Off-Topic Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Is it best to just hope it's a phase and leave these troons alone until they snap out of it, or to try and reconnect before it's too late? I'm worried we'll fall out of contact entirely if I don't reach out soon but I don't know if it's the right thing to do.

I also think you should be straightforward and honest, for your sake as well. The thing with the trans cult is that no matter what you do, it's never enough. So even if you pacify her now, she will find a reason to resent you. If you're honest with her, no matter what happens in the future at least you'll know you tried. I can't imagine how painful it is though, I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

[GarthMarenghisDankplace]

I spent my early 20s heavily involved in leftist spaces so I know lots of people who trooned out. The one that really worries me is a FtM we'll call Sally. When I met Sally she was a nice, though socially super awkward and diagnosed autistic, girl with a long term boyfriend. We would dye each other's hair and she admitted she was jealous of me for having bigger tits that her, and I admitted I was jealous of her legs and we laughed about women and our distorted body image.
She spent a lot of time on tumblr and one day out of seemingly nowhere declared herself to be a 'they/he never she'. The timeline for the next few years went like this.
> makes friends with predatory mtfs in queer circles
>breaks up with bf
>drops out of uni
>starts T
> diagnosis shops for BPD diagnosis
> stops working because kids misgendering her is too triggering
> name change to something mental
> double mastectomy
And fairly recently
> total hysterectomy

I think it is very likely that she will try and kill herself in the next five years. She is an autistic women with a history of depression who has been told by fetishists that this will solve all of that. That this is why she always felt weird and that it can be an easy fix. Once she is 'who she's meant to be' that will all dissapear. Never mind that every stage of her 'transition' has been marked by greater dsyphoria and lower functioning. She's gone from STEM degree and holding a job to unemployed drop out living on benefits because she's too mentally ill to work.

The hysterectomy was recent and she seems to view it as 'completing' transition and I think that when she realises that all the negative shit is still there, because it was never about gender, she is going to look at the irreparable damage she's done to her body: her voice will never be normal again, her tits will never grow back, she will never have kids, and she is probably going to kill herself. And the scumbag fetishists surrounding her will blame it on transphobia.

 

[ladytron]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I will work up the courage to talk to her! I would regret it forever if I didn't at least try.

She will not snap out of it. People do not "snap out of" cults or religions.
Either tear the bandaid off now and tell her the truth of how you feel, or let yourself drift away from her socially.

Funnily enough, I had a second close friend troon out a few years ago. He is biologically male and made no effort to change his appearance or demeanour besides growing his hair and changing his name. We had to address him as a female for a few years which was a bit uncomfortable but as far as troon-outs go, it wasn't that bad - his personality didn't change much and he wasn't obnoxious about gender stuff. He dropped the troon identity eventually and seemed pretty embarrassed about the whole thing. Having this as reference gave me hope that my female friend would see the light too, but she only seems to be digging herself deeper into the troon persona.

When I asked the ex-troon friend if he thought my female friend was changing for the worse, he laughed and asked me what I meant. I was shocked because the change was so obvious to me and I thought that he of all people would be able to spot it too or at least be on my side. It's discouraged me from bringing it up again but I think you're right in terms of ripping off the bandaid, I can't just play pretend forever.

Oof. Welcome to the round table.

Thanks and thank you for making this thread! I'm glad to finally be able to discuss a problem like this somewhere.

 

[“Fun”times]

Had a friend who I basically knew since the beginning, he’s always had a bit of a limp wrist and would act stereotypically gay in some ways e.g. he would go to the spa for manicures, wore skinny jeans and v necks, you know you usual gay stuff. Well he goes off to college, I lost contact with him because he got a new phone, I finally get in contact with him and I decide to hang out with him one day. When I finally see him in person he’s wearing high heels a skirt and a shitty wig. I make a joke saying “Fresh off of ru Paul’s loser bracket” and he goes on this spiel about how “this is who he really is” and how he’s no longer he but a non binary “them” I joke again because that’s what friends do and say “keep that up and you’ll be called thing and not them”. He flips out calling me transphobic and talks about how he thought I would support him, how I’m a shitty friend (I’ve always had his back when he caught shit for being gay) and now he won’t talk to me. Found out he’s on estrogen now through a Facebook post and told his parents so they hopefully can get through to him. Sucks to see my friend gone to a dick mutilation cult and now a humorless, angry, freak because he got convinced he was a “them” and not just plain gay.

