanked by freed eastern state crazies and homeless crackheads and begins the march down the street toward city hall - only to be stopped in their tracks mere blocks away from their target.....a flatbill with three girlfriends that slipped out of the back door of the mcdonalds when the occupation started had since alerted the police to what was about to happen and they had mobilized a defense to meet the hobo army. Lucas dons his brown ragman jacket and sunglasses, and swinging his plastic spork like a marshal's baton, orders the hobo army to advance. Gunshots ring out as the eastern state escapees screech and run at the police blockade, many dropping dead in their tracks. Bullets wiz by lucas, striking shareef and knocking him back into lucas, causing him to hit the ground hard and bash his knee. Lucas struggles to his feet in a panic, desperately focusing on the voices on the wind to give him direction and listening in on the background noise that will tell him the plans of the police commander in time for lucas to come up with a plan. The men with butterfly nets then begin their counter attack. Tasers and nets flash by on all sides of the wern, but lucas shrugs them off, his psychotic mania protecting him against feeling any contact with the tasers. He orders his crackheads, led by isaac to advance against the police, only to turn around in shock as he hears the voices on the wind calling out 'the revolution isn't in the cards today lucas' and spots a group of starbucks employees arriving at the rear of the werns hobo army, to support the police and end lucas's reign of terror in spokane once and for all. 'You fucking trumpanzee agephobic bigots! She was 23!' lucas shouts at them as his army of hobos starts to collapse. The voices on the wind have run out of tactical suggestions, and lucas's hoped for hobo street/junkyard dog cavalry reinforcements have yet to arrive to save the day. Lucas abandons his army, waddling into the nearest ally toward a side street that leads to the spokane park and toward the spokane woods. If only he can make it to the bridge just outside the woods he will be able to hide and regroup on his own turf. Perhaps even hold out long enough for
felix steiner bernie sanders to come to his rescue, and to make contact with his BLM contacts to help raise a new army. But it was not to be. The flatbills saw lucas's escape attempt and teaming up with several police and eastern state orderlies, followed in close pursuit, tasering and pepper spraying him before throwing a net over him like a wild stray dog and tackling him to the ground, just as lucas was about to enter the woods, sedating him in preparation for hauling his obese carcass back to eastern state
and thus the great socialist mcdonalds uprising ended. The hobo army was wiped out without the werns leadership and the voices on the wind to guide them, and city hall would not fall to the armies of the homeless on this day. Bernie sanders disavowed any knowledge of the uprising and cursed the short telomeres that led to lucas's failure. 'But I can still win!' bernie thought to himself, as he realized a few loyalist hobos under isaac's leadership, managed to escape the battle
'Mcdonalds was the wrong choice,' bernie mused, to himself. 'Next time we must take starbucks for the revolution to succeed!'. Bernie seethed in anger at his most loyal follower and hero of the failed revolution, lucas werner, being kept as a political prisoner at eastern state, and reminded himself the wern must be taken care of until he can be rescued, resolving to have a generous bucket of siracha mayo fish heads with pork gravy and chitlins sent to his room at eastern state. Lucas must keep his strength up to serve the revolution
'Get me grub hub!' bernie said into the intercom on his desk. 'and get me AOC immediately. Lucas needs a woman and its time horse face took one for the team! We will require more wernlings for our future plans!'