 

[SofondaCox]

I don't have any blood family, save for my autistic brother, who I've raised since he was four.

I did have a grandmother, and she was a major fag hag, Her collection of gay dudes was the closest thing to family there was. Two of them stayed very close, they didn't have blood family either, so holidays and stuff we were always together. They are the best memories of my childhood.

One died from an opium overdosed a few years ago.

The other was an HSTS, married, lived a very normal life with his husband for like twenty years, until throat cancer took his husband after a prolonged, agonizing struggle.

It destroyed him. He left their mansion and never went back, refused to even discuss the property, which sat there fully furnished like Libarace's winter home. It was taken by the city for unpaid taxes eventually. He drank up all the life insurance and inheritance money over the course of a ten months. When the money was gone he got a shitty hotel room upstate and slashed his wrists in a hot bath.

Last time we spoke he was very, very drunk. He said "I'm going home!" And i said that's good, you should go home!

I didn't realize what he meant. And I'm so fucking sorry.

He could have stayed with me, or others, he was a lovely person with many friends. But his husband was gone, and he wasn't attractive anymore and couldn't keep up with the wigs and makeup and clothes. It was too much work. I get it. But knowing he was so alone, and had to die that way.. it'll haunt me forever.

He would have loved this fuckin website.

 

[Dread First]

There are a few people I know IRL who've trooned out, but I was never really that close to them. They were mostly people I shared a few college courses with or met through mutual friends. Of course, my stories are broadly similar to everyone else who posted in this thread: timid, awkward, or otherwise dysfunctional men (and the occasional ftm) on the periphery of a friend group slowly starts to troon out and lose their senses of humour while surrounding themselves with an echo chamber of enablers. I have a few screenshots of their lunacy that I've shared in group chats where we all lamented what they'd become. At the same time though, college is basically an environment where you barely stay in contact with anyone after one semester so it wasn't any real loss to us in the end.

Still, there is one person who got outed for being a predator. What's worse is that this person entered a position of power at Penn State shortly after trooning out. I don't know the specifics behind how he got outed, but I do know that they're still in that position of power at Penn State and that the original confessions website got taken down fairly recently. Sadly, that was my mistake for not archiving it, otherwise I'd share.

 

[Haim Arlosoroff]

My sister trooned out. I feel like I could have done something to stop it at some point but at this point I really couldn't give less of a shit.

Same FtM little sister, she did so as an adult though and she was already gay so as children were out of the picture it didn't phase me. I keep my opinion to myself, see a lot of trooning to cover for being a sketchy roommate/lover among her friendship circle. She even got bottom surgery so the arm looks fallout 3 ish. Her new FtM trans roommate relationship brought a ridiculous health regiment into her life, so that is a plus.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Thankfully I hadn't experienced anyone falling into this, but the mantra of "more woman than a real woman" is frustrating. Sure, I may be just another cis dude, but I follow by this personal belief:
There is no such thing as being more man than a man. Same applies with chicks.

This is my big reeeee right here. We shame women for trying to not be "like other girls", not for the act of being different but for their haughty holier than thou attitude. We should hold trans woman to the same standard: I will call you a woman, but if you want to properly join the sisterhood instead of me giving you pacifying plattitudes you must give up your need to say you're a better woman than other women. A troon saying he's better because he's sexier or can't get pregnant isn't cute or quirky, it should be held to the same standards as a biological woman and shamed for being an elitist asshole (and troon).

Same for troon ftms who say that they're better than biological gay men because they have an extra hole like an extra anus. Because most gay men want someone with two anuses and no dick

Last time we spoke he was very, very drunk. He said "I'm going home!" And i said that's good, you should go home!

I didn't realize what he meant. And I'm so fucking sorry.

I hope you forgive yourself one day and find peace. When people decide to kill themselves, they will use obscuring language like this. I think you know this, but it's not your fault and it just is a miscommunication from your loved one in a terrible state of mind. I'm sorry for your loss, I'm sure he still loved you after all that time. Thanks for sharing homie.

 

[Niggerman]

Never been happier to live in a third world shithole where the alphabet freak show is regularly punished by the law. You guys are so pathetic "muh gays and lesbos they are so awesome unlike trannies" they are the same illness no different then trannys, furrys and pedos.

 

[emo fag]

Never been happier to live in a third world shithole where the alphabet freak show is regularly punished by the law. You guys are so pathetic "muh gays and lesbos they are so awesome unlike trannies" they are the same illness no different then trannys, furrys and pedos.

[

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

I actually don't know this person very well, which is kind of what makes it shocking. Let's just say this dude was a 3rd-degree mutual which I had met maybe twice.
Total dude bro, first time I met him he was drinking beers with the guys and showing us the mutual mancave with his roommate (naked woman poster included). Second time was shortly after that on a downtown bar hopping spree (circa 201.

Didn't see him again until this past summer where I was back in town drinking with my brother and his fiancé. I didn't even fucking realize I had met "her" before, just kinna wondering "who's the troon tagging along?" to myself; as "she" was an obvious troon, no attempt to even look womanly except a loose-fitting sweater with fucking blue & pink stripes. Despite not saying much and only speaking to like three people in the group, they were being a hassle because they seemed to find issue with every location we went to and either didn't want to go in or wanted to leave early, always some dumb shit but always making someone else speak up for them. The one bar they did want to go into I wasn't having any part of (not because of LGBT shit, more just because I'm not paying a $12 cover to push through a crowd full of chubby white girls who think they're Daisy Duke), so I just break off and go to a more quiet bar.
Finally my brother and his fiancé come and find me to head back home. At some point on the car ride back my brother's fiancé comments that "[name] just isn't any fun after they transitioned". I was shocked when I realized who the troon was, that same up-beat dude-bro that I was drinking with and playing beer pong with not two years ago.

I guess its because I didn't know them beyond just hanging out twice that makes the zero-to-a-hundred troonery mind-blowing. Not just the troonery, but going from loud, outgoing and brazen but still having fun to quietly skulking behind the group judging everywhere and everyone is just shocking.

 

[Kiislova]

Never been happier to live in a third world shithole where the alphabet freak show is regularly punished by the law. You guys are so pathetic "muh gays and lesbos they are so awesome unlike trannies" they are the same illness no different then trannys, furrys and pedos.

Your lat-am hell hole will get infected soon. The cancer is already growing.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Never been happier to live in a third world shithole where the alphabet freak show is regularly punished by the law. You guys are so pathetic "muh gays and lesbos they are so awesome unlike trannies" they are the same illness no different then trannys, furrys and pedos.

Disagree but I still love you

There's probably a good number of gays in this thread who are complaining. I think lumping them under one social umbrella is reductive: troons and furries and pedos can all occur without each other, and each has different sources and factors even if you just explain it as "child abuse" or something. Yes, but what kind of abuse/neglect etc, it ain't all the same. Besides, I can't give a shit about Johnny fucking Jimmy as long as he can act like a human being and drink a beer with me after. If he's a good dude and ain't a pedo, then what do I care?
Besides, you should prepare yourself:

Your lat-am hell hole will get infected soon. The cancer is already growing.

 

[Spangled Drongo]

Having grown up in a very liberal area full of hipsters, a lot of people from my high school have gone non binary and post endlessly on social media about all the usual woke talking points. I don’t even recognise some of them under their new names.

A guy who identifies as non binary also joined a gaming group I’m in recently - I thought he was just a feminine gay guy judging by the fact he’s tall, uses a name that’s technically gender neutral but skews more male, still wears men’s clothes but also wears lots of jewellery and has rather girly tattoos, but no, he wants “she/they” pronouns despite looking nothing like a “she”. And boy howdy, do I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around him, as my friends and I can be very un-PC with our humour. Politics almost never comes up in our convos usually so I don’t know what the rest of them believe, but NB dude has the same cookie cutter woke views they all do.

 

[Übertroon]

Don't know any troons personally, thankfully, but I have friends who have sibligns who went trans, and they've bought the propaganda hook line and sinker. Like they could one moment complain about twink being called a slur by gay people, but lose their minds if you try to argue that trap isn't slur against trans people

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

I see a lot of trannies in passing, specifically one creepy AGP who visits my grocery store. He's 60+, 6'2 at least and dresses like an 80's prostitute, leopard print skirts and all. He doesn't bother anyone though, and most seem to just pity him.

My one up-close experience with a trans person was stereotypical. One of my best friends brought a 'friend' from her hometown over, a HSTS who wanted to try girl-mode in a different city around people that wouldn't judge. We hung out, the HSTS tried his girl-voice which was fine, and he dressed conservatively and we had an okay time. I had no problem with this person and wished him the best. Over the next few years I heard the stories from my friend though: the HSTS got bottom surgery, then became completely delusional. He started dating as many men as possible, and refused to tell them about his trans status (they would have known, he did not pass irl). My friend told him that was rapey and also dangerous for himself, but he just got angry. He started dressing like my friend, sleeping around as much as possible, and acting unhinged in social situations. My friend eventually cut off the friendship after they had a huge fight about whether trans women should have womb transplants so they can have babies, which he claimed was his 'right'.

Looking back, it is clear this HSTS just wanted to skinwalk as my friend. It's a shame, because he dressed well and while he didn't pass he looked fine. He could have found a boyfriend, especially in the cities here. But he went completely nuts. I am fairly sure he will 41% as he ages if he has not changed, because last I heard he was obsessed with being a young slut.

 

[teriyakiburns]

Looking back, it is clear this HSTS just wanted to skinwalk as my friend.

Wow, like a reverse fag hag. A hag fag?

Question is, was he twinky, or just some regular gay dude? I've noticed (anecdotally, obviously) more than a few effeminate homosexual men troon out when they hit their early 30s and the first signs of middle-age spread start setting in.

 

[Bosmadden]

Two of my employees have children who're trooning out, both FtM.

I barely know one of them the other has worked for me for 10 years, so she tells me all her family drama.

Divorced, high functioning alcoholic, borderline personality disorder, but does her job well enough. Three kids, son left home as soon as he finished high school, older daughter is a Meth addict in and out of rehab, youngest clinically depressed and obviously autistic , decided to transition last year after coming out as a dyke. Tiny girl, apart from the short hair about the least masculine human being I've ever met. Hasn't started the T yet so maybe it's more a lifestyle choice than an actual desire to chop her tits off and have her ovaries ripped out. Mom is super supportive, of course, and has gone from shit talking fags when I first met her to having her entire FB feed devoted to LBQTI+ for the ass pats and dopamine rush. I've no doubt the troon stuff came, at least in part, from her. Yes she's a cunt but ultimately none of my business.

 

[Lemmingwise]

Ah. Finally, a thread where I have a shitton of powerleveling to do.

I've had at least 5 friends troon out.

Spoiler

One did so within the past three years and named himself after me. shivers

Two are closeted gay/bisexual non-gender conforming men who became ~stunning and brave lesbians~ suddenly without warning. One of them used to brag about how big his dong was pre-transition and really wanted to bone me. Weird. The younger one begs me to teach him makeup and go shopping and now calls me "girl" and "hun" all the time. I find it annoying; it's an obvious LARP, and I'm more of a tomboy. I prefer being called dude, or my real name.

One is a more distant acquaintance, but I remember him always being awkward and kind of ugly. Never seemed to find his place in the world despite being a nice fellow. Gives off AGP vibes.

Another-and this is the saddest case-is a harmless gay man who was a good friend of mine in high school. He always had issues with homophobia and not being accepted, and he was always more attracted to masculine men who didn't fancy his twink self. He was also obsessed with anime and 4chan culture and is a massive stoner with severe depression. I noticed he became really distant shortly to and after he began transitioning. We haven't spoken to each other in years. Very sad, lots of great memories with that friend.

Last one I remember off the top of my head is an ancom who I met in college. He just slapped on eyeliner and called it a day, doesn't pass at all. He's severely depressed and a coomer and I expect him to rope within the next decade.

Notably, all the men above are avid gamers, coomers, anime consoomers and mentally ill prior to transition. One of them is diagnosed autistic and the one who named himself after me I suspect to have autism as well.

Even before my TERFening, I started distancing myself from all of them, and the friend groups they're within. COVID has made that even easier. Once I got over the grieving period I realized how relieved I was to no longer have to walk on eggshells or encourage their degeneracy. Not gonna lie, having to pretend they're just like me, or hell, even MORE of a woman than I am was fucking aggravating as well.

Glad that's over. Sad though.

Holy shit, tell me more about the one that named itself after you. WTF

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

Wow, like a reverse fag hag. A hag fag?

Question is, was he twinky, or just some regular gay dude? I've noticed (anecdotally, obviously) more than a few effeminate homosexual men troon out when they hit their early 30s and the first signs of middle-age spread start setting in.

He was effeminate, but very young, 19 or 20 when I met him. I don't know about his family and where they stood on having a possibly gay son. I do recall my friend saying he never dated before transition, and I'm fairly sure he had the snip before he ever had sex.